So here I sit today, struggling with my own inner turmoil. It was brought to my attention last night, by a person outside of our family, that my older son had made a few bad choices over the past several months. I have chosen to refrain from going into detail about the situation, but it does warrant my title of this blog segment. Oh joy, how lucky for me. I get to write about my favorite topic. I mean that most sarcastically. What’s worse, it's just before our annual Christmas gathering. Ugh!
I want to share a tid-bit before going on with my blog. I am a person that gets extremely upset when I am lied to, especially if there is evidence to support my reasoning for wanting the truth. Now I totally get the families hesitation now, with the way they were confronted with my past detective form of questioning years back - Guilty until proven innocent. Yes, I guess I watched way too many crime and justice shows and I will say, Dragnet I am not. You see years ago, if I were given the truth I would have immediately reacted that usually resulted in a negative verbal way. But what's the old saying...that was the past, stop living in it and that is just what I have done. I have slowly learned that Yes or No answers are good, if not best, when trying to get to the bottom of a problem or situation.
Boy can I babble...OK, going on. My husband was the one who got the initial call and then updated me on the situation at hand. Little did he know, when he was handed the phone at 10:34pm, after being half asleep, I could hear bits and pieces what the caller was saying on the other line. When my husband wouldn't answer my cautious questioning after the call had ended, I knew it was going to be something bad. I could sense his anger and rage building as he lay there in utter disbelief. He updated me on the events that had taken place and then proceeded to get up and get dressed. Having the support of physical evidence, both my husband and I addressed the situation but with two drastically different approaches.
Even though I knew this was not going to be pretty when he told me that he was going to address this and for me to stay in bed, I kept thinking that maybe I should have spoken to my son first as my husband was very upset. I lay there quiet as a mouse and I put my extra special hearing abilities into handy mode. My husband took a thought collecting moment to go outside and smoke a cigarette before making that journey down the stairs into my son’s room. All I heard was my husband asking "Do you have anything to say about this?" As for my son’s responses, the ears had failed me. Dang it! Yet judging from my husband’s reaction with his scuffle with the wall, that lost the fight in the stairwell, he did not get the answers he was seeking. Now I am grateful that my husband contained his anger when talking with my son, however the temper that resulted in a hole in my wall, which is the first time I have ever seen this side of him, has me even more upset about the whole situation. I don't like it and I made it perfectly clear that having to pay for a repair after getting our home fixed and remodeled makes me so mad I could spit nails.
I totally understand my husband’s frustrations and how he was feeling. There has been numerous times that I have felt the very same way all because I have wanted just one simple answer to questions that don't require an explanation. All I wanted was one word that was either a yes or a no. Instead I'd get comments like; "Maybe, well no," "I don't know," "I don't recall," "I don't remember," and the biggest one and the one I hate the most - "I've had plenty of opportunity, but if you’re thinking bad about me, then something is wrong." That was my husband’s favorite line that lasted for only a few short weeks
Until he saw the evil woman I could become when I thought my man was lying to me. Hum... to me those types of answers are admission of guilt, but to others it's a way of being the dominate one. Yeah, Yeah, Whatever. Just give me a straight answer and truthful answer, not what you think I want to hear. What hurts me, is not really the fact that I am being lied to, it is the realization that I can't be valued enough to be told the truth. Good or bad, my family is supposed to come to me or to my husband. Let me find out by a third party and Houston we have a problem.
My husband returned to bed and managed to settle down a moment before I cautiously suggested that I make an attempt to get to the heart of the story. For me, what my son did resulted in immediate and continued long term punishment - the taking of his precious cell phone for starters.
This was the first thing I said, calm and collected, "Hand me your phone."
His response was "I paid for that." To which I replied, "And I pay the bill for that phone and you’re being punished for your behavior. Speaking of behavior did you or did you not do the things that were said about you. Yes or No?"
I immediately sensed his hesitation for fear of being caught - Too late your busted buddy! His replies varied from all of the response quotes I mentioned above which immediately put me into a tailspin. Here it was, the truth and evidence had been presented and he feared being caught. He did eventually confess to some of the things he had done and does understand that not only is there punishment, he will write apology letters and hand deliver them.
I also tried to explain to him that honesty is always the best policy and that the truth always sets you free. People may forgive...and this situation is a very big maybe, but it will never been forgotten, not by me or my husband or the people involved. The level of trust has been broken. He did say that he messed up and made a few bad choices, still not answering yes or no to my questions of each event. I am not asking for detail. I am asking for him to take ownership of this situation. A Yes or No answer is all this is required at this time. But for those friends of my oldest son, you'll have to call the house number. He will be without a cell phone indefinitely and his personal life is going to be on hold for a spell. As for my husband and his scuffle with the wall, well I know what he'll be doing tomorrow after work...and he hates doing Sheetrock. For me, as upset and disappointed as I am about everything that has taken place I feel for the others involved and I hope that it does not dissolve our friendship. Also, for all of my readers, you can note for the record, I don't punch things...I blog about them.
My youngest son is always telling people that I make the following statement. "Be careful with what you say and do, or you'll end up in my next book and/or blog." I guess he's right.
Calgon Take Me Away!
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