Let me start by saying, that no matter how much clutter I am faced to organize each day, my family will always come first if they need me, my ears, my advice, a hug, my help...you name it, I am there for them good or bad. So where do I start...Oh, I remember, It started out as any normal day would yesterday morning. I have been doing great with keeping up on putting things back in their rightful places. But have you ever had a situation when putting something back in their rightful place was a person? I know odd comment but I’ll explain soon. So, let’s begin today, with my philo that I believe to be fact. Life has a way of tripping you up, but if you’re prepared the outcome can be harmonious and life changing.
Yesterday I began my long to-do list, as I always do on Thursdays. I have appointed Thursday as my day to leave the house early in the morning to get everything I need tended to that is out of the home. My list included but was not limited to, taking the boy's to school, getting base stickers for both of our trucks, pick up prescriptions, get lab work done and go to the commissary. All of this accomplished before 10:00 am. I was feeling great that I had done so much in the course of three hours, I wanted to do something extra special for my honey.
My husband has been working at a job that is just around the corner from our home, which is very nice, because I can stop in quickly to drop off something special. I make his lunch every day, but I know that the same ole sandwich and chips gets boring. I try to switch up his food choices so that it’s a surprise when he sits down to eat. My plan yesterday was to drop him off his favorite candy, but as I pulled up to the job site, clearly something was wrong and had totally disrupted his day. I had not seen that pale look on his face since the doctors told me I had cancer. Immediately my mind was rushed bad images, because I had forgotten my cellphone at home and maybe I missed an important call.
His body language was frightening and I knew I had to stay calm to help keep the situation contained. I had asked if something had happened on the job, to which he replied no. I asked if he was feeling OK, and again, he replied no. So I knew something was upsetting him and asked him flat out, what was wrong. He had indicated that he had gotten a call from home and went on say and I quote “The doctors said there was nothing more they could do for my mom, and she is going downhill fast”. Now what would you think if you hear those words? Get your airline tickets? Make arrangements to take the family home? If it didn’t come from mom or dad directly…call home and find out if it was true?
All of those things entered my brain, and I was ready to have the whole family on a plane to be with his mother today. Yet, then my mind stopped in its tracks and I was forced to ask the one question I already had the answer too. “Who called and told you this?” I was not surprised when he told me who. The Drama Queen strikes again. I assured him that I didn’t feel the situation was as grave as he was thinking and told him I would call home myself to get an update. He assured me that he would call home, but there was no way that I was going to let him work with the heavy machinery that he operates, under that type of worry and stress. I’m glad I went with my gut instinct and I made that call as soon as I got home.
I was unable to get through the first couple of tries, but was finally successful and how shocked I was to hear this upbeat full of life voice on the phone. Instantly my fears subsided when she said that for the most part, in spite of all that she has been through, she was fine. I have to say, his mom has seen her share of medical challenges and keeps on truckin’. We laughed and joked on the phone for more than a half an hour. She shared with me the changes in her medical status, and what the next steps were. She has MS, and not all patients with this disease have the same treatment outcome. They just haven’t found the best regiment that meets all her needs. She had shared with me what the next course of treatment would be and to lighten the mood I was instructed to share with my husband that “Mom is fine and that he needs to realize that she was going to be around a long time to bug him.”
Now clearly the way that my husband had stated what her condition was, would have led you to believe she was about to take her last breath. I felt bad, but I had even told my husband before I left, that I didn’t believe this situation was all truth and that it was another one of those, feel bad for me the sky is falling moments. He was mad at my comment, but that quickly changed about an hour later. Going on, my husband is a nice guy, will do anything for anyone, and takes people at their word. But the one thing about this good hearted man...He hates a liar." He gets mad when I keep bring up that people these days have this great ability to stretch the truth. I’m told I am over reacting, but today was the turning moment when I called him back and updated him. I sensed his anger and this time it wasn’t towards me. Phew! I through sure he was going to be mad that I made the call that he told me not to. He is very aware that his mom is going through a lot, and he worries about her every day. The problem with this is that my husband has gotten this type of urgent call like clockwork for the past 12 years, putting this strong woman on her death bed. SAD! I take notice when something becomes repetitive and these types of calls are hard on my husband which in turn affects the whole family. Which has me thinking that the caller didn't completely listen to the news they had gotten at home and paniced or that are treading along the lines of intentional and could be viewed as a form of emotional abuse to make him feel guilty that he has not moved back home to be with his family more.
This is another reason why I dislike cell phones more and more. This whole situation could have waited until after working hours. People need to get the clue that, his boss can’t stress it enough at his place of employment…NO PERSONAL CALLS ON HIS (THE BOSSES) TIME! And I don’t blame him in the least. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen, when I was working, abuse the use of personal calls during working hours. Now don’t get me wrong, my husband doesn’t get nearly the calls that he used to and I will admit I’ve called my husband at work…and that is the two key words (My husband). Yet even being married to him, I don’t abuse the phone. Once in a great while I am following up to see how he was feeling, if I knew he had left the house not feeling his best. I try to make sure that he has headache and sinus meds with him. I may also call just to update him on a change in plans with the boys. But for the most part, I let him call me, but don’t wait by the phone expecting it. If he does call from work it is usually only on days when he will have breaks, or in a pause status as he waiting for the next part of a project to begin. But you’ll never see me calling and talking for 35 minutes on the bosses time.
By the end of the day, I didn’t know how he had faired the emotional storm, but was so happy when he came in the front door smiling and grabbed the house phone and said he was calling his mom back. I was again relieved to hear that he called her directly. Thank God! He had been talking with his mother on the phone, on his way home from work when his battery died. He immediately called her back and the two of them had a wonderful conversation. I stepped out of the room to give him some privacy, but I couldn't help but over hear his laughter that filled every room of our home while he spoke.
When his call was over, We both agreed that he needed to call his mother and father directly and weekly. That if he didn't and something happened to them, he would never forgive himself. That he needed to build his bond with them, even if over the phone for now, until we finally get out west before our retirement years. That what they talk about should be kept between them, so that it would be their special time unless someone indicates that something they said was ok to tell others. I feel that it is very important that he keeps in constant contact with them as their son, and should share with them what is going on in his life first hand and vise-versa. I am also doing the same as their daughter-in-law and that I truly have enjoyed getting to know them again and I have made it very clear that they will be informed if something bad happens here. That they will hear it directly from us so that there are no questions. By making these changes in our lives , we anticipate that the dramatic episodes and third person miss information will reduce, with quickness – we can only hope.
So in analyzing my extreme procrastination, I have found that I must take each life situation and take the information in, review it rather than react to it by, either sleeping on it or address it. After that file it away, and get back to my cleaning this house out. Or if all else fails...write a book about it or blog it. Now I think you will be surprise, and I will not let myself be embarrased to openly admit that I have found an organizer that is willing to work with me pro-bono. Her request is to get the big stuff either put in its place or thrown away, and then she will come in to work on the little things with me. I’m excited. I can only hope she will also help me to stay on track when things happen unexpectedly. I should have my progress photos up soon. I’m hoping later tonight, but I am also writing a story for a contest that is due in next Tuesday. UGGH! (Smile). My plate is full, but I'm energized and have graduated from the speed of snail to a turtles pace. Have a great weekend everyone! Thanks for reading.
