Generational Welfare - Is this Something to be Proud of??

W

ell good morning blogger world. Hope this finds you all waking up to another morning in a nice warm bed in a home surrounded by the ones you love. I'm sitting here this morning, looking around my home, at the things we have acquired over the years. All of which was gathered when we moved to Maryland from Alaska. Living in base housing life was very different and I didn't think of it much, well not until I hear some ladies behind me in a Safeway yesterday discussing their futures. It's funny, as soon as I diverted my listening to the conversation behind me, I could hear my family saying, "Why do you do that? Why do you have to hear what every one is saying?" Well to be honest, it makes for good and sometimes bad, story ideas. Life is where I get all of my ideas. Television is too boring these days, with the exception of the newest made for television series, "The Hatfield’s and McCoy’s". If you don't know the story, or know parts of it, it's a must see. Kevin Costner and Bill Paxton are just two of some familiar actors, that many of us knew growing up in the 80's and 90's, that make this very interesting series, I guess there is something that brings it more to light when you recognize the people. Warning it is a bit graphic.

Clearly my topic for today, is not about a new television series, however it is an old and continuous, well – problem for all. As I stood in the Safeway waiting to cash out, three ladies of multiple nationalities, one pregnant, one holding a child and the other constantly worried if her hair looked good, were chatting about what life was going to be like after High School. Yes, I said it, High School. Holy Crap! I graduated in the 80's, and you didn't even mention babies let alone get pregnant without knowing the hellfire that your family and friends would cast down on you. But if by chance you found yourself to be one of the unfortunate ladies that found yourself in a situation because you got caught in the moment, it usually wasn't known about until you bumped into them pushing a baby stroller two years later and find yourself feeling like a total fool when you think the baby with them, is a brother or sister.  Yes, I've been there - Remember people I was a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

These three young ladies went on to discuss their application for public housing and how excited they were that Friday was "WIC" day. If some of you are not familiar with WIC, then let me share this information with you before we go on. WIC is a federally-funded health and nutrition program for women, infants, and children. WIC helps families by providing checks for buying healthy supplemental foods from WIC-authorized vendors, nutrition education, and help finding health care and other community services. Participants must meet income guidelines and be pregnant women, new mothers, infants or children under age five. I will say that this is a wonderful program as I once had to take part in this when I was diagnoses in 1994 with cancer when I was 7 months pregnant with my oldest son. Being in the military, you'd be surprise how many families have to take part in some of these programs due to the limited income and the inability to work two jobs due to your obligation with Uncle Sam. However, any federally funded assistance is supposed to be limited and for us, as soon as our income exceeded the allotted income amount or our son turned five, we would be removed from the program. I am happy to say, our income finally exceeded the allotted amount. Wow, I can hear some of you now "It was free, why would you make more and loose it?"  NO FEDERALLY FUNDED PROGRAMS ARE FREE! Take a look around you; many of those nameless faces are paying for the so-called "FREE" to you programs. For us, we personally felt a sense of guilt and embarrassment for having to ask for assistance and did all we could to get off the program. Now I totally get that there are reasons far beyond me as to why people are on various funded programs - I get it and I understand. Every situation and circumstance is different and there are people who are genuinely in need of some support.

But what about those out in the world, who abuse these programs, you know the ones who repeatedly have children so their checks can keep coming in and boast about their free ride in society. I’d say that is the first perfect example and don’t get all worked up I know you’ve thought it too, but just kept it to yourself.   I stop and wonder, “Where is the pride? Where is the pride in owning your own home? A sense of knowing, that you may have struggled through life, but you have something to call your very own and something to show where your money goes.”

Now we lived in base housing when we were both stationed in Adak, Alaska, but trust me, even though the only thing you paid for was your cable bill and food, your check seriously reflected it too. When I finally made Third Class and my husband was a Third Class as well, between the two of us we were only bringing in approximately 29,000 a year. NO JOKE! So imagine my shock when we arrived in Annapolis, Maryland, I'm 7 months pregnant and the list for base housing is a two year wait. You know what that means...now you have to pay rent out in town. Now the military would offer an additional housing allowance but an extra $500.00 a month didn’t put a dent in a $1,800 rent payment so we opted to buy a home and our mortgage was about $800.00.  Still $200.00 short, and now we have acquired additional expenses to boot - electric, homeowners insurance, water, taxes, and then an unplanned illness to accompany our pregnancy. Wow, honestly I have not thought about all of this in sometime and it makes me shudder to think - how the hell did we get this far and not lose our home? I know why – My husband is a hard worker and will work his fingers to the bones to take care of our family. I can only hope that he truly understands how grateful the boys and I are to have him in our lives and how much we love him and appreciate what he does for us.

So, as I continued listening to these three young ladies, one of them remarked about her stint in public housing and harbored a sense of pride with an attitude that she expected she would get her place too. Her reason as to why they would approve her application, her family has lived there more than forty years and both her grandmother and mother grew up there. Yet what saddened me the most was her next comment that if she didn’t get her place she was going to get in someone’s face because three generations have lived there. (If I recall correctly, I remember hearing this type of situation being called – Generational Welfare, when I attended a community safety meeting in Baltimore, many years ago). She didn’t have any money except for the welfare checks she would be getting soon, and she didn’t know who the father was of her child. WOW, if I had closed my eyes, I would swear I was watching LMN’s Real Life Thursday movies.

What happened to the days when people brought children into this world after graduating high school and were married? Now young men and women are out there engaged in sexual activity starting at very young ages. As a teenager, life is hard enough dealing with hormones, and changes both outside and within the body, but then try adding sex into the picture and all the emotions that are stirred up in the mind. Why am I trying to speak on behalf of some of our teenagers? Well not only was I a teen many years ago let me add a bit more to my story - here is a shocker that even my own mother doesn’t know about. I was thirteen when I engaged in my first sexual experience. My initial reaction – I felt nothing, no love, no connection, no wild tingles, I felt no emotional connection except used. When you are that age, you are not mature enough to even realize what you’re supposed to feel, but it was after that one moment, that I was not interest in anything sexual until my senior year in High School and during my dating years after graduation, but again – I always found myself thinking, "OK this is what It looked like in books and magazines, but why can't I feel a deep connecting love? Where is the earth rocking, take your breath away experience?" I was only feeling infatuation as I would try to keep convincing myself I was so in love with this guy and that guy…but I wasn’t in love with them at all. I often feared that maybe I was broken or had put way too much emphasis on what sex was. It was in early January of 1992, I remember a conversation while at work one day in Adak, that the men and the women got into one of these kinds of conversations in the paint shop. They all agreed that when your in love with someone one the sexual feeling becomes magical and for some life altering.  Wow, life altering, could you imagine? I couldn't until I met my husband that I learned the difference between sex and life altering. (I can’t believe it I’m blushing - TOO FUNNY!) The best way to describe the feeling – Complete love, a connection so deep that it makes you want to cry, a bond of togetherness and trust, and trust me when I say, once you have felt that connection, you’ll do everything in your power to protect it.

After hearing yesterday’s conversation, it was very clear that these young ladies looked at their future as more as a golden road of getting to stay home while at the same collect a monetary reward for each child they produce that was intertwined with numerous passing men, or heck even one man, in their lives without a connection of a deep love and self-worth. Their main goal was not what college they got accepted into, or that they had been hired for a summer position to make some extra money. Their happiness and smiles were because they had applied to get into public housing and if they did get in, they could start collecting their welfare checks. I guess their goals were already in the works, the girls that where mom's/soon to be mom's, were already getting their monthly WIC Checks, free medical, and dental while living with mom who already had her place in public housing.  Honestly, I actually started to feel bad, but people chose their life paths. It doesn't matter how I feel or what I believe, I can only hope that I can make a positive difference in the lives of people and young people that I meet, while at the same time I must also understand that what I chose to do in my life does not mean that it will always benefit others. The only thing I can hope for is that what experiences I choose to share with them could help them make choices through their own journey called life to reach what ever goal or dream they strive for or just choosing to live a happy life. I guess what I don't understand is how can someone be so excited to be looked at as the next to continue on path already walked by those before them. Did they ever have dreams? And if they did, what changed their thinking? I don't know the whole story on these three ladies, for all I know what they spoke about was a temporary situation, but still brought forth so many thoughts in the already filled eclectic mind of mine.

So I guess my question that plagues me now, is how to we get our young society of soon to be graduates to want to strive for those goals and dreams that they think are just out of one’s reach? Doesn’t the old saying still stand true that - Half the fun of accomplishing a goal or dream is getting there? Why do we feel that in this life, it is better just to settle or take a path frequently traveled? Wouldn't life be more adventurous if you chose to carve out your own destiny to get to touch a dream, even if for just a single second? I know there are many out there who dream big and keep that drive going, trust me, I am one of those people but I have my failures too and I choose to get back up and try a new way. Yes I get embarrassed when I am told I did it wrong, but how do we learn and find out how to change things if we don’t have life’s stumbling blocks to challenge the strength and drive within us all. If you chose not to do something in your life because of fear of failure, that can be overcome. If you chose not to do something out of sheer laziness, you are your own worst nightmare.

My final words, of hopefully, wisdom: “Toot your own horn, dare to be different and be able to say at least you are trying and giving it your all.” Thanks again to all of you and your continue support and words of wisdom to help me touch my dream of being an accomplised writer with a hope to have my words become movies on day. Until next time - blogger ya later.

To Those Who Served and To Those Who Gave the Ultimate Sacrifice - We Salute You.

I had been looking for a poem, quote, something that would signify the true spirit and meaning of Memorial Day. This one really touched me and I wanted to share it with all of you. As we all know, just because you find it on the internet and it has an authors name to it, sometimes that is not always so. So either way, I provided the name of the author that was on this, if it just happens to be wrong, I do apologize in advance. I also want thank my friends on Facebook for putting up the picture that I have attached below.

To my Seabee Husband, brothers, sisters and all who served our country for its freedom! GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Beholding Beyond WordsBeholding Beyond Words To Our Servicemen And Women
Stationed Around The World In Far Away Places
There¹s Not Much We Can Say Too Thank Them Enough
For What They Go Threw Each Day In The Rough

But: Give Them Our Thanks
Give Them Our Love
Give Them Our Regards
For a Safe Return

We Praise and Raise Our Hands To You
That Earned the Honor That We Now Bestow
We Salute You For A Job Bravely Done
And Applaud Your Courage In The Face Of The Unknown

Defending Freedom
Defending Liberty
Defending Peace
At Home And Abroad

For The Past, Present, And Future Generations
Duty Will Always Be An Honorable Citation
To Stand The Ground That Freedom Upholds
To Endure Engagements Where Ever They Unfold

Defending Freedom
Defending Liberty
Defending Peace
At Home And Abroad

For Those MIA¹S, POW¹S,
Fallen Soldiers, Who Gave All They Could
We Will Search For As Long As It Takes
You Are Not Forgotten And Will Always Be

In Our Hearts
In Our Prayers
In Our Minds
For All Time

These Immortalized Soldiers Whose Bravery Abounds
They Are Sisters, Brothers Heroes Profound
They Enlisted For The Duty At Hand
To Serve The Cause Of Country And Land

They Serve With Honor
They Serve With Valor
They Serve With A Pride
That Will Change Them Forever

To Our Forces Standing Tall And Proud They Be
Our Countries Behind Them In A Solemn Sea
So Let The Flags Of Freedom Fly
Unfurled In Their Majesty High

In The Sun
In The Rain
In The Wind
Across This Land

These Are The Things Our Country¹s Made of
These Are The Things We Cherish And Love
So Let The Flags Of Freedom Fly
Unfurled In Their Majesty High

In The Sun
In The Rain
In The Winds
For All Time

Jerry Calow ( Copyright 2003 )  

 

Put One Foot In Front Of The Other.....

http://organizingstaceybolinby2013.blogspot.com/2012/05/put-one-foot-in-front-of-other.html

"Worth the Cause"

It was brought to my attention, (and mind you I am still very new to the world of advertising) yet with my newest endeavor to raise funds for research and to support Gulf War Veterans, if people went to my web page below and I get as many people to click like in the next month, I will be able to advertise my cause for free for six months. So I am asking all of you to forward this information to as many friends  on any of your social sites to help with my quest. I have made the sight public.

Many Sincere Thanks,
BU 3 Ret, Stacey L. Bolin

https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/pages/Through-The-Barracks-Window-A-Time-Of-Waves-Author-Stacey-L-Bolin/117270931688172



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE6oY60pjiY

Getting Back on Task - Can I really do it?

http://organizingstaceybolinby2013.blogspot.com/2012/05/getting-back-on-task-can-i-really-do-it.html

"NOW THAT'S A LOADED QUESTION"

Dear Mr. M; I wish to thank you for begin a devoted reader of my blog. I do wish to apologize, as I know you had indicated in your email, that you had no qualms about having your identity revealed. However I must continue with my own set rules. I choose not to provide names outside of my immediate family. Reasons being, I must protect the innocent and the law says I have to protect the guilty too. Now, to really address your reason for your email on Saturday morning, I would first like to share with my readers the questions that you asked and why it has taken me, now six days, to find an acceptable way to answer. I guess I was looking for a way to make everyone happy, but unfortunately this is all about one’s opinion, and what I think, doesn’t make it the gospel. I will share the whys and what’s that make me feel the way I do, but that certainly doesn’t mean I am right, or maybe to some I am, but come on, clearly this topic being one that is highly controversial has people on the reserve and they have chosen not to use their voice at this time - completely understandable. So to all my readers, this was his statement followed by a couple of very loaded questions.

Greetings Petty Officer Bolin - I am married, now 24 years to my college sweetheart. We have two children and live on a modest income. After reading one of your past blogs I was hoping maybe you could answer some questions for me. I was also military and decided to get out in 2009. I too faced many challenges; however my biggest was the women and many times I did not want them there. I found them to be a distraction during my work day and when I went to Afghanistan. Aside from feeling that I should always be protecting them, temptation was always around me and they did not care I was married, but I never gave in to it. During your time in service how did you feel about the female members of your unit and do you feel that women belong in male dominated lines of work i.e.; military, heavy construction, police and fire departments.

See folks, I wasn’t kidding when I remarked his question was a loaded one.  Phew, so where in the world do I begin. Well Mr. M, as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t provide an immediate answer to this one as I had to think my answer over, and pondered if I should upgrade my body armor.  (Smile) I even went as far as going outside the box to get other opinions. I will say, I was very surprise by many of the responses I got from men and woman willing to answer me honestly. So let me start with question one.  I loved the military and I still do, there I said it. Even with all the crap I was put through it was a time in my life that made me who I am today. I knew that I was going into a work force that was clearly – male dominated. I knew that I had to be a hard worker and that whining and bitching was frowned upon. I busted my ass in the Seabees and I worked hard to gain the respect of the men and I didn’t do it by sleep around. I did not wear make-up when I worked and I never used my shovel for leaning on. I will say that during my time in the military I knew many ladies, some worked with me, some didn’t. If I had to give a number on productivity, I would say if there were 100 women 46% were ass busters, they got their jobs done and kept up with the men.  32% Showed up, but stood back and let the men get the job done. Here is the shocker but knowing their track record, and guys talk just as much as girls do,(I’m not surprised). A solid 22% were there to hook up with men. Didn’t matter if they were married or not, it was about the sex. Unfortunately that made working on the job feel awkward for anyone, man or woman, when those ladies were working in the group. They made it very clear what they were up to. There was nothing subtle about it.

I know, you’re probably saying to yourself, “It took you six days to think of that simplistic answer?” Just hold on and let me explain myself, I am so not done yet. You know the old saying, good things happen to those who wait. Ok, well I’d say yesterday was my eye opener to offer you an honest answer. It was a good thing I saw this, but a bad thing that it happened.

Yesterday I took my 14 year old son to a barber shop that my husband and sons have gone to for about three years now. When they first started going, there were more male barbers than women. Personally I think men miss the days when the barber shop was all male oriented and I wish it would go back to it. Going to the barber was like their time to get away from the little woman, family and the nagging lawn that needed mowing. It was a place that they could vent, talk about babes and boobs, smoke a cigar and just be a man, even if it was for about an hour and was a room full of men you didn't know. It didn't matter. My husband always remarks that there is nothing better than just hanging with the guys, no women around, so you can speak freely and don’t have to watch what you say. Men and their sons would go on a Saturday morning to get their short cuts and feel free from the world of women.  For a while this is how this place felt, but now you will find mothers bring their small sons in and other children in tow. So it’s more like an all family place.

As my son was getting his hair cut, I couldn’t help but notice the odd behavior of the medium in height blonde with her thin build and black rimmed glasses. While she was cutting her clients hair, he was taking notice of the woman next to her, the woman cutting my sons hair. He was watching intently on how she took a scissor cut approach to his hair, yet making her feel as if all eyes were on her and she was bold and stated that to him by asking if he was checking her out. This immediately opened a Pandora’s jealousy box for the other woman that I got to witness first hand, and prayed my older son would not see what was going on.  Here we go - I’m jumping on my soapbox. Please understand, you have the right to disagree, but I think once you read what took place, you’ll understand how I will answer Mr. M’s, second question.  

At the end of the majority of men’s cuts, this location will use a straight razor to remove the fine hairs on the back of their necks and for military cuts, that requires the use of a cream to keep the skin from burning or hairs becoming ingrown. This process is hand applied and smoothed into the skin. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE FROM SMOOTHING IT IN AND WORKING IT IN. It’s a barber shop, not a massage parlor! Now watching the women cutting other men’s hair, and including my husband when he gets his hair cut there, a couple of them are known for their little longer than should be, razor cream applications. My husband knows how I feel, and he thinks it’s cool, but I am sure deep down, he wouldn’t be happy if my hair dresser pulled a “Zohan” (An Adam Sandler movie move) on me when I got my hair washed. But what I saw yesterday would be grounds for dismissal if I was the boss. Before we start firing people, let us stop and think about something rather important. All women know that most men love their neck and heads rubbed and what it does for them. Well the guy next to my son was really getting a workout that added the treatment of a full blown head rubbing; that was accompanied by her hanging all over him, resting her face against his and her tits pressed again his neck and upper back. WTF! But Mr. Dumbass just sat there like it was the beginning of a long awaited lap dance. Neither one of them paying any mind to the young men in the room. At one point I even went as far as telling the two of them to get a room, so my impressionable son and the other teenage boy awaiting his cut would not get the wrong idea of what services the barber shop was now offering. I can hear it now men of all ages telling other guys, “Guess what man. I got a haircut and a boner.” Now I knew the woman finishing up my son’s hair, and she knew I was fit to be tied and filled with pure undeniable disgust when the other gal removed the apron from her client that revealed a shine on his ring finger from a wedding band, that didn’t belong to her, and another unmentionable, that we’ll leave to your imagination and say he was very happy. Yes, I went down gutter road on this one. Normally I am the one who tends to take conversations down gutter road and I don't get offend very easy, but knowing my son was next to all of this, just sickened me and I was...I can't believe I am going to say this...I was highly offended. He claims he didn’t see a thing. I hope not.

When he stood up and took notice that I was glaring at the both of them, he became jittery and nervous. “That’s right pal…how do you know if I knew your wife or not?” I didn’t say anything to him, but I went on to remark to the lady who had cut my son’s hair “You not addressing her behavior will make all the women in here look bad if it continues. That what took place here is a down right disrespectful and unprofessional! Lord better help the person that pulls that crap on any of the men in my family; they'll get to know my other personality, that I’d rather keep under lock and key, with extreme quickness.” Now deciding that I needed to sleep on this even after I had endured the backlashing of males jokes when I spoke of this, and I even went as far as wondering if I was just being old fashioned, I still woke up this morning still angry with yesterday's event, and knew it was blog time baby.

My husband remarked, “Well how do you know if his wife isn’t doing the mail man and he was just getting back at her?” TWO WRONGS DON’T MAKE A RIGHT and then to let this situation unfold in a family place of business is unacceptable. I let my family know that I found it to be a great topic for today’s blog, they rolled their eyes and then we went on to better conversation. In my head today, I am still angry. I know the owner would be very upset and I still ponder whether to bring it up to him. What I also know is that my two boys will now be accompanied or we will try the new place, that just open across the parking lot from them, and that sucks because I love to look around in Michaels Craft store when they are at the barber. As for my husband, he is a grown man and I can’t control what he does, but secretly, I am glad to hear that he has been going to the owner’s son for haircuts these days and honestly, that guy makes my husband look younger and younger with each cut. I think it is the style. He comes home looking HOT, HOT, HOT.

Mr. M, with your statement about not liking that you had to work with women and why, had me pondering a thought in my mind that also reflected the difference between the working world years ago vs. today. I was certain that in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, infidelity rates were lower, but without knowing I had to ask men what they thought.  Sorry guys, not as many of you were as willing to answer me. I know you were probably thinking that I was up to something sneaky. This morning I got 11 men to answer me on Mr. M’s, questions and they told me about the differences between their lives and their fathers. What they remarked on was that years ago men worked in industries where there were very few women working and they felt there was less temptation. One answer really got my attention when a guy offered his remarks while I was on the Navy base. His response was, “Yes, ok, years ago you’d find them, meaning women, in the office positions, accountings, but nothing really major, like the military, etc., you know your mainly male dominated work forces. Things were different for my father, but for me, I felt that every time I turned around, a woman would be in your face. At first it’s cool, but after a bit, it gets old. Now it’s like men and women are competing who is better, stronger, and faster. Maybe this is the reason why men feel they don’t get space, a.k.a. man time only, to themselves like they used to, because even when they go to work, they could still be dealing with a woman who is bitching about something – don’t get me wrong ladies – men bitch too!” He laughed.  “But can you see what I’m trying to say?” I assured the man who confided in me, that I took no offense and understood what he and the other men I had spoken too were trying to explain to me. One guy even went as far as stating that there are men out there with the thinking now, “if my girl wants to be the bread winner, then by all means do it, why should I bother trying. I’ve even seen guys that clearly have no pride in their home, how their lawns look and how grand a family they have created. They feel inadequate and have lost their sense of pride to bring home the money that they worked hard for all week, because their wife or girlfriend gets paid more. They just don’t have the want to care. I care, and I’d love to have a wife who loves me and all that jazz, but so far I’m still living on singles lane.”

I didn’t criticize their answers, if anything I was proud to know they were willing to offer more detail that I had ever expected. It was also an eye opener and helped me not only understand my husband, but my two teenage boys and who they are as human beings.

Now you want to hear something even more shocking then men answering my questioning? I spoke with 25 women and asked them how they felt about the American family of yesteryear vs. the American Family of today. This is what 17 of the 25 agree too and then offered their reasoning behind why they felt this way – The down fall of the American family is when mom went to work. Mom took on the roll as superwoman and found that something always takes a back burner as they are realizing that they just can’t do it all. They bust their ass, but their finding more and more, family is first. I really related to this. So Mr. M, here is my answer to your second question. Honestly (Women Libbers stand down!) I miss the days when moms were home. My mom was a stay at home mother for many years. She saw us onto the bus each morning and she was their when we walked through the door at the end of the day. The house was always looking its best, even when we kids would destroy it the night before. Our meals were always plentiful and we never went to bed cold, dirty or hungry no matter how much or how little money we had. There was a calming feeling to know that when you walk through the door someone was home. There was life there. Now-a-days, both the parents are working. Some children don’t know what it is like to get up, eat breakfast and seeing your mom waving good-bye to you and hopes, in her mind, that you have a great day as she stand in the door way with a smile when your bus goes by. Other children and young adults are coming home to an empty house that feels cold and lonely until one or the other parent comes home. Some kids are actually the ones that are preparing dinners and doing the house work while their parents are out. For those out there who say that a stay at home mother’s job is easy…come put my shoes on for a month! Then we’ll talk easy.

 I know from personal experience when I went to work full time from 2005 to 2010. Yes I was bringing in good money, I was great at my job and with each anniversary year, I got the raises, but my job as a mother, wife and homemaker, faulted. It may have looked like I was pulling off the supermom roll, but seriously…I was failing big time that almost cost me my family and my marriage.  I was just as tired as my husband when he got home. I was nagging constantly that we all live in this house; we should all keep it clean. (Which I believe most women feel) It got to the point that I didn’t want to make dinner so we ate out a lot. We began to spend more, because we made more and the worst part, my kids would come home to an empty house that made them feel bitter and alone. I feel I have been given a second chance to bring a part of Americana back. I’m proud to know that I am a stay at home mother and housewife. I do this job and I am learning to do it just as well as any job. My payment and bonuses are – A happy family, a husband that loves me, kids that want my help, a nice home, clean laundry every day, bills are paid, the cat is fed and the best part…they always comment – There is nothing like my mom’s cooking.  So Mr. M, do I think women belong in male dominated jobs? With what I was subjected to during my son’s hair cut and knowing that the barber industry used to be just for men, but yesterday had the makings of sluts-are-us, and then hearing men complain how aggressive women as these days in the job market and what life was like to have my mother there when I came home. Even the smells of clean clothes and some times, warm toll house cookies - my mind sees things differently. Yes twenty two years ago, I would have said, sure we are just as good as men, but now, honestly. If this is what my husband is dealing with every day with the opposite sex on the job and the boundaries of sexual harassment continuing to be broken, then my answer is NO.  Sex has clearly made its mark on people, television, computers, the work place, and so many out there do not understand the word – NO! But if people don’t start enforcing their personal boundaries, someday things could end up in a world that would apear to one huge orgy, (OMG, could you imagine that? Eewwww) The fall out of that would mean that what was once a special bond between loving couples will become completely meaningless, loveless and of no value.

This really saddens me, as the majority of my answer comes from the behaviors of a few bad apples that spoil it for the women out there that are great workers, moms, wives who are there to provide for their families, who love unconditionally and take pride in who they are, not sleep their way through life or constantly see how many men they can tempt to cross over to the dark side. Now, I’m sure I have ladies up in arms right now screaming, “What about the men! They make it difficult for us! They hit on us just as much!” I agree with you there too, as I have had my fill of being hit on in the work force too. But I was asked a question as to what I felt and I explained the reasons behind why I feel this way. Could my choice harbor insecurities, I’d be a fool and a liar if I said it nothing to do with it. My other reasoning why I say NO, and the biggest reason, is what I said about how much I appreciated my mother and her choice to be a stay at home parent. Being a child from years ago compared to the way our children live now is so extreme.  My kids still can’t believe that we only had three television channels, no computers and no video games. So imagine coming home to an empty house and you had to find a way to entertain yourself. There were no electronic babysitters in my day. It’s also sad because a parent can’t always be available to their child because of long work hours and some bosses lacking the compassion to understand that we want to be with our kids, but our job won't let us and our budget says that unless you win the lotto, this is the only choice for now. It’s human nature. to want to be with our child, make sure they are safe, happy, warm, sheltered from the elements.  I understand with the economy, that the only way of survival is to have two in the work force and the sacrifice is that not everyone can afford after school care and results in a choice to let kids be home alone. Yet what is worse, even with the two parents struggling to make ends meet, at the end of the month, and overtime - if any - they are still in the red.

So I hope my blog today however controversial, you can understand that my outlook is not to make you think differently and that my mind may not be as open as yours. I’m human, and I love people. I give people the benefit that they are good, but if you do my family harm, I am like Santa Claus and you’ll be placed on the naughty list for quite a lengthy amount of time. I am not as introverted as I used to be and with each day I make it a point to say hello to someone. I never walk with my head down in shame for not being out in the work force, as I know that what I do for my family will help them in their life journeys. I hope that what mistakes by others, as well as my own, they will learn from. Mine especially as I have pages of them. That I am a mother, a wife, a friend, that maybe someday might made a difference in a life because I dare now be honest.  I won’t debate with you as to why you should take what I say as the gospel, and who knows something else could take a turn in our world and I could change my mind again. “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.” Mr. M, I do hope that I have answered your questions and again, thank you so much for following my blogs and dared to question, as the dumbest question is the one not asked. Have a great day everyone – Blog you later.

Below are a couple things I found while doing some reasearch. I really found the link below, very informative and supported what I was talking about - the art of the all male barber shops.

http://artofmanliness.com/2008/05/20/rediscovering-the-barbershop/

NUCLEAR ENERGY - Friend and Foe

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here I was enjoying my thirty minutes of solitude by playing my daily 5 games of Bubble Witch on Facebook. House was quiet, husband and the boys were already out the door to begin another work/school day. I had gotten the laundry in the wash, the dishes in the dishwasher, our bed made, and all the trash out. Ok, so you get the gist, I had accomplished quite a bit in the course of two hours on a Tuesday morning. Now normally, I don't scroll anything past an hour on my Facebook wall, but yesterday my quick failure to get through the Bubble Witch game gave me a few minutes to see what everyone was posting and how another new week in the year 2012 was treating them. 

It was a post about a very serious situation in the world, (I have put the link below) that in all honestly, put a scare in me like none I've ever felt before. I read the title and told myself, if I don't read it, it's not true. How many of you have done that? You've seen or heard something, say for example a noise outside in your yard in the dark. I know that some would quickly get up to investigate; others would sink deeper in their chair or under the covers and tell themselves it's just the wind, it's nothing, and it will go away. Something about this article tells me that the problems they are facing with the Fukushima Reactor are not going to go away any time soon. I hope for the worlds sake, it doesn't get any worse, but at the same time it doesn’t appear that it will be getting any better in the near future either.

As I read this article, and mind you, I try to stay away from anything sad, upsetting or negative these days, but in all honesty this time I kept reading rather than tell myself the problem will go away. Deep down, I was worried. Over the course of the day I pondered what I had read.  Would it? Could it? Will it ever affect my friends and loved ones?  Look out heavenly father, my payers are and will continue to be going into over load.

Lately I have found that I love to share my stories that I have read or heard about, within my day, with my family at the dinner table, it makes for very interesting conversation. Yet somehow I held back on this to give myself time to find a way to talk about it as a way to educate my family, not fill them with a sense of fear. I personally have never been in a natural disaster, I've never been to war, (with the exception of battling a school due to their lack of implementing rules against bullying) and I have never been told that my family and I had to leave our home because of an invisible danger. However I have been exposed to radiation and nuclear treatments for cancer. With my treatments I found that just being exposed in minuet quantities, still made me feel very sick, tired, lethargic, and nauseated. I just can't image what the people that were living in the area, when the initial damage occurred, are dealing with now.  I pray that with our advanced technology and the ingenious minds of the people on our great planet, they will find a solution to end this and any posing fear of world devastation.

This article also makes me realize how precious life is and how sometimes it is so easy to take it for granted. As you read the attached article, each person will take a piece of it in their own way. For myself – I wish for a speedy solution and I thank God for each day that I wake and before me are my husband and my boys, my family, and my friends. Life is a blessing and I’m choosing to live each day as fully and as positive as I can without be phony. To quote Joe Dirt, “Life is a Garden – Dig it.”

 http://www.naturalnews.com/035789_Fukushima_Cesium-137_Plume-Gate.html

"Innocent UNTIL PROVEN Guilty - The Red Pills"

Oh

 Yes, it's just going to be one of those kinds of blogging days. I was ready to step into another eight hours of edits and battles with the newest of books, that was due out tomorrow - on the full moon. Yes, the moon plays a vital role in my newest of fictional writings. So why didn't I just forgo my internet and get right into it?  I have all my ducks in a row and it would be great to get all thirty plus chapters done and back in to my publishers.  That would have totally shocked my agents and then some. Yet again my mind has been kidnapped by the thought bandit and I feel inclined to share a little story with you about accusations and how people can be so quick to have the answers on why they can place blame on others before having all the facts. So let’s begin.

It all started last night, just before bed, about 9:05pm to be exact. Our older son was coming down from his excitement of knowing he will be a driver in this year’s Demolition Derby at the Anne Arundel County Fair Grounds on June 2, 2012. (Ok, couldn't resist a little shout out to the volunteers and their ability to make these events possible). He was packing a small bag to stay with a buddy that is also driving in the derby. There is no doubt that the weekend will prove to be labor intensive to prepare, not one, but two cars, for this upcoming event and the tension to get everything done in a short period of time, continues to build. Now the drama began when our oldest son was on a quest to locate a pair of missing sunglasses and asked our younger son if he could borrow a pair of his. Seems ok, right? WRONG! In the past, our older son had a knack for borrowing people’s things and either one – would never return the borrowed item or two - break the item. Our youngest son has fallen victim to this process for many years and in his mind, enough was enough.

This immediately set the ball rolling in our older sons mind. His thinking these days has become very predictable and as a mother we pick up on these things, and because we were once teenagers too. If I had to quote what his mind was conjuring up I would say it was as follows, "If I can't get little brother to loan me his glasses, then I find a way to get mom and dad to tell him to let me use them instead." Our oldest son would keep appealing the no answer he had received from his brother with repeated visits to our bedroom with various looks that tumbled between confusion and frustration, hoping for either my husband or myself to lay the law down and the sunglasses would be his to use as he wished. Nope, didn’t happen and that made him furious. The front door would shut loudly, the truck doors would slam in some way trying to get our attention, positive or negative. We chose not to react.  Life lessons can be a royal bitch, but we all have to learn them sooner or later, and believe you me, he was not happy in away way. Why? He knew we were not going to give in.

What happened next was nothing that were had ever expected, but I believe we took the right approach to teach a vital lesson in the seriousness of accusations. While our older son did his best to located his missing sunglass, he stumbled on a miniature clear zip-lock plastic baggie containing four red capsule pills. Ok Officer and Detective tough guy – Stand down and let me finished before you come code to my house to make an arrest. Trust me; you’re not going to believe the outcome. Our son, after finding these pills, quickly rushed into our bedroom to alert us that our younger son was doing drugs and that these pills were something that had been talked about in school – which school, because he attends two, I have not a clue.  Now we had attended a Junior Fair board meeting and we had taken a guest with us. Now I had said to my son, “How do you know they belong to your brother?” He quickly snapped back, “My friend would not do drugs! Are you blaming her!?” I was not blaming anyone, I wanted him to understand, that without all the facts, what gave him the right come up with the assumption that his brother was guilty. He didn’t know what these pills were and he didn’t know who they belonged to either.

Now in my mind, for all I knew, he could be lying to me and they were his, but I remained calm and looked at my husband and said, “There is only one way to find out,” and I got up and woke up his brother, who had slept through all the drama of the missing sunglasses and the discovery of the red pills. When our younger son awoke, he was rather baffled by my direct Detective mom level of questioning of the plastic baggie and its contents. His first response was a huge grin followed by laughter.

“What’s so funny!?” I asked in a stern voice.

“Mom, those are blood capsules,” and he laughed again as he tried to hold back a yawn.

“Blood capsules? What do you mean blood capsules?” My bottled blonde was really showing through.

“For Halloween to make it look like if someone hit you in the mouth, you’d bleed. I got them at the Flea Market a couple weeks ago. I was going to play a trick on dad when we were wrestling. That if he bumped my face, I’d make it look like I was bleeding to get him back for the cut finger joke he played on us.”

Yes, I felt stupid, but at the same time I knew I had gotten to the bottom of the drama. I even went one step further to test one in the sink. It’s red gel and it stains. UGH! Needless to say, our youngest son laughed himself to sleep and our oldest took a shower and went to bed without another word. My husband just smiled as I climbed back into bed.

“Well, so much for getting to bed early. Thank god tomorrow is Friday.” I said as he pulled me close beside him. “Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams to you. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

And with that, we were sound to sleep sometime after 11:00pm.

The moral of this story, is never accuse someone of anything without having all the facts. I know myself I have been guilty of this type of behavior. Let’s face it; we all have been at some point in our lives. Nobody’s perfect. My problem was never because I found something, it was always a reaction I had because someone was being spiteful, just because they could be, and I didn’t have all the facts. Even if someone puts something in writing that is hurtful, does that make it true? 98% of the time – No it doesn’t. If I write about murder, does that mean I have committed a crime? No! Just because you have something in front of you, it still doesn’t mean it is so. In this world, I see so many who are so quick to take things at face value when it comes to negative information about another. I often feel that this Ludacris behavior of wanting to hear bad things about others is some deep seeded need to feel validated as a better person. We are all good inside and we know right from wrong. Life is all about choices. But let me ask you, what If you knew that someone is doing something wrong and all the proof is there and they have openly admitted fault, would you try to offer guidance that will place them on a path of support and positive thinking, or would you turn and speak harshly behind their back? Why must we find happiness in others pain? Could you imagine if everyone could learn to worry about the most important person in this entire planet? Do you know who the most important person is? They are closer than you think.

So here is my exercise that I ask of you. Go to the nearest mirror you can find and stand in front of it. I’ll give you a hint - That important person is looking back at you. Again, a song comes to mind. I have the link below. You may not like the man, or his type of music, but I ask you to take the time to listen to the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUrqFkR7QlI

Thank you so much for joining me today. You’re comments, advice and words of support mean so much to me, so keep them coming. It’s what helps me grow as a writer. I wish you all a Fantastic Friday and make your weekend positively memorable. I know I’m going to.

No Nuts in This Kitchen.

http://organizingstaceybolinby2013.blogspot.com/2012/05/no-nuts-in-this-kitchen.html

"Do You Know Where Your Nuts Are????"

http://organizingstaceybolinby2013.blogspot.com/2012/05/do-you-know-where-your-nuts-are.html