OH NO SHE DIDN'T!

 

A quote from the back seat:

"This much pain should be illegal - but got to keep smiling" 

 

Helllloooo everyone in Internet Land.  Yes, I will say it has been almost three weeks since I've enjoyed my morning coffee and let the words form at the tips of my fingers as my thumbs do their best to keep up with the space bar to keep my words from being jumbled. Last I wrote, I was in the temporary empty nesters training, that has now ended on Aug 1st, 2014, and that I am happy to report - WE PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS. WAA WHOO!!

My youngest son flew out to Nebraska on June 24th, to work with his grandfather on his wheat farm and on July 19th, my husband and I drove out to spend two weeks with friends and family and then the three of us were driving home together on Aug 1st. (So glad everyone in our family now has a license).  Now, the drama of this plan began on July 15th, when I was scheduled for a Lumbar Puncture A.K.A. a Spinal Tap. I was told this procedure was routine and that my doctor had done many of these procedures. Now in this 45 year old brain of mine, I am under this false belief that I'm 25 - O.K. 30 and that I can bounce back from any procedure in just a matter of a day and a few hours of bed rest. NOT THIS TIME! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING! - I wasn’t that was the problem.

My husband takes time off on that Tuesday morning so he could drive me home. I was never told that I had to lie still 6 hours after the procedure. I was told about the possibility of a Spinal Headache, but having had migraines for the past 23 years - this would be a piece of cake. I got through the procedure, the doctor let me get up and leave after 25 minutes of remaining on the procedure bed. I felt rather well, just pain from the two places they accessed my spine. Got in the truck, even went out for brunch at a restaurant. No headache. I had overcome the odds - so I had thought.

By morning of the 16th, life was not as I had envisioned and the only thing I wanted was to be placed into a coma for six weeks to survive the extreme pain that I was in. I could not walk, or sit - only lay down. I had so much to do and had left it until last minute thinking that I would still have three days after the procedure to get stuff done and be ready for our 27 hour drive to Nebraska. My vision of success turned into a Nightmare that was so riddled with extreme pain, that I felt paralyzed. By Thursday, my husband took more time off that morning to rush me to the emergency room in Bethesda, Maryland to see if I could get a Spinal patch done - nope only pain meds and sent home. They didn't have much empathy for our concern about our pending vacation that we had chosen to drive instead of fly.

Now you all know, if I can find a great story to write about, I'm on it, but having to lay down in the back of my Suburban to get some relief, and my husband having to do all the driving - I started seeing and doing some strange things - I blame the pain meds. But in that time, many things had happened to us that I still find funny, so I condensed it to one liners and I entitle this piece –

 

"Possible Book Titles Inspired by Pain from a Back Seat" By Stacey L. Bolin - Enjoy.

·        The Alarm Clock Assault

·        Didn’t leave til 6:30 – Sudden Shits

·        We stopped in Breeze wood, MD, could only eat a hash brown.

·        Spinal Headache on the road – Kill me now!

·        Jurassic Bug Guts Graveyard on the Windshield (See photo below)

 

·        Haunted by the Cinnabon scent from the vendor while in a Love’s truck stop restroom.

·        Sweaty Skin Stuck to the leather back seat.

·        Pain so bad, afraid to fart

·        Saw a huge cross in Kansas – Am I dead?

·        Hubbies Cell Phone Ringing – Again!

·        My man bitchin’ he’d been Looking for Lodging – No luck for Miles…in St. Louis

·        Denny’s and its dinner in my bra – Just couldn’t hold it down.

·        Puke Explosion in Terre Haute

·        The Nebraska Cup Port-a-pisser on the road – When you gotta go you gotta go.

·        Ron the Driver – Rated M for Mature: harsh language and hand gestures and toxic farts

·        Broke Bitch Mountain (Had to be there for that one ;)

·        Broke Dick Mountain (Was my response to the comment above)

·        I made it to the rest room – my shorts didn’t

And the number one title that would have everyone shocked for weeks – was inspired when my husband said to me as we finally got to our destination and climbed into bed for the night and I was still dealing with the pain – “Rub my back Fucka – I drove the whole trip.”

 

I hope you enjoyed my commentary about the first day on our trip. Even though I was dealing with some tremendous pain, after about 8 days, I was back to my old self, movin’ and grovin’. Below are a few pictures I captured during our travels. Thanks for reading and looking forward to sharing more stories that I have put together during the summer and during my empty nester training. Until next time – Blog ya later Alligators.

 

Seeing our oldest son for the first time.
He's now on a new Crew since this picture.

 

Wild Sunflower in Potter, Nebraska

 

My husbands Super "Sonic" weiner

 

Over the Rainbow in Stereo

 

Our youngest farming in the Panhandle of Nebraska

 

A Western Sunset in a mirror heading East.