She stood in the driveway that cool, dusky early Friday morning, teetering on a fine line between, going over the edge, and snapped. Fearing the worst and hoping for the best, she asked her husband - "What do I do?" He looked at her with his best face to keep her spirits positive, but his eyes revealed a soul that was remembering her battle with lymphoma that she had faced in 1994 - and survived. He was scared what the tests would reveal and all he wanted was to jump in his truck, go to work, hope that all of this was nothing more than a muscle injury and that tomorrow - life would go back to normal. Breast cancer were the two words that had the ability to shake this man to tears as his birth mother had succumbed to this dreadful disease before he had ever had the opportunity to meet the woman who had given him life.
As he got into his truck, she kissed him, a little longer than normal, allowing herself to feel the softness of his lips. She stood in the driveway, a little longer than normal, as she watch him heading off to work. She closed her eyes and took in the smell of the morning air, a little longer than normal, enjoying a moment of quiet before the city would awake. She was doing everything and anything to capture the moments before the unknown would be revealed.
***
Two days earlier she began experiencing
significant pain in her left breast and after doing a self-examination, while
standing in the shower, she never expected to find the large rock like mass
beneath the skin. "How is this possible? I felt fine yesterday?" She
said softly through her tears. Images of her family and special moments
presented themselves in her memories as her slideshow of life and how blessed
she has been. "Please God; please don't take me from my family. I can't
leave them, not now...not ever." The sounds of the hot water beating off
her skin, masked the sounds of her deepening sorrow. She felt completely
broken. There were no doctors she could call until the next day, which meant
she was going to have to do her best to remain calm and try to get through the
evening hours until the arrival of a new day.
That night, as she lay on the bed trembling,
her husband lay down beside her and held her tightly in his arms. With the
exception of the exchange of the words - I love you - which they have said to
each other every night before falling asleep - no other words were spoken. She
did her best to contain her tears, trying to be strong for him, but the growing
lump in her throat made hiding her fears extremely difficult. As she lay there
watching him fall asleep, eventually her fears turned to exhaustion, and she
found the ability to close her eyes, letting the warmth of his skin next to
hers, help her relax and fall asleep as well.
The next morning began like any day before
her discovery. Breakfasts were made, lunch money handed out, and everyone was
on their way to school and work, leaving her home alone to watch the hands on
the clock over the mantel, as they slowly reached nine o'clock. She called her doctor’s
office to inform them of her discovery and what should she do, only to be told
they would have to call her back. She had always had the ability to stay strong
for those hurting around her, but when left alone, this body of strength was
weak as a broken soul could be.
With her head in her hands, she sat at her
dining room table in the warmth of the golden rays of the sun that shown
brightly through the picture window and the cordless phone placed within her
reach. Ten minutes after her call, the phone rang – it was one of the nurses
from the internal medicine clinic. There was a growing urgency and concern in
her voice as she explained the situation and what needed to be done before she could
come into the clinic on Friday. Panic raced rapidly through her mind, body and
soul while the nurse went into detail as she did her best to calmly explain the
situation at hand - that was beginning to feel like a total nightmare.
To be continued…
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