YOUR NEVER TO OLD FOR SURPRISES

To write this story, I was inspired by the following music. If played, I hope that you will feel what I am feeling and how much this story means to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4_wTI0TtXg

The Cake I made
 my honey this year.
"The Devils Black Forest Cake"

Now it is no secret that for many souls in the world, the thought of their birthday is worrisome. Why? I don't why, but I can speak for one person...myself.  For me, more than twenty years ago, my birthdays were something that I looked forward to, but then when the day came and ended it was like a significant loss. To me it was a loss of another year gone by. It was another year closer to old age and it was another year closer to my day of passing on. I was always sad when my birthday would fade into an evening sky to give birth to another day. Every birthday before my cancer, I would cry myself to sleep. I should have been grateful all those years and for my gift of life. It wasn't until I was diagnoses with stage 2A Hodgkin’s disease in May of 1992, that my perspective on my birthdays had changed. No more crying for the loss of another year. It was a time to celebrate another year that I had gotten to live in this mixed up wild and crazy adventure called life. I chose to embrace the gifts that I've been given and to love with every ounce of my heart and my soul.

For my husband, a dark time had fallen upon him when he began struggling within when it came time for his 40th birthday to come calling. For many this is a time in life that becomes a struggle that we all will probably face or maybe have already faced. The worst that many friends have told me, they feared the dreaded label of being called – Over the hill. That those words "Over the Hill" have this impact on the way one see that their life span is half over, well unless you live past 80 years of age. You start to wonder if the choices you have made in your life were the right ones. Some even face their own mental "Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda," thoughts.

On my husbands 40th birthday, I wanted to do what I could to help him get past the thoughts that were wearing him down about growing old. It was on that day that I knew he needed to experience his past and what better way, then bringing an old military friend back into his life.  Someone who had the connection to a time in his life when my guy was without responsibilities or worries. A time when a single man could experience life and the joys within it and know he is only responsible for himself and the choices he makes. I believe in the saying, you have to love yourself before you can love anything else. People at one point or another will have their moment when they question who they are, what they are doing, and where they are in their life. I had planned a huge surprise party with over 50 of his closest friends and family members. my husband was unaware of what was being  planned. I decided that the biggest surprise, his long lost friend from 18 years ago would be a fantastic way to start the weekend off and so they arrived on the Friday to attend Saturday nights party. But the arrival of his long lost friend would be an early surprise and he arrived that Friday night.

I wish you could have all seen the look on his face when he opened the door and their stood his friend Fred. I was so happy that they arrived a day early, driving all the way from Michigan in the worst snow storm that fell upon the east coast in 2010.  It was great that he and his family could spend more time with his long lost friend. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room from any of us on that cold and snowy Friday evening. It was as if life had come full circle.  I was lost in the moment. There I stood, watching two men reconnect as if it had only been a day since they last had seen each other. To see my husband so filled with joy and happiness humbled me in so many ways. To see his smiles, that had been trapped away and would only come to the surface now and again, were free. I wanted to bottle this moment so that every year we could open it up and feel this love and joy all over again and again.  Since that birthday a few years ago, we have created a new tradition. It is called birthday hell week.

What it entails, is during the week of our birthdays, we surprise the birthday boy or girl, man or woman in our home by implementing but not limiting ourselves to various secret activites such as, playing jokes, decorate rooms, giving special gifts, cards, and streamer cars/trucks over the course of one week. On the actual birthday, we have a dinner that is chose by the birthday person. It could be dinner out or a nice dinner home, followed by homemade birthday cake, ice cream and being surrounded by friends and family. Sometimes the gatherings are big, and sometimes small. Either way, it is a celebration to share with the birthday person, and a special way to show them how much we appreciate them and how much we love them in our lives.

Since that 40th birthday, my boys and I have continued with our tradition and new way to celebrate our joy and happiness that my husband was brought into this world. He is a kind soul, with a very large and giving heart. Often times he has even sacrificed his own happiness to please others. He is a father that I could only wish that I had in my life. He is gentle and kind and honestly cares about others - as long as you do him no harm. He is our angel on earth and I can only pray as his wife that I am blessed with celebrating many birthdays with him. Below is a video of the final surprise that we gave him for this year’s birthday hell week. (His friends had not shown up yet, he was just getting home from work) The reason we did this for him is because he had mentioned that he didn't recall ever having a birthday that was a themed party when he was a child. He remembers having friends over and staying overnight, but never the extreme of matching decorations and even a pinata. So we decided to give him a "Hot Wheels" party. We even had party favors. Everyone got their own wet and wear "Hot Wheels" tattoos. This was his response when he came home on his birthday and the room was decorated. It was great to see that smile. We love you Dad. Happy Birthday sweetie and many many more. All my love to you - Stacey

SERIOUSLY? DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT?

You know me, blog blog blog. But the last few weeks have been very busy. I feel like I've left my readers hanging. So let’s see, what's been going on that would be of interest to you.  Ok, I've got a good one. I'm not saying everyone is like the topic that I am about to share with you it is just a funny, but true story.

This situation just happened to have taken place while my husband and I were out celebrating a friend’s birthday at the local country western bar. I had been talking with a group of friends about what the world of dating must be like these days and what is the cheesiest pick up line they had ever heard. Well my female friend takes the cake on this one. Her pet peeve was about how she had seen older woman use the line "Hi, I'm (so in so), haven't we met before?"  Oh, so some of my readers out there have heard this one too. I see you nodding your heads. Ha-ha.  Especially if she was on a date with a guy and they would come up and start flirting as if he was alone. Which leads me to share with you a quote or remark that was shared with me. I find it rather interesting and for me, I see truth too. It reads as follows and I don't know where it originated.

Flirting is the ulimate sign of immaturity. People flirt beacuse they want something in a process of selfishness. Mostly what they want is validation. 

 Now, honestly I have said those words before to a person, man or woman, but that is because they looked familiar. For all I know I saw them at the light in an intersection in a car or passed them in the grocery store. But I don't press the issue, and again I'm not a single older woman looking for a soul mate.

So, I shared this past topic with my husband before we went into the bar, why? I have no clue as I always have these stories that just baffle me about the actions of people and why they do what they do.  In my house we call it, “Mom’s tid-bits of useless information of the mind.” Either way, I also can talk to him like a friend and a husband and I love the expression he has when I share one of my off the wall, but always true tales. Anyways, I went on to tell him about the newest in pick-up lines being used by older woman, usually in a bar setting. He laughed at me like I was nuts, but I continued with my story and said, "Hon, I bet if you were to sit and watch people in a bar many are all about the game of flirt and getting noticed and someone will used that line to start conversation if they are interested in a person. Again he laughed. You’re going to love what happened next.

The guest of honor for the night arrived and we all went in the bar together to find a place to sit before the rest of her guests arrived. I don’t know what it is, but I find that the older we get, the further we sit from the speakers and any stage. So we find a big table and take our seats. One by one the birthday guest arrived as well as many unknowns that were coming to show off their best country two stepping line dance steps. Yet something about this place, even though it is fun to go to, the place is consumed by line dancing dandelions… you know the weed that grows in the yard that we loved to pick as kids. like a crazy mass of dandelions - they were everywhere. I honestly believe that if the Disk Jockey were to put on the theme song to the Brady Bunch, they would have a line dance to it. UGH! Yes, you are right…it is hard to have a birthday party for a person at a public place, but if you know it’s going to be loud and crowded, then so be it. This night was mainly about celebrating a friends arrival into her forties and to celebrate that this wasn’t her journey over the hill into the dark despair of old age, it was the beginning. A point when life really beings and that she should take life by the balls and live it to the fullest.  

As we sat there together laughing at the crazy sayings and happenings of the night, it happened. A soft spoken guest of the party arrived. She went through the process of saying hello and had gotten side tracked when she was introduced to my husband. Now I feel bad for her at this point, as she was not aware of the conversation that took place with husband and our friends before we went into the bar. She looked at my husband with the most serious face and said “Don’t I know you?” course you know what the rest of us were doing – Laughing inside and thinking “She didn’t just do what we think she’s done.  Did she really just say that?”  Now don’t get me wrong. She was a nice person, but a bit too obvious that it wasn’t just to spark a conversation. How do we know this…even after three responses of “No” she continued to question where she had seen him before?  Now I know people that use this line, offer several different types of possible places so that it lets the other person see what they are interested in, especially if they had never met in their life.

So, if you say, maybe it was at the market, the drug store, the gas station, another bar because they worked in one, and then you go on to say the mall or McDonalds, that’s cool. So what would one that is trying to be picked up on, would have learned in that mounting amount of questions? Let’s break it down. You learn that they grocery shop, their car uses gas, their past job to make tips they sweet talked the patrons, they went to the drug story…how many of you were thinking, for condoms in case they get lucky? Naughty, Naughty. Then the final finale, they do get out of the house to go to the mall and like to eat McDonalds. Yes that endless banter could lead to conversations that stemmed from this point of playing twenty questions. But when is enough questioning enough? If you have to start talking about the gynecologist office, or your therapist, I’d say the conversation is over. No, it didn’t get that far, thank goodness as I didn’t want the visual. Well in all fairness, she had not seen that he was married or with someone until my husband and I was introduced as a couple. Now after all that questioning my husband just looked at me and shook his head. I just grinned as if I had just gotten caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Then I couldn’t resist, when she was walked away, I said “See I told you that you are very nice looking guy. If you had not been married, she would have taken you home.” He laughed again.

It was a great night. My favorite part of the night was the slow dances, when my sweetie puts his arms around me; I get lost in him and forget that anyone else is even in the room. He is very tall and I love that when I want to look at him, I have to look up. Not many tall girls can say they can do that with their man. I’m so glad I can. We danced slow dances and played pool with the guests and family members of the birthday gal. We laughed and joked and at one point we found it rather interesting to watch the people and how they acted both on and off the dance floor and the biggest was how many of the women were dressed.  My husband even agreed with me when I commented that I couldn’t help but notice that in this day and age, the grace and beauty of a woman is being lost behind unflattering styles and desperate, I've got to have a man, behaviors.

I had gotten a room for my husband and me, so that we could have a pre valentines get away along with the night of celebrating our friend’s birthday and then a place for him and I to go back to since weather was to be bad going, and we wanted some alone time. Before we went to the bar, we checked into our room. We both got to enjoy a nice relaxing whirlpool tub and watch a movie until it was time to get ready for our night out.  I took a shower and really worked on looking nice for my man so that he would be proud to be with me in public. I did my hair and make-up. I wore a nice blouse and jeans with my cowboy boots. Nothing was tight fitting, or cut up with holes. Nothing was stained or so short that you could see an overly abundance amount of skin.  My make-up looked natural, not done in an early evening prostitution look. I didn’t have any acrylic nails on, but I did buff and trim my nails so even being short my hands looked pretty and lady like. To finish the look, I rubbed a little bit of my husband favorite perfume on and then asked for his approval. I always know if he likes it, I get a big hug and a “You look great babe.”

I found that the women, who in life would be called the plain Jane’s, were beautiful. They had jeans and their boots, nice button up shirts and simple to no make-up on. Most of them had dates and didn’t have to jump around and perform to get the attention of others. But there was a gal who stands out in my mind. She had taken a huge gray t-shirt and then cut a V shape in the back and then added lace to it. WTH!? Her pants didn’t fit her, they were hip hugging and she was on the large size and were very unflattering especially that look of the walked of cuffs. And loud…boy that is an understatement. Another gal decided that she was going to make a play for the birthday gal’s husband. It got so bad, that at one point we had considered turning her in for harassment.  Other women were catty, and would snarl and shoot the evil eye to any female species that would enter her pack of men that surrounded her. Now for some reason and something very new to me, the men patrons were not fearful to express if they like men or woman. We’ll leave that topic alone all together.

At the end of the evening we said our good-byes to our friend and her husband. My husband and I were the only two that weathered the bar storm and hung in there to see that our friend’s birthday celebration was fun and something she would never forget.  Honestly, I don’t think she’ll ever forget it.  As we made our way back to our trucks the four of us all decided that we were getting too old for the bar scene. That our next night out would be over a nice dinner and quieter setting. A-men to that!   Below I put a picture of the gift that I gave my friend. Who says that a gift has to be black and say over the hill when you turn forty?  This gift was one of relaxation and self-pampering. I hope she truly enjoys it to the fullest.  Everything can be used including the quilted and padded fabric box it was wrapped in.