Things you hear in public.

I'm sitting in a restaurant when I end up over hearing a couple talking about romance, or the lack there of, and their marriage situation. I immediately start thinking. "If only I could have turned up the TVs, that Chili's now had in various areas of their restaurant."

She says to him she feels like an outcast, an outsider, that he never does anything spontaneous like bring home candy or flowers. Something romantic, other than on an occasional holiday or birthday. 

He shrugged his shoulders and goes into defense mode and replied "What makes you say that, I've gotten you flowers before?"

She's nervous, not wanting to give the real answer as to why she is feeling so emotional but begins to open up, only to be interrupted by the waitress asking if they would like a refill of their drinks. He looks relieved that the discussion could be over. 

I found myself wanting to say, continue, please continue, NEVER STOP TALKING when the talking stops that is the time when the future is bleak. Clearly they were needing to talk to one another about something weighing down on them. Should they have picked a Chili's restaurant or any restaurant, probably not, but I'm thinking they were out and it was on neutral ground. As the waitress leaves, the woman then goes on to talk about why she is feeling the way she is. Many points she makes through out their discussion are,

1. You don't talk to me anymore and your always calling someone else to complain about me. Why don't you just come and tell me what I am doing that is so bad or so wrong so I can fix it?
2. I feel a distance between us.
3. You run to your family when your feeling down. I'm your wife, why don't you come to me?
4. I feel I have four kids and not three and a husband.
5. I don't feel appreciated.
6. You are in the room and I still feel lonely, why?
7. Are you seeing another woman?
8. Do you want a divorce?

He replied, "I don't know, I guess I just need time," and once again was more angry, agitated and wanted so much to go onto a different topic of choice, like the stats on the upcoming football game or the upcoming fall television shows.  Talking about their feelings was clearly making him uncomfortable. But she continued pressing for the answers.

"Time for what?" She replied forcing the words through her tightened throat.

"To figure things out"

"What things, I can't help you if you don't tell me what things." She was now getting frustrated.

"Just things, now (blank) would you just drop it and eat."

"No matter what is going on, and what happens...I love you." And with that the sounds of silverware hitting the plate and the sound of a glass being put down on the table, masked the silence that draped their table.

You knew that now the lunch they had ordered was no longer a want on her mind, and he focused on his food to fill the void. There she sat, looking helpless. I'm sure by that time, she realized that myself and three other tables of patrons had all heard their words. Only once did she make eye contact with me, and I gave her a look back with my eyes that said. I care and understand.

I stopped eating my lunch as thoughts filtered in my mind, "wow I have heard these same types of lines she was talking about from so many of my friends and family members." You could clearly see her feelings of deep sorrow as she listened to his responses. She was reaching out and he was toning her out. Either he didn't hear what she was trying to say or he didn't want to hear what she was saying, or maybe, just maybe, it was very simple, he was trying to protect her feelings. I felt bad, as I know woman and men who have gotten to a point in their lives when they felt they where in a rut, that they were facing old age faster than they want to and they start living in a past when they were young and youthful and yes...single. No responsibilities, live by the seat of your pants, no kids to worry about, no mortgage to pay and the list goes on and on.  Maybe that was what was going on, I don't know and it wasn't my business.  What I did know, somehow I could feel the pain in both of them and I felt the urge to cry, come over me.

I wanted so much to go over to them and try to make them laugh or smile. I wanted tell them they can learn from those days of youth and use the positive moments to set new moments of happiness in their lives. There was no doubt in my mind that they still loved each other, you could see it in their eye contact - continuous. I wanted so much for them to be happy, but happiness was anywhere but with them at that time, and that broke my heart.

I had walked around and stepped over some of the very same questions in my life, only to find that it happens to everyone. To think your immune to any of these types of thinking, can be dangerous to you and your relationship. What I also know and feel very strongly on - you can will your mind to think anything it wants, good, bad, happy, and sad. You have the control within yourself. When you see a negative moment entering your world, don't ignore it, but instead, note it, face it, and store it in the back of your mind as a learning tool to make you stronger to think positive. YOU will hit many road blocks of life that to try to trip you up. If that happens, stand up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. You only have one life and it can only be what you make it. Don't let the drama or negative elements get you down. There is only one you in this life, and you are important to others even if you don't feel it all the time.

To the Chili's restaurant couple - May you find the peace and the bond that brings you love, Joy, and togetherness forever.