Powers of a Mothers Love
Written by: Stacey Bolin
Music that motivated me to find my words:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4
I'm on the edge of emotions here in front of my computer,
hands are cautiously atop the key board, my vision muddled as each click of the
keys, form the words though the tears that have trolled down my face like incalculable
times before - since the moment I gave birth to my beautiful boys and coping
with the haunting reality that one day they will be out on their own. My dreams
for them filled with a want for, a life that is rich with the power of
compassion, empathy, friendships, passion, tenderness, affection, mystery,
discovery, beauty and to feel the energy of life. I wish for them that the
world will one day become the canvas of opportunity to reach out and touch any
dream they could imagine… while at the same moment - I feel so helpless and my
heart is broken.
As a mother, my heart pains with each time I am strained as
they walk past the front door, knowing they
will occasionally fall to a lesson learned, with hope they get back up, while
dusting themselves off, and start again. I want to grasp onto them and never
let go of their hands. I must keep them safe, but their lives as young men on their
own won’t allow me. I will never learn that part of the lesson is letting go.
The pain to see them struggle, with things I to struggled with at the very same
age. IT DESTORYS ME INSIDE! MY HEART BLEEDS! I stand screaming with only the
sound of silence. I relive my own emotions being on my own for the first time, wondering
that there was nothing left for me to do, how I was going to survive quaked inside
my mind. Pondering that life appeared
easy as a child....what happened?
As a mother I have to observe my babies learning to fly,
even if the flight is met with disappointment to get off the ground. I try to allocate
insight on untruths and negative propaganda of quick riches that dangles before
them. I had no appreciation of the pain and fear that emanates from watching my
young adult boys step out into this world and how insensitive it is outside the
front door. I'm compelled to say things
in tones that I can never take back - now permanently embedded in my life soundtrack,
but all in a lesson of love. Now feeling emotionally chastened for simply caring.
As a mother, I am reprimanded with a hollow hard-hearted sound
of a voice of a young man that was once a child who looked at me with a soulful
look - that there was no safer place to be that with his mom. Now that voice
blames me for trying to teach him, to show him the way to be out on his own. I'm tired, I'm venerable, I have been verbally
and emotional bruised, and I just want to walk away - But as a mother I can't,
and I don't let myself give up. My children are god’s gift and I find the
strength to get back up, dust myself off, and start again. One step at a time
falling along the way myself, I’m their mother and nothing will ever change
that.
The powers of a mothers love goes deeper than the deepest
ocean and as wide as the mighty of light years of the universe that a child
will never truly understand. ~ Stacey
Bolin.
