Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Hex of the VooDoo Witch - "The Gray Hair Curse" - Original story

~Hex of the Voodoo Witch~
"The Gray Hair Curse"
Original Story written by:
Stacey L. Bolin
copyright: October 21, 2013
 
 
 
 
 
Disclaimer:
Please note that the story below is for mature
readers as it contains explicit material of a sexual nature and references alcohol use.
 
 
A couple, married in their early twenties, stood before friends and family and confessed their love for one another until death did them part. She was a buxom beauty with long auburn hair, sheer beauty, flawless skin and a toned body; he was tall and tan with dark chestnut colored hair and was as handsome and as strong as any man could be. Over the years they built their lives together and did their best to follow the most traditional life plan and did just about everything their parents and their grandparents had done - Marry, purchase a home, get a car, and plan for having a family of their own. One by one over four years they acquired all of the necessary material items while at the same time - a handsome son and two beautiful girls had been created and brought into the world. It was a home filled with love and built on trust and respect.

When their children began arriving into their teen years and early twenties, this married couple found a new past time to their days spent together. Dinners out alone, long afternoon naps, and weekends filled with football and great food. They had many friends and acquaintances and often times their kids still found the time to gather together with mom and dad, and everyone and make a great time out of it. Yet along the way, as most couples do, their age began to greet them in the mirror each morning - a wrinkle here and wrinkle there and few pounds here and a few pounds there. For her, the gray came quickly, for him – his chestnut hair was still as rich in its color as the day they married.

Knowing that it was important to be together as they transitioned through each stage of marriage, the wife also realized the importance of having time away from one another. She had always suggested that her husband go out with the guys, do something with the guys and be just one of the guys. She enjoyed his company but she also enjoyed the house to herself which was sometimes hard to do, in their home, of 4.5 people instead of 5, since their oldest son spent more time with his girlfriend than at home,

It was mid-October when her husband finally decided to take his wife's advice after 20 years of marriage, and went out with the guys on a Saturday night to the local sports bar and grill located on the town dock that they lived in. He wore is best blue jeans and a nice shirt, yet with very limited girth, but he wore it just the same. He pulled on his boots and put on an old ball cap, kissed his wife good-bye and headed out the door. She was relieved that he finally decided to go and do something for himself, while at the same time she was already missing his company, but filled her small bout with loneliness with movies, popcorn and pop. During a commercial that was talking about families - she stopped to wonder what the men might be doing with their new found guy time - watching football - Drinking beer - Having their ego's stroked by female patrons? - Probably all of the above. With that she paid it never a thought again.

The owners of the bar and grill knew just want to do to create an atmosphere that would have you losing all sense of time.  There were dozens of 38" LCD thin screened televisions perfectly placed all around the rather dimly lit bar, so not to miss any golden sports moments. The moment they entered the building there was a feeling that was overwhelming, and enticing at the same time. The music in the room was a familiar tone that all the men remembered during their High School days in the 80’s. The song was “It’s a dead man’s party” and was being performed by a no name band called the – The Bone Keepers.  There where various Halloween decorations of bats hanging from the ceiling and black and orange garland that had been braided with purple lights, wrapped every pole and railing in the place. The sounds of the various bar glasses hitting together to be filled, with that perfect drink or two, was the trigger the men needed to get their night underway. The air was drenched in a stench of perfume, cologne, and alcohol and they marveled at the fact that there wasn't a kid or crying baby in the place. Being without family they bellied up to the bar and did their best to flirt with any waitress, or female species that would make eye contact. It was their guy’s night and there were no girlfriends or wives to snap at them for taking in an eye full of a nice pair of boobs. They laughed and cut up while eating all the appetizers they wanted and relished in the thought that they didn't have to share them with their wives and children, and to top it off – the frosty mugs of beer just kept on coming and they just kept on drinking without a care in the world. The biggest surprise was  the endless  special of Red Devil Tequila shots now and then, that were always on the house when the waitress brought them to their group. With each shot, the men lost their ability to think of home or anything but the enticing want to be wild and crazy. To them there was only one word to describe their night so far - Heaven.

As the men consumed the alcohol of bravery, the men who were single had no problems luring women to their section of the bar. The women would laugh and rub up against them trying to be the girl chosen to hang with them for the night, but the men who were married began to feel the effects of life known as old age. Suddenly what had been just a guy’s night began to feel like a single man’s night out in the military accompanied by some one's dad that was there to supervise the choices they made and/or be the designated driver.

As the night grew later and later, All but one of the married men found some strategic way to excuse themselves to return home, without looking like their wives had them wrapped around their finger. The only one who stayed was the one who had never gone out with the guys since his wedding day. He liked that the place helped him forget all of his responsibilities that he had forged over the years.

Occasionally women would smile and say hello to him as they passed by, while others would stop and engage in small talk that would fall into a twisted form of playful teen age banter that always became sexual.  His ego was fully charged when he caught the attention of a tall woman with curves that never ended and silky hair that harbored an illusion that it was heavenly rays of sunlight. He was smitten with her and welcomed the small talk and eye contact that cleverly turned into physical touches and suggestive questioning on what they enjoyed sexually. Deep down he knew what he was doing, but the excitement of it all placed him in a position that at any point could be a costly mistake. As they got closer the talk became whispering within each other ears, until a mysterious woman graced his attention that immediately brought the coddling to an abrupt halt. She wore a long gown of multiple exotic colors and a veiled black hat that topped her long curly red hair. Her long beautiful nails were painted a blood red that had the sheen of Patton leather. As she touched his face and slowly ran her fingernails down the back of his neck her deep green eyes, looked thought his eyes and down into the depths of his soul making his body feel paralyzed, while without any acknowledgement to the curvaceous woman - the mysterious lady waved her away like fly buzzing around a dead rodent that was more of a nuisance and needed to be squashed.

She spoke to him in a low sultry southern accent, her skin was tight and tan and her lips were full and sensual and wore the color of blood red wine. He felt a magical sensation with her near and never gave the other women a second thought. She asked why a married man would place himself in a situation filled with great sexual temptation, to which he replied, while wearing a look of confusion, “I love how it makes me feel young again.”

She continued to look deeply into his eyes that made him feel an urgency to share with her how he was struggling with the sensation that half of him wanted to enjoy the feeling of something new, something exciting, but wanted it to be nothing more than a great sexual experience with the woman without a name just a label of a wife for a night. However the trusting, faithful side of him knew that he had a true love that had been left behind in the home they made together and she was his wife for life.

She told him that she sensed great destruction if he chose the path of poison and that keeping such feelings and tempting interactions, concealed from his wife, would cause him and those around him great distress.

It was at that point he went from intrigued to irritate and he laughed at her as his eyes revealed the label of crazy that he had now placed upon her. He believed his wife had put this woman up to this.

She glared at him and without hesitation confronted him and his labeling and shared with him that if his wishes were to feel like a young man of 25 again and wanted to take comfort in the arms of another - she could grant his wishes and he could have it all for a price and his wife would never find out unless he told her the truth.

When asked what the price would be, still believing she was a drunken wacko preaching magical powers that were only there because of the alcohol that made her brain believe this. She slowly reached up to the top of his head and pulled one strand of his hair from his scalp. She placed the hair and its root into a silk scarf in her hand and sprinkled a sparkling powder over it as she spoke in a deep throaty chant. She then folded the scarf into what looked like a powder puff and then asked him again if his wishes really were to feel like a young man of 25 again and engage in an intense sexual affair that his wife would never find out about - unless he told her the truth.

 

He sat there waiting for some candid camera gotcha moment to suddenly spring out of nowhere with his wife leading the charge yelling – Surprise!

He turned to her and said in a smart ass voice, trying to call her bluff, “Sure why not, you only live once.” It wasn’t until after he said yes and many months later, did he learn the price he would pay for his choice to be wanted by women, and enjoy other women and his wife would never know or be hurt by his needs to feel young again.

Her eyes began to glow blinding neon green, blood bubbled in the palm of her hand where the sack of hair and powder were. She stood up and as she chanted in a mysterious language and padded the sack on his head until she had touched every piece of hair. He could feel the electric energy of his youthful ness that he once had in the years of his mid-twenties fill every ounce of his body. Without any hesitation, and never asking what the price would be, he went over to the curvaceous blond, whispered in her ear, and then they both left the building.  He left his friends at the bar and a belief that if she was a true witch with the powers to make a person’s desires come true, then he was going to try his new wish out on the curvaceous blond that had been ready to take their touching to another level. 

As they stood outside the bar, he told his new wife for a night that he needed to call home and check on his mother, that was staying with him on a vacation, and that she would needed to stay quiet so that his mother wouldn’t be upset that he chose to be with a lady friend instead of going home.  In his youthful mind he was certain that it was important that he tell his wife what he thought she’d want to hear, and he wasn’t about to let her learn any different. It was then he decided that his story would be that he was going to stay with one of the guys, because he had had too much to drink and didn’t want to take a chance on driving. It sounded truthful – she’d believe him.

The phone rang three times before his wife realized that the ringing was real, not in the dream she was having after falling asleep three hours earlier on the couch.

“Hello?”

“Hi Hon, your right . . . guys night out was just want I needed.” He found it hard to hide the tone in his voice that he was about to lie to his one true love.

“So I bet you all watched football and drank beer?” she said with excitement that she got to hear his voice that didn’t sound stressed or tired.

His lady friend pressed herself against him kissing his neck as she ran her hands up and down his body while he spoke on the phone. He did his best to Take long controlled breaths as he replied, “Yes, but as for the beer, I think I over did it so I’m going to stay here at one of the guys places.” His hair line across his temples began to itch.

“Hon, we only live a couple miles away . . . I can call you a cab or come and get you if you’d like.”

“No, that’s OK. I’m fine and we’re going to play some cards, maybe I could win some cash for a nice dinner out, just you and I.  How does that sound?” The itching began to feel hot and he wondered if maybe he was having an allergic reaction to the crazy voodoo wannabe’s flour head chant.

“Are you sure you’re OK? You didn’t get yourself in trouble? You are starting to sound funny.”

“Just having fun,” his voice squeaked out in a high pitch. “Gotta go, were leaving now. Love ya.”

In a sweet trusting and tired voice she replied, “I love you too. Sweet dreams.”

***

To his new found pleasure goddess music was a must when wanting good sex to be great sex. She hit the button on the room radio and was thrilled to think that it was one of her favorite groups – Depeche Mode, performing her favorite song to get down and dirty to, “Strange Love.” The hotel room was a mess. Clothes, underwear, shoes, pillows, sheets and blankets etc., were strewn everywhere as the curvaceous blonde took him over and over again in every square inch of the hotel room – including on their balcony where she wanted to introduce him to the intense sexual feeling that builds inside of a person when mixed with the notion of being caught having getting it on in public. He never once thought of his life as a father, a husband with a mortgage and his family or the wife that had always loved and trusted him for more than a decade. All he could feel was the sexual connect of their bodies becoming one and the ability to go on and on for hours and hours until their hot passionate love making would have them drop with sheer exhaustion to allow them to rest until the next waking round.  

The next morning when he had awaken, he sat up on the bed and looked around the room at the mess that he and his unknown partner had made. A note written on hotel stationary, on the pillow next to him read, “You little devil - thanks for a great night of great sex. If you're ever in the mood to screw around my numbers on the back of this note.”

He got himself up and quickly did his best to straighten the room. Took a shower to wash the smell of the other woman off him, got dressed and out the door he went. As he sat in the car, he toyed with the idea of whether to call his wife or just show up. He decided that a stop at the market for a dozen roses and a bear claw would surprise her – he was right.

She was so happy to see him when he walked into the house and even more excited when she had seen the gifts he had with him. As he turned around to sit down and take off his boots, his wife noticed something on temple of his head.

“Hon? What’s the grayish spot?” she said as she leaned in closer to get a better look. “Well, well, you’ve got few gray hairs on that head of yours, but don’t worry sweetness; I’ve got a whole head full, but that’s why I made friends with a hair dresser that can take that gray away and keep me looking good for you. It’s just part of the deal in life when we start to get old and slow down.”

“What deal?” he said shocked, while wondering what would make her think that it was all part of a deal.

“Maybe next time you and your lady of the night will go to bed earlier.” She remarked with a witty sound of humor in her voice. “Lying causes stress and will also make your hair gray.” Then she laughed and went into the kitchen to heat up the bear claw and get another cup of coffee.

He sat in the chair, battling the good and bad of whether to confess to his wife about what he had done the night before or too just pretend it never happened.

As days grew into weeks, he found himself doing all he could to cover up what had happened in the bar and grill that night. The problem he had was controlling the occasional itch that he would get with each time he spoke about that night, but as bad as it would get, he’d change his shampoo’s and get frequent haircuts hoping it would stop. A first he found it easy to say and do all he could to keep the truth from being told. He did his best to keep his wife happy both in and out of the bedroom, yet his youthful feeling desires were become more than his wife wanted and many a nights he would go to bed frustrated for the need for sexual pleasure. His friends, that had also seen him leave that night swore to never tell his wife that he had spent the night with another woman.

He had kept the unknown woman’s note at work and decided that it was time to give her a call. They agreed that one Friday he would get out of work early and they would meet at the Holiday Inn Express that was just on the other side of town. When the day had finally come for their sexual encounter again, he noticed something he had not before. She didn’t appear to be as firm and curvaceous as he had remembered. And her hair appeared dull and dry. Her Maybe she was sick or coming down with something. Her explanation was that she was getting older and noticed over the past month she was going gray, so she decided it was time to color her hair if she wanted to stay blonde. She still had the want to have sex with him, but was content with just keeping the moment simple and slow, no crazy positions, and doing it once was great - twice without a break was pushing it. He just couldn’t understand what had happened to his wild woman of the night. He decided then, it would be the last time they would get together, but for some reason he just couldn’t get himself to throw her number away, as for him it was like a memento that reminded him of a time when

By late spring of the follow year, he had noticed that his wife was looking more youthful, had more energy, she had the look that she had when they had first met. The most puzzling was she was not going out have her hair done anymore to cover up the gray, while his head was now almost 65% covered in gray hair and his bones began to feel arthritic and his energy level kept going down. He was only 47, but that youthful feeling that he enjoyed for those few short weeks, had gone from wild and wonderful to the extreme opposite that made him feel his was twice as old as he was.  

“Maybe if I went back to the Voodoo woman at the bar, she’d grant me another dose of young stud energy.” He though as he made his way home from work.

When he arrived home, he was shocked to find his wife learning a twerking move that their younger daughters were making fun of after watching the MTV awards. He couldn’t help but notice how youthful his wife looked and how soft and silky her hair appeared. He could feel himself falling in love all over again with her.

“Certainly she had had her hair done, you can’t go from gray to your natural hair color – it just isn’t possible.” he pondered.

“Hey Dad!” exclaimed their oldest daughter, “Did mom tell you that big brother is in town and he’s taking us to the bar and grill on the docks downtown for dinner tonight.”

He stood still for a moment remembering what had happened to him, and knew this could be his once chance to get a second dose of youth.

***

As they sat at a table just a few short feet from the bar, he noticed that the bartender was trying to get his attention.

“Excuse me for a moment everyone, I need to get some water.”

He walked up to the bar and did his best to scan the room without bring any attention upon him and trigger his family to questioning what his odd behavior was all about.

“Hey man, how are you doing? You never came back, did you and that hot blonde get to make it or what?” he said sounding more and more like a gossip greedy bartender.

“Ah, no, we didn’t.”

 “Wow, another lie. I think I saw another gray hair add itself to you head. I hear that she looks like shit and looks like she is 100 years old.  Did you do what the Voodoo Witch told you to do? Or did you choose option B. which was - you and anyone else would pay dearly for any lies about what happened?”

“No she never said what the payment was.”

“She tried to, but you had only one thing on the brain and one thing only. She told me after you left that she hoped when the first signs of the gray hair began to show, you would come back to learn what you could do to reverse it.”

“You mean this old man looking hair and face and the aching bones would have stayed the way she made me that night - sexually energized and young again?”

“Yeah, but you were thinking with the wrong head. I bet if I had only once guess, that women at the table with you with the beautiful skin and long silky red hair is your wife?”

“What about it?”

“If you had been honest with how you were feeling about aging, you wouldn’t be in your rapidly aging old man body your in now.” The bartender said with a laugh, “All you had to do was tell your wife the truth AND you could have been a stud whose wife would never find out about you getting it on with a new lady every night and with the energy you had when you left here – you could have accomplished it.”

“So if I just start telling the truth, then all will reverse?” He said hopeful.

“No. your honesty should have been from the very start. You would have told your wife that some Voodoo witch doctor cast a spell on your and that you would be forever young feeling and youthful with an endless sex drive. All you had to say was that. Then anything more your wife would have laughed away as a joking passive aggressive personality. But you lied from the start, so now everyone, including yourself, involved in the lies you told to hide the truth suffer the same fate as you and your once hot wife for a night.

“So what now?” he questioned, as the reality of the choices that he had made were the reasons behind his gray hair and body pain. “We would now become an old men and women faster than I would have if I had never met that mysterious witch woman that night?”

“You know man . . . I have to tell you one other thing.  Because of your all the big lies, little lies and occasional white lies you told your wife – she will forever reap the benefits of what you once had – youthfulness, great skin, healthy body and bones, and she knows the truth about who and what you have done, but does not react as she know you have given her a greater gift – the ability to be seen by others and as a loving beautiful wife that once had a truth worthy, honest husband that couldn’t handle the idea of getting older and made a deal with the devil to give up his family for the life of a youthful man of 25 with a great body at the age you are now - 47 right? What a screw up . . . this would have been for as long as you live.

“So how do you know so much about my life?” he said in a smart ass tone of voice.

“My wife and I own this bar.”

“Yeah and?”

“Didn’t you read the name on the door?”

“NO!”

“Devils Bar and Grill – My wife does the Voodoo and the devil takes the souls when the magic is over.”

“If she’s the Voodoo witch then who is the Devil? I don’t seem him.” He said in disbelief of what was being told to him.

“You know, I never introduced myself to you the last time you were here. Please accept my sincere apologies, the name is Lou. S. Cifer, owner and operator of this crazy join.”

“Wow your name sounds like Lucifer the fallen angel, when you say it fast.”

The bartender smiled his devilish grin.
_______________________________________________________________________
 
Music referenced in this story:
 Oingo Boingo - It's a dead man's party
 
Depeche Mode - Strange Love
 

Monday, May 20, 2013

"The Yogi Bear Gamer or The Attention Whore/Nag - Which label would you chose?"

 
 
 
 
My quote of the day: You never know how long you have in this thing called life and time is a precious thing that you can never get back, so use it wisely.
 
It’s overcast on this early Monday morning in Maryland, USA. Why add the USA to my sentence? I thought you’d never ask. I'm about to share with you why. Today I am writing in response to an email that I had received a few days ago from a family in Canada who wanted me to write about a topic, which I found I could relate to. Now, not wanting to bring attention onto them and that they have also ask to remain anonymous, I have changed their names, so let’s see, I’ll call them Lance and Veronica - yeah, that sounds different. So let’s begin.
I had received an email from Veronica's husband Lance, wanting to understand why his wife gets upset that he and his family are overly outgoing. Yes, I will say, I was confused by that statement and why would he send this to me? But you know how you hear people say, there is always reason things happen, well maybe that is what was happening here - a pending life lesson waiting give me a slap on the back of the head. 
When he provided me with more detail, I began to understand. Veronica and Lance have six children, four boys’ two girls ranging in ages 20 to 9. They all have numerous interests, while at the same time; appreciate doing many things together. Lance is very outgoing, and likes to do for others as he gets great joy out of seeing people happy and he and his kids do their part to help out all they can, but he's finding the more joy he and the kids get from assisting others the more his wife is agitated. So I asked him another question, “Does this help for others conflict with private family time and helping out at home?” to which he replied, “Yes, has she written you too?
Well immediately I felt connected to his want for answers. As you see, I understand both what Lance is feeling and what his wife is feeling, so honestly I can't take either side, and I can't tell them what is right and what is wrong, that it is their life choice but since Lance asked me, I will try to answer as a wife with a current situation that I am experiencing that somewhat resembles what he feels is becoming problematic in their home. I don't have six children, but I do have three boys if you include my husband. (smile). 
Recently our weekends have had my family anywhere but home and my husband had even commented in the past, more times than not, that we should all enjoy the winter weekends of boredom and quiet, as the spring, summer, and fall, will eat up out weekend time fast. I'm ok with his comment and always have been. We are a very active family who sticks together, especially when it comes to helping people. We have freely given ample amount of our time to volunteer for various events and organizations over the past eleven years. Again, let me state this for the record, I HAVE NO PROBLEM DOING THIS - until it interferes with progress and upkeep on our own home, which generally we have never run into, but we’ve never had a very important event taking place at our home in less than three weeks either, and we’ve had months to get ready, now we are down to days. 
Lately I feel I am constantly repeating myself and in turn, they view it as nagging or trying to seek out their attention in a negative way, and are not really understanding or seeing the bigger picture what is being asked of them.  Now I know I am not the only woman in the word that on occasion feels that her family has a way of engaging their selective hearing modes into the permanent block mom’s voice position - but I think I can safely say it probably hits a nerve in others just like it does in me when this happens. So Lance, here is my dilemma, and maybe it will in some way help you.
 
****
In three weeks we will have a house full of people for one son's16th birthday and the other son's graduation from High School. Am I nervous? – HELL YES AND THEN SOME! I’m stressing because our yard looks like we are auditioning to be the new "Sanford and Son's" sitcom, (see pictures below) but for some reason the men in our home feel it is vital to conduct their beautification skills anywhere but where it is needed the most – HOME! So when I ask them why they will put their skills to good use anywhere but home their reasons are, they like to help out when they can. Did anyone just hit a wall like I did? They have the ability to make things right and I have even offered to help, but unfortunately it appears it’s not that easy to take the same pride in their home, and if I asked more than once - instantly I’m labeled as the “Attention Whore” or “The Nagger”. Does it piss me off? – Your damn straight it does! I was brought up that the men did the yard work and the women took care of the inside business of the home. So yes, I will admit, I have become very resentful and the more they do elsewhere, the more I want no part of wanting my family elsewhere.
But I realized that way of thinking was so negative that it was placing a dark and tense cloud over my life and it was imperative that I needed to reanalyze why I would feel so hurt and why would they not understand my anguish towards their choices of using their talents elsewhere over home during a time when it's desperately needed. Weeks of frustrations are what I have learned to work through until it hit me. Everyone like recognition and praise - EVERYONE and my three boys, even though they deny it, live for it. Something about that stroke of the ego and being asked especially by women, other than me, will have these men moving mountains – all for a smile and an ounce praise that is dangled in front of them like a picnic basket in front of Yogi Bear.
So is it that when I give praise it is not appreciated because it is expected since I’m the mom/wife? Could it be that they don’t see that at times, they are the puppets on a string for the entertainment of others getting what they want by to giving out to many compliments?  Or is it that when I ask for assistance on projects at home, they feel that I am the type of person that does have the talent, strength and ability that I can do these projects on my own?
Then I noticed something as I watched one of my boys react to a need for help and I'm not saying which one, but suddenly a new theory in my mind emerged. I call it the "Damsel or Dude in Distress" theory. The description: When a person/s only reacts to the want to do something, if there is praise before the request. So for example say a person/s want you do to something they didn’t want to do, then they would drop a line like, "You are so good at painting, I can't thank you enough," that is soon followed by, "Oh can you help me with doing this or that or something." Now you might be the best painter in the world, and in your mind of minds, you’d love to believe it, but something about hearing it from someone else makes you feel good, and honestly who doesn’t feel good about a positive comment, I know I do, but lately I am seeing a strong pattern - the compliments are always followed by another want, that makes me start to question how talented or skilled I really am and feel people just want, want, want, even if they really do appreciate what I can do. I feel that it is a conditional praise that could compromise trust. In my head I hear, "You so good at that, but only if you help me." Now Lance, I'm not saying your wife is feeling this way, I don't even know her, I don't wear your shoes or hers and I could be so far from what you’re really asking.  If your situation is like ours, maybe she's feeling a bit like I am at the moment, we're talking about taking in the moment that makes us feel good about ourselves (praise, compliments, thanks)  our self-esteem starts to rise, and yes my ego inflates like balloon, then another request is immediately placed upon me that makes the compliment no longer genuine - POP! My ego balloon is gone. I'm sure I'm not making any sense, maybe I need to get off my soapbox.
So my next question, how many of you have found yourself caught up in a situation/s somewhat similar to this? I’ll raise my hand, and I’ll also raise my hand that I have said things to get people to do what they would otherwise not want to do. A perfect example of this tactic and when I recently used it, was trying to find my younger son’s car key. I knew immediately that my older son had something to do with its whereabouts’ but if I were to have asked, “Where did you put the key?” he would have never helped me find it. Instead I took a different approach since I’ve noticed how they respond to this type of mind game. My strategy was simple and this is what I said when I asked my older son to find the key that he had already denied knowing anything about when approached by his brother, “You are so good at finding things, and I’d really like to find that key so that we can get this car back together. Your brother has looked and looked, but he really needs a person with your skills to find things. Can you help us look?” Sure enough, it worked and not only did he get up and help look, but the friend he was sitting on the porch with, also got up and helped look. At first it was the same line, “I have no idea where the key is,” then suddenly he spots the key way on the top of a shelf that in order to see it, you needed to be standing on a stool. Needless to say, my theory was proven that day. I played a minor part of the Damsel in Distress – How sad is that? What hurt me was to know that if I had used my motherly skills and said, “I know you know where that key is, go get it,” he would have rolled his eyes, toned me out, and a negative exchange of words would have become heated. I like the last word game. *Wink* what parent doesn't.

***
In our town we have a business called the “Honeydo Handyman” guy, (No Joke) This guy has truck with that on it and has created a business doing the odd jobs around the house that the members of the home don't want to do. The things I am asking to be completed could be done in a matter of an hour or so, and what actually makes me feel proud, is that I know my family is thinking the way I am...They know I am talented, strong, and capable of completing these tasks on my own, but why should I have do these things on my own or call someone stranger to come to my home and complete these tasks we I have two strong teenage boys that can do this, and I shouldn’t have to pay them or bribe them with money to get it done. Years ago, kids helped their parents around the house - why is this day and age any different?




 
 
 
 
Wow, just posting these pictures has me ready to get out there and tackle this crap once and for all, but on the flip however, there may be someone who looks at it differently and would think, as a significant other or a strong teenager, wouldn't you rather help your loved one, vs. letting them get used to doing things on their own and/or calling upon some stranger? Think long and hard on the answer to this question - What could happen when a person discovers they "CAN-DO" on their own?
 
So Lance, on a softer side of myself that I like so much better that my "nagging" side, could be a simple solution. All I am asking  is the ones I love share their talents and assistance on the home front and I would just appreciate some of the free time my family does have during the day that they are spending elsewhere, to be spent on doing something for just for our family and not everyone else around the family. I'd like to be selfish and not share every moment of our free time - some here and some there is fine. I'm feeling Like a checkbook, you'd like to see more put into it, but sometimes the balance runs close to empty. The good point about doing things together whether home or afar, we are at least in the same area, that I'm closer than I was if I had stayed home and they went about their business, but I still find at times that I am shrouded in little moments of loneliness.  

I don’t know if I helped in anyway and I’m not saying that this could be the problem, but maybe it could shed a different light on your circumstances. I know at times I have felt like I was placed on the back burner, excluded, and their lives are moving on and I’m trying to do my best to run behind the bus, only catching it here and there.  I also feel that my guys have a hard time saying no, and people know and are spreading the word that is spreading their time thinner and thinner, which is hard to for me to stand back and watch, but I'm not heard when I express my feelings.
All in all go easy on her, remember she is human, when she hurts, she hurts deep, she goes to work outside of the home too, and from your email, it sounds like all she would like is to have you and your family’s attention/help more than two hours after work and a few hours on the morning on the weekends. You never know how long you have in this thing called life and time is a precious thing that you can never get back, so use it wisely. You may find as you’re off and going and doing in one direction, she may start growing and doing in a different direction. I wish you success in getting to the bottom of this life lesson and word of advice that I learned from my therapist - you can’t fail if you keep your conversation as "I" statements (I feel, I wish, I want to understand etc.) when trying to calmly discuss problems or concerns, instead of telling another person what they are doing wrong and make them feel like they are being attacked or blamed. I have tried the "I" approach on more than just my family and guess what the "I" have it and - it works. Who’d a thunk it? Smile.
****
Oh, and as for my dilemma, it has been resolved and that I didn't hire the Honeydo Handyman guy and I did tell my husband that I pondered the idea - he didn't sound overly thrilled and assured me that I was over thinking things.  I do, do that. I didn't however tell him that I love him and my boys with all that I have in my heart, that I could never call upon another to take their places, gotta keep them on their toes…….   and honestly I'd feel too guilty if I had. Everything works out if given the right amount of time.
 
Many thanks to my readers who continue reading my soapbox moments, as you have read before I have them now and then, but always feel better to get it out and when I look back I can't help but think at time... "Dang girl, you are such a fruit cake, what in heavens name where you thinking?" I also appreciate the emails, keep them coming. As some of you have learned, some topics I chose not to write about.  As flattered as I am, I am not qualified to offer clinical forms of advice. I'm just a simple girl trying to figure out who I am, where I have been, and where I am going in this wolf pack I call - Family. have a fantastic day. Blog ya later!
 
 
 
 
 
 


Tuesday, April 2, 2013

FEE SHARK ATTACK!

 

 
Good Morning everyone - Wow, have to say that it has certainly been a few days since I have been able to get online and do what I love to do best - write. To my fellow readers, and to my newest readers who are just coming on board with my blog, I have gone back to work part-time. It is usually three to four days a week and my total hours on the days I do work, are usually five to seven. All in all, I'm getting somewhat used to standing up for a rather lengthy time frame, but I feel it when the day is done. Ouch my bones and I am so missing my office chair. *wink* Ok, so back to my saga of the morning.

During the month of January, 2013, I wrote a story, that I have been getting a lot of responses to, that was called - "Beware of banking fee snowball effect,"

It is sad to find out how many more souls are dealing with this same issue and I was even more surprise by how many shared with me that they had the same bank. Now it has been a few months, and just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water.... (Wait for it - Hit link for sound effect) -  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCfWHqrYUqo- the mystery overdraft fee shark attacked my account again.  Now granted, my account with M&T is not my primary checking, it is merely an account required by the bank so that my husband has the option of cashing his check completely if he chooses too, but 9 out of 10 times, he make a deposit and pays for auto payments and basic needs.

So this morning, once again, the bank has charged us an overdraft fee. Please tell me - do you see where I was over drawn on this bank statement????

 






 

As you can see, the deposit went in, and then was followed by the debits being removed - yet suddenly it hits me - the last time this happened, it was also a charge because of a State farm ACH, but hasn't happened since January and has me pondering "Could it be someone thinks I've stopped looking closely at my account? Or maybe they miss my happy face parked at the desk bitching about another invisiable overdraft." I understand that in this day and age, everyone is hurting to get that might dollar - even big businesses. I do understand the policy when it comes to implementing fees for overdrafts, but like the old rule, show me proof, by showing in on the statement and I'll walk away. Having it in print on a customers statement would give the bank solid ground to stand on, not just a customer service representative giving you this song and dance about timing. If they based all banking on timing, and a million people had this happen...well you do the math. All I can say is that if I'm being told I was overdrawn and being charged the fee - the statement better indicate a negative balance!  I want thank all of you that wrote to me on this topic. I feel bad that some of you were not aware this was happening until you balanced your ledgers at the end of each month and could not get it reversed.  I totally agree with you when you say - it is important that when you see this, you act immediately and not wait. I bet you'll know where I'll be at nine o'clock this morning - if you guessed getting the fee reversed - you guessed right.

 ***
I would also like to reply to one of the emails that I received from Leeann, in Pheonix, Arizona. Leeann, I do agree with you that our world  is in constant change and not always for the better.  We find ourselves having to be more in tuned as to the goings on with government, society, community, family, and what is within ourselves and no matter how much we yell and scream for change...more often than not - the people go unheard. We can't stop just because someone doesn't hear us. If we stand back and allow another voice to speak on our behalf, without our input, the outcome may not be what you hoped for. On the other hand, not all change is good change. It all depends on each individuals person's belief and how they feel, whatever the change may be, and how it would effect them.
 
Yes, I know this topic today is about bank fees, but Leeann brings to the topic a valid point on our global societies as whole and makes one take a second look around; In this day and age it's more than just bank fees. Every day the envelope is being pushed, and if we don't step up and say NO as a united group...this craziness is only going to multiply at our expense and a heavier price will be paid in the end. I get it, that it won't get corrected overnight, and the battles get overwhelming. Citizens are feeling bruised and broken and many feel like all they want to do is run away to the comforts of simple times. I will admit, I feel the very same way somedays and I find that for myself, for many years I was doing a lot of running away. Today I look back on my life when I battled Hodgkin’s disease in 1994 and was told by government doctors that I going to die - I had a Hell No Attitude to beat the disease, but failed everywhere else.  I realize things take time and I tell myself everyday - NEVER GIVE UP! Easier said than done. We as citizens must never give up even if it means fighting a bank fee that was imposed on us, atleast we are starting some where. Right? Wrong? Everyone's has an opinion and I get that some may or may not agree with us Leeann, it happens.  Mom always told me to pick my battles, but sometimes the battle picks us when we least expect it.
 
My quote of the day -
"When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and give people a mysterious grin when they ask you how did you do that."

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

"Her Gut Feeling Lead to Her Empowerment"


About a week ago, while shopping with my younger son, I ran into a lady that I assisted while working with our local police department about four years ago.  I never thought that after all the years that have passed I would recall my conversation with her at the station - very vividly.

FOUR YEARS AND TWO WEEKS AGO
She had come into our station wearing a pair of khaki shorts, a white tank top and a pair of flip-flops. She was only wearing mascara and a little sheer lipstick for make-up. Her hair was clean and her finger and toe nails had that, I just came from the salon look to them. She had not filed any report that she had been a victim of a crime. She did not appear to be in any physical distress and she didn't want to talk to an officer. She had simply asked if she could talk to someone about a situation at home with her husband. I think I could safely assume that the person working reception that day, immediately through of the victims unit that I worked in when they called me down to talk to her.
She was clear spoken, and I did what the officers would call the quick once over, as we walking into our lounge area to talk privately. A once over is a quick look as you are walking behind a person and  as they sit down to check for any signs of physical bruising on areas that are not covered by clothing. Usually a victim never notices when a person does this as there is usually other things on their mind. I however was not so cleaver in being undetected, and merely took the opportunity to cover my ways by commenting on her plum purple nail polish.
As we got to speaking, she revealed why she had come to me. She wanted to know if we conducted private investigations. Now I knew the answer was no, but she didn't take a break to let me interject that we did not conduct investigations of this sort. Ours, as far as I knew, were strictly crime related with a report that had generated. Her reasons as to why she wanted a P.I., she believed her husband was cheating.
So let me ask you first - if a person made this statement to you, man or woman, what would be your first response? Mine, I think was the most general answer out there and I replied, "Are you sure of this?" Honestly, there wasn't anything I could do from my professional stand point and I should have just listen without any comment, but my personal emotions kept standing by, as much as I wanted to push them aside. I felt for her as she went on to express how she felt crazy with each time she would confront him, he would deny the accusation and tell her she was over reacting, over thinking, and that he just couldn't believe how could she think so little of him - he loved her and had no desire to be with anyone else. If I only had a dollar for every time I've heard that response by people I've met over the course of my life, and granted there are people out there who do answer like this when questioned with infidelity - and they are not cheating.
There was a genuine sound to her voice that was mixed with a sense of sorrow and betrayal. In her heart of hearts, and her womanly voice inside, she believed that what she felt was so, even with his consistent answer of denial. Our conversation lasted no more than twenty minutes and I never once revealed that for some reason, I believed her.
TWO WEEKS AGO
I remember her face, her voice and her smile, as I tried desperately to recall her name, when she went out of her way to get my attention that day as my son and I did our shopping. "Boy do I have a lot to share with you" she said for all to hear. My son looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. My son has a fear that I will one day become trapped in our home. Why? He believes that my passion to be a writer for the movies, my soon to be released book "Deemed Crazy" and now my new job as a News Anchor and Reporter, will put me into the eyes of a the paparazzi and that one day I'll never be able to go out of the house without people wanting my autograph. Wow, if only I could attain a lifestyle like, buy only for the money that went with it... I'd certainly opt out of the paparazzi type of fame as with my luck, I'd find myself on the cover of Star Magazine with a wild headline that reads - "LOCAL MOTHER WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS or LOCAL MOTHER GROWS FULL MUSTACHE OVER NIGHT AFTER SPA LIP WAXING." Ok, the second one is kind of true and I'll share that story in a couple days.
Ok, I'm going off track, let me stop and go back to my story. Anyways, this time, she had a look of happiness, which was accompanied with a voice of anger and determination. In some ways, I think I knew what she was about to reveal, but I let her have this moment. My son just shook his head, he wanted to just leave and get on with our day.
"Remember when I said that I thought my husband was cheating on me and he kept calling me crazy?" she said, with hopes that I would remember.
"Yes, I remember" I replied.
"He has a son with another woman and I just found out about it."
Ok, I wasn't expecting that at all and that not only did she just find out, his side of the family have known for years and never said a word. I felt that I was in the midst of a soon to be LMN movie on True Life Thursdays. What had happened is that just shortly after her and I spoke, both her husband and herself agreed to separate to give them each some space and make it easier on their children that they have together. Now, I will agree, they were thinking about the best interest for the children. There was tension filled with ample arguing and verbal fights, so a break is what they both agreed upon and she felt it was working. Usually in the eyes of others and our legal system, this is considered a separation that last for about six months before they got back together. A SEPERATION DOES NOT MEAN YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER!!!! IT MEANS IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO STEP AWAY AND ASSESS WHAT A COUPLE DOES OR DOESN'T HAVE AS A RELATIONSHIP FOR THE FUTURE. IT IS NOT A HALL PASS!!!!!!Unfortunately For this couple, the husband took this as a freedom card and lived the life of a single man that was faced with serious consequences. Now I know there are two sides to every story and I don't know his. But for me, this is my old fashion side shining through. Until a divorce decree is in hand that says that you are no longer bound by marriage to one another, you are NOT A FREE BIRD!!! You are not free to date, you are not free to sleep with others, you are not free to see whomever you choose! If you think you have this right....STAY AWAY FROM ME as one of these days I'm gonna crush this soapbox I keep jumping on. This goes for a man or a women, so guys don't think I am singling you out, this just happens to be one of those stories that result in a married man that got a woman, other than his wife, pregnant and then tried to live a duel life and got caught.
But this was not the shocker of the story either. The shocker was when she was relieved that she was so happy to learn she was not crazy, when he finally confessed to years of infidelity, before their six month separation. That knowing her instincts and gut feelings were right, gave her a new found sense of confidence that she had never had. That she now has the ball in her court. She wants a divorce and wants his lies out of her life. She has found her inner strength not to fear having to be independent and that her kids want to be with her. She now has found her voice and speaks up for herself. I will admit, that I will never forget her smile when she made a final statement before we left the store "Now that I know how to be a bitch, my husband is super sweet and tells me he wants me, and all that jazz, but for me - I'm living my life for myself and for my children and will never question my inner voice again."

            WORDS OF WISDOM
So my words of wisdom for the day – Choose to live an honest life. Living a lie only hurts you and the ones you love in the end. Have the courage to admit when you have done wrong. Never live a life that you believe that asking for forgiveness is easier than asking for permission – this could lead to very serious consequences. Learn to listen to the needs of your partner and what problems they may be facing. Everyone wants validation that they are being heard. A new found bond of love and trust will enrich your relationship with your partner if he/she knows you’re listening to them, that you will not place judgment upon them, and can feel compassion and understanding embraced by love. The outcome, they find safety to confide in the one person that truly matters to them - YOU. The last thing you want is to push them into the arms/life of some other person waiting on the sidelines for the opportunity to replace you. And believe you-me, those people are out there like crime, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to take something for themselves without any regards in how it will make you feel. So many fall victim to the belief that marriage is easy and realize very quickly it is all but easy. It is like a dance that incorporates a balance of give and take, it takes commitment, work, love, trust, dedication and so much more that would be a blog all on its own. Know what your vows mean and live by them as they are the frame work in building a long love filled life with that special someone. And the biggest, never pretend to be something you are not. Be the couple you are, not what others want you to be.
Have a great day everyone - Blog you later. :)