OH NO SHE DIDN'T!

 

A quote from the back seat:

"This much pain should be illegal - but got to keep smiling" 

 

Helllloooo everyone in Internet Land.  Yes, I will say it has been almost three weeks since I've enjoyed my morning coffee and let the words form at the tips of my fingers as my thumbs do their best to keep up with the space bar to keep my words from being jumbled. Last I wrote, I was in the temporary empty nesters training, that has now ended on Aug 1st, 2014, and that I am happy to report - WE PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS. WAA WHOO!!

My youngest son flew out to Nebraska on June 24th, to work with his grandfather on his wheat farm and on July 19th, my husband and I drove out to spend two weeks with friends and family and then the three of us were driving home together on Aug 1st. (So glad everyone in our family now has a license).  Now, the drama of this plan began on July 15th, when I was scheduled for a Lumbar Puncture A.K.A. a Spinal Tap. I was told this procedure was routine and that my doctor had done many of these procedures. Now in this 45 year old brain of mine, I am under this false belief that I'm 25 - O.K. 30 and that I can bounce back from any procedure in just a matter of a day and a few hours of bed rest. NOT THIS TIME! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING! - I wasn’t that was the problem.

My husband takes time off on that Tuesday morning so he could drive me home. I was never told that I had to lie still 6 hours after the procedure. I was told about the possibility of a Spinal Headache, but having had migraines for the past 23 years - this would be a piece of cake. I got through the procedure, the doctor let me get up and leave after 25 minutes of remaining on the procedure bed. I felt rather well, just pain from the two places they accessed my spine. Got in the truck, even went out for brunch at a restaurant. No headache. I had overcome the odds - so I had thought.

By morning of the 16th, life was not as I had envisioned and the only thing I wanted was to be placed into a coma for six weeks to survive the extreme pain that I was in. I could not walk, or sit - only lay down. I had so much to do and had left it until last minute thinking that I would still have three days after the procedure to get stuff done and be ready for our 27 hour drive to Nebraska. My vision of success turned into a Nightmare that was so riddled with extreme pain, that I felt paralyzed. By Thursday, my husband took more time off that morning to rush me to the emergency room in Bethesda, Maryland to see if I could get a Spinal patch done - nope only pain meds and sent home. They didn't have much empathy for our concern about our pending vacation that we had chosen to drive instead of fly.

Now you all know, if I can find a great story to write about, I'm on it, but having to lay down in the back of my Suburban to get some relief, and my husband having to do all the driving - I started seeing and doing some strange things - I blame the pain meds. But in that time, many things had happened to us that I still find funny, so I condensed it to one liners and I entitle this piece –

 

"Possible Book Titles Inspired by Pain from a Back Seat" By Stacey L. Bolin - Enjoy.

·        The Alarm Clock Assault

·        Didn’t leave til 6:30 – Sudden Shits

·        We stopped in Breeze wood, MD, could only eat a hash brown.

·        Spinal Headache on the road – Kill me now!

·        Jurassic Bug Guts Graveyard on the Windshield (See photo below)

 

·        Haunted by the Cinnabon scent from the vendor while in a Love’s truck stop restroom.

·        Sweaty Skin Stuck to the leather back seat.

·        Pain so bad, afraid to fart

·        Saw a huge cross in Kansas – Am I dead?

·        Hubbies Cell Phone Ringing – Again!

·        My man bitchin’ he’d been Looking for Lodging – No luck for Miles…in St. Louis

·        Denny’s and its dinner in my bra – Just couldn’t hold it down.

·        Puke Explosion in Terre Haute

·        The Nebraska Cup Port-a-pisser on the road – When you gotta go you gotta go.

·        Ron the Driver – Rated M for Mature: harsh language and hand gestures and toxic farts

·        Broke Bitch Mountain (Had to be there for that one ;)

·        Broke Dick Mountain (Was my response to the comment above)

·        I made it to the rest room – my shorts didn’t

And the number one title that would have everyone shocked for weeks – was inspired when my husband said to me as we finally got to our destination and climbed into bed for the night and I was still dealing with the pain – “Rub my back Fucka – I drove the whole trip.”

 

I hope you enjoyed my commentary about the first day on our trip. Even though I was dealing with some tremendous pain, after about 8 days, I was back to my old self, movin’ and grovin’. Below are a few pictures I captured during our travels. Thanks for reading and looking forward to sharing more stories that I have put together during the summer and during my empty nester training. Until next time – Blog ya later Alligators.

 

Seeing our oldest son for the first time.
He's now on a new Crew since this picture.

 

Wild Sunflower in Potter, Nebraska

 

My husbands Super "Sonic" weiner

 

Over the Rainbow in Stereo

 

Our youngest farming in the Panhandle of Nebraska

 

A Western Sunset in a mirror heading East.

 

"Mystery Caller Halloween Revenge" Scary stories

7 Days until Halloween

I had fun with a clip art program yesterday morning.

 

*Reader Warning*

This story is based on a true story

that contains foul language, and suggestive violence and sexual situations.

 

90% of this story is of truth. my reason for writing this, is because, even though people love the idea of pranking others - especially during Halloween, it doesn't take much for a joke or something equivalent of, to escalate into something out of control, violent, and possibly deadly.
You can't change a persons free will, you can only hope that people know the difference between a good choice and bad choice - because either way, good or bad,
it could effect your life and the lives around you.

 

 

"Mystery Caller Halloween Revenge"

By Stacey L. Bolin

Based on a true story

Copyright 10/22/2012

For a week, Michael had been getting voiceless calls on both his cell phone and his house phone. He put the possibilities of foul play at bay with the thought that everyone has a number they accidentally dial. Michael always referred this to a Butt call. You know, when you put your phone in your pocket or someplace that can bump the number panels, the phone could call again without the owner of the phone knowing unless they check their call history. Yet in the back of his mind, one question plagued him - he could understand either his cell phone or his house phone, but both getting calls like this? "It's got to be more than just a coincidence," he thought.  Then he remembered an old girlfriend that was bitter that the relationship never blossomed into anything long term, and he pondered, would she do something like this? - Oh yes she would and then some. Now he was completely bugged by the fact that a woman, who envisioned marriage, mortgage payments, and kids, after one of night sex, could now be a whole different kind of problem in his life. Not to say that there was anything wrong with people getting married and all the other stuff that comes with it. He just realized that it was not what he wanted for his life at that time, and decided to part ways. 

Being a 24 year old single man had its perks, but it also came with lulls. The perks, freedom to do what he wished, sleep with whom he wished, and party as long as he wished. The lulls were coming home to an empty house at the end of the day. The scent of a home cooked meal, absent when he walks in the front door, and most importantly - that special some to kiss good-night and have fall asleep in his arms. Non-the-less, at this time, he was a single man

By the end of the week, Michael was relieved the weekend was here as he was ready to engage in something wild and crazy. Anything was better than working a 12 hour shift. Like clockwork, every third Friday, which usually fell on a pay-day, only guys from the company, both married and single, would go out to the local sports bar to blow off some steam.  For the married men of the group, they told their wives it was a form of necessary "occupational therapy" to help them regroup so they would be ready for the next work week.  For the guys who were lucky enough to be single, they looked forward to meeting the beautiful women who also graced this place.  To them it was - “I'm Gonna Get Some" night. Michael was quick to get the jobs done that he been assigned for the day, in spite of the constant distraction of his thoughts on what this Friday night had in store for him. When it was time to clock out, he grabbed his gear, jumped into his truck, and swiftly headed home to get cleaned up. As he drove, his cell phone rang and displayed on the screen unknown name unknown number, yet he still answered it as his friends do this all the time to him when they call.

"Dang those call blocker applications," he said with frustration as he went to answer the phone. "Hello?" There was no reply, yet he could hear something in this call that he had not heard before in the last voiceless calls - this time someone was breathing on the other end.

"Hello? I don't know who you are, but you better knock this shit off!" Clearly he had had enough.

"I'm watching you!" replied a much distorted monstrous monotone voice.

"Come again!?" Michael shouted.

"I'm watching you!" and then the phone went silent.

He threw his phone down on the seat of his truck, cursing and cussing the unknown caller for disrupting his life once again. It was clear that it was not his old girl friend unless she was taking large doses of testosterone pills or something; the voice was way too deep that couldn't even be accomplished by the best female actress. The traffic was rather congested and slow as snails at times, giving him plenty of opportunity to try to provide his sporadic thoughts some type of answer.

As he finally turned onto the road where his home was, a black cat ran across the street, nearly being struck by Michael’s truck. "Dang Cat, Good thing you have nine lives as you almost spent them all in one place!" He yelled out to himself, followed by a laugh. He thought it was funny.

Now Michael had  never be the superstitious type of person, but shortly after pulling into his drive way, the hairs on the back of his neck felt like there were standing straight up as an icy chill raced over him. “Snap out of it dude, it was just a cat.” He said to himself as he shook his head. “This is nuts.” He then grabbed his gear, locked his truck and went into the house. His excitement about going out tonight was all but lost, because some jerk wanted to make crank calls and it was really pissing him off.

He turned on the music channel and was immediately taken in by the sensual video sights and musical beat of the song Zydrate Anatomy. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVTAf4FAXaU&feature=related). As he sat there almost in a stare as he watch the television, his cell phone rang again, stinging him with a quick jolt of fear.

“This better not be another crank call,” He screamed. He was at his breaking limit when he saw that the phone again displayed unknown name, unknown number. “What the hell do you want?” he said in a pissed off voice when he answered the phone.

“I see I am really driving you crazy.” Declared the distorted voice.

“What is your damn problem you sick f**K!?”

“You want to see sick, take a look outside in your front yard – I’m watching you!” The horrific voice revealed then broke into the most sinister laughter.

When Michael got up and walked over to look out his front window, there in his yard stood a dark shadowy figure. Between the intenseness of the music playing and seeing someone standing in his front yard that had been harassing him all week, triggered his senses to immediately begin bursting into overload and had him ready to open a can of whoop-ass.

“You think you scare me mother-F**ker! I have a house full of guns! You think I’m afraid of you! Come on, knock on my door!” Michaels anger was become more of a revengeful rage.

Just then the shadowy figure displayed a handgun from his waistband. “See what I got Michael, I could take you out with one shot.”

“OK Bitch – Your mine!” Michael replied fearlessly. He put his phone in his pocket and he grabbed a 12 gage shot gun that he had in his gun cabinet and came out of his house just in time to see the unknown shadowy figure jump into a waiting car and then they sped off down to road – not knowing that the way they chose to drive would lead them to a dead end. They didn’t know that Michaels’ home was the last one on the street.

Michael jumped into his truck, slamming it into reverse as he stomped onto the gas pedal. The sound of squealing tires and blue smoke filled the air. Then he threw his truck into drive and again stomped on the gas. He was going to make his anger known; nobody was going to threaten him, especially on his property. He saw the tail lights of the car followed by break lights and then back up lights. Clearly the car was trying to turn around. Michael let the car get turned around then he slammed on the breaks as he turned the steering wheel causing his truck to block the oncoming car.  The car never moved when Michael jumped out of his truck and stepped out into the illumination of the car headlights in the center of the road waiting for the passengers - who at that time chose not to get out.

Michael then lifted his gun and pointed in the direction of the windshield and with a fiery rage in his voice, ordered the both the driver and the passenger to get out of the car or he was going to light it up.

“Michael – Hey man it’s just us! Don’t shoot!” pleaded a voice that sounded familiar to him.

Still keeping his shot gun raised he once again ordered them to get out of the car. Slowly both doors opened and the two men in the car got out with their hands in the air.

“Michael – It’s me Frank!”

“Frank?”

“Dude, put the gun down! We just wanted to get you back for your Halloween Prank from last year when you made it look like you had Hilti nailed your hand to a wall.”   

“Who’s with you?”

“Jake”

Michael could not believe that he had been the recipient of quite an elaborate prank. He lowered his shot gun as his buddies came over and gave him a great big pat on the back.

“Man, I thought sure you were going to blast my windshield out.” Jake said trying to hide the fact that he nearly wet his pants.

“Yeah, dude, when I saw you come storming out of your house with that steel beauty, I knew we’d gone a bit too far with all of this.”

“You think” said Michael in a smartass tone of voice. “But you know what guys; you should know me better than that. Anyone who really knows me knows that my guns are for admiring, the craftsmanship is too beautiful to mess up with gun powder residue and shit.”

“It’s not loaded?” Frank questioned.

“Nope”

They all stood there and had one big laugh and then decided that it was time to head out to the sports bar – they all could use a drink after living through this crazy prank.