"So I Could Find My Way" by Stacey L. Bolin

My hands are trembling as I find the ability to write once again, it's like riding a bike, you never forget. The sounds of the keyboard clicking beneath my fingers brings a comforting feeling like a hug from that special person you haven't seen in years. Since my travels that took me from my home of 22 years, I fell off the face of the earth in the world of writing.  My love for writing had soured. I won't lie, never have, and won't start now. I was so FUCKEN angry!! I could spit nails every time I opened my mouth. I was pissed off that my home was now occupied by anyone other than my family. I loved my home, I loved my life, and all I wanted was my husband and boys with me. I also lived with a sense of peace by having all my doctors so close...I felt safe. Yet, all that safety was ripped from me when the one person I needed the most told me he didn't love me at the time. He had been mislead for years, with the biggest lie being that life would be better when he moved back to the west. The only thing I will say is that the reality of that painted wonderful life lasted only six months. In December his soul that believed all things were good and kind had been destroyed and had to be rebuilt once again, but I'll get back to that.

For years I honestly thought I was invincible, nothing could hurt me, or at least I could pretend it didn't when in actuality, I had transformed into a clinical case of what I like to call the Hollow Bunny syndrome, Solid on the outside, empty and dark on the inside and so deeply saddened. My sugar coated hope was to transition into a new life in a remote location on a Ranch to rent that was located in a place called Rocky Hollow, that my husband had found only three days before selling our home. It was a relief to know I finally knew we had a place to rest our head and I hoped from what I had seen from google earth, a place to call home until the next move.  Life in Rocky Hollow was like being a part of the Wonderful World of Disney shows that were televised on Sunday nights. It reminded me of my favorite documentary that had been about the life of the cougar. It was like living on a Disney set that was an animal reservation, and I was in love with the feeling of peace that consumed me soon as we drove down into the Hollows. It was everything I envisioned at the age of 9 of what the wild west would and should be like.  When we pulled into the driveway I was overjoyed that the world up on the prairie lands no longer existed in my mind. We were nestled within the trees and rocky hills. It was a dream come true and all was wonderful until my husband went back to work. For the first few months I did all I could to convince myself that all was right in the world, but day by day my intuition was screaming in the back of my mind and one day I decided to act upon this feeling and discovered on August 3, 2016 a negative element found its way into our lives again, or better yet had not been dealt with as I had been promised, but neither of us had the strength to put it in its place and it set a ticking health bomb that was waiting to explode.

My days were filled with a whole new set of challenges with the most worrisome being when the health bomb eventually went off and I had a heart attack in September 2016. A nurses honest words still haunt... noticing that my ER doctors bedside manner sucked, she provided some words of guidance, she was calm as she told me that I was very sick and if my younger son had not been with me to see the signs and if I sign myself out of the hospital, because I'm so goddamn stubborn... they would been planning my funeral that following Tuesday. Talk about shake some sense into a person, a sense that was also laced with sheer fear and that non-stop want to runaway. I'm not proud of myself when I say I let fear take control and I left my home in Rocky Hollow, on Oct 5th, 2016. I left my husband, I left my boys, I left everything behind with no plans to return. 

My husband took me to the airport and I did my best to  conceal any emotion that I was broken, and as scary as it sounds, he had no idea I was leaving and he was the only person who could fix the problem if he wanted me back.  It was later, in my travels, that I learned that I had just as much fixing to do with myself. I hugged him and gave him a quick kiss then turned and walked away. I was leaving the man of my dreams. The one who had stepped into my sleeping dreams on that cool winter night in November of 1988 the man in the red van that needed my help. I had only bought a one way ticket to NH to see my mother and then my plans were to go back to Annapolis to see my friends before veering off into a new and unknown world that left me feeling old, cold and alone.

Being back in New Hampshire was bittersweet. I was home, but I carried an emptiness along with my luggage while my husband and boys were living their lives back in Nebraska. As I drove, I began the long journey of self discovery. What had I done to those around me, what had I said, but all I could feel was the reactions of being angry to things that were of no control of mine. That I had made so many promises...AND KEPT THEM ALL! But those who had made promises to me didn't keep them. I needed to find the woman I was before I went into the service and the woman that fought a battle with cancer and survived, the woman who stood up to a bullies, that believed in the power within herself, the woman that would do anything to help someone, the woman who was caring, loving, and compassionate.  The woman who had built herself a small company and loved art. Yet the most important lesson that needed to be figured out...how to find the woman within me who loved herself again, because she knows you have to learn to love yourself before you can honestly love another.

My mother and I spent much needed quality time together, something we had not done in years. She had always been my rock, and this time wasn't any different, she set me straight and what I needed to do to be the woman she knew that lived inside me. It was a great feeling to have a sense of confidence back as I worked feverishly on an order of Crystal snowflakes for a wedding. This was to be my first order since I had temporarily shut my business down during the move. For the three and a half weeks I was there, I had completed the order and felt accomplished. My husband and I had as many phone conversations as his over the road trucking job, without much time off, would allow us. As we shared phone calls with each other into the wee hours of the night at times, I felt myself going back in time, back too 1992 when my mother lived in Hillsboro, NH, and when my Seabee guy decided to fly to New Hampshire to get Married on May 6th.  I felt like that gitty young twenty something girl falling in love all over again. Something was changing inside me that I had never felt before. I was finally letting go of many years of sadness, I was learning that the only person that had control over my happiness was me. It was then I discovered I still loved him, maybe even more than I had thought. I decided that the past was the past and if I wanted things to work out, we had to get back to the place that we were when we met. Baby step...but we've gone through worse. On October 18th, I had decided I was not up for the long drive to Annapolis, and hopped a Southwest flight to Baltimore. I was a bit over confident, how hard could it be to go back and see all my friends and  do a follow up with my doctor. With my new found independence, I believed that going back to Annapolis would be a piece of cake...I WAS SO SO WRONG.

Not a lot of people know that I suffer from Anxiety/PTSD that can result in panic attacks that are so sever that the best of inhalers can't stop the effect and before you know it, you're in the ER. As the plane landed, I was relatively calm, and the sights outside the airplane window found comfort within my subconscious as a feeling that I was home. I was in complete denial that I had ever left and that my family was home waiting for me in Annapolis. I was so excited to see them. To sit out on our deck and listen to the sounds of the city. Karma was about to hit me with everything it had. When I got off the plane and made my way to the rental car transportation pick-up point, something immediately changed, something was horribly wrong and it was at that moment I felt so alone. I took a selfie of me smiling and sent it to my friend Radene, trying to hide the panic that was trying to consume my ability to function. Questions by the thousands hit me like a load of brinks. All revolving around the same topic that I was there and my family wasn't.

I got my rental car and headed for Annapolis. As I merged with the evening rush hour traffic, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I was lost both mentally and physically. What seemed like hours trying to get out of the airport location and back to the highways I knew and had driven for 20 plus years, The only place I managed to get to was the Walmart on Quarterfield road.  I sat in the parking lot suffering from a total melt down as I was faced with a sinking feeling that the reality I was facing was that I no longer had a place to go home too  in Annapolis. Our little Blue Rancher on Boxwood Road no longer belonged to us. WHAT HAD I DONE! I hadn't only given up my home, I was giving up my family, but for what? The past, old memories that I can look through pictures and enjoy. As I sat alone weeping for the past, and wanting to know what my future was, I completely gave myself  for the first time to god and asked him for a sign. Immediately my phone rang, it was my husband. I know he didn't understand me as I let myself cry without worry who would hear or see me. He got me calmed down and suggested it may be better to stay in a different hotel rather than the one he and I used to stay at when we wanted a hot tub fix. I agreed and I got a room on the Naval Base. I'm glad I did. While I stayed on the base, I realized what I wanted and what I needed to do to get my life back. One by one my husband and my boys realized that the lies that I had been accused of creating were not of my doing I was just the prime target so they would see me in a different light, again I thank the good lord that they are seeing and hearing first hand I was not the liar they were led to believe I was. It's still difficult for them to accept what and who are the real problems and the players, but day by day, the behaviors of others are showing their true colors. Part of this is the reason my husband decided to leave his job to regroup, the other reason I am not at liberty to share. I know he has dreams of owning his own business and I know as a family we will make all our dreams come true. I'm so proud of him and my boys and together we will keep that CAN-DO spirit that drives us forward.

Another wonderful moment was when I discovered my intuition had finally come back full steam and I've added a little something more to the me I want to be. I thank both my therapists who have finally helped me see that I am not allowed to take on other peoples problems. My new belief is that when people do you wrong, you ask for an apology and move on. never let anyone blame you for their unhappiness, lies, and bad choices. I chose to be a kind, loving, understanding, honest, compassionate, and trustworthy person, but I also chose not to hold on to what hurts me or to take blame for what is not mine and to teach myself that once a person/s loose my trust, it may never come back and that too is not my problem. I will take care of problems immediately and if I did something wrong I take responsibility and apologize. I will protect my family from those who intentionally seek out to hurt them, emotionally, verbally, physically, and financially. My family knows exactly what is expected of them and what I expect out of myself.  I will hold people accountable for their negative actions and I am no longer any body's personal punching bag because of their life choices, AND I WON'T BE BLAMED FOR SHIT I DIDN'T SAY OR DO! No more!

Anyways, as for my stay in Annapolis, it was cut short to five days, as I realized it was time for me to get back to my family. I am thankful that I was able to spend some time with my friend Radene and Paula (Miss you ladies), but my instinct told me it was time for me to go home and regain control over my life and make my business everything I dream it can be. To be the wife, best friend and lover that I had always been, just got lost but now found. To be the mother my boys can come to and know that I will guide them the best way I know how, but that their choices in life is exactly that...their choices. It is still so hard to believe that I had been gone for almost five weeks and at the beginning of those weeks I had just about given up on everything and everyone I loved, but it really makes me step back and take a look at my life. I can see clearly now that obviously this is where I am supposed to be, Here on the Ranch where I now call home. Business is doing great, my dreams to open up an art studio to teach art and ceramics to Veterans is still kinda on hold until we figure out where to put our new roots in the ground, but that hasn't stopped me instead I teach art classes at a great place called Laura Lee's Double L Country Store and Café. in Harrisburg, NE.

As life does, it's given me another challenge and I have another pending medical issue that has come upon me, but this time I'm not afraid to ask for love and prayers from friends and family, and I welcome my name placed upon the prayer tree. I'll know more in a few days, and if all else, maybe this is another reason I chose this day to put my hands upon my keyboards and let my words appear once again. Now before I forget, I have something else to share about the changes in my life....

And it's the best news of all, my kids are doing great and  hold on to your hats folks... my husband and I are going to be Grandparents. WOOT! WOOT! Can't think of a better reason to start writing again. Life is all about ups and downs, but as long as you're with the people that you love and love you, you can take the good and the bad of what life dishes out and overcome. Stay Positive My Friends and gonna keep this promise too...I will Blog ya later.

"Is It illegal to take my Cat's Valium? It is one of those days. Special Segment.

"Is It illegal to take my Cat's Valium?

It is one of those days.

Special Segment.

Written By: Stacey L. Bolin

Copyright 5/8/2016

I'm going to start out as wildly cautious as possible - Oxymoron? I'm thinking so.  

I'd be lying if I said the last few days have been pure bliss that had been filled with glittery winged unicorns burping candy rainbows and fluffy white clouds chucking pure gold coins from the sky. If only.

Because the past several days have been filled with endless anxiety and drama, then simmered nicely with love and affection, and topped with spontaneous excitement and surprises - this stuff just can't be written in a night. But I'll have you know, and you know me well by now, the truth is the best way to tell any story of reality that sometimes I can't help but wonder - Did God have a script, for me, already written on the number of different life challenges he was going to throw my way or did the Devil get a hold of my biography and rip out some pages without replacing them.

If there was ever a time in my life that I was wishing I was my cat - now is that time. Thank God for great friends, a loving family and my husband and boys. They can tell, what this mom is about to do, has been a long time coming - ROAD TRIP. What I'd like to do, is get these glorious mind numbing events down on paper, because seriously, I don't even believe it myself when I try to write how my last few days in the state of Maryland are seriously changing my life forever. So much so, before we begin our journey west, I am planning a quick trip within the month of May and I'm going back to my roots, and no not my real hair color, I'm headed back to New England to find the person I know I still am.

I will be keeping a journal and ask for a few days of patience, as I piece together why my blog title is perfect to describe this crazy ride I'm on.  I will be sharing my stories - as well as pictures I capture along the way - with you my readers. Hold on tight, you about to board one Hell of a ride and just when you think you can handle it - WOOSH! HOLD ON TIGHT!

Until then - Blog ya later.

"The Deadly Surprise" - Ficton, an Urban Legend or True? - You Decided

 

 

25 Days Until Halloween

Here I am again, with another goodie, sent to me by Luke in Idaho. It's up to you the reader to decided if this story is  Fiction, an Urban Legend or True? Now this story is not so much spooky as a Halloween story of nightmares, but It reminded me of what I wrote the other day, about the way people say things, like the houses that were haunted because they looked scary. Perception and the way people say things can take your way of thinking in two different extremes. Be sure to come back tomorrow to see if you guessed the correct answer to:

 

 

 

"Deadly Surprise"

 

The towns people always remarked about a home that was haunted all because of a deadly surprise. They claim to this very day, that a wife, who had passed away, walks the halls of their home waiting for her husband to celebrate their Anniversary. Here is how the story went.

 

 

It was their anniversary and she had planned a glorious dinner that had been created with his most favorite foods. She also wanted to look just as good as the day they had met, and so she had pulled her blonde hair back into a sleek bun, put on a silky short sleeveless black dress and hose that together accented her beautiful slender sun kissed skin. Her shoes were a stunning blue-gray 3" heel, her make-up, not a lot and not to little, just sheer perfection followed by the right spritz of perfume. To adorn her outfit she wore the diamond tennis bracelet that he had given her for their twenty-fifty wedding anniversary.

On this night in late November, they had been married for 32 years - years that had been good to them. They were blessed with three beautiful children, that were now grown and gone to create new life memories with their families, a beautiful home to raise them in, and a great financial foundation to see them into their retirement years - that they had planned to enjoy until death did them part.

He had been secretive, like years before when their anniversary appeared over the horizon. He would conjure different way to surprise her with a gift of gold and diamonds and a romantic evening together. This time he had not told her to hold off on any plans, which had taken her by surprise, but believed his demanding work scheduled had played interference and so, she decided it would be her turn to surprise him with dinner and a romantic evening in front of the fireplace. Everything was perfect, the table, the music, the fire - her night to surprise him was already.

Her heart jumped into her chest when she heard his truck coming up the driveay as a cool blue dusky sky blanketed them. This was indeed going to be a huge surprise. She waiting by the front door that he had always entered since the day they had moved there. She stood by the door as the clock on the wall ticked the minutes away filling the otherwise silent anticipation of the room, but the door never opened. "What's taken him so long?" she said out loud to herself. Not wanting to give her surprise away, and thinking that maybe it was her daughter coming to get some things she had left in the garage, maybe it was her husband who was coming in through the garage door because his shoes may have been muddy - but it had not rained in three days.

The suspense and endless questions began to fill her with worry and concern, and so she opened the front door and stepped out onto the covered porch. She watched for several minutes in disbelief as her husband, three unknown men, and one woman carried boxes from the garage to a U-Haul trailer attached her husbands pick-up truck, then closed the garage door. The remaining sounds were the doors of the truck opening and then closing as if they had all gotten back in. She was startled when a figure appeared in the illumination of the porch light. Their before her stood her husband with an envelope and tears in his eyes. The cold air was aggravating his contact lenses, but he never told her this, as he was not one to complain. He then stepped towards her and held her tight and simply said - "I've got to go and I'm sorry that I waited until now to tell you, but always know -  I'll love you forever." Then turned, got back into his truck with the others and drove away.

Her mind began to fill with numerous thoughts, "I'll die without you! Please come back!" She yelled out to him as she stood on the porch filling with emotion of the thought that her man of thirty-five years had chosen this day to leave her. He had been her best friend, her confidante, her lover and she always believed it would be the vow they made on the day of their wedding - till death that did them part - that would one day take them from each other.  Her heart beat began to pound forcefully in her check, her breathing felt vacant and the light that illuminated the area around her slowly grew darker. Her legs felt weak and warm as they gave way to her body falling to the floor. 

Shortly after 8:00pm, headlights coming down the driveway appeared over the horizon and the sounds of a horn honking in a random patterns announced the arrival of a guest and/or family. When the truck stopped, two men had quickly exited, one was her husband and the other a friend of his carrying a beautiful small box wrapped in elegant paper and a huge velvet bow a top and a huge flower arrangement with two-dozen red roses. As he made his way to the front door, they found the icy cold body of his wife lying on the porch, were he had last seen her standing. Her hand gripping the still unopened envelope.

Their friend could not believe what he was witnessing - she was fine when they had come to the house earlier to pick up the boxes they had packed with the materials they needed to make this Anniversary night special, but to his wife, to see her husband packing a U-Haul, and then saying to her, "I've got to go and I'm sorry that I waiting until now, but always know -  I'll love you forever", - she believed he was leaving and being overwhelmed with great sorrow, never realized the air had become dangerously cold.

"If only she had opened my letter she would have understood." said her husband now feeling the same loss that she had as she watched the truck and trailer pull away from their home and her thoughts telling her - he was leaving her.  

"What did the letter say?" questioned the friend.

"My dear wife - you probably think I have forgotten our Anniversary, but that is so far from the truth. I have planned a surprise for our Anniversary this year - but dress warm, as we'll be spending the night in a cozy cottage just on the outskirts of town. I love you always." He replied as he dropped his head and wept.

 

 

"Gold Rings"



This is the mantel in our dining room that displays
over 50 Crystal Snowflakes from my collection.

Greetings One and All - I hope this post finds everyone Happy and Healthy this Holiday Season.

 

I'm sorry that I have not been available for my story writing, as some of you know I have an online store that keeps me very busy this time of year - and I love it. I have also been working on one story that has become very sentimental to me that needed the time to develop  vs. writing many stories for the entire month of November and December. It is a piece near and dear to my heart and is a true story.

 

I hope you join me for its debut on Christmas Eve 2013.  

"Gold Rings"

 

By: Stacey L. Bolin

"The Yogi Bear Gamer or The Attention Whore/Nag - Which label would you chose?"

 

 

 

 

My quote of the day: You never know how long you have in this thing called life and time is a precious thing that you can never get back, so use it wisely.

 

It’s overcast on this early Monday morning in Maryland, USA. Why add the USA to my sentence? I thought you’d never ask. I'm about to share with you why. Today I am writing in response to an email that I had received a few days ago from a family in Canada who wanted me to write about a topic, which I found I could relate to. Now, not wanting to bring attention onto them and that they have also ask to remain anonymous, I have changed their names, so let’s see, I’ll call them Lance and Veronica - yeah, that sounds different. So let’s begin.

I had received an email from Veronica's husband Lance, wanting to understand why his wife gets upset that he and his family are overly outgoing. Yes, I will say, I was confused by that statement and why would he send this to me? But you know how you hear people say, there is always reason things happen, well maybe that is what was happening here - a pending life lesson waiting give me a slap on the back of the head. 

When he provided me with more detail, I began to understand. Veronica and Lance have six children, four boys’ two girls ranging in ages 20 to 9. They all have numerous interests, while at the same time; appreciate doing many things together. Lance is very outgoing, and likes to do for others as he gets great joy out of seeing people happy and he and his kids do their part to help out all they can, but he's finding the more joy he and the kids get from assisting others the more his wife is agitated. So I asked him another question, “Does this help for others conflict with private family time and helping out at home?” to which he replied, “Yes, has she written you too?

Well immediately I felt connected to his want for answers. As you see, I understand both what Lance is feeling and what his wife is feeling, so honestly I can't take either side, and I can't tell them what is right and what is wrong, that it is their life choice but since Lance asked me, I will try to answer as a wife with a current situation that I am experiencing that somewhat resembles what he feels is becoming problematic in their home. I don't have six children, but I do have three boys if you include my husband. (smile). 

Recently our weekends have had my family anywhere but home and my husband had even commented in the past, more times than not, that we should all enjoy the winter weekends of boredom and quiet, as the spring, summer, and fall, will eat up out weekend time fast. I'm ok with his comment and always have been. We are a very active family who sticks together, especially when it comes to helping people. We have freely given ample amount of our time to volunteer for various events and organizations over the past eleven years. Again, let me state this for the record, I HAVE NO PROBLEM DOING THIS - until it interferes with progress and upkeep on our own home, which generally we have never run into, but we’ve never had a very important event taking place at our home in less than three weeks either, and we’ve had months to get ready, now we are down to days. 

Lately I feel I am constantly repeating myself and in turn, they view it as nagging or trying to seek out their attention in a negative way, and are not really understanding or seeing the bigger picture what is being asked of them.  Now I know I am not the only woman in the word that on occasion feels that her family has a way of engaging their selective hearing modes into the permanent block mom’s voice position - but I think I can safely say it probably hits a nerve in others just like it does in me when this happens. So Lance, here is my dilemma, and maybe it will in some way help you.

 

****

In three weeks we will have a house full of people for one son's16th birthday and the other son's graduation from High School. Am I nervous? – HELL YES AND THEN SOME! I’m stressing because our yard looks like we are auditioning to be the new "Sanford and Son's" sitcom, (see pictures below) but for some reason the men in our home feel it is vital to conduct their beautification skills anywhere but where it is needed the most – HOME! So when I ask them why they will put their skills to good use anywhere but home their reasons are, they like to help out when they can. Did anyone just hit a wall like I did? They have the ability to make things right and I have even offered to help, but unfortunately it appears it’s not that easy to take the same pride in their home, and if I asked more than once - instantly I’m labeled as the “Attention Whore” or “The Nagger”. Does it piss me off? – Your damn straight it does! I was brought up that the men did the yard work and the women took care of the inside business of the home. So yes, I will admit, I have become very resentful and the more they do elsewhere, the more I want no part of wanting my family elsewhere.

But I realized that way of thinking was so negative that it was placing a dark and tense cloud over my life and it was imperative that I needed to reanalyze why I would feel so hurt and why would they not understand my anguish towards their choices of using their talents elsewhere over home during a time when it's desperately needed. Weeks of frustrations are what I have learned to work through until it hit me. Everyone like recognition and praise - EVERYONE and my three boys, even though they deny it, live for it. Something about that stroke of the ego and being asked especially by women, other than me, will have these men moving mountains – all for a smile and an ounce praise that is dangled in front of them like a picnic basket in front of Yogi Bear.

So is it that when I give praise it is not appreciated because it is expected since I’m the mom/wife? Could it be that they don’t see that at times, they are the puppets on a string for the entertainment of others getting what they want by to giving out to many compliments?  Or is it that when I ask for assistance on projects at home, they feel that I am the type of person that does have the talent, strength and ability that I can do these projects on my own?

Then I noticed something as I watched one of my boys react to a need for help and I'm not saying which one, but suddenly a new theory in my mind emerged. I call it the "Damsel or Dude in Distress" theory. The description: When a person/s only reacts to the want to do something, if there is praise before the request. So for example say a person/s want you do to something they didn’t want to do, then they would drop a line like, "You are so good at painting, I can't thank you enough," that is soon followed by, "Oh can you help me with doing this or that or something." Now you might be the best painter in the world, and in your mind of minds, you’d love to believe it, but something about hearing it from someone else makes you feel good, and honestly who doesn’t feel good about a positive comment, I know I do, but lately I am seeing a strong pattern - the compliments are always followed by another want, that makes me start to question how talented or skilled I really am and feel people just want, want, want, even if they really do appreciate what I can do. I feel that it is a conditional praise that could compromise trust. In my head I hear, "You so good at that, but only if you help me." Now Lance, I'm not saying your wife is feeling this way, I don't even know her, I don't wear your shoes or hers and I could be so far from what you’re really asking.  If your situation is like ours, maybe she's feeling a bit like I am at the moment, we're talking about taking in the moment that makes us feel good about ourselves (praise, compliments, thanks)  our self-esteem starts to rise, and yes my ego inflates like balloon, then another request is immediately placed upon me that makes the compliment no longer genuine - POP! My ego balloon is gone. I'm sure I'm not making any sense, maybe I need to get off my soapbox.

So my next question, how many of you have found yourself caught up in a situation/s somewhat similar to this? I’ll raise my hand, and I’ll also raise my hand that I have said things to get people to do what they would otherwise not want to do. A perfect example of this tactic and when I recently used it, was trying to find my younger son’s car key. I knew immediately that my older son had something to do with its whereabouts’ but if I were to have asked, “Where did you put the key?” he would have never helped me find it. Instead I took a different approach since I’ve noticed how they respond to this type of mind game. My strategy was simple and this is what I said when I asked my older son to find the key that he had already denied knowing anything about when approached by his brother, “You are so good at finding things, and I’d really like to find that key so that we can get this car back together. Your brother has looked and looked, but he really needs a person with your skills to find things. Can you help us look?” Sure enough, it worked and not only did he get up and help look, but the friend he was sitting on the porch with, also got up and helped look. At first it was the same line, “I have no idea where the key is,” then suddenly he spots the key way on the top of a shelf that in order to see it, you needed to be standing on a stool. Needless to say, my theory was proven that day. I played a minor part of the Damsel in Distress – How sad is that? What hurt me was to know that if I had used my motherly skills and said, “I know you know where that key is, go get it,” he would have rolled his eyes, toned me out, and a negative exchange of words would have become heated. I like the last word game. *Wink* what parent doesn't.

***

In our town we have a business called the “Honeydo Handyman” guy, (No Joke) This guy has truck with that on it and has created a business doing the odd jobs around the house that the members of the home don't want to do. The things I am asking to be completed could be done in a matter of an hour or so, and what actually makes me feel proud, is that I know my family is thinking the way I am...They know I am talented, strong, and capable of completing these tasks on my own, but why should I have do these things on my own or call someone stranger to come to my home and complete these tasks we I have two strong teenage boys that can do this, and I shouldn’t have to pay them or bribe them with money to get it done. Years ago, kids helped their parents around the house - why is this day and age any different?

 

 

 

 

Wow, just posting these pictures has me ready to get out there and tackle this crap once and for all, but on the flip however, there may be someone who looks at it differently and would think, as a significant other or a strong teenager, wouldn't you rather help your loved one, vs. letting them get used to doing things on their own and/or calling upon some stranger? Think long and hard on the answer to this question - What could happen when a person discovers they "CAN-DO" on their own?

 

So Lance, on a softer side of myself that I like so much better that my "nagging" side, could be a simple solution. All I am asking  is the ones I love share their talents and assistance on the home front and I would just appreciate some of the free time my family does have during the day that they are spending elsewhere, to be spent on doing something for just for our family and not everyone else around the family. I'd like to be selfish and not share every moment of our free time - some here and some there is fine. I'm feeling Like a checkbook, you'd like to see more put into it, but sometimes the balance runs close to empty. The good point about doing things together whether home or afar, we are at least in the same area, that I'm closer than I was if I had stayed home and they went about their business, but I still find at times that I am shrouded in little moments of loneliness.  

I don’t know if I helped in anyway and I’m not saying that this could be the problem, but maybe it could shed a different light on your circumstances. I know at times I have felt like I was placed on the back burner, excluded, and their lives are moving on and I’m trying to do my best to run behind the bus, only catching it here and there.  I also feel that my guys have a hard time saying no, and people know and are spreading the word that is spreading their time thinner and thinner, which is hard to for me to stand back and watch, but I'm not heard when I express my feelings.

All in all go easy on her, remember she is human, when she hurts, she hurts deep, she goes to work outside of the home too, and from your email, it sounds like all she would like is to have you and your family’s attention/help more than two hours after work and a few hours on the morning on the weekends. You never know how long you have in this thing called life and time is a precious thing that you can never get back, so use it wisely. You may find as you’re off and going and doing in one direction, she may start growing and doing in a different direction. I wish you success in getting to the bottom of this life lesson and word of advice that I learned from my therapist - you can’t fail if you keep your conversation as "I" statements (I feel, I wish, I want to understand etc.) when trying to calmly discuss problems or concerns, instead of telling another person what they are doing wrong and make them feel like they are being attacked or blamed. I have tried the "I" approach on more than just my family and guess what the "I" have it and - it works. Who’d a thunk it? Smile.

****

Oh, and as for my dilemma, it has been resolved and that I didn't hire the Honeydo Handyman guy and I did tell my husband that I pondered the idea - he didn't sound overly thrilled and assured me that I was over thinking things.  I do, do that. I didn't however tell him that I love him and my boys with all that I have in my heart, that I could never call upon another to take their places, gotta keep them on their toes…….   and honestly I'd feel too guilty if I had. Everything works out if given the right amount of time.

 

Many thanks to my readers who continue reading my soapbox moments, as you have read before I have them now and then, but always feel better to get it out and when I look back I can't help but think at time... "Dang girl, you are such a fruit cake, what in heavens name where you thinking?" I also appreciate the emails, keep them coming. As some of you have learned, some topics I chose not to write about.  As flattered as I am, I am not qualified to offer clinical forms of advice. I'm just a simple girl trying to figure out who I am, where I have been, and where I am going in this wolf pack I call - Family. have a fantastic day. Blog ya later!

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The Experiment" The Final Saga

"The Experiment"

The Final Saga

By BU3 Ret. Stacey L. Bolin

 

 

 

 

 

Numerous onlookers began to crowd the area where the commotion was coming from, making it more and more difficult for Bill to see what was happening.

“Lori, you stay here, I want to see what’s going on.”

“Bill, I think you should just stay put until security gets here.”

“I’ll be fine, just wait here.”

As he walked closer to the counter, he could make out the topic that had grown into an extremely heated confrontation that was filled with a multitude of profanity that could have woven a rope to the moon and back – twice. From what he could gather the young lady working the counter had friended a guy on Facebook that was in a relationship with another young lady and it was that young lady that had shown up to express her dislikes about the newly established friendship. Bill was amazed, how could someone out of the blue be so confrontational without realizing the possible consequences of this type of behavior in such a public establishment. It’s one thing to have an argument within the walls of your own home, but to be so brazen as to come to a person’s place of work and flip out all because another girl had friended her boyfriend. It was a clear indication, that not only did he need to add another column to his experiment, but his point about social skills and how they were lacking more and more in the world, was becoming more evident since technology had found its place in life’s society.

Back and forth the two ladies argued about the accusations. It wasn’t until the young lady behind the counter pulled out her IPhone from her back pocket and proved her innocence, that she had not been the one who had friended anyone, in fact it was just the opposite. It had been the boyfriend who had been doing the friending, but when his girlfriend found out, and he denied what he had done, all hell broke loose.

The managers of the food counter where the confrontation took place were able to quickly dissolve the problem and get the crowd to disburse, but it didn’t come without consequences. Bill did his best to get closer to the conversation that was now taking place between the managers and the employee. He was shocked by what happened next.

The managers were explaining their policy that all cell phones, camera’s, IPod’s and anything else that was personal technology, was to be off and stowed away in an employee locker. That the employee had gone against the contact that they had signed stating they understood this policy and a first offense was the only offense, even if the phone was off, but because she had a cell phone in her possession while on the job, she had broken the policy that resulted in her immediate dismissal.

“THAT’S NOT FAIR! SHE CAME AT ME AND I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!” the employee screamed for all to hear. “This place is a joke!” and then went storming off.

Bill looked over his should at Lori.

“What’s going on?” Lori mouthed to him trying to get some inclination as to what was taking place, while in her mind she made a mental note to herself - make sure her daughters didn’t work at the mall. “Come back here.”

Bill went back over to the table to fill Lori in on what had transpired, but with Bill, she knew that the story was going to be told his way.

“So, what happened?” questioned Lori.

“It seems that there was quite the riff in bedrock. Wilma believed that Betty had been trying to pursue her man and friended him on the marble table, but when Wilma confronted Fred about this, Fred beat feet and took off to the gravel pit, never telling Wilma that he was the one doing the friending, so Wilma marched over to Betty’s with plans to have Dino attack her, but instead Wilma got to walk away Scott free and Betty lost her job at the brontosaurus burger.

“I know I’m going to regret this, but Bill, for some crazy ass reason I understood what you just said even if though you explained the situation as if I had just turned on the Flintstones, so either I am tried or my brain is fried, or it’s late and we need some closure on this experiment of yours - soon. Do you have everything you’re looking for?”

“Yes, I think I do, let’s go home and share our findings with our girls.”

“I hope you don’t mean tonight?” Lori exclaimed.

“Sure why not?”

“Because it’s late, I’m bloated from all the soda and fattening foods I have been eating for the past two hours and now I feel like the a Macy’s Day Balloon. The only thing that is missing is the right amount of rope and handlers to guide me back to the car. I’m also very tired, and on the verge of turning into - Oscar the Grouch. I think that is enough explaining…don’t make me go Mr. Slate on you.”

replied Bill in his best John Wayne voice “Ok, little lady you win this time, let’s fire up our gas pony and go back to the homestead.”

They got all their papers together and headed out the door. It was time to call it a night.

Bill wore a huge smile as he drove home. He was proud to know that he had done what he had set out to do. He had gathered enough information to sit down with his family and explain some life issues that were troubling him. He knew that with the way he had set his idea in motion and documented his findings, this would help him, help them understand his concern about the future not just for his daughters, but for society as a whole.

***
When Lori and Bill pulled into the yard, they were amazed by the number of lights that were on in the house.

“I figured the girls would already be in their rooms, doing whatever it is teenage girls do behind closed doors.”

“Are you kidding, they were going to wait this night out until we walk through that door. Wanna bet?” Lori said trying to smile over a yawn.

When they walked through the door, there sat their dog scooter with his dish in his mouth, to greet them.

“Doesn’t anyone but me, feed the dog in this house?” Bill called out in a witty voice.

Both girls came thundering down the stairs wearing looks of great concern.

“Did you hear what happened?” shouted Carmen, “It’s all over Facebook and Twitter!”

Bill and Lori looked at one another and then looked back at Carmen before Bill nonchalantly replied, “Depends on what you’re talking about.

“It’s not that big a deal,” said Nancy, trying to hold back her excitement, “Just some bitch got my best friend fired from her job because of something the bitch’s boyfriend did.”

“She isn’t a bitch Nancy! That girl got what was coming to her for trying to make a move on another girl’s boyfriend. What a slut!”

Lori shook her head in frustration with each cuss word that fell from her daughters lips and finally interjected, “How about we refrain from the negative name calling shall we girls?”

“You know, since the girls are so wide awake, how about you go upstairs and get some sleep. I think for me, this is a good a time as any to share with them what I learned tonight. I’d almost say that it’s perfect timing, wouldn’t you?”

“I guess I would agree if I only know what is was you were trying to find out.” Lori remarked while trying not to yawn, “But as much as I would love to know, I’m going to leave the long talks into the night, to the three of you. You can fill me in during breakfast. Oh and one other thing please make sure that Scooter here gets something to eat and a trip outside to relieve himself.”

“Sure thing mom,” both girls replied in unison.

“Good night sweetness,” bill said as he gave her a hug and a kiss on the lips, “I love you – sweet dreams.”

“I love you all too.”

As Lori made her way up the stairs, a great sense of guilt had overwhelmed her. She felt that she should be downstairs, but at the same time, her husband needed this time to be alone and to share with his daughters what has been on his mind all week long. That maybe he’d be more open if she was not in the room. She decided that she would not reveal that she had taken a place on the top of the stairs and leaned against the wall to hear what Bill and the girls were talking about.

You could hear the girls walking around putting chips, soda, and plates, on the table while Bill opened a can of dog food for scooter, before they all gathered around the table. He put all his papers and notes together so that as he spoke, he would be able to provide any documentation to possibly answer any questions that his daughters might ask him.

They finally all sat down and Bill began to speak.

“Well girls, I won’t say that this hasn’t been uneventful evening. It’s been anything but. As for the event that took place at the Mall, I saw what happened and I know the outcome.”

“This girl just…”

“Carmen, I said I know what happened and you don’t have all the facts.”

“Yes I do, my friends on Facebook…”

Bill immediately cut her off, “Carmen! Stop and listen to me, you need to learn to listen. You also need to learn that just because you see it posted on Facebook, it is not always so. 

“Dad, my friends were there, they saw it all.” She remarked in her bad attitude tone of voice.

“Really now, so your friends also saw that the girl at the food counter got fired for not following company policy about keeping her cell phone in her locker during working hours?”

“Whatever?” She replied with a huge roll of her eyes.

“That’s right; she wasn’t fired for standing up for herself verbally. She was fired for having her cell phone in her back pocket.”

Carmen and Nancy were rendered speechless.

“See what I mean about having the facts and having the right facts. It’s very important to understand that in this day and age people can put anything they want on a computer, factual or not. I worry that with everyone connected through technology we are losing life’s simpler moments, or what the youth of today would like to label as the old fashion ways, you know like writing a letter and mailing it with a stamp, or stopping by someone’s house and sitting together on the porch sipping some fine sweet tea and catching up on old times and new or better yet, being able to express yourselves through differences of opinion by sitting down together and having a one on one face to face conversation so that everyone can move forward and move past what might be bothering them. People don’t do that as much anymore and I beginning to think that I was the reason why my own daughters don’t appreciate simple living vs. life via the computer – I never educated you on what a simple lifestyle was like when I was growing up. I just figured that if I let you get this phone and that computer, you’d know what you were missing, but then I realized that how would you know what you’re missing if I don’t teach you these things and share my memories. Believe it or not, when I had to write a book report, I had to use a pen and write in cursive on a piece of essay paper,” both girls laughed, “You laugh now, but it’s true. Nancy when was the last time your pen wrote in your notebook?”

“I don’t Dad; I used my notepad computer and a dragon program to put my thought in order.”

“There’s point number one that I am trying to make. You are the generation of technology. Years ago, we would have never had believed that now you can speak out loud and a thing called a computer would type everything you say and correct the spelling and grammar as you went along. We had to know how to spell and do math in our heads. No you have computers and fancy calculators at the ready to do all your work.”

“Wow, I guess I never realized how so much as changed over the years. Dad, I’d love to see some pictures of what things were like when you were a young boy and want to know more about what you and your friends did.”

Bill smiled and was beaming with great joy as Lori sit sat at the top of the stairs and was doing her best to hold back her heartfelt tears.

“Sure Nancy, I’d love to share that with you and with Carmen. I also wanted to share with you what my experiment was all about.

“How to elude the police when you’re not being chased,” Nancy said with a big cheesy grin.

“Ha-ha but no. I wanted to see how many young men and ladies in their late teens and early twenties were hooked on some form of technology and how much or how little social skills they had. What I discovered was alarming. For example; even though your friend was fired for having her cell phone in her back pocket. Five other’s at that same work location had their phones or IPhones with them as well. A couple of them had them hidden in various locations and I would catch those willing to take a risk on getting caught, by taking quick glances at them over the course of two hours. But don’t think I am just picking on that one location, I observed this problem in all the locations, and generally it was the women who were guilty of this. As for the men, they were more into flirting when a nice looking lady walked by or ordered at their food location and would even go as far as making a taster tray, just so they could get out from behind the counter and get closer to the ladies doing their shopping and getting a bite to eat. Some were radicals as they tried to gain the attention of the opposite sex, while others were more the secret squirrel types.”

Carmen began to laugh, “You mean like you dad?”

“Sure, like me.” He grinned.

You could see a light was beginning to shine over Nancy’s head as she paused a moment and then said, “so what you’re trying to say dad, is that your feeling guilty that maybe we don’t have the social skills that you wish the world used to have, because we can’t live without our computers and I-something’s?”

Bill dropped his head and softly replied, “Yes girls, I have felt like I have let you down for a long time and that I can’t get back the time that I have lost.”

“Dad, the past is the past, you can’t go back to it and you can’t live a life of would a, could a, should a’s. It will drive you crazy. We just through since you didn’t really get mad at us for using our phones and computer all the time, then you were OK with it.”

“Nancy, how’d you get so smart?”

“I don’t know, maybe because I study and get good grades in school” she replied as she through a look at her sister as if her commented was intended to hurt her.

“So all writing, and making columns, and going to the mall to conduct an experiment, this was all because you were trying to find a way to help us appreciate life before and after technology and how people need to learn to socialize face to face vs. via the Internet?”

“Yes, I guess you could say it that way. I just miss the days of sitting down at a table, like we are doing now, and sharing thoughts and ideas as a family or if you’re with friends. I never see any of your gal pals over here much to just hang out with you both.”

“That’s because we are on Facebook and all chat at the same time, vs. all the girls coming over here, because then we would have to feed them and like mom said, if we can’t remember to feed scooter, how could we remember to feed our guests.” Carmen winked.

“Wow, I guess I should have given you both more credit that you are more aware of life and its importance.  I am so glad that you both took the time to get away from your worlds behind your bedroom doors to talk with me tonight. I really feel better.”

“I have a great idea Dad, how about we plan to do this after dinner every day. We’ll sit and talk and catch each other up on what we each did that day, and who knows, maybe Carmen will realize she can live 8 hours without her phone on her hip, so that she could secure some type of employment. Hey Carmen, I hear there a job opening at the Mall.”

“NO!” Screamed Lori still perched at the top of the stairs.

“Wow, mom’s still up, guess that means she heard everything. So I guess it’s time to call it a night. Both of you come over here and give me a hug good night.”

Both girls got up and wrapped their arms around Bill and told them how grateful they were to have him as their dad and how much he really had taught them, even if he felt he had let them down. To them their dad and done everything in their lives, but let them down. That Bill and Lori were great parents and they were happy to have them to teach them the facts of life and preparing for the future.

“Ok, let’s hit the hay, tomorrows another day and it’s getting here fast.”

Bill and the girls put things away and turned off the light downstairs. How surprised they were when they came up the stairs and found Lori sound asleep at the top of them. Bill hugged the girls once again before they went into their rooms and closed the doors. Bill knelt down and whispered into Lori’s ear.

“Hey sweetness, let’s go to bed.”

She held out her hand and with both their efforts she stood up and they both went into the bedroom to call it a night.

***

As the house was quite once again you could hear just the sounds of the over sized clock on the living room wall, ticking the evening hours away while outside in the upstairs hallway centered a perfect distance between all three bedrooms sat scooter ever so quietly with his dog dish in his mouth.

 



This is what was in my head as I was typing the segment when the character Bill was referring to the Flintstones. Enjoy 
 



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4qwTZXyqZc