"Visitor In a Dream"

"Visitor in a Dream" - A true story

By Stacey L. Bolin

2/4/2013
Instrumental Musical Piece used to help me find the words to this story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9XeaGxHKgE&list=RDRKaeeU5kqzs

 

She had been experiencing many dreamless nights since her husband's best friend had passed away three months ago. She worried what this meant, because as far back as she could remember, all her life she had been touched by the dreams that she walked though in her sleep - both good ones and bad ones. Often times many of these vivid experiences would leave her with the inability to know the difference between being awake or living in a twilight world of images. On one particular night late in January of 2014, a visitor, in her dreams, and one she had anticipate would come to her over the past few months, finally arrived as she slept while she lay wrapped in the arms of her husband and the softness of their cotton sheets. She slowly walked around in the life inside her dream, listening to the sounds of seagulls above and enjoying the warmth from a sun that gave her the belief that she was in California. Images of people all walking by, all wearing smiles upon their faces gave the impression all was well - she felt safe.  He stood tall and walked up to her with his unique stride, unlike the last time she had seen him lying motionless on his bed in his home, in early July, as the effect of his disease continued to consume him until his dying day. Soon, he stood before her - she knew him and wanted so much to throw her arms around him and welcome him back.

He began to circle around her and moved gracefully - angelic. A voice, his voice, as strong and as clear as life had once given him so many years ago, spoke of a day that was important and where she would find it in a box of photos that had been sheltered from life's light. She knew of the day that he spoke of, but not a word did she speak. Soon a feeling of deep seeded sorrow began to grow inside her, as she knew that when he left, she would never see him again, as it would be the same as all the visitors that have passed on, and chose to come back to see her one last time - they knew she could help them connect with the ones they left behind. She looked upon him, wanting so much to touch him and bring him back to the life and the family that ached for his return. As his image slowly moved away, she found her words and promised him that she would find the picture and would get it to his wife.

Her eyes opened to the darkness of her bedroom - he was gone but the sorrow still lingered. She lay there quietly, not to disturb her husband as he slept peacefully. Tears rolled down her face to pool upon her pillow. The reality of death had been lost within her dream world where all lived on, healthy and free from the pain of disease and illness they had been battling. The alarm clock began to play its morning wake up tune as the coffee pot in the kitchen signaled, with several beeps, that a much needed morning jolt of caffeine was ready and waiting. She lay still in the bed as she watched her husband slowly rise and begin his morning routine. She wanted to tell him about his best friend coming to visit her in her dreams - but again couldn't find a voice without tears to be shed – she’d wait until later in the day.

She chose to set her sorrow aside and got up and helped her family prepare for their day at work and school, while silently reliving the dream. As she saw the last of her family off to begin their day, she stood in the sounds of silence of their home, still coping with the disbelief that their friend was no longer among them. The sorrow began to grow again as she knew that she needed to face her fears and find the moment in time that he spoke of.

Since the passing of their friend in November, she battled one emotion after another. She missed him tremendously as he had occasionally offered her guidance to understand the mind of a front line solider and how to connect with the man in her life and understand the continued battle of war that was still being fought within their minds. His words had been silenced until now and she knew that he would not have asked her to do something, if it wasn't for the best of reasons.

She feared the pictures that she would stumble upon - images of her children as they grew though the years, the smiles of her grandparents that had passed away some years ago, and the youthful look of her and her husband on their wedding day. 

Her hands shook as a deeper reality of her fears came forward forcing her to find an unknown strength to reach for the photo albums and photos boxes that had been tucked away because of her fears that she told nobody about. In a huge clear box that had been put away into the darkness of a closet, was her entire life on Kodak film that marked numerous life moments in a past that she missed and would live over and over again, if given the ability to go back in time.  Her heart cried out as she touched each picture and relieved each memory - she was finally facing her fears of saying goodbye to each day that has passed though the hands of time, the fear of getting older and seeing the difference in her hair color that was now turning gray, the fear of her parents passing away, the fear of never getting to hold her babies like she did when she brought them into the world, the fear of them moving away and not missing her,  the fear of her guilt for not telling a person how much she loved and appreciated them, before they passed away and fearing the death of her relationship knowing that one day, her and the love of her life  would be separated to pass through heaven's gate and the endless wonder if they would ever meet again?

"God please help me,” was all she could say as she continued through the photos one by one. Without warning immediately she found herself back on a warm California day in December of 1992. The picture she had been asked to find was now in her grasp. A moment captured in time and was what the visitor in her dream now looked like once again. She laughed and cried as the memories of that day flooded her mind, heart, and soul. She now understood why it was important for her to get this photo to his wife. She also knew why he asked her to find it. It wasn't just for him and his wife, it was also for her and her husband as well.

 

Knottsberry Farm - California 92

 

 ***

The four of us knew what this day meant, as the military was going to transfer my husband and I to a different duty station and his best friend and his wife would remain in California. We knew that there was a good chance we might never see one another again.  What we took from this day was something nobody could ever take from us both in life and in death - A bond of brothers in arms, friendships that would last forever, and that we had all found our love of a lifetime.

 

Finding this picture, helped me realize that he is watching over his family ,and ours, and that when our time comes - he'll be waiting to greet us at heavens gate, but for now, we must enjoy our time on this massive earth, don't fear the past, don't dwell in the past, learn from it and enjoy what you have done in your life and keep moving forward doing what you do to the best of your ability -  as you only get once chance to make it the best it can be.

WOW - Never expected to get this today!

A Big SHOUT OUT to JD Davis, for posting his horoscope on his facebook page this morning. I checked out the site and this is what mine said - OMG!! Love it, Love it, Love it!

Leo Horoscope for week of January 12, 2012

 LEO (July 23-August 22)

"A writer -- and, I believe, generally all persons -- must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource," said author Jorge Luis Borges. "All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art." I agree that this advice isn't just for writers, but for everyone. And it so happens that you are now in an astrological phase when adopting such an approach would bring you abundant wisdom and provide maximum healing. So get started, Leo: Wander through your memories, reinterpreting the difficult experiences as rich raw material that you can use to beautify your soul and intensify your lust for life.

***

I actually feel that my horoscope for this week is dead on. I decided, just recently, not to hold back as much when writing my blogs. That I am not the only person who has their share of ups and downs in life. I like that people write to me and share that they may have had or have similar things going on in their lives and feel a comfort that they are not alone. None of us are really alone in life; it is just how we decided to interact that makes us feel alone. For some; having a bad day means, I'll stay away from people and keep to myself. Sure the time alone will make you feel great momentarily, but if that time is extended for a longer period, it can change how we are feeling inside about ourselves and the people around us.

I’ve learned in just these last eight months, that depression stinks! I can now stand here today and honestly say that I suffered from years of depression all because I found myself always wondering, after my cancer diagnosis, when would I die, rather than to see the bigger picture – I’m still on this earth and learn to live life to the fullest. I feel that I have been given another chance and for that I am so very grateful. So I say to everyone out there, tell your story, be the person you have always dreamed of, and know that you are not alone. Have a Happy Hump Day!

I heard this song the other day, and I'd like to dedicate it to all my readers. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUf4FEiimwg

An Unexpected Christmas Memory - Dedicated to my mom - I love you.

(Today's blog was written while listening to the song link attached at the bottom of this blog - Noel: Christmas Eve 1913)

My kids asked me to find a song that they heard on the radio that was sung by the Muppet characters - Kermit the Frog and Fozzi Bear. "Wow" I thought, "the Muppets. I grew up with that show as a kid" and a smile found its way to my face. Now I don't know why, but suddenly I remember a skit that was done on the Muppet Show that appeared back in the late 70's.  John Denver was a guest on the holiday show and he sang a song with the Muppets called the "Peace Carol". Something about the song was very heartfelt and moving to me even through I so young. 

Most of my life as a child revolved around music and television. There are times when I hear a song or smell a smell and it takes me right to the very moment when I first experienced it. I can recall great detail about the  moment and that if I closed my eyes, sometimes I can convince myself I am there. I can remember vividly what I was wearing and doing when I first saw and heard the "Peace Carol" song. I had a huge over sized white bean bag chair I was sitting in and was wearing an extra long flannel nightgown.  I must have been about 11 years old. I had a huge bowl of popcorn that my mother had shaken in a pot on the stove and my dad had brought home for my brother, a birch beer soda, and for myself, a strawberry soda, from Dax's variety general store that used to be on Union Avenue in Laconia N.H.

Our Christmas tree stood proudly and sparkled with a wonder and peaceful glow in the front window of our living room, as the cat was trying to eat the tinsel that dangled close to the floor. I can still smell my mother cooking up one of her delicious confection wonders as it mingled with the fresh sent of our spruce tree. Our living room was adorned with only the light from our Christmas tree, the television, the rays from the adjacent kitchen light, and the flicker of the fire from underneath the solid wood stove door. Outside a great wind howled as the snow was coming down in blankets. To me, Christmas couldn't get any better than that very moment. Little did I know that so much more awaited me in my life and now I get to share the joy of Christmas with my own kids and husband and our families.  Even through my husband plows snow for the state, I'm dreaming of a White Christmas, that will have us stuck at home and he won't have to work.

Below I have written out the words to the song "Peace Carol" and I have also attached a couple of links that have put me back into a Festive spirit for the 2011 Holiday season.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to One and All.

The Peace Carol

The garment of life be it tattered and torn

The cloak of the soldier is weathered and worn

But what child is this that was poverty born?

The Peace of Christmas Day.

The branch that bears the bright holly

The dove that rests in yonder tree

The light that shines for all to see

The Peace of Christmas Day

The hope that has slumbered for two thousand years

A promise that silenced a thousand fears

A faith that can hobble an ocean of tears

The Peace of Christmas Day

The branch that bears the bright holly

The dove that rests in yonder tree

The light that shines for all to see

The Peace of Christmas Day

Add all the grief that people may bear

total the strife and the trouble and care

Put them in columns and leave them right there

The Peace of Christmas Day

The branch that bears the bright holly

The dove that rests in yonder tree

The light that shines for all to see

The Peace of Christmas Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt_9ZzMmrtE&feature=related
John Denver & The Muppets - Medley:Alfie, the Christmas tree/It's In Every One of Us

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=givAZ05_wJg

John Denver & The Muppets - The Christmas Wish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRJIS7jBuUM&feature=related
John Denver & The Muppets - The Peace Carol


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rN0El-kUnw
John Denver & The Muppets - Noel: Christmas Eve, 1913

"Making Summer Memories in a Bad Economy"

Have you ever had a summer that had a schedule that was so jammed packed that by the end of it, you have to look back on the calender to try to remember what you did? That you were so exhausted, that you needed a vacation to recoup from your vacation? That if you weren't constantly on the go...something was tragically wrong?

We used to be that family, long summers spent in Maine, camping trips in Pennsylvania, day trips to the Blue Ridge mountains, and all kinds of amusement parks, movies, lunch outings, and so on and so on. We truly ingulfed ourselves with all the sensations of instant gratification and the need to be constantly entertained by others. Money just flew out of our pockets. It was grand and glorious, so we thought, until I was laid off from my job in June of 2010.

In the summer of 2010, a summer I'll never forget and will always remember it fully. We were hit with a financial storm that rendered us literally trapped in our home. No money for gas, we could barely pay the bills, let alone put food on the table, yet somehow we managed, how - I don't have a clue. I did odd jobs, and made crafts to sell at local events. My husband worked his butt off with no time off.  No matter what we did, it was never enough, we had hit rock bottom in our budget. It got to a point when we would have to fill travel jugs with diseal fuel to put in our oil tank so we could have hot water. That even though the kids were growing out of their shoes, they would still try to wear them. That breakfast wasn't a smorgasbord of that special sugary cereals in the panty.

Yes, I know your flippin' out, "cereal" you say?  "You were worried about not having sugary cereal?"  To a parent that is not a need, but to kids, it's this kind of simple change that sparks their thinking that something is wrong. For my kids the cereals caught their attention briefly, it was when we had to put an end to cell phones and electronic devices - This was when their reality of our situation woke them up. 

Losing a second income to us was devistating. Yet we learned something that summer to help us transition into a new way of summer fun for 2011.  It's not about big trips and going here and going there. It's not about filling up that suit case full of tourist trap items that seem a necessity at the time, but then fall victim to the growing years of travel clutter you finally realize you never needed. 

We found out, what was important was family and good health.  That first summer that I was out of work, I felt depressed that I couldn't give my kids the constant busy schedule of always going off and doing something. I know, Dumb hua?  I felt that the only way they would have fun is to go everywhere and anywhere.  I was so wrong. Did you know that kids really enjoy watching Shark Week on the Learning channel, especially if you make a big bowl of popcorn and some red Kool-aid to make it fun. That they really do love dad's old train set, that had sat in the garage for the last 15 years, and still have an imagination to bring that train and it's buildings new life?  That if you let them use your craft paint, they will create something if you give them time?  And the biggest of all, planning one or two small trips means more to them, than having a calendar with every day filled to the brim. 

A lot has changed for our family since last year. Financially the road is still unpaved. My husband is still working and I now have been able to claim some of the unemployment benefits that is offered to those of us, endlessly trying to seek work. We can now pay our bills and not wonder where the money is coming from, but clearly the days of spending friviously is no longer a part of our lifestyle. 

This summer we were able to go to Michigan to see some very dear friends over the 4th of July and then in August, we took a day trip to Ocean City.  We were very careful with our funds and didn't fall victim to aquiring souviners to mark our trips and it's memories. We used our cameras and took pictures to capture the fun that we all had.  We found that just being able to spend time with friends and family were more important than any huge oversized rollercoaster or water park. That simple gave us so much more...the ability to bond as a family once again. That those two trips that we took meant so much to us, and the best part...we can remember everything we did.

So next time when your putting together your crazy schedule of family togetherness, whether you are financially stable or doing your best to balance your budgets, remember that sometimes just being together in the same room watching a movie has more of lasting impact, than constantly filling the car or packing the suitcases. There is nothing more important in life than simply being with the ones we love.

Reese  Ryan  Ron (My husband) and Myself
Michigan 2011

Reese and I, in Ocean City
August 2011

My First Exclusive Book Interview

I woke up like it was any other Tuesday morning, but today was going to be different. It was now my turn to step in front of the camera and let my light shine.  I was not new to the Annapolis Television studio, and myself and the host of the show - Rhonda Wardlaw, well let's just say we get along great. She was the one that helped me get my first break into reporting on air.  When I worked for our location police department, I enjoyed going on television as the city's temporary Public Information Officer, but it didn't stop there. I was asked to promote various programs we had to offer, in my Community Service Unit that I worked in, such as Neighborhood Watch, Watch Your Car, Victim Services, and the biggest one, National Night Out, which included the program I created: The McGruff and Me art Contest. Check out my link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jiSAjunDNk


Yep, that was me, about a year ago. Hair a bit shorter now, and I am 108lbs thinner. *Big Smile*  The art work that is displayed behind me as I spoke, is what my oldest son created, when he was in 5th grade. He is now in High School. So as you see, I should be no stranger to sitting in front of the camera and doing what I do best...talk. As my husband says I need a shirt that says "I'm talking and I can't shut up."  Don't tell him, but yes, sometimes he can be right. Shhhhh that is our secret. If he new I said he was right, I'll never hear the end of it. 


I arrived at the studio on time, and was dressed to impress, but suddenly I felt the tickle of butterflies in my stomach, go to a crazy mob of Halloween bats. 
"What is my problem" I kept thinking to myself trying to make it look as if all was cool and calm with me.  Inside, the word faint kept coming to mind. Then I realized what the problem was, It was not just me going solo in front of the camera to read a teleprompter, this time I was being interviewed, something I feared the most and would never do as a Public Information Officer.  I would leave that job up to the real Officers to do.


They got the set put together, and then I was asked to come sit in a chair.
I began to feel a sense of Panic rush threw me as my mind became consumed with more irratic thoughts. 
"No table to hide my waist line, no table to hide the tapping of my foot, no table to place my hands...my hands, what will I do with my hands?"
I was so worried about my hands, but really, I knew I was just plain nervous. The camera man got my microphone attached to my dress and began to do sound checks.  I kept reminding myself to breath, in 1,2,3, out, 1,2,3...So far so good and then...Rhonda come over and got herself ready to being. It was time, no looking back.


She was flawless, as always...myself, I am sure I looked a mess. The hardest part was when my lips started to stick to my teeth, as the fear of this interview was hiking my body temperature up and up and up. Then suddenly...I felt a case of the giggles wanting to overcome me. 
"Not now, please not now" I kept thinking as I was trying to answer the questions. It felt so much better when she would laugh. I took that time as an opportunity to let my giggle bug out, without looking like a total nerd.


She made the interview so relaxing, that by the end of it all, I was actually telling viewers to report suspicious activity in their area, just like I had done all those years when I was organizing Neighborhood Watch programs for communities all over our city. I guess I can say, deep down I'll always be that make you smile comedian that I also dream of being. Now all that is left, is the review. I guess I'll know how I did in a few days. But with Rhonda Wardlaw putting this together...I know it will be fantastic. But my next biggest worry, lets just hope the camera guy made me look thin and beautiful. I need all the help I can get. *Smile*  Until next time, be safe and if you see anything in your community that looks suspicious, call your local police department and report it, not only could you be saving a life...you just might be saving your own.