"Innocent UNTIL PROVEN Guilty - The Red Pills"

Oh

 Yes, it's just going to be one of those kinds of blogging days. I was ready to step into another eight hours of edits and battles with the newest of books, that was due out tomorrow - on the full moon. Yes, the moon plays a vital role in my newest of fictional writings. So why didn't I just forgo my internet and get right into it?  I have all my ducks in a row and it would be great to get all thirty plus chapters done and back in to my publishers.  That would have totally shocked my agents and then some. Yet again my mind has been kidnapped by the thought bandit and I feel inclined to share a little story with you about accusations and how people can be so quick to have the answers on why they can place blame on others before having all the facts. So let’s begin.

It all started last night, just before bed, about 9:05pm to be exact. Our older son was coming down from his excitement of knowing he will be a driver in this year’s Demolition Derby at the Anne Arundel County Fair Grounds on June 2, 2012. (Ok, couldn't resist a little shout out to the volunteers and their ability to make these events possible). He was packing a small bag to stay with a buddy that is also driving in the derby. There is no doubt that the weekend will prove to be labor intensive to prepare, not one, but two cars, for this upcoming event and the tension to get everything done in a short period of time, continues to build. Now the drama began when our oldest son was on a quest to locate a pair of missing sunglasses and asked our younger son if he could borrow a pair of his. Seems ok, right? WRONG! In the past, our older son had a knack for borrowing people’s things and either one – would never return the borrowed item or two - break the item. Our youngest son has fallen victim to this process for many years and in his mind, enough was enough.

This immediately set the ball rolling in our older sons mind. His thinking these days has become very predictable and as a mother we pick up on these things, and because we were once teenagers too. If I had to quote what his mind was conjuring up I would say it was as follows, "If I can't get little brother to loan me his glasses, then I find a way to get mom and dad to tell him to let me use them instead." Our oldest son would keep appealing the no answer he had received from his brother with repeated visits to our bedroom with various looks that tumbled between confusion and frustration, hoping for either my husband or myself to lay the law down and the sunglasses would be his to use as he wished. Nope, didn’t happen and that made him furious. The front door would shut loudly, the truck doors would slam in some way trying to get our attention, positive or negative. We chose not to react.  Life lessons can be a royal bitch, but we all have to learn them sooner or later, and believe you me, he was not happy in away way. Why? He knew we were not going to give in.

What happened next was nothing that were had ever expected, but I believe we took the right approach to teach a vital lesson in the seriousness of accusations. While our older son did his best to located his missing sunglass, he stumbled on a miniature clear zip-lock plastic baggie containing four red capsule pills. Ok Officer and Detective tough guy – Stand down and let me finished before you come code to my house to make an arrest. Trust me; you’re not going to believe the outcome. Our son, after finding these pills, quickly rushed into our bedroom to alert us that our younger son was doing drugs and that these pills were something that had been talked about in school – which school, because he attends two, I have not a clue.  Now we had attended a Junior Fair board meeting and we had taken a guest with us. Now I had said to my son, “How do you know they belong to your brother?” He quickly snapped back, “My friend would not do drugs! Are you blaming her!?” I was not blaming anyone, I wanted him to understand, that without all the facts, what gave him the right come up with the assumption that his brother was guilty. He didn’t know what these pills were and he didn’t know who they belonged to either.

Now in my mind, for all I knew, he could be lying to me and they were his, but I remained calm and looked at my husband and said, “There is only one way to find out,” and I got up and woke up his brother, who had slept through all the drama of the missing sunglasses and the discovery of the red pills. When our younger son awoke, he was rather baffled by my direct Detective mom level of questioning of the plastic baggie and its contents. His first response was a huge grin followed by laughter.

“What’s so funny!?” I asked in a stern voice.

“Mom, those are blood capsules,” and he laughed again as he tried to hold back a yawn.

“Blood capsules? What do you mean blood capsules?” My bottled blonde was really showing through.

“For Halloween to make it look like if someone hit you in the mouth, you’d bleed. I got them at the Flea Market a couple weeks ago. I was going to play a trick on dad when we were wrestling. That if he bumped my face, I’d make it look like I was bleeding to get him back for the cut finger joke he played on us.”

Yes, I felt stupid, but at the same time I knew I had gotten to the bottom of the drama. I even went one step further to test one in the sink. It’s red gel and it stains. UGH! Needless to say, our youngest son laughed himself to sleep and our oldest took a shower and went to bed without another word. My husband just smiled as I climbed back into bed.

“Well, so much for getting to bed early. Thank god tomorrow is Friday.” I said as he pulled me close beside him. “Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams to you. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

And with that, we were sound to sleep sometime after 11:00pm.

The moral of this story, is never accuse someone of anything without having all the facts. I know myself I have been guilty of this type of behavior. Let’s face it; we all have been at some point in our lives. Nobody’s perfect. My problem was never because I found something, it was always a reaction I had because someone was being spiteful, just because they could be, and I didn’t have all the facts. Even if someone puts something in writing that is hurtful, does that make it true? 98% of the time – No it doesn’t. If I write about murder, does that mean I have committed a crime? No! Just because you have something in front of you, it still doesn’t mean it is so. In this world, I see so many who are so quick to take things at face value when it comes to negative information about another. I often feel that this Ludacris behavior of wanting to hear bad things about others is some deep seeded need to feel validated as a better person. We are all good inside and we know right from wrong. Life is all about choices. But let me ask you, what If you knew that someone is doing something wrong and all the proof is there and they have openly admitted fault, would you try to offer guidance that will place them on a path of support and positive thinking, or would you turn and speak harshly behind their back? Why must we find happiness in others pain? Could you imagine if everyone could learn to worry about the most important person in this entire planet? Do you know who the most important person is? They are closer than you think.

So here is my exercise that I ask of you. Go to the nearest mirror you can find and stand in front of it. I’ll give you a hint - That important person is looking back at you. Again, a song comes to mind. I have the link below. You may not like the man, or his type of music, but I ask you to take the time to listen to the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUrqFkR7QlI

Thank you so much for joining me today. You’re comments, advice and words of support mean so much to me, so keep them coming. It’s what helps me grow as a writer. I wish you all a Fantastic Friday and make your weekend positively memorable. I know I’m going to.

YES or NO...That is the Question.

So here I sit today, struggling with my own inner turmoil. It was brought to my attention last night, by a person outside of our family, that my older son had made a few bad choices over the past several months. I have chosen to refrain from going into detail about the situation, but it does warrant my title of this blog segment. Oh joy, how lucky for me. I get to write about my favorite topic. I mean that most sarcastically. What’s worse, it's just before our annual Christmas gathering. Ugh!

I want to share a tid-bit before going on with my blog. I am a person that gets extremely upset when I am lied to, especially if there is evidence to support my reasoning for wanting the truth. Now I totally get the families hesitation now, with the way they were confronted with my past detective form of questioning years back - Guilty until proven innocent. Yes, I guess I watched way too many crime and justice shows and I will say, Dragnet I am not. You see years ago, if I were given the truth I would have immediately reacted that usually resulted in a negative verbal way. But what's the old saying...that was the past, stop living in it and that is just what I have done. I have slowly learned that Yes or No answers are good, if not best, when trying to get to the bottom of a problem or situation.

Boy can I babble...OK, going on.  My husband was the one who got the initial call and then updated me on the situation at hand. Little did he know, when he was handed the phone at 10:34pm, after being half asleep, I could hear bits and pieces what the caller was saying on the other line. When my husband wouldn't answer my cautious questioning after the call had ended, I knew it was going to be something bad. I could sense his anger and rage building as he lay there in utter disbelief. He updated me on the events that had taken place and then proceeded to get up and get dressed. Having the support of physical evidence, both my husband and I addressed the situation but with two drastically different approaches.

Even though I knew this was not going to be pretty when he told me that he was going to address this and for me to stay in bed, I kept thinking that maybe I should have spoken to my son first as my husband was very upset. I lay there quiet as a mouse and I put my extra special hearing abilities into handy mode.  My husband took a thought collecting moment to go outside and smoke a cigarette before making that journey down the stairs into my son’s room. All I heard was my husband asking "Do you have anything to say about this?" As for my son’s responses, the ears had failed me. Dang it! Yet judging from my husband’s reaction with his scuffle with the wall, that lost the fight in the stairwell, he did not get the answers he was seeking. Now I am grateful that my husband contained his anger when talking with my son, however the temper that resulted in a hole in my wall, which is the first time I have ever seen this side of him, has me even more upset about the whole situation.  I don't like it and I made it perfectly clear that having to pay for a repair after getting our home fixed and remodeled makes me so mad I could spit nails.

I totally understand my husband’s frustrations and how he was feeling. There has been numerous times that I have felt the very same way all because I have wanted just one simple answer to questions that don't require an explanation. All I wanted was one word that was either a yes or a no. Instead I'd get comments like; "Maybe, well no," "I don't know," "I don't recall," "I don't remember," and the biggest one and the one I hate the most - "I've had plenty of opportunity, but if you’re thinking bad about me, then something is wrong." That was my husband’s favorite line that lasted for only a few short weeks

Until he saw the evil woman I could become when I thought my man was lying to me. Hum... to me those types of answers are admission of guilt, but to others it's a way of being the dominate one. Yeah, Yeah, Whatever. Just give me a straight answer and truthful answer, not what you think I want to hear. What hurts me, is not really the fact that I am being lied to, it is the realization that I can't be valued enough to be told the truth. Good or bad, my family is supposed to come to me or to my husband. Let me find out by a third party and Houston we have a problem.

My husband returned to bed and managed to settle down a moment before I cautiously suggested that I make an attempt to get to the heart of the story.  For me, what my son did resulted in immediate and continued long term punishment - the taking of his precious cell phone for starters.

This was the first thing I said, calm and collected, "Hand me your phone." 

His response was "I paid for that." To which I replied, "And I pay the bill for that phone and you’re being punished for your behavior. Speaking of behavior did you or did you not do the things that were said about you. Yes or No?"

I immediately sensed his hesitation for fear of being caught - Too late your busted buddy!  His replies varied from all of the response quotes I mentioned above which immediately put me into a tailspin.  Here it was, the truth and evidence had been presented and he feared being caught. He did eventually confess to some of the things he had done and does understand that not only is there punishment, he will write apology letters and hand deliver them.

I also tried to explain to him that honesty is always the best policy and that the truth always sets you free. People may forgive...and this situation is a very big maybe, but it will never been forgotten, not by me or my husband or the people involved. The level of trust has been broken. He did say that he messed up and made a few bad choices, still not answering yes or no to my questions of each event. I am not asking for detail. I am asking for him to take ownership of this situation.  A Yes or No answer is all this is required at this time. But for those friends of my oldest son, you'll have to call the house number. He will be without a cell phone indefinitely and his personal life is going to be on hold for a spell.  As for my husband and his scuffle with the wall, well I know what he'll be doing tomorrow after work...and he hates doing Sheetrock. For me, as upset and disappointed as I am about everything that has taken place I feel for the others involved and I hope that it does not dissolve our friendship. Also, for all of my readers, you can note for the record, I don't punch things...I blog about them.

My youngest son is always telling people that I make the following statement. "Be careful with what you say and do, or you'll end up in my next book and/or blog."  I guess he's right.

Calgon Take Me Away!