Well today is
Thursday, and for many who are a part of the Facebook world, must know by now
that Thursdays are also knows as Throwback Thursday. What is this you ask? For those who don't know it is a special day
dedicated to reliving the past through various memories i.e., old school
pictures, days of yesteryear that usually come in the form of pictures when we
were young, worry and/or care free with only minimal responsibilities in our
lives. Or for others, it could also be for moments to post pictures of your
graduating child in their best/worst baby picture. Everyone has their own way
of sharing their times of yesteryear when the calendar indicates - "It's
Thursday."
I personally cannot
say that I have posted anything to attribute to this weekly tradition, but have
great fun looking at the pictures posted, and finding myself smiling, or
warding off the stressors of my day with a chuckle or two as I enjoy the memory
that it triggered for me in that era of my life. We'll today, something about
this Facebook ritual, has me feeling lonely and longing for the days when my
boys were just learning how to walk and talk, to their first days in
Kindergarten, to our special days before they became young men.
My mother always
shared this one piece of advice, "Enjoy those babies they grown up quick
and before you know it, they'll be out on their own and you'll be standing
there wondering where the time went." Harboring the great ability to be
naïve, I believed this would not rattle my timbers for many years and that
hands of time would slow on the clock, just to prove her advice wrong - the
only one wrong was me - and my mind is filled with this vision of my mother
taking the place of Julie Andrews as she sings a top of the mountains in the
Sound of Music singing a song called "Always listen to your mother."
Today I'm feeling the brunt of this advice and glad that I heeded it fully. You
see, my husband and I are in training, temporary empty nesters training to be
exact, which I'm rather thankful for vs. being thrown into it in a permanent
status.
My oldest son, move
from our home to the Midwest, in May of 2014, to take on the role of – Big Rig truck
driver - for a custom wheat harvest cutting team. He graduated last year, and
the idea of him following his dreams was exciting and the thought of our home
being childless never crossed my mind, as my younger son still has another
year until he graduates. I never expected that our home would be childless for this
summer of 2014, as I envision that while our oldest was off in the world, our
youngest would do what I did as a pending High School Senior - work a little,
hang out with friends at the beach and enjoy the summer to the fullest in the
town where I grew up. But on June 24th, 2014, our youngest stepped onto a plane
- all by himself - and ventured off into the wild blue yonder to the west to
work the lands on his grandfather’s wheat farm.
I did very well
containing the motherly sorrow that was doing its best to reveal itself through
my glassy eyes and quivering bottom lip. Yes, any plane travel has me feeling a
bit unnerved, but ok lets be honest as I know I'm not fooling anyone reading this, I was feeling the stinging emotions that I was already missing my babies beyond the point of heartbreak, but what kind of mother would I be if I instilled the same worry/upset
into my child, especially on the day he was leaving for a great summer vacation/work opportunity or my oldest driving out to the west like he did earlier this year. So instead I took on the -You’ll be fine have a great time,
wish I was going - strategy to conceal my pending grief of change. He kept telling me not to cry, which tells me,
that both of babies are no longer babies as they understand how this mom and
dad are feeling and that they do their best to give comfort back to us. I gave
him a hug and said that I loved him, I also let him know that I was going to stay until I saw his plane fade into
the distant sky – thank you Southwest for
allowing me a gate pass. I watched
the plane pull away from the gate and begin to taxi down the runway and then
in less than five minutes it rose into the sky with my young man without my
husband and I by his side. A cool reality danced in the pit of my stomach as I
felt a deepened sense of estrangement and confusion as to my purpose in this constant
and always changing life. “What do I do now?” I wondered to myself.
The tears were there
waiting to expose my sorrow as I made my way back to my truck, but for some
reason the reality of the situation had not taken its full effect. I felt so
alone and the thought of going home scared me, so I decided to wander aimlessly
as I looked around the Wal-Mart that had always been more like a field trip
when my boys were younger. The store didn’t feel the same something was missing.
The memories of their little voices could only be heard within my mind asking
for this toy or that toy, as I walked past the kid section of the store. It was
then, this mom and her want to be stronger than her feelings, felt the warming
wetness of endless tears rolling down my checks and dampening the t-shirt upon
which they fell. Mom was right – I was standing there wondering - “where did
the time go?”
Upon speaking with
other mother’s about my first couple of days in the “Empty Nesters” training,
they too shared with me how it affected them and it took some longer than
others to learn how to cope with this huge life change. One had even remarked
how she wished she had documented her struggles and challenges as she and her
husband continued to move forward in their new life adventures as a couple with their kids out exploring the world. Others told of the sorrow of a phone that didn't ring as must as they had hoped, but with technology they would get a text or two letting them know all was well. It was the willingness of these women sharing their stories that still brought tears to their eyes, that inspired
this starving artist and writer onto a new blogging path, my mission – Sharing my trials and
tribulations over the next several weeks to see how I do or what I didn’t cope well doing during
this temporary life change. Maybe you - my fellow readers out there will be inspired to share your own tips, strategies and ideas that you used when you entered the “Empty Nesters”
program.
Now there is one great
thing about all of this: We have something to really look forward to, besides
our sons coming home - My husband and I will also be heading west, to enjoy
some desperately needed vacation time and to visit our oldest son and pick up
our youngest son before the school year begins again. I hope you come back as I
update you on our progress, and feel free to share any positive suggestions you
may have for myself or to the millions of others out there who are feeling the
changes as their children venture out into this great big world.
I decided it was time to post my Throwback Thursday moments. So here it goes. I want to share a little something, of course a piece of music that comes to mind and some memories of my babies over the years. Enjoy your throwback Thursday and I’ll blog ya later. Thanks for reading.
I decided it was time to post my Throwback Thursday moments. So here it goes. I want to share a little something, of course a piece of music that comes to mind and some memories of my babies over the years. Enjoy your throwback Thursday and I’ll blog ya later. Thanks for reading.
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| Reese and his friend Marlena working on his first truck 4/2014 |
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Ryan Graduation 2013
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| Ryan 2012 Winner of the Demolition Derby |
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| Ryan 5 and Reese 3 |
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| Ryan and Reese March 1998 |
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| Ryan 3 days old |
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| Reese 1 month old |
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| Ryan 19 and Reese 16 Christmas 2013 |
