Wednesday, May 22, 2013

"Less Is More" - Stay Positive My Friends

My roses are in full bloom today...

and how beautiful they smell
 
 
As I was surfing my afternoon wall posts today, I read a quote that was put on as a Facebook status from a woman I used to go to school with. All morning long I had struggled with what today's writing would be all about. Would it be one of my soapbox mornings? A non-fictional story? A mystery? A recipe? All of the pondering and reaching to find something to write, went away when I read her posted words. She writes that she saw this and thought is was a great message to share - I can't agree more.  Thanks Marcia you have inspired me. And so, today's message is: "Less is More" Have a great day everyone and I'll blog you later.

.

  Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective. And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should. Either you succeed or you learn something. So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest. Your positivity will help encourage those around you.- Positive Thoughts

Monday, May 20, 2013

"The Yogi Bear Gamer or The Attention Whore/Nag - Which label would you chose?"

 
 
 
 
My quote of the day: You never know how long you have in this thing called life and time is a precious thing that you can never get back, so use it wisely.
 
It’s overcast on this early Monday morning in Maryland, USA. Why add the USA to my sentence? I thought you’d never ask. I'm about to share with you why. Today I am writing in response to an email that I had received a few days ago from a family in Canada who wanted me to write about a topic, which I found I could relate to. Now, not wanting to bring attention onto them and that they have also ask to remain anonymous, I have changed their names, so let’s see, I’ll call them Lance and Veronica - yeah, that sounds different. So let’s begin.
I had received an email from Veronica's husband Lance, wanting to understand why his wife gets upset that he and his family are overly outgoing. Yes, I will say, I was confused by that statement and why would he send this to me? But you know how you hear people say, there is always reason things happen, well maybe that is what was happening here - a pending life lesson waiting give me a slap on the back of the head. 
When he provided me with more detail, I began to understand. Veronica and Lance have six children, four boys’ two girls ranging in ages 20 to 9. They all have numerous interests, while at the same time; appreciate doing many things together. Lance is very outgoing, and likes to do for others as he gets great joy out of seeing people happy and he and his kids do their part to help out all they can, but he's finding the more joy he and the kids get from assisting others the more his wife is agitated. So I asked him another question, “Does this help for others conflict with private family time and helping out at home?” to which he replied, “Yes, has she written you too?
Well immediately I felt connected to his want for answers. As you see, I understand both what Lance is feeling and what his wife is feeling, so honestly I can't take either side, and I can't tell them what is right and what is wrong, that it is their life choice but since Lance asked me, I will try to answer as a wife with a current situation that I am experiencing that somewhat resembles what he feels is becoming problematic in their home. I don't have six children, but I do have three boys if you include my husband. (smile). 
Recently our weekends have had my family anywhere but home and my husband had even commented in the past, more times than not, that we should all enjoy the winter weekends of boredom and quiet, as the spring, summer, and fall, will eat up out weekend time fast. I'm ok with his comment and always have been. We are a very active family who sticks together, especially when it comes to helping people. We have freely given ample amount of our time to volunteer for various events and organizations over the past eleven years. Again, let me state this for the record, I HAVE NO PROBLEM DOING THIS - until it interferes with progress and upkeep on our own home, which generally we have never run into, but we’ve never had a very important event taking place at our home in less than three weeks either, and we’ve had months to get ready, now we are down to days. 
Lately I feel I am constantly repeating myself and in turn, they view it as nagging or trying to seek out their attention in a negative way, and are not really understanding or seeing the bigger picture what is being asked of them.  Now I know I am not the only woman in the word that on occasion feels that her family has a way of engaging their selective hearing modes into the permanent block mom’s voice position - but I think I can safely say it probably hits a nerve in others just like it does in me when this happens. So Lance, here is my dilemma, and maybe it will in some way help you.
 
****
In three weeks we will have a house full of people for one son's16th birthday and the other son's graduation from High School. Am I nervous? – HELL YES AND THEN SOME! I’m stressing because our yard looks like we are auditioning to be the new "Sanford and Son's" sitcom, (see pictures below) but for some reason the men in our home feel it is vital to conduct their beautification skills anywhere but where it is needed the most – HOME! So when I ask them why they will put their skills to good use anywhere but home their reasons are, they like to help out when they can. Did anyone just hit a wall like I did? They have the ability to make things right and I have even offered to help, but unfortunately it appears it’s not that easy to take the same pride in their home, and if I asked more than once - instantly I’m labeled as the “Attention Whore” or “The Nagger”. Does it piss me off? – Your damn straight it does! I was brought up that the men did the yard work and the women took care of the inside business of the home. So yes, I will admit, I have become very resentful and the more they do elsewhere, the more I want no part of wanting my family elsewhere.
But I realized that way of thinking was so negative that it was placing a dark and tense cloud over my life and it was imperative that I needed to reanalyze why I would feel so hurt and why would they not understand my anguish towards their choices of using their talents elsewhere over home during a time when it's desperately needed. Weeks of frustrations are what I have learned to work through until it hit me. Everyone like recognition and praise - EVERYONE and my three boys, even though they deny it, live for it. Something about that stroke of the ego and being asked especially by women, other than me, will have these men moving mountains – all for a smile and an ounce praise that is dangled in front of them like a picnic basket in front of Yogi Bear.
So is it that when I give praise it is not appreciated because it is expected since I’m the mom/wife? Could it be that they don’t see that at times, they are the puppets on a string for the entertainment of others getting what they want by to giving out to many compliments?  Or is it that when I ask for assistance on projects at home, they feel that I am the type of person that does have the talent, strength and ability that I can do these projects on my own?
Then I noticed something as I watched one of my boys react to a need for help and I'm not saying which one, but suddenly a new theory in my mind emerged. I call it the "Damsel or Dude in Distress" theory. The description: When a person/s only reacts to the want to do something, if there is praise before the request. So for example say a person/s want you do to something they didn’t want to do, then they would drop a line like, "You are so good at painting, I can't thank you enough," that is soon followed by, "Oh can you help me with doing this or that or something." Now you might be the best painter in the world, and in your mind of minds, you’d love to believe it, but something about hearing it from someone else makes you feel good, and honestly who doesn’t feel good about a positive comment, I know I do, but lately I am seeing a strong pattern - the compliments are always followed by another want, that makes me start to question how talented or skilled I really am and feel people just want, want, want, even if they really do appreciate what I can do. I feel that it is a conditional praise that could compromise trust. In my head I hear, "You so good at that, but only if you help me." Now Lance, I'm not saying your wife is feeling this way, I don't even know her, I don't wear your shoes or hers and I could be so far from what you’re really asking.  If your situation is like ours, maybe she's feeling a bit like I am at the moment, we're talking about taking in the moment that makes us feel good about ourselves (praise, compliments, thanks)  our self-esteem starts to rise, and yes my ego inflates like balloon, then another request is immediately placed upon me that makes the compliment no longer genuine - POP! My ego balloon is gone. I'm sure I'm not making any sense, maybe I need to get off my soapbox.
So my next question, how many of you have found yourself caught up in a situation/s somewhat similar to this? I’ll raise my hand, and I’ll also raise my hand that I have said things to get people to do what they would otherwise not want to do. A perfect example of this tactic and when I recently used it, was trying to find my younger son’s car key. I knew immediately that my older son had something to do with its whereabouts’ but if I were to have asked, “Where did you put the key?” he would have never helped me find it. Instead I took a different approach since I’ve noticed how they respond to this type of mind game. My strategy was simple and this is what I said when I asked my older son to find the key that he had already denied knowing anything about when approached by his brother, “You are so good at finding things, and I’d really like to find that key so that we can get this car back together. Your brother has looked and looked, but he really needs a person with your skills to find things. Can you help us look?” Sure enough, it worked and not only did he get up and help look, but the friend he was sitting on the porch with, also got up and helped look. At first it was the same line, “I have no idea where the key is,” then suddenly he spots the key way on the top of a shelf that in order to see it, you needed to be standing on a stool. Needless to say, my theory was proven that day. I played a minor part of the Damsel in Distress – How sad is that? What hurt me was to know that if I had used my motherly skills and said, “I know you know where that key is, go get it,” he would have rolled his eyes, toned me out, and a negative exchange of words would have become heated. I like the last word game. *Wink* what parent doesn't.

***
In our town we have a business called the “Honeydo Handyman” guy, (No Joke) This guy has truck with that on it and has created a business doing the odd jobs around the house that the members of the home don't want to do. The things I am asking to be completed could be done in a matter of an hour or so, and what actually makes me feel proud, is that I know my family is thinking the way I am...They know I am talented, strong, and capable of completing these tasks on my own, but why should I have do these things on my own or call someone stranger to come to my home and complete these tasks we I have two strong teenage boys that can do this, and I shouldn’t have to pay them or bribe them with money to get it done. Years ago, kids helped their parents around the house - why is this day and age any different?




 
 
 
 
Wow, just posting these pictures has me ready to get out there and tackle this crap once and for all, but on the flip however, there may be someone who looks at it differently and would think, as a significant other or a strong teenager, wouldn't you rather help your loved one, vs. letting them get used to doing things on their own and/or calling upon some stranger? Think long and hard on the answer to this question - What could happen when a person discovers they "CAN-DO" on their own?
 
So Lance, on a softer side of myself that I like so much better that my "nagging" side, could be a simple solution. All I am asking  is the ones I love share their talents and assistance on the home front and I would just appreciate some of the free time my family does have during the day that they are spending elsewhere, to be spent on doing something for just for our family and not everyone else around the family. I'd like to be selfish and not share every moment of our free time - some here and some there is fine. I'm feeling Like a checkbook, you'd like to see more put into it, but sometimes the balance runs close to empty. The good point about doing things together whether home or afar, we are at least in the same area, that I'm closer than I was if I had stayed home and they went about their business, but I still find at times that I am shrouded in little moments of loneliness.  

I don’t know if I helped in anyway and I’m not saying that this could be the problem, but maybe it could shed a different light on your circumstances. I know at times I have felt like I was placed on the back burner, excluded, and their lives are moving on and I’m trying to do my best to run behind the bus, only catching it here and there.  I also feel that my guys have a hard time saying no, and people know and are spreading the word that is spreading their time thinner and thinner, which is hard to for me to stand back and watch, but I'm not heard when I express my feelings.
All in all go easy on her, remember she is human, when she hurts, she hurts deep, she goes to work outside of the home too, and from your email, it sounds like all she would like is to have you and your family’s attention/help more than two hours after work and a few hours on the morning on the weekends. You never know how long you have in this thing called life and time is a precious thing that you can never get back, so use it wisely. You may find as you’re off and going and doing in one direction, she may start growing and doing in a different direction. I wish you success in getting to the bottom of this life lesson and word of advice that I learned from my therapist - you can’t fail if you keep your conversation as "I" statements (I feel, I wish, I want to understand etc.) when trying to calmly discuss problems or concerns, instead of telling another person what they are doing wrong and make them feel like they are being attacked or blamed. I have tried the "I" approach on more than just my family and guess what the "I" have it and - it works. Who’d a thunk it? Smile.
****
Oh, and as for my dilemma, it has been resolved and that I didn't hire the Honeydo Handyman guy and I did tell my husband that I pondered the idea - he didn't sound overly thrilled and assured me that I was over thinking things.  I do, do that. I didn't however tell him that I love him and my boys with all that I have in my heart, that I could never call upon another to take their places, gotta keep them on their toes…….   and honestly I'd feel too guilty if I had. Everything works out if given the right amount of time.
 
Many thanks to my readers who continue reading my soapbox moments, as you have read before I have them now and then, but always feel better to get it out and when I look back I can't help but think at time... "Dang girl, you are such a fruit cake, what in heavens name where you thinking?" I also appreciate the emails, keep them coming. As some of you have learned, some topics I chose not to write about.  As flattered as I am, I am not qualified to offer clinical forms of advice. I'm just a simple girl trying to figure out who I am, where I have been, and where I am going in this wolf pack I call - Family. have a fantastic day. Blog ya later!
 
 
 
 
 
 


Friday, May 17, 2013

"The Experiment" The Final Saga

"The Experiment"
The Final Saga
By BU3 Ret. Stacey L. Bolin
 
 
 
 
 

Numerous onlookers began to crowd the area where the commotion was coming from, making it more and more difficult for Bill to see what was happening.


“Lori, you stay here, I want to see what’s going on.”
“Bill, I think you should just stay put until security gets here.”
“I’ll be fine, just wait here.”
As he walked closer to the counter, he could make out the topic that had grown into an extremely heated confrontation that was filled with a multitude of profanity that could have woven a rope to the moon and back – twice. From what he could gather the young lady working the counter had friended a guy on Facebook that was in a relationship with another young lady and it was that young lady that had shown up to express her dislikes about the newly established friendship. Bill was amazed, how could someone out of the blue be so confrontational without realizing the possible consequences of this type of behavior in such a public establishment. It’s one thing to have an argument within the walls of your own home, but to be so brazen as to come to a person’s place of work and flip out all because another girl had friended her boyfriend. It was a clear indication, that not only did he need to add another column to his experiment, but his point about social skills and how they were lacking more and more in the world, was becoming more evident since technology had found its place in life’s society.
Back and forth the two ladies argued about the accusations. It wasn’t until the young lady behind the counter pulled out her IPhone from her back pocket and proved her innocence, that she had not been the one who had friended anyone, in fact it was just the opposite. It had been the boyfriend who had been doing the friending, but when his girlfriend found out, and he denied what he had done, all hell broke loose.
The managers of the food counter where the confrontation took place were able to quickly dissolve the problem and get the crowd to disburse, but it didn’t come without consequences. Bill did his best to get closer to the conversation that was now taking place between the managers and the employee. He was shocked by what happened next.
The managers were explaining their policy that all cell phones, camera’s, IPod’s and anything else that was personal technology, was to be off and stowed away in an employee locker. That the employee had gone against the contact that they had signed stating they understood this policy and a first offense was the only offense, even if the phone was off, but because she had a cell phone in her possession while on the job, she had broken the policy that resulted in her immediate dismissal.
“THAT’S NOT FAIR! SHE CAME AT ME AND I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!” the employee screamed for all to hear. “This place is a joke!” and then went storming off.
Bill looked over his should at Lori.
“What’s going on?” Lori mouthed to him trying to get some inclination as to what was taking place, while in her mind she made a mental note to herself - make sure her daughters didn’t work at the mall. “Come back here.”
Bill went back over to the table to fill Lori in on what had transpired, but with Bill, she knew that the story was going to be told his way.
“So, what happened?” questioned Lori.
“It seems that there was quite the riff in bedrock. Wilma believed that Betty had been trying to pursue her man and friended him on the marble table, but when Wilma confronted Fred about this, Fred beat feet and took off to the gravel pit, never telling Wilma that he was the one doing the friending, so Wilma marched over to Betty’s with plans to have Dino attack her, but instead Wilma got to walk away Scott free and Betty lost her job at the brontosaurus burger.
“I know I’m going to regret this, but Bill, for some crazy ass reason I understood what you just said even if though you explained the situation as if I had just turned on the Flintstones, so either I am tried or my brain is fried, or it’s late and we need some closure on this experiment of yours - soon. Do you have everything you’re looking for?”
“Yes, I think I do, let’s go home and share our findings with our girls.”
“I hope you don’t mean tonight?” Lori exclaimed.
“Sure why not?”
“Because it’s late, I’m bloated from all the soda and fattening foods I have been eating for the past two hours and now I feel like the a Macy’s Day Balloon. The only thing that is missing is the right amount of rope and handlers to guide me back to the car. I’m also very tired, and on the verge of turning into - Oscar the Grouch. I think that is enough explaining…don’t make me go Mr. Slate on you.”
replied Bill in his best John Wayne voice “Ok, little lady you win this time, let’s fire up our gas pony and go back to the homestead.”
They got all their papers together and headed out the door. It was time to call it a night.
Bill wore a huge smile as he drove home. He was proud to know that he had done what he had set out to do. He had gathered enough information to sit down with his family and explain some life issues that were troubling him. He knew that with the way he had set his idea in motion and documented his findings, this would help him, help them understand his concern about the future not just for his daughters, but for society as a whole.

***
When Lori and Bill pulled into the yard, they were amazed by the number of lights that were on in the house.
“I figured the girls would already be in their rooms, doing whatever it is teenage girls do behind closed doors.”
“Are you kidding, they were going to wait this night out until we walk through that door. Wanna bet?” Lori said trying to smile over a yawn.
When they walked through the door, there sat their dog scooter with his dish in his mouth, to greet them.
“Doesn’t anyone but me, feed the dog in this house?” Bill called out in a witty voice.
Both girls came thundering down the stairs wearing looks of great concern.
“Did you hear what happened?” shouted Carmen, “It’s all over Facebook and Twitter!”
Bill and Lori looked at one another and then looked back at Carmen before Bill nonchalantly replied, “Depends on what you’re talking about.
“It’s not that big a deal,” said Nancy, trying to hold back her excitement, “Just some bitch got my best friend fired from her job because of something the bitch’s boyfriend did.”
“She isn’t a bitch Nancy! That girl got what was coming to her for trying to make a move on another girl’s boyfriend. What a slut!”
Lori shook her head in frustration with each cuss word that fell from her daughters lips and finally interjected, “How about we refrain from the negative name calling shall we girls?”
“You know, since the girls are so wide awake, how about you go upstairs and get some sleep. I think for me, this is a good a time as any to share with them what I learned tonight. I’d almost say that it’s perfect timing, wouldn’t you?”
“I guess I would agree if I only know what is was you were trying to find out.” Lori remarked while trying not to yawn, “But as much as I would love to know, I’m going to leave the long talks into the night, to the three of you. You can fill me in during breakfast. Oh and one other thing please make sure that Scooter here gets something to eat and a trip outside to relieve himself.”
“Sure thing mom,” both girls replied in unison.
“Good night sweetness,” bill said as he gave her a hug and a kiss on the lips, “I love you – sweet dreams.”
“I love you all too.”
As Lori made her way up the stairs, a great sense of guilt had overwhelmed her. She felt that she should be downstairs, but at the same time, her husband needed this time to be alone and to share with his daughters what has been on his mind all week long. That maybe he’d be more open if she was not in the room. She decided that she would not reveal that she had taken a place on the top of the stairs and leaned against the wall to hear what Bill and the girls were talking about.
You could hear the girls walking around putting chips, soda, and plates, on the table while Bill opened a can of dog food for scooter, before they all gathered around the table. He put all his papers and notes together so that as he spoke, he would be able to provide any documentation to possibly answer any questions that his daughters might ask him.
They finally all sat down and Bill began to speak.
“Well girls, I won’t say that this hasn’t been uneventful evening. It’s been anything but. As for the event that took place at the Mall, I saw what happened and I know the outcome.”
“This girl just…”
“Carmen, I said I know what happened and you don’t have all the facts.”
“Yes I do, my friends on Facebook…”
Bill immediately cut her off, “Carmen! Stop and listen to me, you need to learn to listen. You also need to learn that just because you see it posted on Facebook, it is not always so. 
“Dad, my friends were there, they saw it all.” She remarked in her bad attitude tone of voice.
“Really now, so your friends also saw that the girl at the food counter got fired for not following company policy about keeping her cell phone in her locker during working hours?”
“Whatever?” She replied with a huge roll of her eyes.
“That’s right; she wasn’t fired for standing up for herself verbally. She was fired for having her cell phone in her back pocket.”
Carmen and Nancy were rendered speechless.
“See what I mean about having the facts and having the right facts. It’s very important to understand that in this day and age people can put anything they want on a computer, factual or not. I worry that with everyone connected through technology we are losing life’s simpler moments, or what the youth of today would like to label as the old fashion ways, you know like writing a letter and mailing it with a stamp, or stopping by someone’s house and sitting together on the porch sipping some fine sweet tea and catching up on old times and new or better yet, being able to express yourselves through differences of opinion by sitting down together and having a one on one face to face conversation so that everyone can move forward and move past what might be bothering them. People don’t do that as much anymore and I beginning to think that I was the reason why my own daughters don’t appreciate simple living vs. life via the computer – I never educated you on what a simple lifestyle was like when I was growing up. I just figured that if I let you get this phone and that computer, you’d know what you were missing, but then I realized that how would you know what you’re missing if I don’t teach you these things and share my memories. Believe it or not, when I had to write a book report, I had to use a pen and write in cursive on a piece of essay paper,” both girls laughed, “You laugh now, but it’s true. Nancy when was the last time your pen wrote in your notebook?”
“I don’t Dad; I used my notepad computer and a dragon program to put my thought in order.”
“There’s point number one that I am trying to make. You are the generation of technology. Years ago, we would have never had believed that now you can speak out loud and a thing called a computer would type everything you say and correct the spelling and grammar as you went along. We had to know how to spell and do math in our heads. No you have computers and fancy calculators at the ready to do all your work.”
“Wow, I guess I never realized how so much as changed over the years. Dad, I’d love to see some pictures of what things were like when you were a young boy and want to know more about what you and your friends did.”
Bill smiled and was beaming with great joy as Lori sit sat at the top of the stairs and was doing her best to hold back her heartfelt tears.
“Sure Nancy, I’d love to share that with you and with Carmen. I also wanted to share with you what my experiment was all about.
“How to elude the police when you’re not being chased,” Nancy said with a big cheesy grin.
“Ha-ha but no. I wanted to see how many young men and ladies in their late teens and early twenties were hooked on some form of technology and how much or how little social skills they had. What I discovered was alarming. For example; even though your friend was fired for having her cell phone in her back pocket. Five other’s at that same work location had their phones or IPhones with them as well. A couple of them had them hidden in various locations and I would catch those willing to take a risk on getting caught, by taking quick glances at them over the course of two hours. But don’t think I am just picking on that one location, I observed this problem in all the locations, and generally it was the women who were guilty of this. As for the men, they were more into flirting when a nice looking lady walked by or ordered at their food location and would even go as far as making a taster tray, just so they could get out from behind the counter and get closer to the ladies doing their shopping and getting a bite to eat. Some were radicals as they tried to gain the attention of the opposite sex, while others were more the secret squirrel types.”
Carmen began to laugh, “You mean like you dad?”
“Sure, like me.” He grinned.
You could see a light was beginning to shine over Nancy’s head as she paused a moment and then said, “so what you’re trying to say dad, is that your feeling guilty that maybe we don’t have the social skills that you wish the world used to have, because we can’t live without our computers and I-something’s?”
Bill dropped his head and softly replied, “Yes girls, I have felt like I have let you down for a long time and that I can’t get back the time that I have lost.”
“Dad, the past is the past, you can’t go back to it and you can’t live a life of would a, could a, should a’s. It will drive you crazy. We just through since you didn’t really get mad at us for using our phones and computer all the time, then you were OK with it.”
“Nancy, how’d you get so smart?”
“I don’t know, maybe because I study and get good grades in school” she replied as she through a look at her sister as if her commented was intended to hurt her.
“So all writing, and making columns, and going to the mall to conduct an experiment, this was all because you were trying to find a way to help us appreciate life before and after technology and how people need to learn to socialize face to face vs. via the Internet?”
“Yes, I guess you could say it that way. I just miss the days of sitting down at a table, like we are doing now, and sharing thoughts and ideas as a family or if you’re with friends. I never see any of your gal pals over here much to just hang out with you both.”
“That’s because we are on Facebook and all chat at the same time, vs. all the girls coming over here, because then we would have to feed them and like mom said, if we can’t remember to feed scooter, how could we remember to feed our guests.” Carmen winked.
“Wow, I guess I should have given you both more credit that you are more aware of life and its importance.  I am so glad that you both took the time to get away from your worlds behind your bedroom doors to talk with me tonight. I really feel better.”
“I have a great idea Dad, how about we plan to do this after dinner every day. We’ll sit and talk and catch each other up on what we each did that day, and who knows, maybe Carmen will realize she can live 8 hours without her phone on her hip, so that she could secure some type of employment. Hey Carmen, I hear there a job opening at the Mall.”
“NO!” Screamed Lori still perched at the top of the stairs.
“Wow, mom’s still up, guess that means she heard everything. So I guess it’s time to call it a night. Both of you come over here and give me a hug good night.”
Both girls got up and wrapped their arms around Bill and told them how grateful they were to have him as their dad and how much he really had taught them, even if he felt he had let them down. To them their dad and done everything in their lives, but let them down. That Bill and Lori were great parents and they were happy to have them to teach them the facts of life and preparing for the future.

“Ok, let’s hit the hay, tomorrows another day and it’s getting here fast.”
Bill and the girls put things away and turned off the light downstairs. How surprised they were when they came up the stairs and found Lori sound asleep at the top of them. Bill hugged the girls once again before they went into their rooms and closed the doors. Bill knelt down and whispered into Lori’s ear.
“Hey sweetness, let’s go to bed.”
She held out her hand and with both their efforts she stood up and they both went into the bedroom to call it a night.
***
As the house was quite once again you could hear just the sounds of the over sized clock on the living room wall, ticking the evening hours away while outside in the upstairs hallway centered a perfect distance between all three bedrooms sat scooter ever so quietly with his dog dish in his mouth.

 


This is what was in my head as I was typing the segment when the character Bill was referring to the Flintstones. Enjoy 
 


Thursday, May 16, 2013

"The Experiment" Part IV


 

The sounds of a siren and multi flashing red and blue police lights filled the car as Lori and Bill headed to their missions first destination.

"WHAT DO WE DO BILL!” Lori blurted out in a frantic voice.

“Don’t worry my sweets, just let me do all the talking, these guys know me.” Bill replied in his best secret squirrel tone.

“You want?”

“What I mean is that I know how to talk to these guys.”

The siren continued to blare behind them, clearly the only thing that this law enforcement officer had in mind was to run interference in Bills plan. He was sure of that as he continued driving forward towards the mall.

“Dammit Bill – PULL OVER! I don’t want this to end up in a low speed police chase.”

“You don’t think I have what it takes to out run the law?”

Lori looked at him and tried to find the words, but nothing would come out.

“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. I know what I’m doing.”

“Really?” was all she could say.

A thousand things began to rush through Bills mind as he started babbling out loud – “Was it an unpaid parking ticket? I was only parked in a no parking zone for ten minutes, my cell phone rang and I didn’t want to talk and drive. I didn’t even leave my car. Maybe it was girl I was flirting with at the circle K; she probably filed harassment charges for asking too many questions about the dangers of drinking chocolate milk while eating pork rinds? Could it have been that I didn’t mow the lawn on the day our home owners association suggested? No, no it know what it is…I forgot to send my mother a birthday card and now she is seeking revenge? I know you shouldn’t have used all the stamps Lori! Maybe it was….”

“You…driving the blue Nissan. Please pull your car to the side of the road,” said a stern and official voice over the loud speaker of the police car.

“BILL! SNAP OUT OF IT AND PULL THE HELL OVER! HE’S TRYING TO GET AROUND YOU!”

“What?” He replied dazed and completely confused while slowly pulling his car to the side of the road.

Nancy and Carmen stood in the door way of their house watching all the excitement.

“Dang, they haven’t been gone more than two minutes and dad hasn’t even gotten the end of the road and already he’s brought attention onto himself.” Nancy commented as she shook her head in disbelief while the other neighbors stood out on their lawns trying to understand what was going on. "I’m so embarrassed."

“He should have let mom drive, she’d have been at the mall by now.” Carmen commented.

“That’s probably why he didn’t let her drive he knows mom wants to be the next Danica Patrick.”

They both laughed and then closed the door to wait impatiently for the outcome that they knew would result in numerous Facebook postings and twitter comments from their friends, about their parent’s antics, later in the evening.

***

Bill and Lori reached the mall parking lot about 8:35pm. Their first indication that it was a typical Friday night were the miles of multiple colored metal finishes, which could mean only one thing – finding a parking spot was going to take patience, perseverance and cut throat quickness. Bills excitement was growing into frustration as one attempt after another would find them just missing a spot here or a spot there.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Bill screamed out slamming his fists against the steering wheel.

“Bill! Watch the language!”

“Oh don’t read me the riot act on cussing there little lady, the girl’s tell me you have a mouth like a sailor when you’re behind the wheel.”

“Who me? They don’t know what they’re talking about,” she replied as she turned away and peered out the window to conceal the sinful grin she was wearing.

“There’s one!” He exclaimed and stomped his foot down on the gas pedal that created an intense roar from the engine accompanied by the sounds of squelching rubber on the new pavement while unexpectedly flinging Lori deep into her seat do to the negative G’s that bill had inflicted onto their Nissan.

“BILL, SLOW THE HELL DOWN!” Lori cried out.

Just as he was about to finally get parked, a vehicle from the other side had driven through to the space Bill was intent on getting.

“WHAT THE HELL! DAMMIT!”

Lori laughed at Bills expense, “Welcome to my world, this is what it is like anytime on any day when coming to the mall.”

“SOMEBODY KNEW I WAS COMING HERE TONIGHT!”

“Oh yeah, right, someone has been out there in the world planning their next move to steal Bill Keebler’s parking spot when he goes to the mall. Better yet, maybe the girls put the word out about what their mom and dad were up to. Come on Bill, be real. How about we go to a restaurant or something and save the mall for another time.

“No…we can’t alter the plan or the numbers won’t come out right.”

“The Numbers? Bill do you realize how many people in your experiment age group, are in the world? Do you really think that twenty people will give you the honest facts you are looking for?”

“It doesn’t matter how many.” He paused with a disappointed look upon his face. “I need to understand so that I can make my point.”

“About what?”

“Never mind, you’ll understand soon enough.”

As Bill and Lori continued talking, while temporarily blocking the flow of traffic as their car sat idled, bill noticed that the vehicle that had taken their place was pulling out and was only there momentarily to answer a cell phone call.

“Hold Crap a space!” Bill Cheered.

“Sorry man, it’s against the law to drive and talk on the phone,” shouted the driver with a friendly voice and a smile. “She’s all yours, but have to warn you, it’s crazy in the mall as well.”

“Thanks man,” Bill replied and gunned the car once again thrusting Lori into a motionless position into her seat. “WE GOT ONE LORI! HA HA!” he cried out in a great mad scientist voice.

“Thank goodness. My body can’t take much more of this.” She replied as she peeled herself out of the cushions of her seat to exit the car. "You didn't tell me I would have to endure on the job hazards especially a whiplash injury."

"Sorry sweetness" he replied as he removed his sunglasses and trench coat and threw them both into the back seat of the car before locking it.

"I thought you said you didn't have anything on under your coat?"

“I was just having fun with you, you're so gullible Lori. Now hold my hand and let’s go check on the food court."

As the night went on Bill had stopped at all of the food counters that appeared to be run by men and women in their late teens and early twenties. One by one Billed check off the columns and made notes by each person’s name that he was able to retrieve from each employees name tag.  Not to look suspicious or appear to be some type of creepy stalker, he would purchase some type of item that either he or Lori could drink or snack on without filling up. When Bill had returned to their table location that they had gotten that was strategically centered between all the food counters, Lori just sat there shaking her head.

"What's wrong hon?"

"Bill, I know you mean well, but if we keep snacking like this, we're going to gain 50lbs a piece and go broke before this experiment is over. Can't we go home now?"

"It's for a good cause and sometimes a father has to take matters into his hands to make a point?"

"Well I am taking matters into my own hand sand I have a point to make, I feel like I'm a pending spokesperson for Jenny Craig. I can see myself now, taking my before pictures while trying to explain how I put the weight on and how I'll get it off."

"Never mind, you’ll..." Bill began to reply when suddenly the sounds of voices screaming echoed throughout the food court. The situation was very heated and intense that began to unfold between a customer and an employee that appeared it would stop Bills mission in the blink of an eye if someone didn't respond with quickness.

"NO! Not now! I almost have all my information I need for my experiment." Bill commented under his breath.




_________________
 
Join me tomorrow for the final saga of "The Experiment" and find out what happens when a father will go to any lengths to make a life lesson point to his oldest daughter. Will she understand? Will Bill get his answers? Will Lori get a job with Jenny Craig? Find out tomorrow.  Until then - Blog ya later.
 

 
 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

"The Experiment" Part III


Friday had finally made its grand entrance into the Keebler home. Everyone conducted their early morning routines as usually, but with just a little less conversation at the breakfast table.  The girls were still very upset with their dad and the possible antics that he had planned for later that evening. They hoped that maybe his work day would render him too exhausted for games and trickery, which is what they felt this whole experiment of his was – games and trickery. But to Bill, no matter how the girls were feeling about his plan, this was something that until he ventured out and gathered this information, he would not be at peace with himself.  

The day turned out to be as smooth as a freshly paved road and five o’clock came with quickness for the Keebler family. Bill was the first one home and immediately retreated to the bedroom to begin the preparations for his undercover secret squirrel assignment that would be set in motion at 8:00pm that very night.

Lori and the girls arrived at home about an hour after Bill and were greeted at the door by the sounds of Bill belting out a tune, which he believed to be his best vocal accompaniment, to the music of Def Leopard. They all stood in the doorway both daze and confused and honestly were not surprised to see that the kitchen showed no signs of anything being started for dinner and their dog buttons sat ever so quietly with his plastic dog dish in his mouth.  It was then and only then did they all realize that Bill was indeed serious about his experiment and nothing was going to get in his way.

A look of panic came over Carmen’s face as she dropped her purse and began to run through the house like a crazed manic.

“Carmen! Slow Down! What is wrong with you?” said Nancy, with a chuckle to her voice. She looked at herself as the calm one in all the madness in the world.

“Don’t just stand there Nancy…Check every window in the house as quick as you can?” Carmen ordered as she moved around like the Tasmanian devil on a loony tunes cartoon.

Lori and Nancy just stood there in disbelief that on one floor was a daughter spacing out with no valid explanation, while the man of the house made it sound like he was hosting his very own rock concert in his steam shower time machine upstairs.  

“The only thing missing is the sound of a crowd cheering” said Lori out loud to herself when suddenly the sounds of thousands of people screaming and cheering filled the house as Bill was doing shout outs to thank the crowd for coming. “I should have known he was listening to the live concert version.”

“Mom…Don’t just stand there! Help me make sure all the windows are closed…our neighbors can hear dad singing!” Carmen screamed.

“Good Luck mom…I told you…you going to need it tonight.” Nancy smiled.

“I think you right little lady, come on let’s get this hungry dog fed and some dinner on the table.”

“Should we tell dad we are home?”

With a huge grin, Lori replied, “Nope, but you could be a good girl and stand outside in the hallway and record his performances on your cell phone so that we have a great laugh when family flies in for the holidays.”

“YOU GOT IT!” exclaimed Nancy as she ran past Carmen who still believed that there had to be a window open somewhere and that she’d be the joke of the community for weeks on end if she couldn’t contain the excessive noise her dad was making.

It was the smell of perfectly seasoned hamburgers and onions grilling on the stove that was the alarm that triggered Bills brain with the realization that his family was home.

“Oh Crap.” He thought as he turned the shower off. “How long have they been home?”

“Bill, Girls, dinner is ready!” said Lori as her voice carried through their home.

“Long enough,” he said to himself as he wiped the condensation off the mirror to check out day two of his new hair color.

***

Lori and the girls were already at the table eating when Bill finally made his appearance to join them for dinner.

“Hey dad, how was your day?” Said Nancy followed by a devilish smirk.

“It was good.”

“Heard any great bands lately?” Carmen asked rather sarcastically.

“Ok, so I was enjoying some time to myself, is it a crime to still like 80’s hair band music?”

“Only if the police are called in for excessive noise and disturbing the neighbors,” said Lori, as she looked down at her plate to hide that she wanted to laugh.

Nancy couldn’t resist and jumped on the - make fun of dad’s singing bandwagon. “Yeah dad, there were police helicopters and news media all over the place, they thought that an animal was caught in a trap or something.”

“Hey, I’ll have you girls known that I was in the swing choir in high school and we won second place in the music festival.”

“You had to win second place, there was only two schools that showed up, yours was one of them.” Interjected Carmen.

“Ok, girls, let’s stop with the jokes now. Your dad has been taking it like real trooper. Now let him eat his dinner before it gets cold.”

“How bout’ we stop if he stops this joke about going out to observe the working skills of today’s youth. I fear he’ll go to a place where my friends work and I’ll be picked on for the rest of my life!” Carmen cried out in one of her overly drama flairs.

“Carmen, I can’t say it enough…please get your application in and get into acting. Trust me when I say that you’ll be rich forever.” Replied Bill, before taking another bite of his cheese burger.

“Well while you three discuss who is doing what and who isn’t, meaning cleaning the table and putting the dishes away…I’m going upstairs to get my private eye outfit on, can’t go looking like somebody’s mom now can I.” Lori said in a witty tone of voice. “Oh and Bill when you’re ready to get our N.C.I.S. mission underway, let me know and we’ll be out the door in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”

With part of his hamburger still in the process of being chewed up in his mouth, Bill pushed it to the right side of his cheek with his tongue and exclaimed, “Baby I’m ready! Get your poop in a group and let ‘s get this party started!”

Turning a bit green Nancy found the ability to share her feelings on her dad’s poor table manners, “Poop? Party? I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Ok girls, you are in charge of the cleaning details and make sure that one of you take the dog out before poop really hits the fan.”

“Ewww Dad that is so gross.” Both girls replied together in their best annoyed voices.

As the clock struck 8pm, Lori was dressed, out the door and waiting for Bill. He was usually the first one in the car bitching that the women of the house were was always running late, especially Lori, and without fail he would always remark that she  of all people would even be late to her own funeral if he wasn’t there to always keep her ass moving. This time the shoe was on the other foot.

As she began to grow inpatient, she glanced down at her watch and noticed it was 8:09 and was startled when she looked up at saw Bill dressed in a long trench coat, mirrored sun glasses and carrying one of his huge and heavy looking old military olive drab green duty bags that he immediately threw into the trunk of the car before getting into the driver’s seat.

She couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of her husband. “Oh my god..Bill you look like a flasher.”

“It’s my undercover disguise…what do you think?”

“You can't wear that, your going to get us arrested in that get up.”

“You worry too much. Want to see what I don't have on under this coat, He said with a wink of an eye. "Just relax, the fun is just beginning…Ziva.”

Lori blushed, “Oh Tony, you always know the right things to say to a girl.”

“So what kind of sweet nothings to you have to say to me?”

“Well, Seriously I’ve always wanted to say this one line, but there was there has never been the right time or place until now, “ she paused then continued while trying to keep a straight face, “What is the bag bitch?”

He was in awe that his wife had not only wanted to know what was in his secret detective bag, but that she had called him a bitch.

“Come on, what’s in the bag?”

He grinned sheepishly and said, “The most important items any great detective would have while conducting and undercover investigation.”

“Yeah, like what?”

 “You know important things like a Camera, cell phones, batteries, a fiber one bar, peanut M&M’s, a soda and a bottle of water, tums, Tylenol and chap stick.”

All Lori could do at this point was to keep from laughing herself to death as she found this crazy plan rather comical. She was also very intrigued by this witty, imaginative side of her husband that she had never seen before. To her it was actually fun and made her feel youthful again.

“Strap in Ziva. Our first stop - the fast food locations in the mall.”

“Ok Tony, let’s roll.”

Due to my extra creative want to write this story, it has been lengthened and we all know what that means and can be described in three words - To be Continued…