Righting My Wrongs

I sit here troubled this morning and wonder, what would you do in the name of love for your child/children?  If you saw them on a path of wrongs, would you try to right them...ok or atleast some of them? What if your child/children decided that the best respect they could show you, is none...would you accept that or continue to teach why respect is vital, not just for one's parents, but for all the people? Do you have a child or children that justs tone you out on a daily basis? I'm sure we all do now and again. While everyone out there that has or has had children, have their own methods of parenting, I am sure many of my questions could have been the very same questions that danced inside your thoughts while parenting. Yet, how would you feel if you realized that what was happening in your life now was because of something years ago?

I saw a quote by Christina Ricci, in a magazine the other day that really hit home, "You have to make a decision that you're not going to be crippled by your insecurities". She is so right and I have done just that. Here is my story of parental awakening.

Becoming a new mother while undergoing cancer treatments was a challenge. It was up to me to keep the home front going why my husband endured long hours at work to make financial ends meet. I had the baby stuff and the house wife stuff, for the most part, down to a science until I let fear of the unknown get its grips on me. It didn't matter if it was health related, people related, life related, I felt like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. My biggest worry...ok fear, was that my children would be hurt or get hurt as they grew from the infants that came home from the hospital to young men, to young adults. I guess one could say, because of that intense fear - I sheltered them. Yikes, I've actually said it, wow there it is in print and to read and see it has moved me to tears. I have made it public, one of my many flaws that I am willing to take responsiblity for.  I had to start somewhere.

I let my own insecurities of the bad in the world, the unknown dangers, and feelings that I had, to constantly protect them, take full control. This is my belief as to why I feel they lack some life and social skills.  But it doesn't stop there. I also wanted them to look at me as the best mom in the world, what mother doesn't want that feeling, and they would always cherrish and love me. So why did this mom think this way - because she did everything for them. I created a world where they have been living like little kings. I was always picking up after them when they should have been learning to pick up their own things. Getting their laundry out of their rooms for them, when they should have been getting the laundry in the hamper for me. fighting their battles for them, ok and at times protecting them when there should have been consequences and the list goes on and on and on. I feel that by doing all these things and so much more for them, they never learned responsiblity and to respect themselves.  I've always heard if you don't love yourself, you can't love others, and I can say the same for respect, if you don't have respect for yourself, your home and/or your things, how can you be respectful for other people and their things?

So with all this opening up on my part and sharing my struggles within, where am I going with all of this? My boys need to understand that what I do and say as a parent now, is not out of hate, it is out of love. They run to their dad, hoping to over throw the Queen, by going to the King playing him against her. So the first important lesson now - The King and Queen are now comparing stories and that lies will get one nowhere.

For one, I have two years, and the other, four years, to correct my wrongs and to instill years worth of teaching into a short time frame. To the outside world, not to many know the new challeges we are facing as parents of two teenage boys. Right now I am the bad guy in the eyes of my older son, and I can safely say he is cussing the ground I walk on, because of the new life lessons being implemented. The second important lesson, my husband and I are a team, No means no, and if we ask you do to something, it will be when we ask, not when it is convenient.  My youngest son is a very quick learner, guess we caught it in time. (smile). The oldest is like trying to break a young stallion that has been so used to his word as being the "My Way World". 

It was just last night that I finally talked with my oldest son as a young adult and not a young man. Words of advice, if you want your kids to listen, put them in the car with you and drive around. In a car your voice is buffed, less annoying than a house that echoes. A drive home from an event last night, I finally admitted to him that I take full responsibilty as to why he does what he does. That I have learned that he needs important life skills to venture out into this huge mass called life. That he needs to be mind full that he is almost 18 and life will change for him both dramatically and drastically. Things he says and things he does could have either a postivie or a negative impact. He will now also have to be exceptionally mindful of his behaviors around the young ladies. I think this was a lot for him to take in and yes I am sure I am the bad guy this morning, but I have to start somewhere on this issue too. Yes I know that both my kids will make mistakes, that is how they will learn. But they will also learn that I will speak up when I'm told to stand back. Will they tone me out? Yep, I am almost sure of it, but in my heart of hearts, I won't have any future regret for not taking a stand in trying to steer my kids to stay on the right path. I know someday soon they will be on their own, and they are going to do what they want to do and will come to me when they need a friend or guidance, but for now I am not their friend - I am their mother and I am the only mother they have in this world! I will say and do things they are not going to like, and they are not going to understand what it was I am trying to do, for a very long time or mabye after I am long gone.  

So, my dear boys, if you see this someday or your friends tell you...wow you made your mothers blog today, please know - You two and your dad are the reasons why I get up in the morning. My intensions are filled with only love and what is best for all of you, all of us as a family. Why I struggle in this dreery economy to do my part to help make our financial ends meet. You are the reasons why I chose and still choose to live. To sum it up in the three most important words in the world - "I LOVE YOU!" and I always will.