I have always wondered how my mother knew on a daily basis when I was really sick, or trying to do my best impression of being sick. Yet, that answer is obvious; mom's intuition is the strongest power a woman can have. I was always fascinated by her ability to know when I was, as one would say, crying wolf. So here I am today, a mother of two boys, one 17 and one 14. Both of my boys each have their own special ways of trying to get out of their daily school routine. Now to help you understand where I am going with this topic of the day, you will have to also know how we spend our weekends in October.
We are volunteers for a location organization that hosts a Halloween Happening haunted barn tour and then hay ride and we have done this for the last 7 years. My entire family plays our own parts with many others to make this event a success every year. It is an event that we look forward to with much anticipation as we think of what we can create to provide the patrons the newest of Halloween scares. The only down side, it calls for long nights on Friday's, Saturday's, and Sunday's, which is a school night. I always know my kids will be exhausted on Monday morning, and will try their hand at staying home to recoup from the evening events over the weekend.
However, today I was faced with choices; one child was dealing with pain, the other dealing with fatigue. My youngest son has been dealing with a foot injury, but for whatever the reason, has kept this injury and pain to himself. On occasion he has briefly mentioned that his big toe was sore, and then continued on with his day. So when he actually said, "Mom, this really hurts," I took notice, as this statement is rarely heard from his lips. As for my other son, let’s just say he doesn't do pain at all. It wasn't until last Sunday morning at about 12:30am, just after getting home from our event, that my youngest finally became rather emotional about his toe. After his shower he finally showed my husband and I, what he was referring to. There was no doubt in our minds what was going on; it was an ingrown toe nail that looked to have been abscessing for quite a few days.
"Ouch, someone has a high pain tolerance," was what I was thinking as I had him soak his foot again and then did the best doctor job I could. I knew what the outcome would be, he would be in the first appointment on Monday to get this toe looked at. Being a mom I knew that most likely they would put him on an antibiotic and continue with the toe soaking for a couple of days, if that didn't do the trick, then we would be referred to a foot doctor. Things happened just as I suspected. It was an ingrown nail and it was infected, however the referral would wait until a return visit in a week.
Now my older son knew that his brother was going to be going to the doctors this morning and the probability of him missing a day of school was more than good, which immediately had me thinking, "he's going to call me and say that he is not feeling good and wants to come home, not because he is really sick, but because he is just really tired." We had gotten home late last night, our voices were horse and everyone was extremely tired. Heck even my early-to-rise everyday husband, got up late today and when that happens you know that it's been a long and many a late nights type of weekend. So anyways, trying to be the good mom, I took my oldest to school so he didn't have to cope with the dreaded morning bus ride. I dropped him off and then headed to our doctor to check out my youngest. The whole time it was in the back of my head, I know that the school nurse is going to call.
Like clockwork the phone rang just as we had gotten home at about 9:30 with all prescriptions and pain medications in hand. Without looking at the caller ID, I knew who was calling - I was right. The school nurse once again said those all too familiar words, "Your older son came in our office this morning stating that he was feeling very achy." As always, I ask for them to put him on the phone. Somehow I got my mothers, are you really sick or playing me again intuition, and I am so glad I did. He was good, making his voice sound super rough, almost Oscar winning, but I knew the reason he felt achy and his voice was rough. At the Halloween Happening, he was running from scene to scene saying boo or yelling to scare the people taking the tour. To be doing this in a cold barn and breathing the smoke from the fog machines, even I have a rough sounding voice this morning and I am achy from all that I did. As a matter of fact every one of the volunteers is feeling their share of fatigue and sore muscles today.
But when I said this to him on the phone, his reply turned into a very brazen statement accompanied with a disrespectful tone, "Oh, I see, you let him stay home and I have to stay here." His statement sounded so self-centered and selfish to me. How could he say this to me? If I had ever said this to my mother, the world would have stopped spinning and I would face one heck of a punishment. But that was the difference; my mother did just want she said she was going to do. If it was a week of being grounded, then it was a week of being grounded. I never really followed through with what I would threaten as a punishment, and why...I believed my kids would not love me when they grew up. DUMB!!! So now I am fixing the monstrous problem that I have created. My shock turned to anger and disgust and I replied "This wasn't about, letting one stay home and not the other, because he was tired. Your brother has an infection that needed to be reviewed by a doctor." I even offered to drive to the school to share with him the results and let him look at the prescriptions. How sad! Thinking I have to prove myself to a kid! I am tired of being treated as some big inconvenience, I am the mother! I am the parent! What myself or their father say's goes!
Now I am not heartless by any means and I do think of others, before myself, all the time. Of course I knew he was tried, and I really felt bad, but my husband and I had explained to both kids on numerous occasions, we will all work this, but remember no matter how tired we all get, Monday is another day and for kids that means going to school. My oldest knew what the outcome would be for staying up late on a school night. This was nothing new and he should know after seven years what to expect. Yet, I was the bad guy for saying that I would not come and pick him up so he could sleep all day. If he is really sick, then I do feel very bad, but with all the times I have rushed to get him and then take him to a doctor only to learn all is well, I am now rather gun shy. Maybe I needed to dig through the old books and find "The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf". Then maybe a sense of understanding could be formed.
What this all boils down to is that I know I was in the right with the choices I made this morning. I refuse to be treated as an uncaring parent by my kids or anyone for that matter. I am always on my kids about respect, but I am finding it harder and harder to get this through to them, when a lot of society has lost their respect and manners for one another. What is the old saying - Kids learn from their peers? Well folks, that doesn't mean just from parents and immediate family members. This also includes everyone they come into contact with, what they watch on TV, what they listen to for music and the behaviors of others, strangers or not, out in public. My sons have even seen my husband and I, react negatively when people try to take a verbal stab at us. We no longer sit back and say nothing. We will say something addressing the behavior so that my children see, this is not acceptable. For my boys, it's a hard lesson to learn, but as their parents it will be taught to the best of our ability. Our hopes are that they incorporate the choice to be respectful citizens along their journey of life and live by the gold rule "Treat those in the same way as you would like to be treated."
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