To make a change, you must first start from within.
It is that glorious time of year again, when millions of people vow to do or change something in their lives because of the New Year. Yet when reading the stats on this idea, 8 out of 10 never completely follow through. I know myself, for years I would always make the resolution that I would be more organized, only to finally come to the realization that I think I need a specialist to help me with that idea. I can organize anyone else to the point of perfection, but for myself - I am a lost cause. I can say that my New Year's resolution for last year has me 4 days away from saying I actually followed through and met my goals. In December of last year I was extremely overweight, I learned that I was diabetic and I was very unhappy with life in general. Yes, I had even considered if life would be better for my family if I wasn't around anymore, and I didn't mean move to another town or state. My self-esteem had been completely destroyed, my kids were having problems in school, I was out of work, we were in debt up to our foreheads and my husband was going through the change that most men go through in their late 30's to early 40's and getting advice from women who had been married more than twice. Yeah, I'd take their advice - NOT! All I can say is Ladies I am sure you meant well, however I know what all the discussions were and there is always TWO SIDES to every story.
OK, so I sound like a sad country song. But I needed to share with you what set the tone for my New Year's Resolution for 2011. Pretty crappy hua? I'd say it was. I was in extremely rough shape. Honestly, when I made my resolution, in my mind I was already planning on my failure. I could actually hear my own inner voice in my mind saying that I was stupid, fat, that I never finish anything, why start now, and so on and so on. But in spite of the voices, I began to follow through on Jan 1, 2011 with my plan and here is what I had listed for myself to accomplish.
My New Year's Resolution for 2011
1. I love my husband and will learn to communicate my feelings and needs as well as listen to my husband and his feelings and needs.
2. I was going to be a size 12 (I was a size 26 when I began)
3. I would have a deeper connection with my family and feel better about myself
4. That I will speak from the heart and share my feelings in all situations.
5. I would stay away from people who were constantly negative - as it only brings me down.
6. Try to get organize (Hey I put it on my list but fell on and off this wagon many times in 2011)
7. Get out of debt
8. Enjoy quality time with my husband and sons
9. I will help my kids achieve their educational goals.
10. I would finish my book and have it published by our Anniversary
Yes - I can hear you now - 10 things Stacey! It's bad enough to stick to one item, but 10?! To know me, is to know that 10 is not even the tip of the ice berg, but were the most important. The first two months of this journey was complete Hell! My family was not used to my change in personality and the way I ate, I guess I should have taken a more subtle approach, but I jumped in with both feet and was going for the gusto, which has usually led to me running out of steam by March and giving up on my plan for good. But not this time. I think it was the fact that I was tired of being overweight and I felt this was some of the reason my husband was finding emotional comfort elsewhere. (He did admit this was part of the reason in addition to another fault of mine, that I didn't listen. This was my wake-up call and it was time make some serious changes.) To me, elsewhere was going to stop once and for all. A boyfriend or girlfriend/husband or wife seeking emotional solace outside of their relationship is asking for trouble on the home front. Trust me folks, it is a small fire that can quickly get out of control and will destroy everything in its path. I have seen it happen to other relationships and I refused to let it ruin the love between my husband and me.
My belief and many of you may not agree with me - so be it if you don't. If you are in any relationship whether it is with a man or woman - communication is the life line of a great relationship. No matter if the topic is good or bad, the couple should be talking at all times, but when one goes outside the relationship for attention or even worse an ego stroking - guarantee you will have trouble on your hands. Get mad all you want at this statement, but for me. My husband is married to me and I am married to him. When listening to people talk or what we are exposed to on TV, it just seems like life has no boundaries or respect anymore. A perfect example, if a person has a ring on, it's now a challenge of temptation to others, not a level of understanding that he or she is off the market. My philo - you see the rings or know they are married - move along. I could go on for hours on this topic, but I'm jumping off my soap box as this is about Resolutions not Temptations.
So, for my husband and me, it took much longer to mend the wounds that we both caused each other because we were not telling each other how we were feeling. Day by day we found the ability to speak without fear, of how the other would react, and low and behold things started changing for the better. We just needed to start communicating with one another on our feelings and what we wanted in life and what would be our future after our kids had graduated. We found out we both wanted the same things in our life together and wanted to get away from the crazy city life for a more country type atmosphere. For us, communication was the peace in the valley we had been wanting.
I also think my kids issues in their schools stemmed from their feeling the tension between my husband and I, because once that was resolved, life took a completely positive change for both of them in their personal lives, at home, and at school. I stuck to my nutritional plan and found that Yoga was a great way to free your mind, body and soul. We finally got ourselves out of debt and my first book, that took me 22 years to put together, was published on May 26th, which would have been our original wedding day, but if you read the book you'll find out why we chose May 6th, instead. My organization skills are still weak, but improving daily. We have spent ample quality time together as a family and that alone has brought us all so close together that I can't help but shed a tear of happiness as I think of all the fun we have had as a family. Yesterday I went to my cardiologist to see what my heart was doing and thus far I have prevented any further damage since I have lost all the weight and reached my goal of being a size 12.
So to know that I have four days to go before I can officially say I have followed through with my New Year's Resolutions for the 2011 year, I am so happy both inside and out. I have found my love of a life time once again. I have reconnected with my kids - and for me that is, and will forever, be my priority in life. For my New Year's Resolution of 2012 - Continue with the same list and then add some additional things here and there, but overall life, family, love, marriage, budgets, they all take work and commitment, just because you have written it out as a goal for one year, doesn't mean that you don't continue to maintain things. For me, I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do to make these changes in myself. Once I made the changes within, everything else fell into place.
To each and every one of you:
May the New Year be all that you hoped and dreamed of, and that it be filled with great health, enriched with pure love, blessed with peace of mind and drenched with an abundance of sheer happiness.
Thank you all for joining me and supporting my blog. I am excited for the things to come and look forward to writing in the New Year.
Most Sincerely: BU3 Retired Stacey L. Bolin
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