Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Is It Breast Cancer "Part Two"

 
 
After speaking with the internal medicine nurse, it took her a few moments to realize that it would be another two days before she would know what lay ahead of her - maybe.  A new matter had been brought to her attention to add to her already distressed mind - she would need to correct an insurance problem.  This would be the deciding factor as to whether or not she would be able to go back to the clinic, that had been following her since 2008 and knew everything medically about her, or would she have to find a new health care provider.
She did her best to contact the insurance company, on her cell phone, as she worked through that Wednesday morning helping a local company deliver flowers for pre-Valentine’s Day, but found the ability to multi-task, while on the road, proved dangerous when she was lost in a community and nearly ran into the back of a parked car. As much as she just wanted to drive to the nearest emergency room for an answer, she had found the ability to convince herself that it was easier to stay calm and refrained from any spontaneous decisions until she got home that afternoon to rectify the insurance dilemma.
Immediately after her last delivery was made, she went straight home to contact Tri-care. From 2:30pm to 5:05pm it was a constant repeating of the problem as she was transferred from agent to agent, within the insurance company, all asking the same question, “Can I help you?” and all revealing the same answer, “Your online payments had not been set up correctly causing your coverage to lapse,” and there was nothing they could do to fix it. She found herself feeling a mounting sense of desperation as she spoke with a representative that refused to let her speak with a supervisor. Her words become uncontrolled as they left her mouth. She made it very clear that if her condition was indeed breast cancer and she couldn’t be treated by her doctor - because of a paperwork glitch - she was going to have someone’s ass for it and that she was not making anything threats - it was a promise. It didn’t matter how much strength she could try to muster up, her ability to remain composed was lost when she stood up and slammed the phone down on the table. She had been gripped with tremendous trepidation
“WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?” She screamed at the top of her lungs into the silence of the room as she abruptly sat back down. Her boys had been home that day and knew that she was very upset by the events that were unfolding. They never asked if she was ok as they knew she would regain her composure, if they left her alone - she would find a way to make things right. She got herself back together before making one last phone call that would be to a Tri-care supervisor who had the ability to make modifications to a policy depending on the type of situation.
Recalling the date and place when she had sat in an office of a Tri-care representative at the Naval Academy on the morning of Nov 2, 2012, she went on to explain that on that day she had sign the waiver to keep her primary care manager, in spite of the insurance company wanting her to have a shorter commute. During that meeting, she had also been talked into setting up auto payments to take the burden off her shoulders when it came to remembering payment dates and amounts, while being asked as she filled out the required paper work, about the best music for a bride to come down the aisle on her wedding day.   
As she continued to speak with a Tri-care supervisor on the phone, she was finally given a solution. That if the person she had filed the paper work with would provide either a copy of the payment request form or a notice of missing document letter, they would reinstated her to full coverage status. A sense of hope came over her briefly taking the anxiety of the unknown medical situation out of her conscious mind - temporarily.
With her financial situation already grim, recovering from this type of error would be a costly blow - the price would be a one year suspension and reduction of coverage. Meaning full payment out of pocket costs to another provider, because she was no longer in Prime status and had been reduced to basic coverage. She knew it was her fault for assuming that someone had done their job correctly and not following up to confirm her assumption.
She knew the representative in the office, that she went to in November, very well and knew that there was only one way to get to the bottom of the problem - go back to Naval Academy to get an answer, but that would have to wait until her lunch break the next day, as she still had to finish her second day of flower deliveries.  
Her night consisted of constant jumbling of thoughts that ranged from rage to fear and everything in-between.  The clock on her nightstand ticked away, one minute at a time, making the unknown feel like a nightmare and the bad guy was lurking to strike when she least expected it. The only solution was that she knew the representative at the Navy Academy would remember her and all would be resolved – If only it was that simple.
 
To be continued….

Monday, February 25, 2013

"Is It Breast Cancer?" Part One


 

She stood in the driveway that cool, dusky early Friday morning, teetering on a fine line between, going over the edge, and snapped. Fearing the worst and hoping for the best, she asked her husband - "What do I do?" He looked at her with his best face to keep her spirits positive, but his eyes revealed a soul that was remembering her battle with lymphoma that she had faced in 1994 - and survived. He was scared what the tests would reveal and all he wanted was to jump in his truck, go to work, hope that all of this was nothing more than a muscle injury and that tomorrow - life would go back to normal. Breast cancer were the two words that had the ability to shake this man to tears as his birth mother had succumbed to this dreadful disease before he had ever had the opportunity to meet the woman who had given him life.

As he got into his truck, she kissed him, a little longer than normal, allowing herself to feel the softness of his lips. She stood in the driveway, a little longer than normal, as she watch him heading off to work. She closed her eyes and took in the smell of the morning air, a little longer than normal, enjoying a moment of quiet before the city would awake. She was doing everything and anything to capture the moments before the unknown would be revealed.


***

Two days earlier she began experiencing significant pain in her left breast and after doing a self-examination, while standing in the shower, she never expected to find the large rock like mass beneath the skin. "How is this possible? I felt fine yesterday?" She said softly through her tears. Images of her family and special moments presented themselves in her memories as her slideshow of life and how blessed she has been. "Please God; please don't take me from my family. I can't leave them, not now...not ever." The sounds of the hot water beating off her skin, masked the sounds of her deepening sorrow. She felt completely broken. There were no doctors she could call until the next day, which meant she was going to have to do her best to remain calm and try to get through the evening hours until the arrival of a new day.

That night, as she lay on the bed trembling, her husband lay down beside her and held her tightly in his arms. With the exception of the exchange of the words - I love you - which they have said to each other every night before falling asleep - no other words were spoken. She did her best to contain her tears, trying to be strong for him, but the growing lump in her throat made hiding her fears extremely difficult. As she lay there watching him fall asleep, eventually her fears turned to exhaustion, and she found the ability to close her eyes, letting the warmth of his skin next to hers, help her relax and fall asleep as well.

The next morning began like any day before her discovery. Breakfasts were made, lunch money handed out, and everyone was on their way to school and work, leaving her home alone to watch the hands on the clock over the mantel, as they slowly reached nine o'clock. She called her doctor’s office to inform them of her discovery and what should she do, only to be told they would have to call her back. She had always had the ability to stay strong for those hurting around her, but when left alone, this body of strength was weak as a broken soul could be.

With her head in her hands, she sat at her dining room table in the warmth of the golden rays of the sun that shown brightly through the picture window and the cordless phone placed within her reach. Ten minutes after her call, the phone rang – it was one of the nurses from the internal medicine clinic. There was a growing urgency and concern in her voice as she explained the situation and what needed to be done before she could come into the clinic on Friday. Panic raced rapidly through her mind, body and soul while the nurse went into detail as she did her best to calmly explain the situation at hand - that was beginning to feel like a total nightmare.  

 

To be continued…

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Cluttered Mind = Cluttered Life?






We'll happy Thursday everyone. I have not forgotten you and I have received your topic requests with many asking for my advice on how to cope with negative emotions caused by trauma (I'm not certified to give advice, and won't. I will only share my personal experiences in that field as we all are different and handle things differently). The other, biggy blog request (Wow, say that three times fast) - to set a new quest of being debt free by 2014. Yikes!  You saw how bad I did with organizing my house, but I am really starting to understand the words of my therapist when he says, that a cluttered mind is a cluttered life. That statement rings oh so true in my case. The emotions of a past negative event has caused me to store so much crap in my thoughts that there are days when it all wants to come out, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Where is Clint Eastwood when you need him to do the dirty work and clean everything up? *Wink* But what is the scariest part of my thoughts, could there really be a happier me wanting to show its true colors? God I  hope so, but I know I have to take this quest, one minute at a time. The good thing is that I feel that it's there, but I'm so afraid of being hurt again by stigmas, and stereotypes, that had been placed on me in years past - I tend to be very guarded. I can't help but wonder - was my personality so bad, that is was better to overlook it and bad mouth me to others instead of saying - "Stacey I think you need some help?" I'm sure some will say hell yeah! I know, sometimes we ask someone what is wrong, and you find you have lost 6 hours of your life that you can't get back, other times, the 6 hours is not enough to just listen without judgment and hear the one important statement that surfaces in the jumbled mass of verbiage to alert another to why a person is dealing with such emotional stress. For me, when I tried to speak, I was labeled a drama queen and/or crazy bitch. So sad that people found it easier to label the unknown and turn away from me. Could it be that labeling a person freed their guilt of walking away? As I stand back and watch the world around me, I realize that I am nobody special in this category; people do this to others all the time, especially on social media - that's even worse.   I saw the quote above, on Facebook this morning and it speaks in volumes. It is only now that I am learning that with each word that I hear, I have to decide what importance it has in my life, is it positive, constructive, loving, helpful or negative and hurtful. That is a difficult task for a person that never really listened to anything but the negative. By learning the tool of effective listening, it is shedding some light on what I want for the future for myself and family.
So yesterday, I decided that it was time to remove this debt shroud that has been covering my family finances for years. I went through my paperwork detail for detail, telling myself that I can't change what happened in the past, I can't get all the late charges and fees reversed, but I know how to avoid ever being plagued by them again. My goal is to have all of our debt paid in full, with the exception of our Mortgage, and one truck payment, one year from now. It can be done if I am doing the math right, but means that it will require strict financial discipline - and my continued weekly visits to my therapist. So my readers that sent the requests to report once a week on my progress with surviving in a bad economy and becoming debt free - You got it, but realize that I may not be able to keep up with my desire to be a daily blogger until I learn this routine in  my day called - going to work. On that note, I'm going to start my day and tackle the motherly duties I have on my list today, so be kind to one another and know that the sun can come up tomorrow if you just find it in yourself to believe. And on days you just can't find that strength to believe and all else appears to be failing, do what I do and put a song on that reaches deep into your happy place and play it as loud as your speakers and your neighbors will allow.  Below is the link to my happy song for the week - who knows, try it on for size...maybe it's your too.
Be sure to visit again, as my next topic is entitled "Is it Breast Cancer?" A true story.  Until next time - Blog ya later alligators.


 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSFLZ-MzIhM  - The Rainbow Connection - Kermit the Frog.
 
 
 
 

 

Monday, February 18, 2013

"Just Surviving - You're Not Alone"



 
Who would have thought that I would find a song to express my blog today.
 
As I sit here fumbling through old documents and receipts to prepare for tax time 2013, I stumbled across several old calendar planners. Some with only a few pages written on, while others were filled in the months that I presume were very significant in our lives at that time. I can't help but notice what bills we had and the income that was coming in - where are those days now?  I can't help but feel that in this worldly economy, the worst is yet to come. Does anyone else agree? I know, not a very positive statement from the girl always pushing to be positive life is too short to be negative. Let’s face it; I'm only one in the gazillions of people in this world that are starting to fear what the future really does hold for them. Our credit score - SUCKS! And that is only the tip of the iceberg.  I won't pretend that all is well, and in fact it is just a matter of just getting by, but I can deal with that as we now have a plan. But let me start from the beginning on this financial horror story.
What I can't understand is the freedom that companies now believe they have when it comes to collecting monthly payments.  How many of you out there used online bill pay?  It's relatively easy, you set up the information and chose the day in which you entrust that a computer will collect and send your bill to whatever designated company you have indicated. For most, this works out rather well. Yet even if you pay your bills on time, there are still people out there who don’t and companies are doing their best to bring in the income. But what would you do if you learned that companies are finding a new way to say they have the right to call you asking for payment even if it is not due yet? That's right and they get away with it by saying, "This is a courtesy call about your payment."  I know when I first heard that line, the word courtesy didn't register and I suddenly felt obligated to whip out the checkbook and make a payment - my downfall.  Never let yourself fall for that line. As I spoke with a Representative, they ever so cleverly walked a fine line of wanting to say that I was late - which I wasn't, but their choice of words, that was very unnerving, quickly had me setting up a pay-by-phone payment, but soon found myself, on the day my online arrangement was set up, was also drafted from our account and caused it to be overdrawn. UGGGH!!!
I was surprised, but then realized that the error was on me for not cancelling the arrangement - however - the company did not see this as two months’ worth of payments and would not reverse either to retain the set budget that my family lives upon - and I felt the total fool, but a lesson learned. Now since this accident on my part, I am seeing a strong patter that has me believing that what happened next was only a matter of time - all my creditors were using this deceiving tactic. My phone rings off the hook with companies wanting to help me with a the so called “courtesy payment” for a payment pending that needs immediate attention on a bill that is still two weeks away from its due date - WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?  How can it be immediate attention needed if I still have two flippen weeks before its due!
 
What I'm thinking is that once I fell for the first trickery for payment, that company got on the phone and was like, "Hey, Hey, calling all Creditors! We found a Sucker! Start calling! You can get money out of that one!" We have gotten to a point that when we see these repeated numbers on our caller Id's, we either let it ring or our kids have fun with them and answer the phone as a fictitious company or better yet – a name well known. I think the best one was my older son answering the phone this way - "Good afternoon Pizza Hut, can I take your order?" Only a click was heard on the other end. Now I will be the first to admit that we all found this rather entertaining and believe we were finally getting our revenge - but the joke was on us when we realized one day that many of the calls were coming from our mortgage company and before we knew it we had foreclosure threats in the mailbox. Two words to describe our initial shock in reference to this situation - Oh FUDGE!
 
In 2006 we refinanced our mortgage from SunTrust Bank to Navy Federal Credit Union. We had been offered a great rate of 5.8% fixed VA Loan for 30 years. We were so happy with a great new rate and it got us out of our arm loan that we jumped at the chance and refinanced. On the day of our signing, there was information on our documents that were not discussed. We learned that our account had been set up as bi-weekly plan that was in the form of mandatory auto drafted payments. We had indicated to the lady that represented the title company, that we wanted a monthly payment to be drafted from my retirement check, and that we wanted a VA loan, to which she replied - "Not a problem, just call your bank after the three days that this funds and they'll change the payment schedule for you, but if you stay with the way it is set up, you end up paying it off quicker." If only her words had been completely true.
 
I wanted to share that tid-bit about our loan so that you'll understand the rest of my story. So anyways, in November, we are getting excited about our trip to New Hampshire for Thanksgiving. I have not seen my family in three years and a get together was long overdue. Needless to say, because of the financial fiasco that was about to shake our foundation, our trip was cancelled. Going on - As I was talking to my mother on the phone about our travel plans, there was a knock at our front door, that abuptly ended our happy plans. I was rather surprised to see my mailman standing there with thirteen largely stuffed envelopes all addressed from Navy Federal Credit Union, with delivery confirmation tags on each one. For the life of me, I was in complete and utter disbelief when I opened one of the packages and found that all thirteen had the same documentation in them and were sent on the same day - and we wonder why we are depleting our natural resources. When I got on the phone to obtain what the problem could be, I was sent through several representatives until I was finally connected with James, who worked in the 90 day office - meaning he had reason to believe we were 90 days late in payment. "NO FUDGEN WAY!” but I didn't say Fudge…I said the F --- word. I screamed in the phone as I sat there in my makeshift home office staring at all the checks that had cleared my account for all my payments. If this was a joke, I wasn't finding it the least bit funny. Now you remember when I explained that our account was set up on an auto draft plan. We'll I was able to stop the auto drafting many months earlier and would go into the bank and make my payment, and without question the teller would take my money. All seemed well and good with one exception - nine cents. What happens is that when you make a payment, if the payment isn’t 100% of the amount that was written in loan, the money will go to a suspense account. For example, if you write a check for $101.00 and the payment is $100.00 then the dollar will go into a suspense until it adds up to the next payment amount. Now if your payment is $100.09, and you write it for $100.00, then your $100.00 payment goes into a suspense account and you get a late fee added to the payment. If you’re not aware that this was the problem, things get out of hand with quickness and well, honestly, this is how our nightmare began - nine cents short and that generated payments being put into suspense and hundreds of dollars in fees (No lie), and what was the big shocker of this entire situation is that this had been going on since July of 2012.

How would someone know, things were bad, if you got a receipt, after every payment, in the mail that read as follows, “We have received your payment of $XYZ, check number 000, and it has been posted to your account. We thank you for doing business with us, followed by the usual, if you have any questions please call, and so on and so forth. Never once did we get anything indicating a payment issue until the big bundle of document packages. We also never got any phone calls referencing this problem until a week before the packages were sent to us. By the time they had finally gotten a hold of us in November they clamined we 90 days deliquent and were due for a total of $5,927.00. Their records showed non-payment for two payments in Sept, two payments in October and a half payment in November. Immediately my brain was become scortched. I am not math wizzard but if you added up each of my bi-weekly payment amount, the five they claimed they didn't have totaled 4,455.00 and what was worse this time frame also didn't total 90 days - where were they getting 90 days from and the $1,470 difference? It was then I learned another sneaky bank trick about the madatory bi- weekly auto drafter low rate loans, that I still think is bullshit.  Because the auto drafter was inactive all the funds that I made for my payments were immdiately going into a suspense account and the COMPUTER was saying I was late that all started because I forgot the 9 cents on a check. Then because the COMPUTER said we had a November half payment due, and it wasn’t anywhere near the end of November, but to them it didn’t matter, it didn’t go by days, it went by monthly names. That my friends is how my credit got it’s throat cut, when our bank reported we were 90 days past due – but our money had been sitting in a suspense account to make several of these payments. Trust me, I didn’t just sit back and take it.  We got the account corrected and one, of the several fees reversed, but as for anything sent to the credit bureau, they wouldn't fix and stated they needed to complete the investigation which is still on going. I am frustrated as I review all the information about this situation and who benefited here - certainly not us. The bank not only got payments and fees from us; they also go all the interest this large sum of money generated in the suspense account - Sad hua?  The next big hit we took, was went we learned that our loan was also set up as a conventional – NOT VA – WHAT THE HELL! CAN’T ANYONE DO THEIR DANG JOB ANYMORE!
Ok, needed to get that last line out. I will say that what happened last year, really didn’t register with me, until once again I get a letter saying the same shit as it did in November. So I made a phone call to the person indicated in the letter, but he was not in, and so I spoke with a lady who took the time to share with me what she believed was the problem – this time it was not our error. PHEW! But I will say this time a scary reality sank in. I realized that we need to learn to save better and it’s time we pay our debts off in full – and that is exactly what we are about to do. I will say, it’s not going to be easy, but we are going to take it one day at a time and have already began to find ways to cut back and I am going to try my luck working again, but part-time. Wish me luck. *wink*
 
I want to thank Malida, from Norway and Ellis from Washington State, who gave me the courage to share my struggles, after I read their questions and their stories about the worldly economy and their personal struggles, and had asked how my family and I make ends meet, as prices continue to escalade and jobs are fewer and far between. As for the rest of the emails, I promise that I will do my best to write on your serious topics, and yes I’ll also do my best for the others to keep writing more short stories. 
To Malida and Ellis – Yes, we are trying to survive our own set of financial setbacks, and have said many prayers that often go unheard. Weather is another factor that hurts our budget and now we have some medical things rearing their ugly head. I have learned that communication with my husband and our creditors to find an end to the madness is just what the doctor ordered. What I also found to be extremely helpful was when I took the time to speak with a knowledgeable financial advisor in SunTrust Bank, and she has mapped us out a road to a full recovery and future financial freedom. Just hang in there you two, and everyone else who has been effect by our ever changing financial world, you are not alone. Always know you can write to me freely and if I learn of any new ways to making ends meet, I will send the information your way.




 
To all of my loyal readers, let me say a few last words before I sign off. I'd like to  leave everyone with some very valuable words in reguards to troubles in life and especially Bad Credit - it is just like weight loss, it can’t be fixed overnight, but with patience, understanding, and a good plan, it will get better.
 
 
I thank you for your time, and I wish you all a pot of gold at the end of your rainbows. Until next time – Blog ya later.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Putting Sexy in your Valentine's Day

 

 
 We hear about the cards, the flowers, the candy, the jewelry, and that is all well and good, but what about the passionate side to one's Valentine's. Lets face it, we all desire to be desired, especially on the biggest day that represents love.
 
Below are three ideas that are explained in more detail below. All of them are very throughtful and will take some preparation.  Sexy valentine ideas one and three are the obviously the most sexy valentine ideas, but the second one should still be just as wonderful.
 
1.  The Love Coupons
 
2.  Some handmade chocolates
 
3.  A Strip Tease.

Less is more... A single item is always a better gift than several.

 
The Love Coupons
 
This is not about saving money this is about giving the most thoughtful, most romantic gift to your lover. In case you don't know what they are, a Love Coupon is a coupon that can be exchanged for a service.
Here is what you do:
  1. Buy a receipt book with tear-out pages, if the there are stubs that re retained in the book that is even better because it will give you a souvenir.
  2. Write on every page "This voucher entitles the holder to .......... it is non exchangeable and not transferable"
  3. Now comes the fun part ... time to fill in the blanks. What are you going to do for your partner? This is also why a homemade book of vouchers is better than a bought one. You know exactly what will make them happy, what they would like to do.
Ideas for things to offer on the vouchers. Try to divide them between sexy things that will please them and every day mundane but helpful things for example:
  • A sensual massage
  • Washing each others hair and towel drying it.
  • A popcorn and movie night in front of the fire and all computer and cell phone devices are off.
  • An evening babysitting
  • Adventurous sex - when the kids are not home and extend the babysitting coupon as being the only one transferable so they can stay at the neighbors for an hour or two. *Wink*
  • Washing the dishes wearing intimate apparel - Again something I wouldn't suggest when the kids are home as it could scar them for life. *smile*
It is best to establish some ground rules as to how the vouchers are redeemed and write them on the first page of the book. This sounds a but pedantic and you might think it will ruin the magic, however if you don't do this and later on fail to honour a voucher that could leave bad feelings.


Handmade Chocolate
 
I know that chocolates are not exactly an original gift but by making them yourself you are adding a bit of love to the mix that no expensive imported luxury can compete with.
This recipe for chocolate truffles is as good as it gets, there are only really three ingredients
  • Chocolate
  • Cream
  • Butter
The secret to making them special is to use good quality chocolate. If the recipe calls for 250g of chocolate but I would halve that and use the mist expensive dark chocolate I can afford. The cocoa content should be 70% or greater.
Loosely wrap them in baking parchment before putting into a box this helps stop them sticking together and makes them look handmade. They are best at a cool but not cold temperature so take them out of the fridge for 10 minutes before serving.
 
Sexy Strip tease
 
You generally hear that only those that feel confident attempt this, but it's all about having fun and if it hits all the right notes and will make a Valentines day to remember, why not give it a try.
  • Choose your clothes in advance. Maybe buy something new it will be a gift to both of you.
  • Place two chairs facing each other in a room
  • Dim the lights and put on some sexy music - The right music is everything, fast or slow, it is all in preference. If your not a fast dancer, may I suggest keeping it slow.
  • Make your partner sit in the room facing an empty chair
  • They will probably have guessed what is about to happen but keep it a secret anyway, it's all part of the game
  • Stay in character wearing a hat with a brim to hide behind will help, so will the dim lights. If you are lit up and your partner is in shadows this will also help you lose yourself in the moment.
  • You don't have to wear stilettos to be sexy - bare foot is just as sexy with a pretty nail polish color.
  • refrain from doing the duckface self photo look - it isn't sexy at all.
  • Keeping eye contact with your partner - The eyes are the windows to one soul.
  • And last but not least - how and when it ends is up to you ... but don't rush it.


And when all else fails remember this one rule of thumb -
It's the thought that counts ...It is a cliché but it really is the thought that counts - by spending less on a gift you are actually giving more. These three ideas are for cheap but extremely sexy valentines day ideas.
To just pop into Amazon and click out a few expensive gifts doesn't take much effort. On the other hand a thoughtful gift that is completely individual really does show the person receiving it that you have thought about them, you know them and you value them.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Finally Found A Love of a Lifetime


Being that Valentines is just three days away, I have been working on trying to come up with an original love story only to realize, what better love story that one of truth. Below is a chapter out of the book I had published in May of 2011. The title of the book is called "Through the Barracks Window" and can be found on Amazon.com.



 
Seabee Ball 1992
Adak, Alaska






Chapter Thirteen
Love of a Lifetime
Written by: Stacey L. Bolin
All rights reserved
 
Now being a Seabee was something more important to me than anything.  So I thought.  It was a job that I could have done for years, but with Don now in my life, all I could think about was how wonderful it would be, if we could be a real couple.  I had a permanent smile that would not leave my face and focusing on the work task at hand was mind boggling.  What I thought was going to last only days, or a week or two, like many guy friendships before him, became weeks that quickly turned into months.  What was even worse was not telling anyone how I was feeling.  Knowing he was to marry another, that didn’t stop my heart inside from falling deeply in love with him.
During the day my personal life was the number one topic of conversation at public works.  How upset many were to learn that I was spending time with another battalion man, but they didn’t know who he was and I was not about to tell them.  I honestly believe that some spoke out of envy or jealousy.  Either way I wasn’t affected in the slightest.  I realized things were changing for Don and I when he first started calling my shop at the same time every day just to say hi.  He even began making up strange excuses, false names and convinced some of his buddies to call my shop, and hand the phone over to him after I got on the line, so that my supervisors would let me talk.  The most creative idea was when he started showing up at the paint shop where I worked in various construction equipment and vehicles. 
The secretaries upstairs above my department used to bet on what he would drive over to public works each day.  To add to their bets, they wondered, who was this good looking guy coming to see?  He was coming to see me and little did he know he had me hook, line, and sinker.  But still I never let anything show that I loved him.
 
We would also meet at the galley on a daily basis to eat lunch together with the rest of the guys that were working with him on the rock crushing crew.  I was heart-broken when he told me that his hours were going to be extended to work the night shift from six to twelve, and that he would not be able to go to the club as much.
There was no way that his new schedule was going to steal our together time.  Suddenly I was stricken with a bad case of “open mouth insert foot” disease.  Not knowing a damn thing about running equipment, I blurted out, “I’ll help you guys, if you want me to!” Yes, a very desperate attempt to be with him as much as I could. 
They all just looked at me with their mouths wide open as if I had just suggested naked scuba diving in the icy waters of the Bering.  Don, and a guy whose name was Richard, were the only two working this shift, quickly said that it sounded great and to be in front of the galley at 5:45pm.  I know they didn’t think I would really show up, especially knowing I was going to be working.
 
“You got it!” I said, speculating on what I had just committed myself to.
Sure enough, at 5:45pm on the dot, Don pulled in front of the galley driving a duce and a half truck.
“Wow, I didn’t think you’d show up?” Richard remarked with surprise.
“You’re not wearing your inspection boots for this job, are you?” Don said in a worried tone of voice while I pulled myself up into the truck.
“This is the only pair that I have.  I can polish them when I get back to my room.”
“You have never been up to the rock crusher area I take it?” said Richard.
“No Why?”
Laughing with a smirk on his face he responded, “You’ll see.”
 
Because of the wonderful weather that was 90% of the time, rain, the mud in some areas would be deep and I found this out the hard way.  Not only did I sink up to my knees at one point in this wet muddy mess, the job I was given required me to shovel it. Don had given me the job of running a shovel to keep a bearing clear from any debris as they ran the equipment gathering large boulders to be placed into the crusher to make various sizes of aggregate.  I didn’t realize that they were testing me to see if I was a worker or that I used my tools as a place to lean on and rest.  I was indeed a worker, trying to show off in front of these men to prove that I would do my share, whatever the job may be, even if it meant shoveling mud for six hours.
After six hours of going to work with them following a full day with my own command, I would still show up at the galley to be picked up at 5:45pm and head to the quarry with them.  I never once complained.  After the fifth day I finally moved up in my job details.  Don decided to give me instructions on learning how to operate the John Deer 844 front-end loader that he was operating to select rocks for the crusher.
Now ladies, this was like no other driving class. (Not only was I sitting inside the biggest piece of machinery that had the best vibration that a woman in her right mind would not pass up).  Add the fact that Don, the sexy cowboy equipment operator, was standing against me with his hands on mine to teach me how to use the levers.  Just feeling the warmth of his strong body against mine was an absolute turn on.  I know he did this intentionally, but I wasn’t complaining.  As cold as the weather was outside…I was getting hot.
I have always been a quick learner, but this time I was taking full advantage of my acting skills and played the dumb card as long as I could.  Unfortunately, he caught on quick and said you’re on your own.  Show me what you can do.  Without hesitation I was off to enjoy digging into the dirt and rocks with the guidance of Don by my side.
As I went from one rock to another, Don began making comments that he was unsure about getting married.  Was he serious or looking for a way to up our friendship to friends with benefits?  I continued to listen.  We started having a long talk about what was he going to do about his fiancée back home.  It was then that I also told him of my relationship with Jim that was in battalion 4.  Yes, I should have just kept my mouth shut. 
Don became rather silent after my comment as if I had lied to him.  I didn’t lie.  I just didn’t know where my relationship stood with Jim.  I was afraid to talk about it as I knew how bad the riffs get between each battalion.  It was no secret that for years, battalion 4 and 5 were two units that could never get along, and I knew this after dating Jay and Jim.  I wanted my relationship with Jim to work, but at the same time, I was falling for Don.  The sad reality of it was that Don had another woman and I had another man.  I did feel a sense of guilt for falling in love with Don, but I felt worse when I thought of a day when Don would be gone.  My heart would ache every time I thought about him leaving the island, and leaving me.  There was no way that I would be able to let Don out of my life, but I knew his wife to be would have no part of that.  No woman wants their man’s best friend to be another woman.  It’s just trouble waiting. 
He seemed rather upset that I was seeing another man, but did not wish to talk about it when he learned Jim’s last name.  He then continued with how he did not like the way his fiancée seemed to nit-pick the things he did.  He had met her when his mother was in the hospital, she was her radiologist.  Not getting into the full details of how he met her, he went on to say how he felt obligated to marry her because his parents got them together and they really liked her.  I was bothered by that comment and it actually pissed me off.
When we finished with our work, he drove me straight back to my room without any conversation.  Thoughts rushed through my mind as we neared my barracks.
He’s a grown man that was sharing his inner most thoughts and dreams with me, but he was going to marry someone else because he feels obligated, and that his parents got them together.  What the hell is that?  He is 21 and his parents are still running his life?  Foolish!
What made this situation worse is that I actually said to Don, how I felt about it.  I was angry and jealous that I didn’t find him first.  I could not look him in the eyes as I didn’t want him to see that I loved him.  He still gave me a hug and what was worse, this time he said good-bye.  My heart shattered at that very moment into a million shardes of irreplaceable glass.  I feared that he would see my anger and jealously and mistake it for hate and disappointment.  I worried that he would never understand my emotions were to hide how much I truly loved him and how much I was hurting inside.  But I didn’t want to be the one that split him and his fiancée up.  It would have to be his choice to decide what he wanted to do with his life.  He left that night feeling a cold and distant part of me.  As I watched him slowly walk back to his barracks from the doorway to my barracks, the tears began to stream down my face, and with all the fight in this world I could not stop them.
“I love you so much Don.  So much and you will never know.” I said under my breath and went up to my room.
 
 
***
 
 
Over the radio the next day while I was at work there was a song that was dedicated to me from him.  The song was “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt.
BUT I DO LOVE YOU!  I love you more than my existence on this very earth that I walk.  Did he really not see how I felt?  He consumed my every thought, every step, and every breath.  I have to tell him, but how?  We come from two different worlds, yet we are the same.
He knew that part of me that could not express what I was feeling with words when it came to love.  For me, the best way to person’s heart, was through song.  My life had always been tamed or fueled by the passions of music and lyrics.  There was always a song that could say what I was feeling and this moment was not any different.  My dedication said all the words that I wanted him to hear, but feared saying to him.  I decided to send him a song by Vanessa Williams called “Save the Best for Last.”  When my dedication had finished playing, he immediately called me.
“I am so sorry Don for the way I acted yesterday…I was just hurt.”
“I understand now, really I do.”
“Friends?  I asked, hoping his answer would be yes.
“More” was his reply.
 
Our dedications of these two songs went on for days.  We were becoming not only the talk of Public Works with the way the radio DJ’s were talking.  We were now quite the talk of our isolated island.  People wanted to know who these two people were and why they were denying their love for one another.
As the music played each day at the same time, our friendship grew.  We spent many moments together helping each other through the trials and tribulations of living on an isolated little island that didn’t offer much in the way of entertainment.  I enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends playing pool at the club or just kicking back watching programs on the television.  Oh and I can’t forget our ‘Sunday Oink feasts.”  We would buy all kinds of junk food Saturday night and never leave my room all day Sunday.  We would just lie on the bed all day and do nothing except making sure the television remote and the food was always within arms-length.  Still, neither of us made the move to sleep together. 
He also assisted me with studying for my astronomy class that I was taking through the University of Alaska Adak.  He would pick me up after class in a shop truck so that I would not have to walk up the hill in bad weather.  He was a sweetheart.  If you saw one of us, bet your bottom dollar that the other was only two steps away and we loved every bit of it.  Our relationship was new, exciting and sex free.
 
One evening life changed for both of us when Don arrived at my door sad and all alone one Friday night late in the month of February.  It was obvious that he had been drinking, but no so much that he was not aware of what he was saying or doing.  Worried and concerned, I asked him in.
“What’s the matter?”
“It’s my birthday,” he said, beginning to cry.
In my entire life I had never seen a grown man cry.  I was unsure as to what to do.  I sat down beside him on the edge of my bed and comforted him.
“Don, did you get the memo?  Birthdays are supposed to be a happy time,” I said with a smile.  “So tell my, why no smile?”
“Not mine, they never have been,”
“Do you want to tell me why?”  Worried that he may think I was interfering.
“I want to find my birthmother; I was adopted as a baby and always felt like something was missing.”
“Wow…and your family doesn’t know who your birthmother is?”
“No.”  He said trying to collect the pieces of his broken heart.
“Look, if that is something you really want to do, I can find her, trust me I have connections.”
“Yes, I have to find her before it is too late.”
“Don, are you sure this is what you want”
“More than anything.”
It was at that moment as I held him in my arms, my heart began to change.  What feelings I still might have had for Jim, I no longer questioned.  I could feel Don was in need of real unconditional love and my heart wanted to give so much to him.  As much as I wanted to believe we were just friends, this too had changed and I wanted to tell him I loved him.  I was afraid to say the words and so I made him a promise.  No matter how much of my life it took, I would find his birthmother.  He just needed to always stay in contact with me, so when I find her I could give him the information he needed.  I felt sad, happy and scared of the obstacles that lay before us, but I would find her. I knew how and that I would.
He looked up at me with his tender eyes and leaned towards me.
“Can I kiss you?” was all that he said.
“But…I don’t know…I…” without finishing my thoughts, I kissed him.
How tenderly his lips touched mine.  His hands began to caress my back and shoulders.  Afraid of wanting to feel this way I paused before putting my arms around him to pull him closer to me.  I was becoming lost in the moment.  Our kisses became more erotic as we became open to explore each other.  We wanted this to happen.  We wanted each other.
We had kissed before in fun, but never so intense that we found it hard to stop before anything got physical.  Our breathing quickened as I felt hot and weak in the knees when he put his hand underneath my blouse and then pulled me tightly into him.  This time, things were different and we let our guard down to live in this passion filled sexual moment. 
This was the first time that I actually felt the difference between sex and making love.  It was a true stress reliever as I began to cry as we both reached the peak of ecstasy.  This was something I had never felt before with any man.  It was perfect, passionate, tender, loving, mesmerizing, it was all so right.  I was filled with so much emotion, I wanted this to happen, but at the same time I worried that it would hurt him, that it would hurt us, and the facts were still the same, he was still was to marry another.  How would he tell her what happened or would he ever tell her, were the words that kept coming into my thoughts along with my wanting him in my arms forever.  I was so overwhelmed with a multitude of feelings that he didn’t understand my reasons for crying and I could not find the words, or my voice to explain.
He felt bad as if he had done something wrong and decided he should leave.  I broke down completely when I heard the door close behind him.  My love of a lifetime was walking out the door and I didn’t know how to tell him how much I needed him in my life, but I knew that I would find the right song, little did I realize it was playing on my radio when our special moment took place. It just summed us up so perfectly.
 
 
 
“Loving Arms”
Written by: Tom Jans
Sung by: Dobie Gray
 
If you could see me now
The one who said that he’d rather roam
The one who said he’d rather be alone
If you could only see me now
If I could hold you now
Just for moment, if I could really make you mine
Just for a while, turn back the hands of time
If I could only hold you now
I’ve been too long in the wind
Too long in the rain
Taking any comfort that I can
Looking back and longing for
The freedom of my chains
Lying in your loving arms again
If you could hear me now
Singing somewhere through the lonely night
Dreaming of the arms that held me tight
If you could only hear me now
I’ve been too long in the wind
Too long in the rain
Taking any comfort that I can
Looking back and longing for the freedom of my chains
Lying your loving arms again
I can almost feel your loving arms again
 
 
 
The intense pain of knowing that he was promised to someone was as if someone had ripped my heart from my chest and left it on a table for anyone to destroy.  This was not just another one of my crazy infatuations.  I could feel the power that this was truly God’s sign.  An answer to the mystical evening dream and thoughts that followed one November morning back in 1989 when I suddenly, without any warning, decided to leave a five year relationship because of a dream that someone needed me.  My whole life turned upside down to find a faceless mystery military man in a dream.
 
It is you that I have been searching for all these years.  It is you.  I feel it.  He won’t understand why I know he is the one.  Please God, bring us together forever.  I can’t live without him.  I know he is promised to someone else, but I can’t live without him knowing that our souls have now become one for eternity.  I love you Don. Always and forever.
 
Don, it was Don, the faceless mystery man that needed my help…I couldn’t let him slip away.  He is the reason why I have come this far, the reason for my journey for an answer, he needs my help to find his mother.  We are the missing connections that our souls needed to be complete.  I could not sleep that night.  I just wanted to find him and bring him back to me.  I don’t know what it was, but a miracle brought us back together later that night, my prayers had been answered. 
From that instant on a union of two hearts began to beat as one and we did everything we could to see each other every day.  He spent many nights in my room and the feeling of waking, with his arms wrapped around me – Heaven.  We no longer hid our feelings in public.  Our friends were in total awe each time they would talk with us about how Don and I felt, and only knowing each other for such a short amount of time.  All I could say was he was my right hand, without him, I couldn’t function.
Still some were disappointed that I had chosen to spend my time with a battalion man.  They knew that the Battalion deployments were only on the island for six months, then what?  Would it be a long distance relationship?  I already had one of those and that didn’t work.  My choice remained steadfast; Don was the man for me, yet I still questioned, was I the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with?
 
 
***
 
 
My command had asked me if I would design the backdrop for the pictures to be taken at the 50th Anniversary Seabee ball.  I was honored and I also received many special treatments and fringe benefits for accepting the task.  I painted a beautiful sign with the Seabee logo and had it framed in oak.  It was a work of art and unbeknown to me was also very valuable.  Everyone would stop in the paint shop to see my masterpiece, but they would also ask the burning question, who was I going to the ball with?
“You’ll have to wait and see.” Was all the information I would offer them.
Now I must tell you, Seabees are like family and they really know how to party and protect one another, but within this large family are smaller ones.  They are categorized as Battalions, Constructions Battalion Units, Public Works, Dive teams, and Reservists.  I know I must have missed others, but I was only part of a PW and a CBU during my career.  Each group lives by an unwritten rule that we stick with our own group where we work unless it is a drink fest.  This is why it was so important to my command at public works to know if I would be attending with a guy from our division or my battalion man.  I knew that my upper chain had a problem with my current decisions, and I felt they were doing all they could to sabotage my future plans, but for me, it was none of their business and they would find out soon enough. 
 
What a shocker it was when Don and I attended the Seabee Ball together.  I had gotten to know his supervisors and battalion friends rather well, so Don and I sat with them all to enjoy dinner and the musical entertainment of the evening.  The biggest drama filled fiasco during the ball was that my sign had been stolen several times during the evening after the pictures had all been taken.  I knew that my command wanted it to display it on the quarterdeck of Public Works.  I was convinced that it was stolen by someone in Public Works that wanted it all to himself. 
“Someone stole my sign, I can’t believe it, someone stole my sign!” I was outraged as the ball ended.
“It’s ok Fallon, someone will find it.” Don said in a very calm voice.
“Don, something as big as that can’t just walk out of a crowd of people and not be noticed,” said Tony, one of the guys that I didn’t know.
“You sure about that?” said Mark with a bit of a snicker.
Tony glared at Mark and mouthed the words “Shut your ass.”
I believed that one of them knew something, but they all claimed that they had too much to drink and didn’t know what they were talking about.  Don and Tony just looked at each other and chuckled. 
It wasn’t until two weeks later following the Seabee ball, Don had called my office to tell me that he had made the sign reappear.  He asked me to come over to the battalion work spaces so that he could explain what happened.  Come to find out, it was an already planned situation by his supervisors and many other guys from Don’s unit.  They were going to make sure this work of art stayed with its rightful owner, me.  I was speechless, and humbled to know that they went to such great lengths and took some serious risks for me.  Do I have the sign to this day…come to a future Seabee get together and we’ll discuss it.
 
 
By the end of an eventful night out, we found ourselves embraced by a soulful connection when he took me back to my room.  I think it was this moment that he had been waiting for since our first encounter.  He took hold of me and held me close to his heart.  I looked up into his eyes and he cupped my face in the palms of his hands and gently kissed me.  I knew that he could reach right down into my soul, as I stood face to face with him.  He held me in his arms and while looking in my eyes he spoke ever so gently, the words I longed to hear.
“I love you. I want to be with you forever.”
Blushing as I spoke with tears in my eyes, I replied, “Forever is a long time.”
He simply said, holding me tightly, “No, it’s not long enough.”
As the moment gave way to a pause of silence, I found the strength within me and with every ounce of my heart and soul, without hesitation, I told him what I had longed to say since I met him.
“I love you too.” Then I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.  He made me feel safe and I never wanted to let go.
“I knew you did,” he said with relief as if it had been something he’d been waiting to hear for a very long time.
It was now no secret to anyone on the island that Don and I were getting closer and closer with each day that passed.  Our favorite thing to do since that night was to spend as much time together as we could.  We also loved to go to the club and slow dance to a song that he would always request.  “Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse.  We had finally found the love of a lifetime.  What I was not prepared for, was an unsolved mystery that would find us later in our relationship.  We knew each other more than we thought.


21 Years Later
 

____________________________________________________________________________
Below are the songs that will always be apart of our love all those years ago.


Love of a Lifetime - Firehouse


Save the Best for Last - Vanessa Williams

I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt

Love Arms - Dobie Gray