Could the Truth be the Downfall of Happiness?

Could the Truth be the Downfall of Happiness?

Written by: Stacey L. Bolin

Music inspiration for this story:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Xyp63MaSBs

            At a very juvenile age, my mother taught me a very important lesson of life, and that the only person I had to blame at the time for the problems that arose, were three people - me, myself, and I.  I believe I was the age of 8 and my brother was 4. We had a friend who lived just one house up from us and across the street. He was one of the local neighborhood boys, maybe only 7 in age, that I don't know, but I will always remember his name was Jimmy. He would come down to our house and we would have a blast playing day long games of Cowboys and Indians that at the end of every day we would fantasize riding off on our imaginary horses named Starlight and Silver into a New Hampshire sunset across our ten acres of land.

            What does this have to do with the title of this blog "Could the truth be the downfall of happiness?"  Well, it was at this specific time in my life, that I made a premeditated choice to do something that I knew would not be met with rainbow colored ponies and glitter - but the outcome would impact me for eternity.

            My neighbor and I were having fun galloping around the house, to capture my brother who would always play the Indian with no pony of his own. My brother sprang out from behind a large cinderblock barbeque my dad, had for years, been trying to keep from crumbling. When my brother did this, he did not comprehend how close the neighborhood boy was to his location, causing them to collide that resulted in my little brother falling against the edge of the Barbeque. Now we all know at that young of an age, any type of fall, whether a good fall or an accident would result in an ample amount of tears and mom would come running to check on baby brother. (Ok here’s an honest statement that I’ve kept to myself for years - yes I will say that at my age then, I always felt she worried about him more than me and yes I would get jealous.)  My brother was fine, it was just a simple accident and resulted in a mere bump to the forehead. Jimmy had also fallen into the barbeque, without any bump or scratches appearing.

            Now back in 1970’s parents on our road were notorious for contacting the other parents of the community to notify them if their children were in trouble, had gotten into trouble - or worse - had gotten hurt or were missing. Being 8, I never gave that notion any consideration when I had gone to Jimmy's house for lunch the next day. Still stewing over the situation and under the delusion that mom loved my brother more than me fueled my mouth. When I arrived at Jimmy's home, I was met with a kind hello from his mother who was in the kitchen making a glorious lunch of PB & J, apple juice and chips. What 8 year old would pass up lunch made with these three kid style food groups? NOT ME! As we sat at the table, Jimmy's mom kindly asked how my brother was doing. It was this inquiry that I walked right through the gates of Hell knowing perfectly well what I was about to do. I responded with the lie of lies - and not a slap on the hand don't do it again type of lie - this one was the mother of mothers and life would change for me the instant his mother got off the phone after confirming what I had said was true or not and that maybe my mother had not given all the information about the accident in the backyard.

            When Jimmy's mom hung up the phone, she remarked that I had to go home at that very moment.

            "Why would I have to go home? I just got here and haven't even finished my sandwich?" I thought to myself, "But I knew the truth I was about to face the music and mom's anguish about the one thing she hated the most - LIARS!"

            My house wasn't even an 8^th of a mile from where I was and most days I could be home in 45 seconds if I put myself into my galloping horse mode. In my whole life as a kid on White Oaks Road, this was the only day that I did my best to make this brief walk, drag out - only to be met in the front yard by my mother and her rage screaming for all to hear - "GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE! YOU’RE GROUNDED!"  My mother always stood by what she said and meant every word of it.

            Ok, I'm hearing you now - "What did I say that pissed my mom off into a medusa mode?" Mind you, before I divulge what I said, I was 8, but I knew perfectly well what I was saying and why. So when somebody says to you, "I don't know why I lied," when you ask them a question about something they have said and/or have done especially when you have the facts - THAT IS NO EXCUSE - They know perfectly well why they said or did what they did  and lied! (Ok, quick vent, breathing….better now.)

            I had told Jimmy's mother that he had knocked out my brothers two front teeth when he ran into him. I could feel the lightning bolts of death crackling above my head as soon as the word absconded from my mouth. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would obtain the ass warming of a life time, but never in my wildest imagination did I ever think that my mother had it in her to punish me for the length of time she did.  And the statement – “I can take your birthday away from you - just watch me!” Yes my friends she had that power do such a thing and even as I continued to walk this great earth, I had never felt so alone and that to some, running away would have been the solution to escape being lonely.

            It was the month of August, my birthday month. There had been plans made for a big birthday party with all my friends, daily trips to the Weirs Beach to go swimming and play on the swings and the biggest event - the circus was coming to town for the very first time. I'll give you one guess who didn't get to take part in any of these big plans and that my birthday party had been reduced to just family members.

            Mom had held me accountable for my recurrent little white lies that garnished my stories before the big "Tooth" lie. This time my punishment consisted of more than the typical norm that was usually no TV, no bike riding for a day and once we tried the great taste of Irish Spring soap. However with my friends and their parents labeling me with the reputation of being a chronic liar, Mom took matters into her own hands, which started with a classic case of major red ass – And I certainly was not used to the newest form of punishment implemented that summer. I learned at a young age that I'd never survive in prison after being confined to my room for a month, only to come out to eat, use the bathroom, and answer the phone. In addition to my child style Folsom Prison blues, no friends could call or come over and As for TV - when school started in September, I was clueless to the new television scheduled line up of my favorite shows like the Brady Bunch, The Flintstone’s, Looney Toon's, and Gilligan’s Island.

(The oddity about my punishment being referenced as my child style Folsom Prison Blues is because while I was serving my time, and my mother was in the kitchen listening to her AM radio - It was the first time I had ever heard Johnny Cash sing Folsom Prison Blues. Ironic hua?  I'm not kidding when I say I have a life soundtrack and can be teleported back to that very time when I hear the songs that musically appeared during significant times in my life.)  

            To an adult getting this type of punishment, the attitude would be like - so what if you miss a few TV shows and don’t get to go out with friends when you’d like, but being an 8 year old and it’s summer vacation – it was a death sentence. I wrote many letters of my intent to run away, and how much I hated my mother and that she didn’t love me. However, after each closing of my runaway letters, I would sign it – Love Stacey, and I would realize what I had to lose.

            I didn’t hate my mother, I hated that I wasn’t getting my way or getting away with a behavior that if I continued – would hurt me throughout my life. It was then – my lesson was learn and I promised myself that I never wanted to feel so isolated again that people lose trust in a  person who lies or tell tall tales. I lost several friends and several opportunities to have fun that summer. That is why I speak the honest truth or keep my mouth shut, I do not lie, as I have nothing to gain except a life of stress, and what I like about traveling the road of honesty – the freedom of not having to remember which lie I’ve told and then having to cover up one after another. There is numerous ways to be honest without being harsh and hurtful.

            Now my mother had always said, one day you will have yours coming, and you’ll know just precisely when someone is lying to you like you have done to me and Jimmy’s mom. She was right and I see it as her legacy, a permanent lifelong lesson, and curse all at the same time.  Note to self – Lesson learned – The Truth Will Set You FREE!

            Flashing forward to this day: I have another problem to solve:  Getting my family to understand there is a liar among us – and it isn’t me. My younger son fell victim to this over the summer, but soon the truth about statements I had been making about a person’s behavior were actually ones of truth and the person they were about – finally confessed. I felt vindicated, but at the same time I could see the disappointment in my sons face, as he honestly believed I was the liar, but the lies were the defense of another to protect themselves from wrong doings being exposed. I’d like to think that my younger son sees the real person I am in a whole different light. But as for my oldest – he will only see the truth when he is ready and not a moment sooner. Until then I can only smile and do my best to stay happy, and believe one day these truths I tell will be discovered to be honest and will finally set his anger free.

"The Experiment" Part IV

 

The sounds of a siren and multi flashing red and blue police lights filled the car as Lori and Bill headed to their missions first destination.

"WHAT DO WE DO BILL!” Lori blurted out in a frantic voice.

“Don’t worry my sweets, just let me do all the talking, these guys know me.” Bill replied in his best secret squirrel tone.

“You want?”

“What I mean is that I know how to talk to these guys.”

The siren continued to blare behind them, clearly the only thing that this law enforcement officer had in mind was to run interference in Bills plan. He was sure of that as he continued driving forward towards the mall.

“Dammit Bill – PULL OVER! I don’t want this to end up in a low speed police chase.”

“You don’t think I have what it takes to out run the law?”

Lori looked at him and tried to find the words, but nothing would come out.

“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. I know what I’m doing.”

“Really?” was all she could say.

A thousand things began to rush through Bills mind as he started babbling out loud – “Was it an unpaid parking ticket? I was only parked in a no parking zone for ten minutes, my cell phone rang and I didn’t want to talk and drive. I didn’t even leave my car. Maybe it was girl I was flirting with at the circle K; she probably filed harassment charges for asking too many questions about the dangers of drinking chocolate milk while eating pork rinds? Could it have been that I didn’t mow the lawn on the day our home owners association suggested? No, no it know what it is…I forgot to send my mother a birthday card and now she is seeking revenge? I know you shouldn’t have used all the stamps Lori! Maybe it was….”

“You…driving the blue Nissan. Please pull your car to the side of the road,” said a stern and official voice over the loud speaker of the police car.

“BILL! SNAP OUT OF IT AND PULL THE HELL OVER! HE’S TRYING TO GET AROUND YOU!”

“What?” He replied dazed and completely confused while slowly pulling his car to the side of the road.

Nancy and Carmen stood in the door way of their house watching all the excitement.

“Dang, they haven’t been gone more than two minutes and dad hasn’t even gotten the end of the road and already he’s brought attention onto himself.” Nancy commented as she shook her head in disbelief while the other neighbors stood out on their lawns trying to understand what was going on. "I’m so embarrassed."

“He should have let mom drive, she’d have been at the mall by now.” Carmen commented.

“That’s probably why he didn’t let her drive he knows mom wants to be the next Danica Patrick.”

They both laughed and then closed the door to wait impatiently for the outcome that they knew would result in numerous Facebook postings and twitter comments from their friends, about their parent’s antics, later in the evening.

***

Bill and Lori reached the mall parking lot about 8:35pm. Their first indication that it was a typical Friday night were the miles of multiple colored metal finishes, which could mean only one thing – finding a parking spot was going to take patience, perseverance and cut throat quickness. Bills excitement was growing into frustration as one attempt after another would find them just missing a spot here or a spot there.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Bill screamed out slamming his fists against the steering wheel.

“Bill! Watch the language!”

“Oh don’t read me the riot act on cussing there little lady, the girl’s tell me you have a mouth like a sailor when you’re behind the wheel.”

“Who me? They don’t know what they’re talking about,” she replied as she turned away and peered out the window to conceal the sinful grin she was wearing.

“There’s one!” He exclaimed and stomped his foot down on the gas pedal that created an intense roar from the engine accompanied by the sounds of squelching rubber on the new pavement while unexpectedly flinging Lori deep into her seat do to the negative G’s that bill had inflicted onto their Nissan.

“BILL, SLOW THE HELL DOWN!” Lori cried out.

Just as he was about to finally get parked, a vehicle from the other side had driven through to the space Bill was intent on getting.

“WHAT THE HELL! DAMMIT!”

Lori laughed at Bills expense, “Welcome to my world, this is what it is like anytime on any day when coming to the mall.”

“SOMEBODY KNEW I WAS COMING HERE TONIGHT!”

“Oh yeah, right, someone has been out there in the world planning their next move to steal Bill Keebler’s parking spot when he goes to the mall. Better yet, maybe the girls put the word out about what their mom and dad were up to. Come on Bill, be real. How about we go to a restaurant or something and save the mall for another time.

“No…we can’t alter the plan or the numbers won’t come out right.”

“The Numbers? Bill do you realize how many people in your experiment age group, are in the world? Do you really think that twenty people will give you the honest facts you are looking for?”

“It doesn’t matter how many.” He paused with a disappointed look upon his face. “I need to understand so that I can make my point.”

“About what?”

“Never mind, you’ll understand soon enough.”

As Bill and Lori continued talking, while temporarily blocking the flow of traffic as their car sat idled, bill noticed that the vehicle that had taken their place was pulling out and was only there momentarily to answer a cell phone call.

“Hold Crap a space!” Bill Cheered.

“Sorry man, it’s against the law to drive and talk on the phone,” shouted the driver with a friendly voice and a smile. “She’s all yours, but have to warn you, it’s crazy in the mall as well.”

“Thanks man,” Bill replied and gunned the car once again thrusting Lori into a motionless position into her seat. “WE GOT ONE LORI! HA HA!” he cried out in a great mad scientist voice.

“Thank goodness. My body can’t take much more of this.” She replied as she peeled herself out of the cushions of her seat to exit the car. "You didn't tell me I would have to endure on the job hazards especially a whiplash injury."

"Sorry sweetness" he replied as he removed his sunglasses and trench coat and threw them both into the back seat of the car before locking it.

"I thought you said you didn't have anything on under your coat?"

“I was just having fun with you, you're so gullible Lori. Now hold my hand and let’s go check on the food court."

As the night went on Bill had stopped at all of the food counters that appeared to be run by men and women in their late teens and early twenties. One by one Billed check off the columns and made notes by each person’s name that he was able to retrieve from each employees name tag.  Not to look suspicious or appear to be some type of creepy stalker, he would purchase some type of item that either he or Lori could drink or snack on without filling up. When Bill had returned to their table location that they had gotten that was strategically centered between all the food counters, Lori just sat there shaking her head.

"What's wrong hon?"

"Bill, I know you mean well, but if we keep snacking like this, we're going to gain 50lbs a piece and go broke before this experiment is over. Can't we go home now?"

"It's for a good cause and sometimes a father has to take matters into his hands to make a point?"

"Well I am taking matters into my own hand sand I have a point to make, I feel like I'm a pending spokesperson for Jenny Craig. I can see myself now, taking my before pictures while trying to explain how I put the weight on and how I'll get it off."

"Never mind, you’ll..." Bill began to reply when suddenly the sounds of voices screaming echoed throughout the food court. The situation was very heated and intense that began to unfold between a customer and an employee that appeared it would stop Bills mission in the blink of an eye if someone didn't respond with quickness.

"NO! Not now! I almost have all my information I need for my experiment." Bill commented under his breath.

_________________

 

Join me tomorrow for the final saga of "The Experiment" and find out what happens when a father will go to any lengths to make a life lesson point to his oldest daughter. Will she understand? Will Bill get his answers? Will Lori get a job with Jenny Craig? Find out tomorrow.  Until then - Blog ya later.

 

 

 

Beware of Banking Fees - Update

G

ood Morning Everyone. Since my last posting "Beware of Banking Fees" a lot has happened that I wanted to update you on. As you remember the problem I was facing was with several overdraft fees on my personal account that was never overdrawn.  I had tried to rectify the problem with a call to the customer service 800 line, only to be told - there was nothing they could do. Now I would have to say with the challenges that I have experienced in my life over the past twenty years, minor things can weight just as heavily as major things that come up during day to day experiences. I would prefer to avoid confrontation, but if I feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, confrontation is almost guaranteed until I feel I am getting a complete and honest answer.

Now if you haven't had the pleasure of seeing me react when I find out I am being lied to or had been lied too it can't be a very intense moment that if my head could spin around and around - it would, but that is another blog post for another day as I don't want to shake up a perfectly good Thursday. On that note I'm going to move away from the lying  topic and get back to my this banking saga. I decided that I was going to once again get  a face to face meeting with someone from customer service to see what their answer would be this time. The next morning my day was anything but routine. The bus never came to pick up my kids so that meant I was their ride. I got myself together forgetting many important details, Hair, makeup, matching clothes, etc., etc., etc., and we headed out the door by 6:59am. As we headed on our way to take my oldest son to the High School and my younger son to the Vocational School to the next town, because at this point he had missed the shuttle from the High School to get him there for his 7:25 class, my cell phone began ringing. Immediately my heart started to pound with excitement - it's my sweetie, but his call was not one of speaking sweet nothings to me, he wanted me to bring him his other work boots as he was working with asphalt and didn't want to get tar and stuff on his new boots. By this point I had almost forgotten that I set into my mind that I was going over to the bank to address what I feel is a way banks try to scam people in this drowning economy.

I got the kids to school, when back home and got the boots, and now I am falling into a funk that I just want to go home and do nothing - remember I hold a Doctorate's in Procrastination. (smile). The traffic was getting backed up due to the morning rush and the gas tank was reading lower than I'd like, yet somehow I found the ability to get my mind back on track. I arrived at the bank two minutes before they opened, which gave me time to plan out what I was going to say rather than come off as some demanding ranging mother that didn't have time to do her hair or make-up. (I'm surprised I wasn't arrested for indecent exposure from the neck up - hahaha).

So there I stood in the lobby, oversized work out pants that were all stretched out, a jacket that looked like my pen had taken it upon its self to randomly write on it, my hair crazier than Reverend Jim on the 80's sitcom Taxi, and I was sporting a blank and very pale canvas color to my face that could have landed me a roll on the AMC series "Walking Dead", and this is NO LIE! I was a walking horror story. There wasn't one sign that this girl had been asked to pose for Playboy as Miss August. I still have my letter. There was only one customer in the bank that was standing at the teller window and took a look at me and then quickly looked away so that he wouldn't turn to stone. I'm telling you, I am one scary mother, no pun intended, in the morning that even I don't look into a mirror until at least after 7:30am.

 

I will have to say that the customer service lady met me with smile, but I can just envision what she was thinking.  She asked me to come into her cubical and we both looked over my account on her computer screen. Her screen was displaying the same information as mine - never been overdrawn.  her explanation was that the computer - I so love how people blame inanimate objects, saw the debits of the day and then the deposit on that same day so it believed that I didn't have the money when it implement the charges before the credit posted. It was all I go do to refrain from going into one of my sarcastic modes where I say - "AUH DUAH! HELLO! DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF! FUDGE!!!!!"

However I didn't say anything and just kind of shook my head in disbelief that I was even sitting there listening to this. When she looked up at me after typing on her keyboard, she said something that completely shocked me - I have reversed all but two charges Mrs. Bolin, and the reason for that is a check that was written to you for $150.00, was returned today and that is what produced the additional charges after the fees you have been trying to fix. But the fees you got today were not overdraft fees that were return check fees. With that, I was content. I was finally given a straight answer.

So as you have probably guessed by now, our account is now in good standing - knock on wood. Phew! I'm relieved that this drama is behind me and I have learned a lot. When all else fails and it is physically possibly, always try to resolve a problem in person. Never try to use e-mail or texting as you can't tell what a person is feeling through their words and unless they state what the emotion is one can jump to false assumptions. Calling on the phone is convenient, but can still lead to stress as the persons tone could be nothing like their body language and again you could take their tone in a negative way, but it just might be the way the person is. I'm glad I went with my instinct and chose to go back in. I am also happy to report that the maker of the bad check - they paid me in cash and paid for the fees. So what had started out as a morning without my routine, feel back into a regular schedule and I completed the rest of my tasks for the day without any problems.

Thanks so much for listening and remember, always be mindful of your money. Know where it is going, why it is going there and who is trying to get you to part with it. Have a wonderful day everyone and I'll blog you later.

 

P.S. My fictional mystery, suspense thriller titled "Deemed Crazy" is in it's final stages to be ready for print. I can't wait. I have really enjoyed stepping outside the box and write in a genre that year ago only read. Again, thanks for sticking with me and can't wait to share more blog stories on topics that people have sent in.

 

"A New Year - A New Me"

 

It is 6:46 am, on the last Friday of 2012 and I sit here pondering what the New Year has in store. We survived the end of the Mayan Calendar. We survived another crazy election year with the outcome a bit disappointing, well at least that is of my own personal opinion that you do not have to agree with. We've seen countless acts of hate and violence over this year and now are for warned of a looming uncertainty of a fiscal cliff hanging over our heads. I think that with all this year has brought forth in our lives both in the world and personally, I can almost say I am feeling numb. As many of you know, I was on a quest to organize myself by the year 2013. I think I would be secure in saying that I accomplished only 70% of that goal, but something happened to me as I held myself publicly accountable for my disorganized ways and has me moving forward in a positive way.

Swallowing my pride, I found myself a therapist and having been going since July of this year - It was the best damn thing I have ever done for myself.  I found out that I have been a survivor of a sexual assault that happened in Adak, Alaska when I was active duty military, that I chose to hold captive in my mind for 21 years and holds the keys to acceptable reasons why I am a sporadic cluttered mess, among other things. I wish I had all the answers, but I am told that the process comes in three phases and I am just beginning phase two, which I am told is not a picnic. I've learned what triggers are, how they can greatly affect a person, and how to deal with whatever emotions stem from things that trigger me.  It can be a sound, smell, a place, a person, any number of things can be a trigger that generates the painful memory of what took place and that can alter a person and cause extreme behaviors. I am still on the denial train that I had been such a difficult person to deal with on occasion, but looking back on the last twenty years, I will take responsibility and say - yes I was over reactive, untrusting, controlling, fearful on so many levels that it even altered my work habits. I found myself on the verge of being a hoarder and scared to open up completely with anyone - including my family. (No more secrets…now you know why I did what I did, but I am not asking for your pity. It is what it is and I can’t change it, and I am at peace that people now have the information to offer some type of explanation.) There have been many friendships that have been destroyed because of my ways, and other friendships have fallen to the wayside because people didn't understand why I would react the way that I do with their negative comments that were “a joke” in their eyes. (Some joke. Never mess with a couple’s relationship nothing good can come from it.)

I guess I would say that I am taking a stand and confronting my stress disorder by making you all aware of what people could be going through and you may never know. I used to fake a smile and laugh, as I fear being judged if I showed you how much I was hurting. I hid my tears as I feared it would show my weakness and how venerable I really was. I loved so much that it pushed people away and I enjoy attention in a positive way, even if it appears that I don’t.  I like to consume myself with my art work as that is my therapy when I'm not sitting in a room spilling my problems to a person once a week (who I trust) who can remain neutral.

My New Year’s resolution is to resume on a positive path that I am building. I will continue to keep the weight off and steer clear of negative forces that try to shake me up. I am asking for your understanding and support as I journey deeper into the memories that have been safeguarded in my mind. That there could be days where happiness may not find me or that I may not want to smile, but if you wish to share one with me, I would be very grateful, even though you may not feel that I am.  I am just coming to the understanding that I have been kicking the can of denial and not only did it hurt me and alter me; it hurt many others along the way. So it's one day at a time, focusing on the three most important men in my life - My husband, who has stuck with me, when I would have left my ass years ago, and my two sons that are only just learning that mom really knows how to laugh and have fun. To my family and friends - thanks for hanging in there with me when times got crazy. I'm going to keep on with my writing and my quest to become 100% organized. I know I must be getting better as I was able to keep up with the orders on my web page for ornaments, which I haven't a clue how I did it. I painted over 1,000 ornaments and got them in the mail on time. I am stumped, but it did keep me from keeping up with my blog, which is something I also promise to be better attentive towards in the New Year. 

Many thanks to my continued readers even thought I have not kept up with my blog as I had hoped for the holiday seasons.  It is because of you the readers that I find the ability to bring my words and stories to the paper to share. I want to wish all of you and all the people of the world a very Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year. Let’s do our best to try to instill Peace on Earth and good will towards all. Until next time – Blog Ya Later Alligator!

A song that I remembered when I was a young girl in 1977 - When times were simple. Still brings a smile to my face. Enjoy.  (It's just another New Year's Eve)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wSP59NjoIY

 

"Life Has A Way of Just Happening"

Below is a true story. I was given consent to write about this, but chose to protect the identity of those outside of our family.

Song that inspired the story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSJbYWPEaxw

"Life Has A Way of Just Happening"

In everyone’s life, people, known and unknown, will step in front of you without any warning and alters one’s path in life. Some interactions are merely a nod of one’s head, or a smile accompanied by a greeting of hello, or excuse me, if you happen to be standing in their way as they walk by. Other times it could be simply a look that turns into conversation or an introduction by one person to another. This is how life has a way of changing people and often times how new friends and acquaintances are made.

Over the weekend I was introduced to a very sweet family that had been invited to the Tractor Pulling event, which we attend every year, by my oldest son who was pulling in one of the heats. It was because of our family involvement with the Halloween Happening at the Anne Arundel Country Fair Grounds in October each year, and their love for Halloween; they were introduced to my husband and me to learn more about our yearly ghoulish delight in scaring people. Their daughter was the first of the family to speak with us. She talked about her love for Halloween and where she went to school and various teen things, but you could see the sorrow behind her smile. She spoke of general topics with the exception of one that was due to the result of my asking her if the couple sitting on a bench near the announcer’s box was her Mom and Dad. Her reply was more than I bargained for. With a quick pause, she answered. "Yes it is. Mom and dad were married twenty years, but got divorced. They are trying to work things out." That was a response that I never expected but placed in the back of my mind as her mother walked our way. When I was finally introduced to her mother, I noticed mom wore the same type of smile. Clearly something was wrong and their look was all too familiar.

***

Have you ever seen someone you didn't know yet you feel an unexplained connection? Then suddenly your finding yourself in a conversation that is so deep and so personal you ask yourself, "Do I, or did I know this stranger at some point?" Then you ask yourself this question as you find that the problems they are currently facing relate to something you have already experienced yourself or maybe the situation was different but the hurt of a bad situation harbors the same pain and sorrow within ones heart and soul as you once felt yourself. I honestly think this is a way that our guardian angels shows us that we all heal in our own time from whatever made us feel emotionally conflicted.  That at some point in our lives and when we do overcome our pain, we must pass the life lessons we have learned to others  as merely a tool to guide those facing their own challenges as they climb their own ladder of life.  I knew this meeting was a reason far greater than myself, yet what my family and I have faced over the years would help them in some small way.  

***

I knew that smile as my mother wore the same one when my father became tempted by another, which eventually resulted in their divorce. I kept the conversation on what I knew best - Halloween.  I could see they needed to talk and more importantly they needed someone to not only listen, but in some way, understand without judgment. It wasn’t until later on in the day, they both confided in me what had been troubling them. What I learned was the pains of a daughter struggling with the inability to connect with the most important man in her life, her father, and to find the love and positive attention that she needs to feel from him. I found a father that is trying to find himself and a sense of love since the death of a very close family member several years ago and a wife that had been hurt by this same man who is now her ex-husband because of his choice to be with another during their marriage. With all that they had shared with me, my heart had me thinking that this family wants to be together, but due to the nature of the hurt, their hearts are guarded as they fear the hurt will repeat – and that was a coping mechanism I knew all too well.

I was puzzled as to why, myself being a perfect stranger, would they share such deep emotional feelings with me. Maybe they somehow knew I once wore the same smile as the daughter does. I could relate to her words. I knew this life once, but then I was not mature enough to even begin to comprehend what was truly going on inside the mind, body and soul of a 13 year old. I’m 43 now, and I only learned a year ago what I was going through during my childhood years. That is a long time to push feelings aside because you don’t know how to talk to people about it. I was pleased to know that she had not been like I once was and chose to open up and let the hurt out. As for her mother, I can’t say that I have ever had the love of my life stray. I’ve had other men that I have dated and loved in my life, stray, but I took that as more of a get out jail free card because I only loved them, but was not in love with them (Yes there is a BIG difference) and quickly found my freedom until my true love came along. The one thing I could relate to, the struggles to lose weight and the female emotions that go with it. Her additional hurt came from, her now ex-husband, believing her weight loss was a way to engage in extra marital relations with other men, however these accusations were the result of his way of hiding that in fact, he was going outside of their marriage and into the arms of another.

But in all of the turmoil that they are struggling with, I know they will one day find the strength to overcome the hurt and reconnect, maybe not as man and wife, but as a man, woman and the child that they created together.  I was so happy to see the man of the family was very comfortable talking with my husband and they found there was a common interest between them – They both were die hard country boys and both were stuck in the city with the hopes of one day getting back to a life of peace and quiet. When we all talked together, it was as if we had been old friends catching up on the times and we decided to get together the next day for good food and conversation  as we were forced to say our goodbyes to another weekend. My hubby and I shared a lot about how some of the significant events in our lives had knocked us off our path of positive thinking, but with time, things got better and we realized that the most important things we see in people we know,  in people we meet, and even looking within ourselves, people all desire the peace of mind of knowing they are loved and to be shown love. RESPECT. Everyone needs affection and compassion. We all want to be appreciated and know that people listen when spoken too. If all else, EVERYONE has a story to tell. Take the time to listen people. Who knows you just might discover the beginnings of a new found friendship you never thought you’d find and took a negative part of someones life and make it positive for them again.