"I'm Back On-Line - But Feeling Broken"

Update: 

 "Night Whispers" will resume next week. Thanks for checking in.

The reason behind my writing delays: 

Wow, I have to say I certainly didn't expect to let any of my readers down as I had promised you a story to knock your socks off, when instead, a series of events had knocked mine off - with the biggest being just two weeks ago, 4th of July, my family and I took a road trip to see very dear friend and family members. Many of you probably remember reading a blog that I wrote about wanting to know why bad things happen, especially to good people.  If you don't recall here is the name of the story on this blog. "I Want to Know Why!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” -  It appeared 3/14/12. 

We've spoken over the phone with his wife and son several times, but nothing could prepare us for the moment when we would stand face to face with the effects of ALS. It was a complete shock and so hard to believe that what we were seeing had progressed so fast from a year ago. August of last year our families were enjoying two of the greatest weeks of weather, sand, surf, and Disneyland and oh so much more in California - nothing could go wrong. For the kids, it was a trip of a lifetime, a place they had only seen on television, but for the adults, we were going back to our old stomping grounds when our lives were part of the Seabees where we were active duty in Port Hueneme, California. My husband and his brother in arms, Fred, were both Equipment Operators with NMCB 5, and I was going to Builder "A" school. It was his request that he wanted to go back there before his ALS progressed. Now as I look back upon it - it is a trip that we will treasure forever. My husband is the one in the white shirt.

 

EO3 Fred Wilson, and EO3 Ron Bolin
"Seabee Museum" - Port Hueneme Naval Base - California
August 2012

 

EO3 Bolin, EO3 Wilson, and BU3 Stacey Bolin
"Seabee Museum" - Port Hueneme Naval Base - California
August 2012

 

But on this day when we arrived at his home in Michigan, no longer stood the man we were used to seeing as the ALS was doing its best to win a battle that he refuses to give into. If ever a miracle was needed, I'd like to think he'd be one of millions to receive it. Already I had begun to worry about the upcoming months and what they would bring...suddenly I found myself deeply saddened and unable to stay focused on writing the mystery story of the summer. Not only has this reality effected the ability to put words on to paper, but even at work I am struggling to stay focused and yet, when I try to update people on what I am going through, I feel my strength want to break free and I'm left hanging onto the 50 gallon bucket that I've filled with tears already. So instead I try to hold it in, but at this point I'm going to have to let someone know as I really do enjoy my work and with all the people I work with. I do my best to stay constantly busy and certainly I don't want people to think I'm not able to do my job, but every time the phone rings I fear its bad news, even though in my heart, I believe miracles happen every day.

I'm not ashamed to say it either...this gal is feeling stressed and that I am so looking forward to my therapy appointment this week - boy do I need it.

 

Please, to anyone who reads this, I know many of you may not know Fred, but please take a moment to say a prayer for his full recovery so that he can see his children and his grand daughter grow up and so that he can be with his wife who has been with him every change and turn that ALS has thrown at them.

Until next time - Blog ya later.