Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

IT'S A VERY - "TWISTED" - HUMP DAY!!!

 
Good Morning to everyone in cyber-land. It has been one heck of a roller coaster ride and I'm so excited to tell you what happened.  I love to write, love to blog, and love to be with my family. Now try making all three of those things work simultaneously - it just doesn't happen. Back in March of this year, I was contacted by my agents about my next book pending publication - "Deemed Crazy" yet now titled "BLUEPRINT"- but there was something wrong.  In my mind, heart and soul I felt it was not right or ready or both. Quickly my brain said - why not send them a bunch of my short story thrillers - and thus my newest publication  -TWISTED - was born.
 
So here it is as promised
and now available on
Amazon.com
or  order signed copies
on Etsy.com. 
See links below.

 
 
 

A mysterious book of original short story thrillers sure to keep you covered in goosebumps from head to toe and fearing those things that go bump in the night -
with every turn of the page.
 
WILL YOU READ IT? I DARE YOU.


Get it now at - Amazon.com
 
 
Please note: electronic copies will not be available for about 4 to 6 weeks.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

"Visitor In a Dream"

"Visitor in a Dream" - A true story
By Stacey L. Bolin
2/4/2013
Instrumental Musical Piece used to help me find the words to this story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9XeaGxHKgE&list=RDRKaeeU5kqzs
 
She had been experiencing many dreamless nights since her husband's best friend had passed away three months ago. She worried what this meant, because as far back as she could remember, all her life she had been touched by the dreams that she walked though in her sleep - both good ones and bad ones. Often times many of these vivid experiences would leave her with the inability to know the difference between being awake or living in a twilight world of images. On one particular night late in January of 2014, a visitor, in her dreams, and one she had anticipate would come to her over the past few months, finally arrived as she slept while she lay wrapped in the arms of her husband and the softness of their cotton sheets. She slowly walked around in the life inside her dream, listening to the sounds of seagulls above and enjoying the warmth from a sun that gave her the belief that she was in California. Images of people all walking by, all wearing smiles upon their faces gave the impression all was well - she felt safe.  He stood tall and walked up to her with his unique stride, unlike the last time she had seen him lying motionless on his bed in his home, in early July, as the effect of his disease continued to consume him until his dying day. Soon, he stood before her - she knew him and wanted so much to throw her arms around him and welcome him back.
He began to circle around her and moved gracefully - angelic. A voice, his voice, as strong and as clear as life had once given him so many years ago, spoke of a day that was important and where she would find it in a box of photos that had been sheltered from life's light. She knew of the day that he spoke of, but not a word did she speak. Soon a feeling of deep seeded sorrow began to grow inside her, as she knew that when he left, she would never see him again, as it would be the same as all the visitors that have passed on, and chose to come back to see her one last time - they knew she could help them connect with the ones they left behind. She looked upon him, wanting so much to touch him and bring him back to the life and the family that ached for his return. As his image slowly moved away, she found her words and promised him that she would find the picture and would get it to his wife.
Her eyes opened to the darkness of her bedroom - he was gone but the sorrow still lingered. She lay there quietly, not to disturb her husband as he slept peacefully. Tears rolled down her face to pool upon her pillow. The reality of death had been lost within her dream world where all lived on, healthy and free from the pain of disease and illness they had been battling. The alarm clock began to play its morning wake up tune as the coffee pot in the kitchen signaled, with several beeps, that a much needed morning jolt of caffeine was ready and waiting. She lay still in the bed as she watched her husband slowly rise and begin his morning routine. She wanted to tell him about his best friend coming to visit her in her dreams - but again couldn't find a voice without tears to be shed – she’d wait until later in the day.
She chose to set her sorrow aside and got up and helped her family prepare for their day at work and school, while silently reliving the dream. As she saw the last of her family off to begin their day, she stood in the sounds of silence of their home, still coping with the disbelief that their friend was no longer among them. The sorrow began to grow again as she knew that she needed to face her fears and find the moment in time that he spoke of.
Since the passing of their friend in November, she battled one emotion after another. She missed him tremendously as he had occasionally offered her guidance to understand the mind of a front line solider and how to connect with the man in her life and understand the continued battle of war that was still being fought within their minds. His words had been silenced until now and she knew that he would not have asked her to do something, if it wasn't for the best of reasons.
She feared the pictures that she would stumble upon - images of her children as they grew though the years, the smiles of her grandparents that had passed away some years ago, and the youthful look of her and her husband on their wedding day. 
Her hands shook as a deeper reality of her fears came forward forcing her to find an unknown strength to reach for the photo albums and photos boxes that had been tucked away because of her fears that she told nobody about. In a huge clear box that had been put away into the darkness of a closet, was her entire life on Kodak film that marked numerous life moments in a past that she missed and would live over and over again, if given the ability to go back in time.  Her heart cried out as she touched each picture and relieved each memory - she was finally facing her fears of saying goodbye to each day that has passed though the hands of time, the fear of getting older and seeing the difference in her hair color that was now turning gray, the fear of her parents passing away, the fear of never getting to hold her babies like she did when she brought them into the world, the fear of them moving away and not missing her,  the fear of her guilt for not telling a person how much she loved and appreciated them, before they passed away and fearing the death of her relationship knowing that one day, her and the love of her life  would be separated to pass through heaven's gate and the endless wonder if they would ever meet again?
"God please help me,” was all she could say as she continued through the photos one by one. Without warning immediately she found herself back on a warm California day in December of 1992. The picture she had been asked to find was now in her grasp. A moment captured in time and was what the visitor in her dream now looked like once again. She laughed and cried as the memories of that day flooded her mind, heart, and soul. She now understood why it was important for her to get this photo to his wife. She also knew why he asked her to find it. It wasn't just for him and his wife, it was also for her and her husband as well.
 
Knottsberry Farm - California 92
 
 ***
The four of us knew what this day meant, as the military was going to transfer my husband and I to a different duty station and his best friend and his wife would remain in California. We knew that there was a good chance we might never see one another again.  What we took from this day was something nobody could ever take from us both in life and in death - A bond of brothers in arms, friendships that would last forever, and that we had all found our love of a lifetime.
 
Finding this picture, helped me realize that he is watching over his family ,and ours, and that when our time comes - he'll be waiting to greet us at heavens gate, but for now, we must enjoy our time on this massive earth, don't fear the past, don't dwell in the past, learn from it and enjoy what you have done in your life and keep moving forward doing what you do to the best of your ability -  as you only get once chance to make it the best it can be.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

You Asked for It - Creepy Legends and Myths:

Photo by: Stacey L. Bolin
Copyright 10/20/2103
 
 
8 days until Halloween
 
We'll here I am already into the middle of another week. First before we begin todays reader requested topic/s, I want to thank you all for the positive reviews on the last two stories that I posted. It's not easy to step out of ones comfort zone and take a chance on coming up with original short story ideas. Last year I relied more on the reader to share stories - which I will admit - made life so easy. Cut, paste, done. This year I wanted to test myself to see if I could meet the pressures and demands of having and meeting my deadlines. It's not easy, but I love the challenge.
 
Ok, so back to the readers request topic/s. Many of you loved the segments I did last year asking people to read small blurbs of legends and myths, and then you the reader had to decided if it was truth or fiction. Well that is what today is. Below are five paragraphs that have been categorized as either a legend or a myth. Do you know what is truth or what is fiction?  Good Luck! Come back tomorrow to find out how you scored. Until then Blog ya later.
 
 

The Legend:
A young man is dropping off groceries at the house of an eccentric old lady when he notices an old photo that makes the hair on his arms stand on end. The photo's normal enough--a young boy in his Sunday best--but something just seems off. He asks the old lady who it is.
"Oh," she replies, trying to stuff a cat in the dishwasher "isn't that beautiful? You can hardly tell he's dead."

 

The Legend:
A sick woman arrives at a hospital and when the nurses withdraw blood it is so toxic that it begins making everyone around her sick too. Realizing they're dealing with the human embodiment of the creature from Alien, the nurses flee for their lives.

 

The Myth:
A prop at a carnival was discovered not to be made of the usual combination of papier mache and carni spit, but human skin and bone. All the little kiddies at the haunted house had been poking and giggling at a real, mummified dead body.

 

The Legend:
Every day, millions of us put our lives in the hands of skilled physicians, dentists and white van tattoo artists. Whether we're getting wisdom teeth removed or our boobs corrected so they're the same size, we're working under two assumptions: A) The doctor in charge knows what he's doing and B) There is no way a doctor could be a psychopath who just went through medical school so he'd have an excuse to mutilate people.

 

The Legend:
Everyone knows the feeling. You're alone in your house when you get the unmistakable sense that you're being watched. It's like you can feel another human presence in the house with you, even though you know you locked the doors and windows. This spooky trick of the mind is probably why so many of our ghost stories are about someone being inside our house. There's the call that was coming from inside the house, the killer who hides under your bed, the guy who wakes up to find a note taped to his forehead or even the monsters living in our closet. But those fears are irrational, right?

Thursday, October 17, 2013

"BOdY PArTs" Original Thriller / Ending

"BOdY PArTs"

The Final Chapter
 
 
Original thriller written by: Stacey L. Bolin
 
Copyright 10/5/2013
All rights reserved




Sound enhancement for the story.


At that moment Candace didn’t know what to do except go back to her clothes with the hopes that they were done drying. The digital display now read 9 minutes.

“This is going to be the longest nine minutes of my life! Forgot the laundry I want out of here!” she sputtered out loud. “How in the world can something so simple as drying clothes at a laundry mat, become so intense that a person would rather leave their things behind rather that to deal with this craziness?”
She was correct in thinking it would be the longest nine minutes of her life as her brain began to buzz with a deep seeded wonder and concern as endless questions, as to what she had seen, slammed into her thoughts. While she stood staring into the drum of the spinning dryer trying to fathom some sense to this madness, the lights began to flicker on and off, and then, as the dryer display read 6 minutes, the lights went out leaving Candace and the tenant in the silence of the dark for a brief moment until 3 of the five emergency generator lights partially illuminated three small areas, while the rest of the spaces appeared as black as night.

“WHAT NOW!” screamed Candace, now frustrated more than ever.

She could hear the tenant sputtering and fumbling her way across the room, dragging what appeared to be an oversize lawn and leaf type garbage bag, to the back of the store. She hoped that maybe the tenant was just trying to get the store cleaned up before it closed and there was another generator that all you had to do was hit a button and the lights would magically come on. If only it could be that easy, then she could finish with her laundry and go home.

It was an eerie feeling to be standing alone with only the sounds of the wind and rain against the windows.

“This is crazy.” Candace thought, “Dry clothes or not . . . I’m going home.”

She gathered up her laundry baskets and did her best to separate items accounting to their proper location in her home and what was still damp and what was dry. She stacked all the baskets into one store laundry cart and made her way across the room, fumbling the same way as the tenant. As she round a corner one side of the cart did not clear the bench which caused the top basket to begin to tip over. Candace quickly caught the basket with the exception of two kitchen towels that fell on the floor. As she got the basket balanced again and bent down to pick up the fallen laundry, her eyes were able to focus on the dark, wet; dragline that appeared too had gone from the cloaked strangers washers to the back room.

Immediately Candace did her best to rationalize why the floor appeared that way, but her curiosity was far too great not to try to determine whether it was water or blood. She was sly in her attempt, so not to be discovered if the tenant just happened to be watching her. As she grabbed for the towels, she extend her index finger out to run it across the floor and then curled her finger inwards so that whatever she collected, would be protected until she could examine it closer.

Without any words to signal to the tenant that she was leaving, Candace left the building and made her way through the storm while protecting the wetness she had retrieved from the floor. It was tricky trying to load her car, but when it came to wanting to know something, Candace would find a way to get the answers even if it meant protecting a finger swipe sample from a laundry mat floor. Her laundry was loaded and she quickly got herself safely out of the weather. Shock was the new mask she wore as her breath immediately left her body when she turned on the dome light to investigate what was now feeling think and sluggish on her finger – blood.

Just then a body ran against her car, she screamed locking the all the doors.  It felt like hours as she tried desperately to get her key into the ignition to get away. The car rocked side to side while the sounds of fists pounding her roof echoed like a quarter stick of dynamite going off in a metal fifty gallon drum. With every hit and shake she screamed louder and louder.

“God HELP ME!” she yelled out as she finally got the key into the ignition and started the car. At this point she wasn’t about to wait to see who or what was doing their or its best to get to her. She threw the car into reverse and stepped on the gas. The wheels spun out on the wet pavement, before catching. Then she threw it into forward gear and quickly drove away.  

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!” she yelled out over and over, while trying to keep her car safely on the road, at a high rate of speed, in the rain. “I don’t understand! Someone please help me understand!”

The rain was coming down so hard that even the fastest of windshield wipers could not keep the visibility clear, but was clear enough that even though the distortion of the sheet of water beating on her window, she could see that the light at the intersection ahead had changed from yellow to red. She came to a stop and just sat there trying to regain her composure. Never in her life had she ever been this terrified. Even the worst or worst horror films, had never had this great of an impact as she was feeling that that very moment.

She began to calm down and thought, “If only Glen had been there to help her, or if he had been there, maybe none of this would have ever happened.”

The light turned green and away she went.  There wasn't a soul around, just herself and her laundry - homeward bound. She was thrilled to finally be on her street and knew that in a few more house numbers she would be home, but when she finally came upon her house a growing sense of fear began to take over once again. The storm had not only taken the power out at the laundry mat, it had also hit a section of her community as well – so she thought.

One by one she got all of her laundry back into the safety of her home. She grabbed her emergency lantern that she always kept next to the front door for moments like these and found her way to her dining room to light the candles on her table and her mantle. As she slowly light each candle, and dark shadowy image became clearer in corner of her eye. She struggled with the choice of screaming or pretending not to see anything. A familiar shuffling filled her senses – she had heard it before – the clocked stranger in the laundry – it was now in her home!

“GET OUT!” she screamed “GET OUT! GET OUT!”

She ran out of the room, running into walls and knocking things off of her shelves. The clocked stranger slowly made its way after her. She knew that she had to get out of the house and the only other way out was the downstairs family room as her back door was a two-way dead bolt. She quickly ran down the stairs, nearly losing her balance. All she could think was to get out of the house and get to a near-by neighbors home. As she stepped on the last step, all the lights in the basement came on and about three dozen people yelled out – “SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANDACE!

She felt to the floor, still in disbelief of all that stood before her and exclaimed, “It’s in the house we have to get out – get out! Save yourselves!”

“Candace . . . sweetie what’s wrong!?” questioned her best friend Michelle as she tried to give her a big birthday hug, “Breath sweetie you’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”

“The stranger in the cloak, the blood, the laundry mat, my finger . . .” all Candace could do was ramble on.

“You mean Glen?” said one of the guys Glen worked with. “That big ugly guy over there, you’re afraid of him.” The guy laughed.

She turned around as Glen removed the dark hood from his head. “I wanted to surprise you and I know how much you love those scary Halloween movies, I wanted to add some fun to the gag.” He commented in a genuinely sincere voice coupled with a sinister smile. “But then we realized we had gone too far, when you almost ran me over in your car at the laundry mat.”

“That was you!?” she exclaimed.

“Well Lori and I. Lori was the tenant who pretended not to speak English and yelled at you when we put the fake Halloween body props in a red pillow case and added food coloring and a piece of wire so that the washing would drip and bubble looking like blood. You handled yourself better than I would have expected. We even unhooked the heating element from your dryer so that we could get you out of the house, but you surprised us by doing laundry a bit later than you’ve normally had done it in the past.”

Candace was able to smile again when it had finally sunk in that she had been the survivor of a prank/birthday surprise. The party was great and the food was fantastic. But the best part was when they turned on the lights and got her dryer element hooked up again - that was the best gift of them all.

 

***

The next morning, as Candace got out of bed and let Glen sleep in, she realized that she had laundry that was still damp and decided that running it in the dryer would be the best thing to do, before a mildew smell began to develop.

She sorted through all the closes that had that wet/damp feeling, which was only about eight pieces, and took them downstairs to be put in the dryer. She chucked when she saw a big lawn and leaf trash bag sitting on the floor and a pool of blood surrounded it.

She laughed and jokingly said, “Oh Glen, got to get in one more of those crazy pranks.”

She put the laundry in the dryer and hit the button for ten minutes when she heard, what sounded like a cell phone ringing from the bag. Then her good old trust worthy curiosity took a grip on her again when she decided to opened Glen’s back of Halloween body part props so that she could clean up the red food coloring on the floor.

As she took the tie off the bag and opened it, she was met with a smell of rotting flesh.

“Wow, he really was going all out.” She laughed again. She placed her hand into the bag and was met by the feeling of another hand, while a phone that was in it, was ringing. She was only able to grip the phone at first and immediately recognized that it belonged to the tenant from the laundry mat.
"Dumb chick must have dropped it in the bad while making Glens gag look real. But I didn't know that rubber would smell so realistic." she pondered. She set the phone down and proceed to reach into the bag again. While gripping the body part, as she pulled it out of the bag, she was met with a sound behind her, like the cloaked stranger in the laundry mat.

“Oh Glen, you just don’t know when to quit.”

As she pulled the body part out of the bag, it was then she was met with the deep gut wrenching fear she had all along – body parts, legs, arms, hands, - It was a real human body.  She stood up and slowly turned around. Their before her stood the cloaked stranger with a knife held high above his head.

A screamed filled the house and then nothing more, except the sounds of a dryer - with only 6 minutes left to go.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Diagnosis - Is it Breast Cancer?

Musical inspiration for this story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pze_mdbOK8 I look to you - Whitney Houston
 
The Diagnosis - Is it Breast Cancer?
By Stacey L. Bolin
She arrived at the Walter Reed National Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland, with ample time to spare to get her insurance error - possibly - corrected so that she would be able to keep her nine o'clock appointment with her internal medicine clinic. She rolled up to the gate guard and provided him with her military identification card without any conversation as he quickly tried to analyzed if her entrance onto the facility would be one as friend or foe. He waved her on to proceed while offering a simple smile of his eyes through his serious duties - if only the answers to her medical situation could be reviled in such a moment that was a just a wave of the hand and keen instincts.
Her fears intensified as she parked her truck and made her way into the medical center in route to the Tri-care office. It was always moments like these, the medical unknown, the her prayers to God to offer guidance would be all that consumed her waking thoughts and this day wasn't any different. "Please God, please let someone understand what is happening here," were the only words that she muttered as she walked the long corridors to the main lobby where the Tri-Care office was located.
She was met by a very personable representative that was quick to shadow any face of sorrow that had been worn on any person that walked into her office. When she realized the error that had transpired at the Naval Academy Tri-care office, she was completely appalled that people from the same company that she represented, would lack such compassion and would not take responsibility for the breakdown in communication. The representative handed her a clip board to fill out her military information, and said, "Don't worry dear, this is an easy fix and I do apologize for the lack of compassion our sister office offered you. These last two days must have been so stressful for you, but if it makes you feel any better, I believe you are going to be just fine - keep the faith." Suddenly she found a glimpse of inner peace upon hearing such a positive statement, and as she continued struggling to fight her fears filled with insurmountable emotion - her eyes began to well up as she broke into much needed soulful cry. "Sweetie, Relax, your paperwork is fine and your insurance is fully active. Don't stress over the unknown as it will only bring you down."
Her fears had somewhat dwindled, because of the representatives sincere words of encouragement, as she walked a bit taller on her way to the internal medicine clinic. The halls on the way there still felt long, dark, and distorted; while at the same time the smell of baking bread from the "Subway" in the building found a way to focus her thoughts on something that meant more to her than life itself - her family. Images of precious moments she had experience in her life danced within her mind - her wedding day, her babies being born, the moment when she first saw her love of a life time - if only she could turn back the hands of time and relive all the moments that were near and dear to her heart, once again. She knew that it was time to find her inner strength and determination she possessed, which was more like a second personality – a.k.a. her body guard - that would kick in when her first personality felt hurt, scared, threatened, and broken by life.
 
She arrived at the internal medicine clinic, checked in and let the waiting commence. Now the one thing about her, was that her love for research was never put aside for any reason or situation, but she also knew it was never a good thing to rely on the internet for medical advice, however in this situation, it was the only thing that gave her the hope that if it wasn’t breast cancer, than maybe it could be a cyst or a gland infection due the quickness of symptoms, the size of mass, and the pain that accompanied it. In a few short moments, time would tell the tale.
Her name was soon called by the vitals nurse and she made her way into the clinic.  Her blood pressure was 141/90, and her pulse was rapid – which had the nurse on instant alert. The nurse immediately took her to a basic examination room, and instructed her to disrobe from the waist up, put a gown on with the opening in the front, and to take a sit on the exam table as the nurse conducted a quick EKG test to rule out a heart problem. Then nurse closed the curtain and left the room to get the doctor. The room was bright and the smells were the same as any exam room, yet the urgency of the nurse to get her into a room, triggered a memory from more than nineteen years ago, when she was being examined for a lump in her collar bone, while eight months pregnant with her first son, that was revealed by numerous tests that she had Hodgkin’s Disease. Her breathing became rapid as the memories of her past let the fears of the current unknown take hold of her once again.
A knock on the door followed by a good morning, was the announcement in her thoughts that the moment was finally upon her. What was lurking just underneath her skin was about to be known. The doctor introduced himself, as this was not her normal assigned primary care physician, and asked some general health questions before his physical examination.  She explained in great detail when she first noticed the mass and the symptoms that soon followed upon her discovery. She admitted that she had also researched online the symptoms and that even thought it could be a malignant mass, it could also be a glad infection.
Now usually doctors never want to be told, what the diagnosis is, especially from a patient with no medical education what-so-ever, but this doctor was different. He was pleased to know that she had taken the time to learn more about her symptoms and that she also chose to see a medical professional and not just try to diagnosis and treat the symptoms with over the counter medicals and warm compresses. In his professional opinion he agreed with the idea that it felt like an infection, but with her long medical history and having a prior cancer and radiation and chemo therapies, he didn’t feel comfortable making any the decision to treat. He ask her to get dressed as he left the room to make a few phone calls and within minutes she was escorted upstairs to the breast care clinic for testing.
It was at this moment she began to fear the worst, even with the knowledge that the doctor she had just seen felt it was a possible infection; there was still a realm of uncertainty that loomed over her. She waited anxiously for her name to be called, as she tried to focus on the pages of a people magazine that had been left on a chair beside her.
The door to numerous testing centers opened and her name was called. She stood up and began walking with the male nurse that called her name, but she couldn’t feel her feet upon the floor, sounds went silent, and people around her became blurred that gave the appearance that she was walking in a tunnel that wrapped the most glorious feeling of warmth all around her. It was the same feeling she had experienced when a package had mysteriously arrived in her mailbox one February afternoon back in the late 1990’s, that had no return address or postage, yet the contents within provided all the information of a promise she had made to husband back in February of 1992, and was the reason her and her husband had taken their relationship from friends to soul mates.
With her being taken up to the breast clinic without a scheduled appointment, meant a wait longer than normal was to be expected. She took a deep breath and laid herself down on the exam table as the nurse stepped out to let the doctor know she had arrived.  When the doctor arrived, she was once again asked to disrobe from the waist up and the doctor immediately proceeded with a physical examination.
“Well Petty Officer, I have good news…I believe what you have here is a condition called Mondor’s Disease, but just to be on the safe side, I am going to have you go over to the breast care ultrasound clinic to rule out anything else.” The stresses and fears that once restrained her, lifted instantaneously as she followed the doctor to the ultrasound clinic. When they arrived, the doctor turned and shook her hand and said, “I know it is not breast cancer, however Mondor’s disease is very rare and should be watched closely, however I am confident that it will get better, but it will take some time. You should return in two weeks or sooner if the pain and swelling gets worse.”
“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.” She said with a smile of relief.
“You are welcome.” Replied the doctor and then she went on her way.
The Ultra sound indicated that there was significant swelling in the breast cord and that with Motrin and warm compresses, the pain and swelling would reduce over a two to three week period. It was a relief to hear such words as she left the building and made her way home. Her fears had retreated into the back room of her thoughts to plan for their next attempt to consumer her.  For now, she smiled and relished in the thought that she was givin another chance to live, love, and be happy to make many new memories with her boys, and her love of a life time - her husband.


God was with me once again.


To learn more about Mondor's Disease go to:
 
 
To learn more about the mysterious envelope that arrived in our mailbox in the book:
"Through the Barracks Window" available on Amazon.com

Thursday, March 14, 2013

"Is It Breast Cancer" - Part Three

It was brought to my attention that I must condense some of my stories into other formats so that I can continue to write without causing significant delays in the uploading process. So what should have been the rest of the story, is now part three of four parts. I do apologize, if your coffee and muffins are cold, as I had promised you this story on Tuesday. What's the old saying - Better late than never?
 
 
"Is It Breast Cancer - Part Three"
When all else fails, I close my eyes and I can see the place
where all my dreams came true and that the ocean
is symbolic of the moment I found you, that sees me through
another day - Stacey Bolin

 






Following another night of worry and wonder, she managed to collect her fears and get herself up and ready to go with the light of dawn that began kissing the darkness away. Of all days to be filled with such fear, why did it have to be on Valentine’s Day?  Over the years she had grown to view this day of red hearts and people confessing their profound love to one another, as just another day her mind, but did however, enjoyed watching the happiness that it brought to others and in many ways; she harbored a small amount of envy. But today, she didn't have time to think about the Valentine dramas of the past - all she wanted to do was think about getting the flowers delivered to everyone, while feeling proud that she was the first person to see the happiness and joy of the recipients when they opened their door and was greeted with such a special gift by the loved one that had thought of them that day.

 She had gotten all of her early morning deliveries out, picked up her oldest son from school to help her, since he had gotten out early due to mid-terms, and was able to get back to the shop to reload for her second and final round of the day.  She had updated the florist that she would be taking a moment, around eleven, to stop at the Naval Academy to update some insurance documents and then continue to resume with the remaining deliveries. She was relieved when they gave her a smile of approval and sent her on her way. She took that as a sign that all was going to be fine, but the little voice inside her head suddenly put the negative bug in her ear, that all may not go as planned. Whether the customer service representative knew her, or not - would she really remember that November morning?

 She was on schedule and made her way to the other side of town to get her medical dilemma corrected.  Her son chose to wait in her truck to listen to his music, when she turned to him and said, with a strange chuckle to her voice, "This may not go well...if you hear police sirens, don't worry, they just coming to escort me out of the building." Certainly this was not a comment that any rational person would say, especially in the presence of their child of any age, but at the moment, she wasn't feeling anything but the urge to run, as far and as fast as she could.

 The customer service representative greeted her with a big and extra friendly hello and was eager to help just as she had always done before, yet immediately her disposition, went from friendly to guarded as the details of the insurance fiasco unfolded. Clearing she was not wanting to be told that she had not done her job, but in the same breath, remarked about everything that was said and done on the November morning - every detail, and the conversation pertaining to an upcoming wedding she was working on – she had recalled every detail with the exception of the form that had been filled out to schedule auto payments. She had denied ever doing such a document and that she has never taken a blank check to set this process up. This was her reason why she honestly believed she did not file any such document and continued to repeat over and over, in a voice like a child that had gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar, "I don't take voided checks to file ACH payments."

 A cold silence filled the room when she stopped speaking to fully understand what the representative had been saying to her. What she thought was a person that she could trust, was now anything but, as in her mind she now viewed that this person had committed the ultimate betrayal - lying. Without a hint of anger in her voice, she stood up and simply said, “I can’t promise that this won’t go unaddressed.” And with that turned and walked out of the door, determined never to utilize this locations Tri-care assistance again. The only solutions she had left was to hope and pray that the Tri-care office in the Walter Reed National Medical Center, where her doctor appointment was tentatively scheduled for and in less than 24 hours, could correct this problem in time.

 Her son met her with a smile, when she got back to her truck. He was glad to know that she had found a way to keep her fear in check, as he was use to her over reactive ways that always led to unwanted stress and drama. Her personality mimicked a weather forecast - the calm before the storm - as they continued with their remaining deliveries before they could call it a day.

 
***

She stood in the driveway that cool, dusky early Friday morning, teetering on a fine line between, going over the edge, and snapped. Fearing the worst and hoping for the best, she asked her husband - "What do I do?" He looked at her with his best face to keep her spirits positive, but his eyes revealed a soul that was remembering her battle with lymphoma that she had faced in 1994. He was scared what the tests would reveal and all he wanted was to jump in his truck, go to work, hope that all of this was nothing more than a muscle injury and that tomorrow - life would go back to normal. Breast cancer were the two words that had the ability to shake this man to tears as his birth mother had succumbed to this dreadful disease before he had ever had the opportunity to meet the woman who had given him life.

 As he got into his truck, she kissed him, a little longer than normal, allowing herself to feel the softness of his lips. She stood in the driveway, a little longer than normal, as she watch him heading off to work. She closed her eyes and took in the smell of the morning air, a little longer than normal, enjoying a moment of quiet before the city would awake. She was doing everything and anything to capture the moments before the unknown would soon be revealed.

That morning drive was filled with anger, sorry, pain, frustration, as she spoke out loud to herself. Could it be that the guidance of a stronger power had been with her on that morning drive? Clearly she should have never had been behind the wheel that day. To this very day, it was a drive she couldn’t remember, but to her amazement would never forget the excessively busy roads of rush hour traffic on the beltway that had magically forged a clear pathway that offered no delays to her destination.

To be Continued.... 
 
How do you think the story ends?  Would love to hear from you and how you may be feeling about this story. Can you connect in some way? Do you have a friend or family member who has experienced the same medical fear? How did they cope? What was the outcome? We all have a story to tell, and I don't want it to be just my stories. I love getting your replies and it helps to inspire me with my journey to be a writer, even if I only succeed in the blogger world. I do hope that you have a great day and I hope to have the ending uploaded today. That is my goal, however, looking back on my entire blog, I didn't realize I had written so many stories, maybe I should make my blog into a book? (smile).  Until next time - Blog ya later.

 








Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Is It Breast Cancer "Part Two"

 
 
After speaking with the internal medicine nurse, it took her a few moments to realize that it would be another two days before she would know what lay ahead of her - maybe.  A new matter had been brought to her attention to add to her already distressed mind - she would need to correct an insurance problem.  This would be the deciding factor as to whether or not she would be able to go back to the clinic, that had been following her since 2008 and knew everything medically about her, or would she have to find a new health care provider.
She did her best to contact the insurance company, on her cell phone, as she worked through that Wednesday morning helping a local company deliver flowers for pre-Valentine’s Day, but found the ability to multi-task, while on the road, proved dangerous when she was lost in a community and nearly ran into the back of a parked car. As much as she just wanted to drive to the nearest emergency room for an answer, she had found the ability to convince herself that it was easier to stay calm and refrained from any spontaneous decisions until she got home that afternoon to rectify the insurance dilemma.
Immediately after her last delivery was made, she went straight home to contact Tri-care. From 2:30pm to 5:05pm it was a constant repeating of the problem as she was transferred from agent to agent, within the insurance company, all asking the same question, “Can I help you?” and all revealing the same answer, “Your online payments had not been set up correctly causing your coverage to lapse,” and there was nothing they could do to fix it. She found herself feeling a mounting sense of desperation as she spoke with a representative that refused to let her speak with a supervisor. Her words become uncontrolled as they left her mouth. She made it very clear that if her condition was indeed breast cancer and she couldn’t be treated by her doctor - because of a paperwork glitch - she was going to have someone’s ass for it and that she was not making anything threats - it was a promise. It didn’t matter how much strength she could try to muster up, her ability to remain composed was lost when she stood up and slammed the phone down on the table. She had been gripped with tremendous trepidation
“WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?” She screamed at the top of her lungs into the silence of the room as she abruptly sat back down. Her boys had been home that day and knew that she was very upset by the events that were unfolding. They never asked if she was ok as they knew she would regain her composure, if they left her alone - she would find a way to make things right. She got herself back together before making one last phone call that would be to a Tri-care supervisor who had the ability to make modifications to a policy depending on the type of situation.
Recalling the date and place when she had sat in an office of a Tri-care representative at the Naval Academy on the morning of Nov 2, 2012, she went on to explain that on that day she had sign the waiver to keep her primary care manager, in spite of the insurance company wanting her to have a shorter commute. During that meeting, she had also been talked into setting up auto payments to take the burden off her shoulders when it came to remembering payment dates and amounts, while being asked as she filled out the required paper work, about the best music for a bride to come down the aisle on her wedding day.   
As she continued to speak with a Tri-care supervisor on the phone, she was finally given a solution. That if the person she had filed the paper work with would provide either a copy of the payment request form or a notice of missing document letter, they would reinstated her to full coverage status. A sense of hope came over her briefly taking the anxiety of the unknown medical situation out of her conscious mind - temporarily.
With her financial situation already grim, recovering from this type of error would be a costly blow - the price would be a one year suspension and reduction of coverage. Meaning full payment out of pocket costs to another provider, because she was no longer in Prime status and had been reduced to basic coverage. She knew it was her fault for assuming that someone had done their job correctly and not following up to confirm her assumption.
She knew the representative in the office, that she went to in November, very well and knew that there was only one way to get to the bottom of the problem - go back to Naval Academy to get an answer, but that would have to wait until her lunch break the next day, as she still had to finish her second day of flower deliveries.  
Her night consisted of constant jumbling of thoughts that ranged from rage to fear and everything in-between.  The clock on her nightstand ticked away, one minute at a time, making the unknown feel like a nightmare and the bad guy was lurking to strike when she least expected it. The only solution was that she knew the representative at the Navy Academy would remember her and all would be resolved – If only it was that simple.
 
To be continued….

Monday, February 25, 2013

"Is It Breast Cancer?" Part One


 

She stood in the driveway that cool, dusky early Friday morning, teetering on a fine line between, going over the edge, and snapped. Fearing the worst and hoping for the best, she asked her husband - "What do I do?" He looked at her with his best face to keep her spirits positive, but his eyes revealed a soul that was remembering her battle with lymphoma that she had faced in 1994 - and survived. He was scared what the tests would reveal and all he wanted was to jump in his truck, go to work, hope that all of this was nothing more than a muscle injury and that tomorrow - life would go back to normal. Breast cancer were the two words that had the ability to shake this man to tears as his birth mother had succumbed to this dreadful disease before he had ever had the opportunity to meet the woman who had given him life.

As he got into his truck, she kissed him, a little longer than normal, allowing herself to feel the softness of his lips. She stood in the driveway, a little longer than normal, as she watch him heading off to work. She closed her eyes and took in the smell of the morning air, a little longer than normal, enjoying a moment of quiet before the city would awake. She was doing everything and anything to capture the moments before the unknown would be revealed.


***

Two days earlier she began experiencing significant pain in her left breast and after doing a self-examination, while standing in the shower, she never expected to find the large rock like mass beneath the skin. "How is this possible? I felt fine yesterday?" She said softly through her tears. Images of her family and special moments presented themselves in her memories as her slideshow of life and how blessed she has been. "Please God; please don't take me from my family. I can't leave them, not now...not ever." The sounds of the hot water beating off her skin, masked the sounds of her deepening sorrow. She felt completely broken. There were no doctors she could call until the next day, which meant she was going to have to do her best to remain calm and try to get through the evening hours until the arrival of a new day.

That night, as she lay on the bed trembling, her husband lay down beside her and held her tightly in his arms. With the exception of the exchange of the words - I love you - which they have said to each other every night before falling asleep - no other words were spoken. She did her best to contain her tears, trying to be strong for him, but the growing lump in her throat made hiding her fears extremely difficult. As she lay there watching him fall asleep, eventually her fears turned to exhaustion, and she found the ability to close her eyes, letting the warmth of his skin next to hers, help her relax and fall asleep as well.

The next morning began like any day before her discovery. Breakfasts were made, lunch money handed out, and everyone was on their way to school and work, leaving her home alone to watch the hands on the clock over the mantel, as they slowly reached nine o'clock. She called her doctor’s office to inform them of her discovery and what should she do, only to be told they would have to call her back. She had always had the ability to stay strong for those hurting around her, but when left alone, this body of strength was weak as a broken soul could be.

With her head in her hands, she sat at her dining room table in the warmth of the golden rays of the sun that shown brightly through the picture window and the cordless phone placed within her reach. Ten minutes after her call, the phone rang – it was one of the nurses from the internal medicine clinic. There was a growing urgency and concern in her voice as she explained the situation and what needed to be done before she could come into the clinic on Friday. Panic raced rapidly through her mind, body and soul while the nurse went into detail as she did her best to calmly explain the situation at hand - that was beginning to feel like a total nightmare.  

 

To be continued…