LOVIN' THE "D"

This is my story and what I discovered about my depression and mood swings I dealt with years ago. Any similarities are purely coincidental.  Please note, everyone is different and even though you may be able to relate to what I have shared with you today, this is not in any way your medical gospel.

LOVIN' THE "D"

Was a vitamin D deficiency the additional link to my years of depression when I was over weight?  That was a question I had repeatedly ask my doctor, looking for an answer. I had researched and read on the Internet that this is a question still being followed and researched by doctors and scientist in the medical world. For me and some of the things I was going through, I honestly believe this deficiency played a large part in my quality of life. 

For years, I was living with this evil secondary personality, a cold, if looks could kill; make you want to drive a stake through the heart, cast iron Medusa. That’s only half of how I describe what used to be a part of me. To put it pure and simple – I was a Bitch. Now my other personality, I would be so sweet, loving, almost innocent acting, but come on, most adults on this earth, are NOT 100% innocent.  At one point or another we have all said or done something that we shouldn't have. Hey now, stop shaking your head that this doesn't include you. Smile. Now I am not a doctor, but even I realized that I hated my mean self when that side would show up. I'd ever go as far as sounding the warning sirens..."RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, SHE'S CHANGING TO HER EVIL SIDE!"

Now I will admit a lot of my moods came from negative interactions, whether it was with people directly, something I saw on TV, and even telemarketers.  I knew I was getting upset and angry, but didn't have the ability to keep from reacting…and even worse – over reacting. Now, my doctor realized during a series of lab work about 18 months ago, that I was deficient in vitamin D. Really? That can change someone to the point of a people wishing for my demise? From what my doctor says, the answer is - Yes for me anyway. For the naysayers out there who say that having a vitamin deficiency couldn’t cause such extreme behavior and that it just a way to mask that someone is a true bitch - what if it were possible? What if a deficiency really was the issue?  I know personally, I’m the living proof that the mean side I had was my body telling me I needed help. Since I have been taking a vitamin D regiment daily, I find it hard to get upset and over react. WOW, suddenly All I can think of is the song by Olivia Newton-John "Have you never been mellow." I'm sitting here with a big grin on my face and looking it up on youtube as I write this. Once again Mama's multi-tasking. If you don't know or remember the song that I speak of, I have posted a link at the end of my story.

So going on, once again I will remind you, I’m not a doctor, this doesn't mean this is your diagnosis if your going through similar events.  Me and my behavior was something I had to figure out on my own. I slowly started seeing the reactions from others when I became reactive, but then oddly enough, at the same time when I  knew they were getting upset, I couldn't figure out why.  Yes I was having a total duh moment.

But let me ask you, if you were acting this way wouldn't you want people to tell you that? Especially to your face? What's the ole saying "Truth hurts". I know it would have hurt, but I know I sure would have rather hurt and do something about it, than be like this for years and nobody say anything. Most of the time when these situations would occur, I had to hear it third wind, how upset it made someone. boy I am disliking that wind more and more. Ha-ha made ya smile.

I heard that this can also happen to people who live in places where they don’t get much natural vitamin D that comes from sunlight. Some studies say yes, others say there is not enough evidence and everyone is different. True.  Now for me, it’s been 18 months and I have to say I feel like a million dollars. I am laid back, non-reactive, yet still will call you upon your actions if you’re disrespectful, however I will comment with tact and grace not the Tasmanian devil with my Edward Scissors hands type of responses. There are days that I sit and wonder, why have I been dealt my fair share of medical dramas? I do know that I learned a life lesson from the dramas. Never take anything for granted as you never know how long you’ll have something or someone in your life. I can say, over these past 18 months, I have reconnected with my love of a life time and feel that our bond keeps getting stronger.  I know he is happy to have just one personality inside of this skin of mine, instead of two and have to wonder everyday – Will she be nice or should I leave now and save myself.  Oh, I heard your thought, Wow; she knew he said that to me?

If you ever find yourself not feeling your best, maybe even feeling sad or blue or if your moods seem to spike rather than stay more or less on the level plain. Don’t wait; make sure you follow up with your doctor just to make sure your entire health is well and good. Who knows, maybe what you’re going through could be as simple as asking your doctor to check your vitamin D levels. You just never know. You just mind find that you too are running low and need a refill.  Below I found a general link that tells more about vitamin D. It is from a women's health magazine website, but again this may not pertain to all women, it is a page that I related to. For you guys out there, I didn't exclude you on purpose, I looked up the men's health, but since I have never personally been a man, I don't want to post a website that offers information on how men feel. 

Thanks for taking time out of your day to join me on my journey. Have a wonderful evening and I'll blog you soon. Until then, peace to all.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/nutrition/vitamin-d-benefits#axzz1lpr5tJAT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IFQZyxxyyM
Me and my obsession of music. yikes! I honestly believe if I were to sit down and take the time to write out each song that is connect with each of my memories...I would have one heck of a soundtrack that is my life. Course you know what. I think we all do.

The Dress of Inspiration

something about the holidays that makes me happy and then build from there. He also emphasized the importance of thinking more on a positive level again and things would turn around. My husband and I and our two boys had our very first Christmas party. I told myself that this would be the beginning of something great. We had a house full of guests, food and fun and it was just what the doctor had ordered, but it still wasn't quite enough. I needed one more thing to get me motivated to stay on task and get myself out of this mental and physical slump once and for all and I knew just want would be my inspiration to accomplish this life changing goal.  For the past 5 years I have kept a very modern black and white dress that I bought at Macy's, that has only see the light of day three times, captive in my closet.  It is in pristine condition and still had the original price tag on it. It didn't fit me when I bought it, but I told myself I would not remove its tag until I could fit in it.

It has been a whole year and I think I can honestly say to myself "You've come a long way baby."  This Saturday we are having our second Christmas party and I get so excited to hear that people are looking forward to it. But this year the party will be a bit different as only half of me will be there.  Over the past year I have found peace with myself and my food additions. I have gone from a size 26 to a size 14 and have a whole new found way of looking and thinking about life. I had taken and continue to take a back street away from stress and worry and I stay focused on my family and our health. Yet something wonderful happened to me today that was the icing on the cake. The dress that had been held captive in my closet for the past 5 years, which I could only dream of wearing, found its way into the light of day. My goal was to lose the weight, get into a better frame of mind, be the best wife and mother I can be and if I did these things, my gift to myself would be that I could fit nicely into my dress for the Christmas party this year. I sit here with a huge smile on face - I got what I wanted for Christmas.