POWERS OF A MOTHERS LOVE

Powers of a Mothers Love

Written by: Stacey Bolin

Music that motivated me to find my words:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4

I'm on the edge of emotions here in front of my computer, hands are cautiously atop the key board, my vision muddled as each click of the keys, form the words though the tears that have trolled down my face like incalculable times before - since the moment I gave birth to my beautiful boys and coping with the haunting reality that one day they will be out on their own. My dreams for them filled with a want for, a life that is rich with the power of compassion, empathy, friendships, passion, tenderness, affection, mystery, discovery, beauty and to feel the energy of life. I wish for them that the world will one day become the canvas of opportunity to reach out and touch any dream they could imagine… while at the same moment - I feel so helpless and my heart is broken.

As a mother, my heart pains with each time I am strained as they walk past the front door, knowing  they will occasionally fall to a lesson learned, with hope they get back up, while dusting themselves off, and start again. I want to grasp onto them and never let go of their hands. I must keep them safe, but their lives as young men on their own won’t allow me. I will never learn that part of the lesson is letting go. The pain to see them struggle, with things I to struggled with at the very same age. IT DESTORYS ME INSIDE! MY HEART BLEEDS! I stand screaming with only the sound of silence. I relive my own emotions being on my own for the first time, wondering that there was nothing left for me to do, how I was going to survive quaked inside my mind.  Pondering that life appeared easy as a child....what happened?  

As a mother I have to observe my babies learning to fly, even if the flight is met with disappointment to get off the ground. I try to allocate insight on untruths and negative propaganda of quick riches that dangles before them. I had no appreciation of the pain and fear that emanates from watching my young adult boys step out into this world and how insensitive it is outside the front door.  I'm compelled to say things in tones that I can never take back - now permanently embedded in my life soundtrack, but all in a lesson of love. Now feeling emotionally chastened for simply caring.

As a mother, I am reprimanded with a hollow hard-hearted sound of a voice of a young man that was once a child who looked at me with a soulful look - that there was no safer place to be that with his mom. Now that voice blames me for trying to teach him, to show him the way to be out on his own. I'm tired, I'm venerable, I have been verbally and emotional bruised, and I just want to walk away - But as a mother I can't, and I don't let myself give up. My children are god’s gift and I find the strength to get back up, dust myself off, and start again. One step at a time falling along the way myself, I’m their mother and nothing will ever change that.

The powers of a mothers love goes deeper than the deepest ocean and as wide as the mighty of light years of the universe that a child will never truly understand.  ~ Stacey Bolin.