The TEMPORARY Empty Nesters - Will they survive?

 

Well today is Thursday, and for many who are a part of the Facebook world, must know by now that Thursdays are also knows as Throwback Thursday. What is this you ask? For those who don't know it is a special day dedicated to reliving the past through various memories i.e., old school pictures, days of yesteryear that usually come in the form of pictures when we were young, worry and/or care free with only minimal responsibilities in our lives. Or for others, it could also be for moments to post pictures of your graduating child in their best/worst baby picture. Everyone has their own way of sharing their times of yesteryear when the calendar indicates - "It's Thursday."

 

I personally cannot say that I have posted anything to attribute to this weekly tradition, but have great fun looking at the pictures posted, and finding myself smiling, or warding off the stressors of my day with a chuckle or two as I enjoy the memory that it triggered for me in that era of my life. We'll today, something about this Facebook ritual, has me feeling lonely and longing for the days when my boys were just learning how to walk and talk, to their first days in Kindergarten, to our special days before they became young men. 

My mother always shared this one piece of advice, "Enjoy those babies they grown up quick and before you know it, they'll be out on their own and you'll be standing there wondering where the time went." Harboring the great ability to be naïve, I believed this would not rattle my timbers for many years and that hands of time would slow on the clock, just to prove her advice wrong - the only one wrong was me - and my mind is filled with this vision of my mother taking the place of Julie Andrews as she sings a top of the mountains in the Sound of Music singing a song called "Always listen to your mother." Today I'm feeling the brunt of this advice and glad that I heeded it fully. You see, my husband and I are in training, temporary empty nesters training to be exact, which I'm rather thankful for vs. being thrown into it in a permanent status.  

My oldest son, move from our home to the Midwest, in May of 2014, to take on the role of – Big Rig truck driver - for a custom wheat harvest cutting team. He graduated last year, and the idea of him following his dreams was exciting and the thought of our home being childless never crossed my mind, as my younger son still has another year until he graduates. I never expected that our home would be childless for this summer of 2014, as I envision that while our oldest was off in the world, our youngest would do what I did as a pending High School Senior - work a little, hang out with friends at the beach and enjoy the summer to the fullest in the town where I grew up. But on June 24th, 2014, our youngest stepped onto a plane - all by himself - and ventured off into the wild blue yonder to the west to work the lands on his grandfather’s wheat farm.

I did very well containing the motherly sorrow that was doing its best to reveal itself through my glassy eyes and quivering bottom lip. Yes, any plane travel has me feeling a bit unnerved, but ok lets be honest as I know I'm not fooling anyone reading this,  I was feeling the stinging emotions that I was already missing my babies beyond the point of heartbreak, but what kind of mother would I be if I instilled the same worry/upset into my child, especially on the day he was leaving for a great summer vacation/work opportunity or my oldest driving out to the west like he did earlier this year. So instead I took on the -You’ll be fine have a great time, wish I was going - strategy to conceal my pending grief of change. He kept telling me not to cry, which tells me, that both of babies are no longer babies as they understand how this mom and dad are feeling and that they do their best to give comfort back to us. I gave him a hug and said that I loved him, I also let him know that I was going to stay until I saw his plane fade into the distant sky – thank you Southwest for allowing me a gate pass.  I watched the plane pull away from the gate and begin to taxi down the runway and then in less than five minutes it rose into the sky with my young man without my husband and I by his side. A cool reality danced in the pit of my stomach as I felt a deepened sense of estrangement and confusion as to my purpose in this constant and always changing life. “What do I do now?” I wondered to myself.

The tears were there waiting to expose my sorrow as I made my way back to my truck, but for some reason the reality of the situation had not taken its full effect. I felt so alone and the thought of going home scared me, so I decided to wander aimlessly as I looked around the Wal-Mart that had always been more like a field trip when my boys were younger. The store didn’t feel the same something was missing. The memories of their little voices could only be heard within my mind asking for this toy or that toy, as I walked past the kid section of the store. It was then, this mom and her want to be stronger than her feelings, felt the warming wetness of endless tears rolling down my checks and dampening the t-shirt upon which they fell. Mom was right – I was standing there wondering - “where did the time go?”  

Upon speaking with other mother’s about my first couple of days in the “Empty Nesters” training, they too shared with me how it affected them and it took some longer than others to learn how to cope with this huge life change. One had even remarked how she wished she had documented her struggles and challenges as she and her husband continued to move forward in their new life adventures as a couple with their kids out exploring the world. Others told of the sorrow of a phone that didn't ring as must as they had hoped, but with technology they would get a text or two letting them know all was well. It was the willingness of these women sharing their stories that still brought tears to their eyes, that inspired this starving artist and writer onto a new blogging path, my mission – Sharing my trials and tribulations over the next several weeks to see how I do or  what I didn’t cope well doing during this temporary life change. Maybe you - my fellow readers out there will be inspired to share your own tips, strategies and ideas that you used when you entered the “Empty Nesters” program.

Now there is one great thing about all of this: We have something to really look forward to, besides our sons coming home - My husband and I will also be heading west, to enjoy some desperately needed vacation time and to visit our oldest son and pick up our youngest son before the school year begins again. I hope you come back as I update you on our progress, and feel free to share any positive suggestions you may have for myself or to the millions of others out there who are feeling the changes as their children venture out into this great big world.

I decided it was time to post my Throwback Thursday moments. So here it goes. I want to share a little something, of course a piece of music that comes to mind and some memories of my babies over the years. Enjoy your throwback Thursday and I’ll blog ya later.  Thanks for reading.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vyb_gaXhCTk

 

Reese and his friend Marlena working on his first truck 4/2014

Ryan Graduation 2013

 

 

 

 

 



Ryan 2012 Winner of the Demolition Derby

Ryan 5 and Reese 3

 

Ryan and Reese March 1998

 

Ryan 3 days old

 

Reese 1 month old

Ryan 19 and Reese 16 Christmas 2013

I Was Lost but Now I'm Found

 

I Was Lost but Now I'm Found

By: Stacey L. Bolin

Hello again, to all my follow readers and new readers just joining us. First off, I must extend my sincerest apologies for my inability to keep up with my writing over the past three months, but as I walk around my home, I have been completely lost for words. I have been dealing with the sounds of the past in my head of the pitter patter of little feet and innocent voices asking me for a drink of water, to play, or take the peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of the VCR. I'm breathless as my heart longs for those days that now only live through pictures and memories. My ability to fight the tears that find me daily - has become a losing battle, yet somewhere inside me I know that crying and reliving the past is not going to change anything – and that ol' clock of time will keep ticking whether my watch has a battery or not. It was today, as the morning sun shone brightly through my office window while I sat in front of my computer, that I realized that when my days around my home were quiet and lonely - it was my ability to compose words into stories that brought me great joy in the time alone until my family came home at the end of the day. And so, I’ve decided to do what I do best when I need to touch my life with the comforts of words – write.

 

I'd like to think I am a strong person, bounce back kind of woman that can hold in and hide what hurts me - deep within to conceal it from the rest of the world. I'm wrong to think that as I transition into another life change that I'm not dealing with as best as I thought I could. When we think of change, we think of moving, seasons, new jobs, health and so much more. My change is my life as a mother and watching my babies that are testing out their new wings and the future that is rolling out before them. It hurts my heart and it rattles my soul as I wonder silently in my mind, “Where did the time go?” I miss my babies; I miss their sweet smell, their first steps, their first tooth, and their first birthdays - their little hands in mine as they grew through the years. For some reason I never allowed myself to see past my denial that they would grow up and one day be out on their own - once again that naïve side of me strikes again.

 

It all started with the graduation of my first born in 2013 and then both of my sons getting their license that very same year. I knew it then, this life was only going to get harder as my needs continue to grow for constant reassurance, I'd be ok and that they’d be ok. I know that emotionally I will get through the endless notion - my babies will one day move out into this great big world and that they will need me in different ways. But for now, I fear the days of an empty nest and trying to find my purpose as sporadic thoughts rush in and out of my mind, some of which make no sense to me and show up at the strangest time. Taking the trash out, I’m suddenly wondering - Will my husband still love this woman that is growing old as we watch the children we created - spread their wings and fly? While doing laundry I find myself always thinking - Will I figure out how to make meals for two and not have an abundant amount of left overs? Will my children call me to tell me about their day? Ok, I'm being ridiculous I don't worry about those things all the time yet it feels like it, but the one thing that waves hello to my thoughts daily and I have no idea why – the idea of being abandoned and not wanted, but I also believe this is the trickery that the brain can play and what it really boils down to is my own insecurities and - Will I still be needed.

 

I've had so many ladies share with me that they had felt the same way when their children had one foot out the door. That they had been so used to making most of  the decisions, day in and day out. Then while providing for the families in their homes for so long, that when their kids were on their own and the house was quite until their husbands came home, they forgot who they were and how to just be in the now and move forward. They also shared that they found ways to find themselves that extended beyond employment – they explored a hobby, a passion, joined an art class, something that would be just for them. Immediately I knew what I had to do. So as I battled the realization that this nest would soon be empty, I began to work tediously compiling my written works – which is not easy when it comes time to submit materials to a publisher. As you may had seen, on my blog, a few weeks past about a book of short stories that I wrote entitled “Twisted” – well I just learned that it will be out on Amazon in May of this year. My hopes – agents out there see that I harbor multiple talents and that my new found time in my days brings me opportunities that will benefit the movie makers of today and in the future and also benefits my family as we step into each tomorrow that life grants us.

The memories of my days as a stay at home mother will always be cherish, as I feel the empowerment of knowing I was told that would I never be able to have children – and I had two, and the doctors that said that my cancer would never be cured – here I am 20 years later. And the greatest feeling is that one day my husband and I will hear the sounds of the past living in the future through our grandchildren and the pitter patter of their little feet and their innocent voices asking us for a drink of water, to play, but as for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a VCR – hum, guess I’ll have to wait and see on that one. Maybe we’ll keep our VCR for just that one special occasion. And on that note, it’s time I get back to my newest in novels that I am composing, but I see my days as a writer on my blog being just what the doctor ordered and to get started immediately.  (BIG SMILE)

Happy Thursday Everyone and if I haven’t said it in a while – thanks for supporting me by reading my blog and buying my books – means the world to me.

 

Today's music choice to me is not seen as an association to any one religion or death, I see this as life ever changing and the power that music can have to inspire new great thought and ideas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GD-5mRyaJw   - Andre Rieu - Amazing Grace