Being that Valentines is just three days away, I have been working on trying to come up with an original love story only to realize, what better love story that one of truth. Below is a chapter out of the book I had published in May of 2011. The title of the book is called "Through the Barracks Window" and can be found on Amazon.com.
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| Seabee Ball 1992 Adak, Alaska |
Chapter
Thirteen
Love of a
Lifetime
Written by:
Stacey L. Bolin
All rights
reserved
Now being a Seabee was something more
important to me than anything. So I
thought. It was a job that I could have
done for years, but with Don now in my life, all I could think about was how
wonderful it would be, if we could be a real couple. I had a permanent smile that would not leave
my face and focusing on the work task at hand was mind boggling. What I thought was going to last only days,
or a week or two, like many guy friendships before him, became weeks that
quickly turned into months. What was
even worse was not telling anyone how I was feeling. Knowing he was to marry another, that didn’t
stop my heart inside from falling deeply in love with him.
During the day my personal life was the
number one topic of conversation at public works. How upset many were to learn that I was
spending time with another battalion man, but they didn’t know who he was and I
was not about to tell them. I honestly
believe that some spoke out of envy or jealousy. Either way I wasn’t affected in the
slightest. I realized things were
changing for Don and I when he first started calling my shop at the same time
every day just to say hi. He even began
making up strange excuses, false names and convinced some of his buddies to call
my shop, and hand the phone over to him after I got on the line, so that my
supervisors would let me talk. The most
creative idea was when he started showing up at the paint shop where I worked
in various construction equipment and vehicles.
The secretaries upstairs above my department
used to bet on what he would drive over to public works each day. To add to their bets, they wondered, who was
this good looking guy coming to see? He
was coming to see me and little did he know he had me hook, line, and
sinker. But still I never let anything
show that I loved him.
We would also meet at the galley on a daily
basis to eat lunch together with the rest of the guys that were working with
him on the rock crushing crew. I was
heart-broken when he told me that his hours were going to be extended to work
the night shift from six to twelve, and that he would not be able to go to the
club as much.
There was no way that his new schedule was
going to steal our together time.
Suddenly I was stricken with a bad case of “open mouth insert foot”
disease. Not knowing a damn thing about
running equipment, I blurted out, “I’ll help you guys, if you want me to!” Yes,
a very desperate attempt to be with him as much as I could.
They all just looked at me with their mouths
wide open as if I had just suggested naked scuba diving in the icy waters of
the Bering. Don, and a guy whose name
was Richard, were the only two working this shift, quickly said that it sounded
great and to be in front of the galley at 5:45pm. I know they didn’t think I would really show
up, especially knowing I was going to be working.
“You got it!” I said, speculating on what I
had just committed myself to.
Sure enough, at 5:45pm on the dot, Don pulled
in front of the galley driving a duce and a half truck.
“Wow, I didn’t think you’d show up?” Richard
remarked with surprise.
“You’re not wearing your inspection boots for
this job, are you?” Don said in a worried tone of voice while I pulled myself
up into the truck.
“This is the only pair that I have. I can polish them when I get back to my
room.”
“You have never been up to the rock crusher
area I take it?” said Richard.
“No Why?”
Laughing with a smirk on his face he
responded, “You’ll see.”
Because of the wonderful weather that was 90%
of the time, rain, the mud in some areas would be deep and I found this out the
hard way. Not only did I sink up to my
knees at one point in this wet muddy mess, the job I was given required me to
shovel it. Don had given me the job of running a shovel to keep a bearing clear
from any debris as they ran the equipment gathering large boulders to be placed
into the crusher to make various sizes of aggregate. I didn’t realize that they were testing me to
see if I was a worker or that I used my tools as a place to lean on and
rest. I was indeed a worker, trying to
show off in front of these men to prove that I would do my share, whatever the
job may be, even if it meant shoveling mud for six hours.
After six hours of going to work with them
following a full day with my own command, I would still show up at the galley
to be picked up at 5:45pm and head to the quarry with them. I never once complained. After the fifth day I finally moved up in my
job details. Don decided to give me
instructions on learning how to operate the John Deer 844 front-end loader that
he was operating to select rocks for the crusher.
Now ladies, this was like no other driving
class. (Not only was I sitting inside the biggest piece of machinery that had
the best vibration that a woman in her right mind would not pass up). Add the fact that Don, the sexy cowboy
equipment operator, was standing against me with his hands on mine to teach me
how to use the levers. Just feeling the
warmth of his strong body against mine was an absolute turn on. I know he did this intentionally, but I wasn’t
complaining. As cold as the weather was
outside…I was getting hot.
I have always been a quick learner, but this
time I was taking full advantage of my acting skills and played the dumb card
as long as I could. Unfortunately, he
caught on quick and said you’re on your own.
Show me what you can do. Without
hesitation I was off to enjoy digging into the dirt and rocks with the guidance
of Don by my side.
As I went from one rock to another, Don began
making comments that he was unsure about getting married. Was he serious or looking for a way to up our
friendship to friends with benefits? I
continued to listen. We started having a
long talk about what was he going to do about his fiancée back home. It was then that I also told him of my
relationship with Jim that was in battalion 4.
Yes, I should have just kept my mouth shut.
Don became rather silent after my comment as
if I had lied to him. I didn’t lie. I just didn’t know where my relationship
stood with Jim. I was afraid to talk
about it as I knew how bad the riffs get between each battalion. It was no secret that for years, battalion 4
and 5 were two units that could never get along, and I knew this after dating
Jay and Jim. I wanted my relationship
with Jim to work, but at the same time, I was falling for Don. The sad reality of it was that Don had
another woman and I had another man. I
did feel a sense of guilt for falling in love with Don, but I felt worse when I
thought of a day when Don would be gone.
My heart would ache every time I thought about him leaving the island,
and leaving me. There was no way that I
would be able to let Don out of my life, but I knew his wife to be would have
no part of that. No woman wants their
man’s best friend to be another woman.
It’s just trouble waiting.
He seemed rather upset that I was seeing
another man, but did not wish to talk about it when he learned Jim’s last
name. He then continued with how he did
not like the way his fiancée seemed to nit-pick the things he did. He had met her when his mother was in the
hospital, she was her radiologist. Not
getting into the full details of how he met her, he went on to say how he felt
obligated to marry her because his parents got them together and they really
liked her. I was bothered by that comment
and it actually pissed me off.
When we finished with our work, he drove me
straight back to my room without any conversation. Thoughts rushed through my mind as we neared
my barracks.
He’s a grown man that was sharing his inner
most thoughts and dreams with me, but he was going to marry someone else
because he feels obligated, and that his parents got them together. What the hell is that? He is 21 and his parents are still running
his life? Foolish!
What made this situation worse is that I
actually said to Don, how I felt about it.
I was angry and jealous that I didn’t find him first. I could not look him in the eyes as I didn’t
want him to see that I loved him. He
still gave me a hug and what was worse, this time he said good-bye. My heart shattered at that very moment into a
million shardes of irreplaceable glass. I
feared that he would see my anger and jealously and mistake it for hate and
disappointment. I worried that he would
never understand my emotions were to hide how much I truly loved him and how
much I was hurting inside. But I didn’t
want to be the one that split him and his fiancée up. It would have to be his choice to decide what
he wanted to do with his life. He left
that night feeling a cold and distant part of me. As I watched him slowly walk back to his
barracks from the doorway to my barracks, the tears began to stream down my
face, and with all the fight in this world I could not stop them.
“I love you so much Don. So much and you will never know.” I said
under my breath and went up to my room.
***
Over the radio the next day while I was at
work there was a song that was dedicated to me from him. The song was “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by
Bonnie Raitt.
BUT I DO LOVE YOU! I love you more than my existence on this
very earth that I walk. Did he really
not see how I felt? He consumed my every
thought, every step, and every breath. I
have to tell him, but how? We come from
two different worlds, yet we are the same.
He knew that part of me that could not
express what I was feeling with words when it came to love. For me, the best way to person’s heart, was
through song. My life had always been
tamed or fueled by the passions of music and lyrics. There was always a song that could say what I
was feeling and this moment was not any different. My dedication said all the words that I
wanted him to hear, but feared saying to him.
I decided to send him a song by Vanessa Williams called “Save the Best
for Last.” When my dedication had
finished playing, he immediately called me.
“I am so sorry Don for the way I acted
yesterday…I was just hurt.”
“I understand now, really I do.”
“Friends?
I asked, hoping his answer would be yes.
“More” was his reply.
Our dedications of these two songs went on
for days. We were becoming not only the
talk of Public Works with the way the radio DJ’s were talking. We were now quite the talk of our isolated
island. People wanted to know who these
two people were and why they were denying their love for one another.
As the music played each day at the same
time, our friendship grew. We spent many
moments together helping each other through the trials and tribulations of
living on an isolated little island that didn’t offer much in the way of
entertainment. I enjoyed hanging out
with him and his friends playing pool at the club or just kicking back watching
programs on the television. Oh and I
can’t forget our ‘Sunday Oink feasts.”
We would buy all kinds of junk food Saturday night and never leave my
room all day Sunday. We would just lie
on the bed all day and do nothing except making sure the television remote and
the food was always within arms-length.
Still, neither of us made the move to sleep together.
He also assisted me with studying for my
astronomy class that I was taking through the University of Alaska Adak. He would pick me up after class in a shop
truck so that I would not have to walk up the hill in bad weather. He was a sweetheart. If you saw one of us, bet your bottom dollar
that the other was only two steps away and we loved every bit of it. Our relationship was new, exciting and sex
free.
One evening life changed for both of us when
Don arrived at my door sad and all alone one Friday night late in the month of
February. It was obvious that he had
been drinking, but no so much that he was not aware of what he was saying or
doing. Worried and concerned, I asked
him in.
“What’s the matter?”
“It’s my birthday,” he said, beginning to
cry.
In my entire life I had never seen a grown
man cry. I was unsure as to what to
do. I sat down beside him on the edge of
my bed and comforted him.
“Don, did you get the memo? Birthdays are supposed to be a happy time,” I
said with a smile. “So tell my, why no
smile?”
“Not mine, they never have been,”
“Do you want to tell me why?” Worried that he may think I was interfering.
“I want to find my birthmother; I was adopted
as a baby and always felt like something was missing.”
“Wow…and your family doesn’t know who your
birthmother is?”
“No.”
He said trying to collect the pieces of his broken heart.
“Look, if that is something you really want
to do, I can find her, trust me I have connections.”
“Yes, I have to find her before it is too
late.”
“Don, are you sure this is what you want”
“More than anything.”
It was at that moment as I held him in my
arms, my heart began to change. What
feelings I still might have had for Jim, I no longer questioned. I could feel Don was in need of real
unconditional love and my heart wanted to give so much to him. As much as I wanted to believe we were just
friends, this too had changed and I wanted to tell him I loved him. I was afraid to say the words and so I made
him a promise. No matter how much of my
life it took, I would find his birthmother.
He just needed to always stay in contact with me, so when I find her I
could give him the information he needed.
I felt sad, happy and scared of the obstacles that lay before us, but I
would find her. I knew how and that I would.
He looked up at me with his tender eyes and
leaned towards me.
“Can I kiss you?” was all that he said.
“But…I don’t know…I…” without finishing my
thoughts, I kissed him.
How tenderly his lips touched mine. His hands began to caress my back and
shoulders. Afraid of wanting to feel
this way I paused before putting my arms around him to pull him closer to
me. I was becoming lost in the
moment. Our kisses became more erotic as
we became open to explore each other. We
wanted this to happen. We wanted each
other.
We had kissed before in fun, but never so
intense that we found it hard to stop before anything got physical. Our breathing quickened as I felt hot and
weak in the knees when he put his hand underneath my blouse and then pulled me
tightly into him. This time, things were
different and we let our guard down to live in this passion filled sexual
moment.
This was the first time that I actually felt
the difference between sex and making love.
It was a true stress reliever as I began to cry as we both reached the
peak of ecstasy. This was something I
had never felt before with any man. It
was perfect, passionate, tender, loving, mesmerizing, it was all so right. I was filled with so much emotion, I wanted
this to happen, but at the same time I worried that it would hurt him, that it
would hurt us, and the facts were still the same, he was still was to marry
another. How would he tell her what
happened or would he ever tell her, were the words that kept coming into my
thoughts along with my wanting him in my arms forever. I was so overwhelmed with a multitude of
feelings that he didn’t understand my reasons for crying and I could not find
the words, or my voice to explain.
He felt bad as if he had done something wrong
and decided he should leave. I broke
down completely when I heard the door close behind him. My love of a lifetime was walking out the
door and I didn’t know how to tell him how much I needed him in my life, but I
knew that I would find the right song, little did I realize it was playing on
my radio when our special moment took place. It just summed us up so perfectly.
“Loving Arms”
Written by: Tom Jans
Sung by: Dobie Gray
If you could see me now
The one who said that he’d rather roam
The one who said he’d rather be alone
If you could only see me now
If I could hold you now
Just for moment, if I could really make you
mine
Just for a while, turn back the hands of time
If I could only hold you now
I’ve been too long in the wind
Too long in the rain
Taking any comfort that I can
Looking back and longing for
The freedom of my chains
Lying in your loving arms again
If you could hear me now
Singing somewhere through the lonely night
Dreaming of the arms that held me tight
If you could only hear me now
I’ve been too long in the wind
Too long in the rain
Taking any comfort that I can
Looking back and longing for the freedom of
my chains
Lying your loving arms again
I can almost feel your loving arms again
The intense pain of knowing that he was
promised to someone was as if someone had ripped my heart from my chest and
left it on a table for anyone to destroy.
This was not just another one of my crazy infatuations. I could feel the power that this was truly
God’s sign. An answer to the mystical
evening dream and thoughts that followed one November morning back in 1989 when
I suddenly, without any warning, decided to leave a five year relationship
because of a dream that someone needed me.
My whole life turned upside down to find a faceless mystery military man
in a dream.
It is you that I have been searching for all
these years. It is you. I feel it.
He won’t understand why I know he is the one. Please God, bring us together forever. I can’t live without him. I know he is promised to someone else, but I
can’t live without him knowing that our souls have now become one for
eternity. I love you Don. Always and
forever.
Don, it was Don, the faceless mystery man
that needed my help…I couldn’t let him slip away. He is the reason why I have come this far,
the reason for my journey for an answer, he needs my help to find his
mother. We are the missing connections
that our souls needed to be complete. I
could not sleep that night. I just
wanted to find him and bring him back to me.
I don’t know what it was, but a miracle brought us back together later
that night, my prayers had been answered.
From that instant on a union of two hearts
began to beat as one and we did everything we could to see each other every
day. He spent many nights in my room and
the feeling of waking, with his arms wrapped around me – Heaven. We no longer hid our feelings in public. Our friends were in total awe each time they
would talk with us about how Don and I felt, and only knowing each other for
such a short amount of time. All I could
say was he was my right hand, without him, I couldn’t function.
Still some were disappointed that I had
chosen to spend my time with a battalion man.
They knew that the Battalion deployments were only on the island for six
months, then what? Would it be a long
distance relationship? I already had one
of those and that didn’t work. My choice
remained steadfast; Don was the man for me, yet I still questioned, was I the
woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with?
***
My command had asked me if I would design the
backdrop for the pictures to be taken at the 50th Anniversary Seabee ball. I was honored and I also received many
special treatments and fringe benefits for accepting the task. I painted a beautiful sign with the Seabee
logo and had it framed in oak. It was a
work of art and unbeknown to me was also very valuable. Everyone would stop in the paint shop to see
my masterpiece, but they would also ask the burning question, who was I going
to the ball with?
“You’ll have to wait and see.” Was all the
information I would offer them.
Now I must tell you, Seabees are like family
and they really know how to party and protect one another, but within this
large family are smaller ones. They are
categorized as Battalions, Constructions Battalion Units, Public Works, Dive
teams, and Reservists. I know I must
have missed others, but I was only part of a PW and a CBU during my
career. Each group lives by an unwritten
rule that we stick with our own group where we work unless it is a drink
fest. This is why it was so important to
my command at public works to know if I would be attending with a guy from our
division or my battalion man. I knew
that my upper chain had a problem with my current decisions, and I felt they
were doing all they could to sabotage my future plans, but for me, it was none
of their business and they would find out soon enough.
What a shocker it was when Don and I attended
the Seabee Ball together. I had gotten
to know his supervisors and battalion friends rather well, so Don and I sat
with them all to enjoy dinner and the musical entertainment of the
evening. The biggest drama filled fiasco
during the ball was that my sign had been stolen several times during the
evening after the pictures had all been taken.
I knew that my command wanted it to display it on the quarterdeck of
Public Works. I was convinced that it
was stolen by someone in Public Works that wanted it all to himself.
“Someone stole my sign, I can’t believe it,
someone stole my sign!” I was outraged as the ball ended.
“It’s ok Fallon, someone will find it.” Don
said in a very calm voice.
“Don, something as big as that can’t just
walk out of a crowd of people and not be noticed,” said Tony, one of the guys
that I didn’t know.
“You sure about that?” said Mark with a bit
of a snicker.
Tony glared at Mark and mouthed the words
“Shut your ass.”
I believed that one of them knew something,
but they all claimed that they had too much to drink and didn’t know what they
were talking about. Don and Tony just
looked at each other and chuckled.
It wasn’t until two weeks later following the
Seabee ball, Don had called my office to tell me that he had made the sign
reappear. He asked me to come over to
the battalion work spaces so that he could explain what happened. Come to find out, it was an already planned
situation by his supervisors and many other guys from Don’s unit. They were going to make sure this work of art
stayed with its rightful owner, me. I
was speechless, and humbled to know that they went to such great lengths and
took some serious risks for me. Do I
have the sign to this day…come to a future Seabee get together and we’ll
discuss it.
By the end of an eventful night out, we found
ourselves embraced by a soulful connection when he took me back to my
room. I think it was this moment that he
had been waiting for since our first encounter.
He took hold of me and held me close to his heart. I looked up into his eyes and he cupped my
face in the palms of his hands and gently kissed me. I knew that he could reach right down into my
soul, as I stood face to face with him.
He held me in his arms and while looking in my eyes he spoke ever so
gently, the words I longed to hear.
“I love you. I want to be with you forever.”
Blushing as I spoke with tears in my eyes, I
replied, “Forever is a long time.”
He simply said, holding me tightly, “No, it’s
not long enough.”
As the moment gave way to a pause of silence,
I found the strength within me and with every ounce of my heart and soul,
without hesitation, I told him what I had longed to say since I met him.
“I love you too.” Then I smiled and wrapped
my arms around him. He made me feel safe
and I never wanted to let go.
“I knew you did,” he said with relief as if
it had been something he’d been waiting to hear for a very long time.
It was now no secret to anyone on the island
that Don and I were getting closer and closer with each day that passed. Our favorite thing to do since that night was
to spend as much time together as we could.
We also loved to go to the club and slow dance to a song that he would
always request. “Love of a Lifetime” by
Firehouse. We had finally found the love
of a lifetime. What I was not prepared
for, was an unsolved mystery that would find us later in our relationship. We knew each other more than we thought.
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| 21 Years Later |
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Below are the songs that will always be apart of our love all those years ago.
Love of a Lifetime - Firehouse
Save the Best for Last - Vanessa Williams
I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt
Love Arms - Dobie Gray
