The sounds of a siren and multi flashing red and blue police
lights filled the car as Lori and Bill headed to their missions first
destination.
"WHAT DO WE DO BILL!” Lori blurted out in a frantic
voice.
“Don’t worry my sweets, just let me do all the talking, these
guys know me.” Bill replied in his best secret squirrel tone.
“You want?”
“What I mean is that I know how to talk to these guys.”
The siren continued to blare behind them, clearly the only
thing that this law enforcement officer had in mind was to run interference in
Bills plan. He was sure of that as he continued driving forward towards the
mall.
“Dammit Bill – PULL OVER! I don’t want this to end up in a
low speed police chase.”
“You don’t think I have what it takes to out run the law?”
Lori looked at him and tried to find the words, but nothing
would come out.
“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. I know what I’m
doing.”
“Really?” was all she could say.
A thousand things began to rush through Bills mind as he
started babbling out loud – “Was it an unpaid parking ticket? I was only parked
in a no parking zone for ten minutes, my cell phone rang and I didn’t want to
talk and drive. I didn’t even leave my car. Maybe it was girl I was flirting
with at the circle K; she probably filed harassment charges for asking too many
questions about the dangers of drinking chocolate milk while eating pork rinds?
Could it have been that I didn’t mow the lawn on the day our home owners
association suggested? No, no it know what it is…I forgot to send my mother a
birthday card and now she is seeking revenge? I know you shouldn’t have used
all the stamps Lori! Maybe it was….”
“You…driving the blue Nissan. Please pull your car to the
side of the road,” said a stern and official voice over the loud speaker of the
police car.
“BILL! SNAP OUT OF IT AND PULL THE HELL OVER! HE’S TRYING TO
GET AROUND YOU!”
“What?” He replied dazed and completely confused while slowly
pulling his car to the side of the road.
Nancy and Carmen stood in the door way of their house
watching all the excitement.
“Dang, they haven’t been gone more than two minutes and dad
hasn’t even gotten the end of the road and already he’s brought attention onto
himself.” Nancy commented as she shook her head in disbelief while the other
neighbors stood out on their lawns trying to understand what was going on.
"I’m so embarrassed."
“He should have let mom drive, she’d have been at the mall by
now.” Carmen commented.
“That’s probably why he didn’t let her drive he knows mom
wants to be the next Danica Patrick.”
They both laughed and then closed the door to wait
impatiently for the outcome that they knew would result in numerous Facebook
postings and twitter comments from their friends, about their parent’s antics,
later in the evening.
***
Bill and Lori reached the mall parking lot about 8:35pm.
Their first indication that it was a typical Friday night were the miles of
multiple colored metal finishes, which could mean only one thing – finding a
parking spot was going to take patience, perseverance and cut throat quickness.
Bills excitement was growing into frustration as one attempt after another
would find them just missing a spot here or a spot there.
“SON OF A BITCH!” Bill screamed out slamming his fists
against the steering wheel.
“Bill! Watch the language!”
“Oh don’t read me the riot act on cussing there little lady,
the girl’s tell me you have a mouth like a sailor when you’re behind the
wheel.”
“Who me? They don’t know what they’re talking about,” she
replied as she turned away and peered out the window to conceal the sinful grin
she was wearing.
“There’s one!” He exclaimed and stomped his foot down on the
gas pedal that created an intense roar from the engine accompanied by the
sounds of squelching rubber on the new pavement while unexpectedly flinging
Lori deep into her seat do to the negative G’s that bill had inflicted onto
their Nissan.
“BILL, SLOW THE HELL DOWN!” Lori cried out.
Just as he was about to finally get parked, a vehicle from
the other side had driven through to the space Bill was intent on getting.
“WHAT THE HELL! DAMMIT!”
Lori laughed at Bills expense, “Welcome to my world, this is
what it is like anytime on any day when coming to the mall.”
“SOMEBODY KNEW I WAS COMING HERE TONIGHT!”
“Oh yeah, right, someone has been out there in the world
planning their next move to steal Bill Keebler’s parking spot when he goes to
the mall. Better yet, maybe the girls put the word out about what their mom and
dad were up to. Come on Bill, be real. How about we go to a restaurant or
something and save the mall for another time.
“No…we can’t alter the plan or the numbers won’t come out
right.”
“The Numbers? Bill do you realize how many people in your
experiment age group, are in the world? Do you really think that twenty people
will give you the honest facts you are looking for?”
“It doesn’t matter how many.” He paused with a disappointed look
upon his face. “I need to understand so that I can make my point.”
“About what?”
“Never mind, you’ll understand soon enough.”
As Bill and Lori continued talking, while temporarily
blocking the flow of traffic as their car sat idled, bill noticed that the
vehicle that had taken their place was pulling out and was only there
momentarily to answer a cell phone call.
“Hold Crap a space!” Bill Cheered.
“Sorry man, it’s against the law to drive and talk on the
phone,” shouted the driver with a friendly voice and a smile. “She’s all yours,
but have to warn you, it’s crazy in the mall as well.”
“Thanks man,” Bill replied and gunned the car once again
thrusting Lori into a motionless position into her seat. “WE GOT ONE LORI! HA
HA!” he cried out in a great mad scientist voice.
“Thank goodness. My body can’t take much more of this.” She
replied as she peeled herself out of the cushions of her seat to exit the car.
"You didn't tell me I would have to endure on the job hazards especially a
whiplash injury."
"Sorry sweetness" he replied as he removed his
sunglasses and trench coat and threw them both into the back seat of the car
before locking it.
"I thought you said you didn't have anything on under
your coat?"
“I was just having fun with you, you're so gullible Lori. Now
hold my hand and let’s go check on the food court."
As the night went on Bill had stopped at all of the food
counters that appeared to be run by men and women in their late teens and early
twenties. One by one Billed check off the columns and made notes by each person’s
name that he was able to retrieve from each employees name tag. Not to look suspicious or appear to be some
type of creepy stalker, he would purchase some type of item that either he or
Lori could drink or snack on without filling up. When Bill had returned to
their table location that they had gotten that was strategically centered
between all the food counters, Lori just sat there shaking her head.
"What's wrong hon?"
"Bill, I know you mean well, but if we keep snacking
like this, we're going to gain 50lbs a piece and go broke before this
experiment is over. Can't we go home now?"
"It's for a good cause and sometimes a father has to
take matters into his hands to make a point?"
"Well I am taking matters into my own hand sand I have a
point to make, I feel like I'm a pending spokesperson for Jenny Craig. I can
see myself now, taking my before pictures while trying to explain how I put the
weight on and how I'll get it off."
"Never mind, you’ll..." Bill began to reply when
suddenly the sounds of voices screaming echoed throughout the food court. The
situation was very heated and intense that began to unfold between a customer
and an employee that appeared it would stop Bills mission in the blink of an
eye if someone didn't respond with quickness.
"NO! Not now! I almost have all my information I need
for my experiment." Bill commented under his breath.
_________________
Join me tomorrow for the final saga of "The Experiment" and find out what happens when a father will go to any lengths to make a life lesson point to his oldest daughter. Will she understand? Will Bill get his answers? Will Lori get a job with Jenny Craig? Find out tomorrow. Until then - Blog ya later.
