The afternoon sky was black and thick as a harsh and bitter rain pounded on our truck. I did my best to keep it under control through the gusty winds as we made our way toward our destination. A streak of lighting danced in front of my tired eyes as the sound of intense thunder exploded around us. I knew this was a sign of the horrific things to come...something was lurking out there, ready to find us and I feared that we would never get away. HOLD ON - STOP THE MUSIC. What am I doing - MY BAD. Sorry, it's not Halloween yet....lets get back to my story "A Magnet for the Oddest Stories". You'll have to wait until October to get the rest of this story. *Wink*
***
Two weeks ago, my younger son was in need of
a pair of safety boots for his auto mechanics class that he is enrolled in this
year. Now for most parents with a strict budget, hearing the word safety
equipment is usually followed by - large price tag and then a "Get in the truck we are heading to K-Mart". Don't get me wrong, I am not in the habit of scrimping when
it comes to safety, but I'll be the first to say, my husband swears by his
steel toed boots from K-Mart and that he's yet to find another pair that holds
up so well and protects his feet. So, my
plan was to get the same for my son.
Now my son turned 15 in June and he is
enjoying that feeling of what Independence is like. No more Mom in tow anymore
- which is nice for both of us. He tries
on boots, mom looks at things, he looks at video games, mom is still looking at things - you get the gist, I’m sure. Usually I am drawn in by the towel section,
followed by the pillows and then women's clothing, but when I discovered that I
had lost enough weight to wear the Jaclyn Smith line, I head straight to
clothing. Now with the weight loss I was also blessed with another wonderful
change - I have graduated from huge parachute sized underwear to finally fitting into thin girl sexy underwear. Yeah that's right. I can wear it. Smile. I'm just not quite brave
enough to walk into a Victoria Secrets. I know I can fit into my size there,
but I'm still a bit bumpy in areas that need toning. My husband says,
"You're only going to wear it for me, so it shouldn't matter", but I
know I'm bumpy in places and I want to look my best when I can and for me when
I have sexy underwear on, bumpy is not allowed. But my story today is not about
bumpy bodies or what kind of underwear you like, it's about what happened to me
as I browsed the lingerie department in our local K-Mart.
My younger son had gone off to try on boots and
I was solo looking for some replacement undergarments when I heard a voice say
to me, "Do you like satin or cotton?" I quickly spun around thinking
it was someone I knew trying to be funny with me. Much to my surprise, stood a
small woman about 5'5 wearing a big smile.
Immediately I started having a conversation
with my mind which probably had me looking like I was having a break down. "Stacey,
just pretend you didn't hear her," my mind said to me as I scrambled to
find a way to move on with my browsing - Alone. "You heard her, now answer
her you fool."
"Shut up brain and let me think," I
thought to myself.
"So, which is it, cotton or satin?"
She repeated with a smile.
"Both," I replied, hoping that the
one word answer, like my kids give me when they want me to buzz off, would
work.
"Me too, I like the feeling of the satin
or really soft cotton on my butt."
"Uh, OK?" I replied that placed our conversation in an
odd plateau of silence that I thought was my cue to continue to
move slowly away. I pretended to be looking for something, but all I wanted was
to just get myself out of this pending one sided conversation.
"Did you know that my grandmother is 91
and still has her period?" said the voice again.
"Say What?" I replied in a stunned
sounding voice as I turned to see if she was just pulling my leg. “Is she
sick?” I asked.
"No. She just still has her cycle. Can
you imagine that? She could still have babies if she wanted too. It's strange,
coming here to have to buy her underwear so her pads will fit. She likes the
Always Overnights maxi pads. Oddly enough she stood there with a very serious face and I stood there in disbelief as to what I just heard.OMG! DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE THIS NEED TO KNOW WHATS
GOING ON IN YOUR GRANDMOTHERS UNDERWEAR!? I almost asked the question as to how
she knew it was what she claimed it was, but I honestly and whole heartedly
feared she would answer this question in great detail.
I shook my head while suddenly feeling this
strange urge to laugh. I get that way when I'm embarrassed or if things get too
serious and I don't know how to respond. I looked around me trying to pin point
someone, anyone, that might have been playing a trick on me. In my head I was hoping that this was
some type of segment from the show - Impractical Jokers. I looked inside the display racks to see if the
four guys on this show were hiding out in the nightgowns and robes, trying not
to laugh, while I stood there doing my best to process what I was hearing.
Trying to be respectful, I mustered up a
response, "Excuse me, why would you want to tell a complete stranger about
your grandmother’s personal hygiene?” She never did reply to my question, maybe
she realized that she had offered way too much information. Yes I should have
just shut up and took the time to listen, but I just felt this was way too
personal of a topic to be talking about in lingerie department, in a K-Mart, with a stranger. Maybe I
should have not even have bothered and just do what my friends do, pretend your
cell phone is buzzing and answer it. I guess I was just baffled that one, she
picked me to share this with, and two, 91 years old and still having your period
– I hope that is all it is, and not something serious being overlooked. We all think of what we should have said -
after the fact, but I just didn’t know what to say and I still felt like it was
some type of gag.
As I looked around, with the hopes that this
was still some type of candid camera funny, I saw my son walking down the aisle
to get another pair of boots to try on. Awe
opportunity knocks.
"There's my family, I need to catch up
with them. They are probably wondering where I am. It's been nice talking to
you." I said with a polite smile then turned and walked away.
"It was nice talking to you too."
"It was nice talking to you too."
"What
was that?" I thought, “And why did she
chose to tell me this?”
I never did see her again as my son and I
finished our shopping, but now it seems that every time I see an elder woman, I
hear this woman talking about her grandmother’s period. I think I am scared for life –
Calgone take me away!
So the moral of this story is - Never tell a stranger what your grandmother put in her underwear, you just might scare them away. *Wink*
Blog ya later Alligators.
So the moral of this story is - Never tell a stranger what your grandmother put in her underwear, you just might scare them away. *Wink*
Blog ya later Alligators.
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